(no subject)
it seems to me that it's rather impolite to be snowing like this when it's nearly March.
***
i haven't decided whether to send Caitlin the postcard from the last entry or
. i sort of want to send Ignatz the Crisis of Civilization one, because he is a Francophile, and this one is a little more scattered, and he might try to make sense of it; it isn't for making sense out of, and Caitlin will definitely appreciate that.
i had a strange talk with Ignatz on the computer the other night. he truly isn't very good at talking on instant messenger; he does it as if he's writing a letter, where it's really more like talking on the phone. more stream-of-conscious, fewer complete sentences. even in person he's too formal and it makes me sometimes nervous; this is amplified a million times online. i try a million different things. making fun of him, for instance. sincerity. embarrassing him with smuttiness. ("and what if my roommate comes in and sees this window?") he seems very guarded, and it's strange for me. one can't read non-verbal cues on the computer, anyway.
he said once that he was incapable of being attracted to more than one person at a time. i told him for me it was completely different, but i wonder if i wasn't completely wrong about that. since being involved with Ignatz, i'm not thinking about Bourek at all. before, i wanted him so much it was crippling, and needless to say very depressing, and because of it i had to stay a little mad at him. after Ignatz, i had a conversation with Bourek and told him that i forgave him completely and wasn't even a little bitter, but while i was saying this i was aware that this was as irrational as my being angry at him in the first place. Bourek, of course, was glad and probably won't think about it again. [okay, there might be a little bitterness, but it's plain old straight girl men-are-pigs bitterness, which is silly and doesn't count one bit.]
i'm worried, though, that i'll burden Ignatius with all this left over from the Bourek affair, that i'll poison this comfortable relationship with too much emotion. i don't want to be dependent on him, i don't want to want him after he's gone. note i said emotion is poisonous; this is exactly what i meant. bah! i like this comfortable relationship with him; i hope it lasts as long as possible. it won't be long until i see him again, and i hope we can -- pick up where we left off.
***
Bourek sent me the new Živé kvety album [Sloboda; which is somehow different from svoboda]. it took 3 weeks to get here, but it is very good. i was a little worried, since i didn't particularly like the direction they took with their last album [still nice, but i prefer their kitschy accordion style to the shouting punk slash pop style], but this album is some sort of synthesis of everything, and somehow more complex than everything else they've done. it's great.
***
i am very excited to go to Brno next year, though i still haven't made out the application [although it isn't due until late April]. my advisor seems to think i won't have trouble getting in, which is, i suppose, good to know.
***
i haven't decided whether to send Caitlin the postcard from the last entry or
. i sort of want to send Ignatz the Crisis of Civilization one, because he is a Francophile, and this one is a little more scattered, and he might try to make sense of it; it isn't for making sense out of, and Caitlin will definitely appreciate that.
i had a strange talk with Ignatz on the computer the other night. he truly isn't very good at talking on instant messenger; he does it as if he's writing a letter, where it's really more like talking on the phone. more stream-of-conscious, fewer complete sentences. even in person he's too formal and it makes me sometimes nervous; this is amplified a million times online. i try a million different things. making fun of him, for instance. sincerity. embarrassing him with smuttiness. ("and what if my roommate comes in and sees this window?") he seems very guarded, and it's strange for me. one can't read non-verbal cues on the computer, anyway.
he said once that he was incapable of being attracted to more than one person at a time. i told him for me it was completely different, but i wonder if i wasn't completely wrong about that. since being involved with Ignatz, i'm not thinking about Bourek at all. before, i wanted him so much it was crippling, and needless to say very depressing, and because of it i had to stay a little mad at him. after Ignatz, i had a conversation with Bourek and told him that i forgave him completely and wasn't even a little bitter, but while i was saying this i was aware that this was as irrational as my being angry at him in the first place. Bourek, of course, was glad and probably won't think about it again. [okay, there might be a little bitterness, but it's plain old straight girl men-are-pigs bitterness, which is silly and doesn't count one bit.]
i'm worried, though, that i'll burden Ignatius with all this left over from the Bourek affair, that i'll poison this comfortable relationship with too much emotion. i don't want to be dependent on him, i don't want to want him after he's gone. note i said emotion is poisonous; this is exactly what i meant. bah! i like this comfortable relationship with him; i hope it lasts as long as possible. it won't be long until i see him again, and i hope we can -- pick up where we left off.
***
Bourek sent me the new Živé kvety album [Sloboda; which is somehow different from svoboda]. it took 3 weeks to get here, but it is very good. i was a little worried, since i didn't particularly like the direction they took with their last album [still nice, but i prefer their kitschy accordion style to the shouting punk slash pop style], but this album is some sort of synthesis of everything, and somehow more complex than everything else they've done. it's great.
***
i am very excited to go to Brno next year, though i still haven't made out the application [although it isn't due until late April]. my advisor seems to think i won't have trouble getting in, which is, i suppose, good to know.