I love you okay? So [BE MINE]... || Chapter THIRTEEN
Title: I love you okay? So be mine...
Pairing: Woogyu
Genre: Romance, drama, angst
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Yaoi, smut, etc
There was silence between them. Sunggyu had stopped crying and now the pair were sitting awkwardly side by side on the floor in the middle of the room.
“Woohyun…”
Sunggyu’s voice was quiet, hoarse from singing so passionately and sore from crying for so long.
“Yeah?”
“Can…can you not tell anyone about today?”
Woohyun frowned as he turned to stare at Sunggyu who avoided his searching gaze.
“I won’t tell anyone, but only if….only if you talk to me about it.”
Sunggyu looked up and he hesitated.
“But…I…I don’t know…”
“It’s ok. Just start from the small things and then tell me the rest step by step. You’d be surprised by how much it helps talking to another person.”
He looked at Sunggyu encouragingly as his hand moved onto Sunggyu’s.
Sunggyu flinched at the contact, but Woohyun didn’t move his hand. He continues to hold onto Sunggyu, until Sunggyu relaxed and their hands grew comfortable together.
After a while, Sunggyu broke the silence.
“Around…around 6 years ago, there was an…accident. Me, my dad and my brother were coming back from my brother’s studio and we were argueing in the car. We were argueing about the most stupid thing, about something my brother had said. My dad and I weren’t that close, I hardly ever saw him, but my brother...he was the closest thing I had to a father, more than my real dad ever was. He cared for me, helped me with my life and he was the one who taught me how to write music. He…I…I miss him. I miss him more than you can imagine. Usually we never argue, but that day, I was so unbelievably angry at him.”
He paused as if he were afraid to go on. Woohyun gave his hand a gentle squeeze and asked quietly,
“So what happened next?”
“It was raining that day, raining really hard and there was a storm around us. I was too busy argueing with my brother, and he was getting distracted. We didn’t see it coming. No one saw it coming. The car we were in…the car…it slid off the road and down the hillside.”
He shuddered as if he were remembering that stormy night again, and the rain that had hammered against the windows and a familiar voice argueing against him.
“When I came to, I was still in the car…or at least what remained of it. My dad had been torn out of the wreckage during the crash and I couldn’t see him. I was sitting in the back, and I was still alive, but I was trapped under the seats. And right in front of me, I could see my brother. I could see him breathing, I could see him right in front of my eyes, almost within reach. And I could see that he was dying.”
Sunggyu fell silent for a while. Woohyun didn’t push him to continue, but rather he continued to hold onto Sunggyu’s hand comfortingly. Sunggyu gripped onto his hand, as if he needed to feel the reassuring warmth. He held on tightly and then continued with his memory.
“He was still alive, but just barely,” he whispered, “I begged with him, I pleaded with him to wake up, to look at me, to open his eyes. He did only once. And you know what he said to me, Woohyun? He said ‘Don’t watch this Sunggyu. Close your eyes. Pretend this was just a dream.’ But I couldn’t do it…I couldn’t stop watching. I couldn’t stop seeing the blood, I couldn’t stop seeing the bleeding, I couldn’t do anything. It tried so hard, I tried everything, I tried pulling myself out, but I couldn’t do it…I couldn’t. I couldn’t close my eyes, not when he was so close to me.”
He turned around to stare straight into Woohyun’s eyes, and said hauntingly…
“I watched my own brother die, and there was not a single thing I could do. I could only watch as he breathed his last breath, and I could only listen as his heartbeat faded. Do you know what that feels like? It’s terrifying, it’s frightening, it’s so scary. I spent over 10 hours in that car with my own brother’s corpse.
And after a while, I started going insane. I imagined my brother was still alive, that he was still talking to me. But everytime I turned to look at him, all I saw was his bloody and broken corpse, reaching out, blaming me. I was so scared of him, of that thing. It wasn’t my brother talking, it wasn’t his body. And it wasn’t a dream. I’ve wished so many times it was, but I’m not dreaming. It’s all real. Everything I saw, everything I heard, it was all too real.
And that’s what frightens me. They told me it was just my imagination working because of the fear and adrenaline, but it felt too real to be just my imagination. I can’t forget. No matter how hard I try, I can’t forget how much it hurts, how much I miss them, how much I wish I had been able to save them and how much I wish I had been the one to die. Do you know what that feels like? Can you even imagine how much it hurts?”
Tears began to well up in Sunggyu’s eyes again. Woohyun watched alarmingly as Sunggyu began to shake, his hand holding on even tighter.
“I…I walked away alive and unhurt with barely a scratch, and they died so…so painfully.”
There was silence for a while, interrupted only by Sunggyu’s sniffling.
Woohyun turned towards Sunggyu without a word, and pulled him back into his arms.
“Sunggyu…”
“Y-yeah?” his voice was muffled against Woohyun’s damp shirt. He hesitated before continuing on…
“You shouldn’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault. You need to move on.”
Upon hearing this, Sunggyu tore himself away from Woohyun’s arms, alarming him and cried out,
“How am I supposed to do that!? Do you even understand!? I…I COULDN’T DO A DAMN THING TO SAVE THEM, AND IT’S NOT MY FAULT!? You tell me to move on, but how do I do that? H-how am I supposed to keep moving on? TELL ME HOW I’M SUPPOSED TO DO THAT!?”
“YOU KEEP LIVING DAMMIT!!” Woohyun shouted frustratingly, as he shot up to face Sunggyu and grabbed his wrist to stop him running away.
He growled in anger as Sunggyu blinked his teary eyes in shock.
“W-what?”
“I said, KEEP LIVING! You think your brother would be happy seeing you like this? That he would be happy seeing you cry over him like this? What’s done is done! There’s nothing more you can do about it! If you really want to ease your guilt, then be happy! Your brother might’ve died, but if he knew that his death was causing you so much unhappiness, don’t you think he would be just as unhappy as well!? There is nothing happy about seeing you torture yourself like this.”
Sunggyu stared at him in shock, his mouth slightly open.
“AHHH! This is so frustrating! Why can’t you see that you’re not to blame? It wasn’t your fault. You shouldn’t have had to die, and you shouldn’t have to cry so much now. You shouldn’t have to shoulder this burden alone!
“Y-you…you really think that?”
“HELL YEAH I DO!”
There was a pause as Sunggyu looked down at his feet, and then a soft voice spoke.
“Maybe you’re right…”
“Maybe? Maybe!? I’m always right!”
Sunggyu smiled sadly and then looked up.
“Yeah, but it might take a while. It might take some time for me to get over this.”
“So what? As long as you accept it, it doesn’t matter how long it takes for you to move on. Just believe me. It’s not your fault, and it’s definitely not your fault.”
Woohyun scowled angrily at the floor as he felt a surge of anger at the people who had made Sunggyu suffer so much.
“Woohyun?”
“Yeah, Sunggyu?”
“Thank you. Maybe…maybe you’re not so bad after all.”
And he smiled, a real smile, his old brilliant warm smile that made his eyes curve into familiar crescent moons.
Woohyun looked up and laughed. He reached out and pinched Sunggyu’s cheeks, and answered,
“You’re welcome. Next time, if you…if you need a friend to talk to, come find me instead of standing in here by yourself, alright?”
“That hurt!”, Sunggyu complained as he rubbed his sore cheek, “But Woohyun…I will. You know I will right? I’ll come find you if I need to.” He added quietly.
“You do that”, Woohyun paused and then grinned “I’m glad to see you smiling again. Cos I like it way better when you smile.”
Sunggyu blushed as Woohyun strode out of the classroom and whispered to himself,
“He likes my smile? Strange…why is my heart beating so quickly?”
***************************************************************************
“Kim Sunggyu…I know what’s wrong with me now. I know why I can’t stop thinking about you. I really have gone insane, and it’s all because of you.”
He had been mulling over the idea for a while, and had initially refused to accept it, it just seemed too unbelievable. But now he knew. He knew why he always thought about Sunggyu, he knew why his heart ached when he saw Sunggyu crying, he knew why had the urges to hold him in his arms. He knew.
Woohyun sighed as he slid down the wall to sit on the floor. He gazed thoughfully at the hundreds of students rushing past him and then whispered helplessly…
“I think I like you, Sunggyu…”
Pairing: Woogyu
Genre: Romance, drama, angst
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Yaoi, smut, etc
There was silence between them. Sunggyu had stopped crying and now the pair were sitting awkwardly side by side on the floor in the middle of the room.
“Woohyun…”
Sunggyu’s voice was quiet, hoarse from singing so passionately and sore from crying for so long.
“Yeah?”
“Can…can you not tell anyone about today?”
Woohyun frowned as he turned to stare at Sunggyu who avoided his searching gaze.
“I won’t tell anyone, but only if….only if you talk to me about it.”
Sunggyu looked up and he hesitated.
“But…I…I don’t know…”
“It’s ok. Just start from the small things and then tell me the rest step by step. You’d be surprised by how much it helps talking to another person.”
He looked at Sunggyu encouragingly as his hand moved onto Sunggyu’s.
Sunggyu flinched at the contact, but Woohyun didn’t move his hand. He continues to hold onto Sunggyu, until Sunggyu relaxed and their hands grew comfortable together.
After a while, Sunggyu broke the silence.
“Around…around 6 years ago, there was an…accident. Me, my dad and my brother were coming back from my brother’s studio and we were argueing in the car. We were argueing about the most stupid thing, about something my brother had said. My dad and I weren’t that close, I hardly ever saw him, but my brother...he was the closest thing I had to a father, more than my real dad ever was. He cared for me, helped me with my life and he was the one who taught me how to write music. He…I…I miss him. I miss him more than you can imagine. Usually we never argue, but that day, I was so unbelievably angry at him.”
He paused as if he were afraid to go on. Woohyun gave his hand a gentle squeeze and asked quietly,
“So what happened next?”
“It was raining that day, raining really hard and there was a storm around us. I was too busy argueing with my brother, and he was getting distracted. We didn’t see it coming. No one saw it coming. The car we were in…the car…it slid off the road and down the hillside.”
He shuddered as if he were remembering that stormy night again, and the rain that had hammered against the windows and a familiar voice argueing against him.
“When I came to, I was still in the car…or at least what remained of it. My dad had been torn out of the wreckage during the crash and I couldn’t see him. I was sitting in the back, and I was still alive, but I was trapped under the seats. And right in front of me, I could see my brother. I could see him breathing, I could see him right in front of my eyes, almost within reach. And I could see that he was dying.”
Sunggyu fell silent for a while. Woohyun didn’t push him to continue, but rather he continued to hold onto Sunggyu’s hand comfortingly. Sunggyu gripped onto his hand, as if he needed to feel the reassuring warmth. He held on tightly and then continued with his memory.
“He was still alive, but just barely,” he whispered, “I begged with him, I pleaded with him to wake up, to look at me, to open his eyes. He did only once. And you know what he said to me, Woohyun? He said ‘Don’t watch this Sunggyu. Close your eyes. Pretend this was just a dream.’ But I couldn’t do it…I couldn’t stop watching. I couldn’t stop seeing the blood, I couldn’t stop seeing the bleeding, I couldn’t do anything. It tried so hard, I tried everything, I tried pulling myself out, but I couldn’t do it…I couldn’t. I couldn’t close my eyes, not when he was so close to me.”
He turned around to stare straight into Woohyun’s eyes, and said hauntingly…
“I watched my own brother die, and there was not a single thing I could do. I could only watch as he breathed his last breath, and I could only listen as his heartbeat faded. Do you know what that feels like? It’s terrifying, it’s frightening, it’s so scary. I spent over 10 hours in that car with my own brother’s corpse.
And after a while, I started going insane. I imagined my brother was still alive, that he was still talking to me. But everytime I turned to look at him, all I saw was his bloody and broken corpse, reaching out, blaming me. I was so scared of him, of that thing. It wasn’t my brother talking, it wasn’t his body. And it wasn’t a dream. I’ve wished so many times it was, but I’m not dreaming. It’s all real. Everything I saw, everything I heard, it was all too real.
And that’s what frightens me. They told me it was just my imagination working because of the fear and adrenaline, but it felt too real to be just my imagination. I can’t forget. No matter how hard I try, I can’t forget how much it hurts, how much I miss them, how much I wish I had been able to save them and how much I wish I had been the one to die. Do you know what that feels like? Can you even imagine how much it hurts?”
Tears began to well up in Sunggyu’s eyes again. Woohyun watched alarmingly as Sunggyu began to shake, his hand holding on even tighter.
“I…I walked away alive and unhurt with barely a scratch, and they died so…so painfully.”
There was silence for a while, interrupted only by Sunggyu’s sniffling.
Woohyun turned towards Sunggyu without a word, and pulled him back into his arms.
“Sunggyu…”
“Y-yeah?” his voice was muffled against Woohyun’s damp shirt. He hesitated before continuing on…
“You shouldn’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault. You need to move on.”
Upon hearing this, Sunggyu tore himself away from Woohyun’s arms, alarming him and cried out,
“How am I supposed to do that!? Do you even understand!? I…I COULDN’T DO A DAMN THING TO SAVE THEM, AND IT’S NOT MY FAULT!? You tell me to move on, but how do I do that? H-how am I supposed to keep moving on? TELL ME HOW I’M SUPPOSED TO DO THAT!?”
“YOU KEEP LIVING DAMMIT!!” Woohyun shouted frustratingly, as he shot up to face Sunggyu and grabbed his wrist to stop him running away.
He growled in anger as Sunggyu blinked his teary eyes in shock.
“W-what?”
“I said, KEEP LIVING! You think your brother would be happy seeing you like this? That he would be happy seeing you cry over him like this? What’s done is done! There’s nothing more you can do about it! If you really want to ease your guilt, then be happy! Your brother might’ve died, but if he knew that his death was causing you so much unhappiness, don’t you think he would be just as unhappy as well!? There is nothing happy about seeing you torture yourself like this.”
Sunggyu stared at him in shock, his mouth slightly open.
“AHHH! This is so frustrating! Why can’t you see that you’re not to blame? It wasn’t your fault. You shouldn’t have had to die, and you shouldn’t have to cry so much now. You shouldn’t have to shoulder this burden alone!
“Y-you…you really think that?”
“HELL YEAH I DO!”
There was a pause as Sunggyu looked down at his feet, and then a soft voice spoke.
“Maybe you’re right…”
“Maybe? Maybe!? I’m always right!”
Sunggyu smiled sadly and then looked up.
“Yeah, but it might take a while. It might take some time for me to get over this.”
“So what? As long as you accept it, it doesn’t matter how long it takes for you to move on. Just believe me. It’s not your fault, and it’s definitely not your fault.”
Woohyun scowled angrily at the floor as he felt a surge of anger at the people who had made Sunggyu suffer so much.
“Woohyun?”
“Yeah, Sunggyu?”
“Thank you. Maybe…maybe you’re not so bad after all.”
And he smiled, a real smile, his old brilliant warm smile that made his eyes curve into familiar crescent moons.
Woohyun looked up and laughed. He reached out and pinched Sunggyu’s cheeks, and answered,
“You’re welcome. Next time, if you…if you need a friend to talk to, come find me instead of standing in here by yourself, alright?”
“That hurt!”, Sunggyu complained as he rubbed his sore cheek, “But Woohyun…I will. You know I will right? I’ll come find you if I need to.” He added quietly.
“You do that”, Woohyun paused and then grinned “I’m glad to see you smiling again. Cos I like it way better when you smile.”
Sunggyu blushed as Woohyun strode out of the classroom and whispered to himself,
“He likes my smile? Strange…why is my heart beating so quickly?”
***************************************************************************
“Kim Sunggyu…I know what’s wrong with me now. I know why I can’t stop thinking about you. I really have gone insane, and it’s all because of you.”
He had been mulling over the idea for a while, and had initially refused to accept it, it just seemed too unbelievable. But now he knew. He knew why he always thought about Sunggyu, he knew why his heart ached when he saw Sunggyu crying, he knew why had the urges to hold him in his arms. He knew.
Woohyun sighed as he slid down the wall to sit on the floor. He gazed thoughfully at the hundreds of students rushing past him and then whispered helplessly…
“I think I like you, Sunggyu…”