getting back to writing down the bones
Sat down and attempted to write down ethnographic fieldnotes, which means, everything. Its funny because I have all these observations and comments I make in my head but when it comes to actually putting it down and filing it as 'data' it takes forever. I mean an hour of active writing to comprehend about forty minutes of real time. And stopped often to think about these notes ...like Jesus' story really reaches out to me. Its so mind-boggling, Los Angeles, that these youth see so much violence.
Journal next to my bed is still blank. Didn't I promise myself to start writing more, and not just when it strikes me, or when I need to?
Attempting to blog more. Its late. I have a seven-page essay due tomorrow that's worth 25% of my grade for my Race and Ethnicity in American life class. Great class; although I wonder if I'm being overconfident on my essay. Its sitting on my laptop, half-finished.
Today after class ended at 10:30 I walked back to my apartment with the intention of spending the entire afternoon writing. In real time, I probably spent two hours actual writing up fieldnotes from the weekend, more of it cooking. Baked a quiche with spinach and mushrooms, and cooked up a delicious soup of vegetables that were on the verge of going bad. Spent a time trolling the Internet, watching YouTube videos and reading blogs. Supposed to be finishing my essay right now. Instead reading about writing and writing here (which is productive in its own sense).
Its funny, the Internet. Know where to go and you're connected to so much; but its so easy just to not do it. I've been thinking about blogging and writing and I've come across cool writers who I want to follow but just don't bother? because they're on different servers I suppose than LJ. Its kind of like everybody has their own blog at their own site which to follow you should be on that service. To have so many accounts seems to me to be more things to keep track of, etc. At the same time I do want to connect again, be part of the lj community again or just the community in general. I'd just have to pick one, and be active in it...which probably is the problem. I write sporadically, with the "if I only had time" but for some reason between school and work and play I make plenty of time...
Reasons I delay writing:
1. I'll write when I have a real focus
2. I'll write when I have time to devote to a topic (aka traveling, or crafting, or sustainability, or activism, or mental health)
3. wait till school is over
4. wait till I'm happy enough to write
5. wait till I'm sad enough to write
6. have to start a new blog just for certain topics
7. should create an new account on some server under my real identity
8. have to figure out my identity
9. should create a new website for a home for all of this stuff
10. maybe make a twitter?
what I was reading/watching some of it:
write to done- inspiration for writing
the argument for creativity in public education
Number 8 bothers me: I'm constantly flailing around trying to battle my identity: as a poor college student, as a traveler/adventure-loving explorer, an activist, figuring out what I want to do with my life, an environmentalist, a geologist?, a sociologist? , a writer, climber, an experiential education teacher, wilderness guide, crafter....and part of me is saying well go ahead pick one and write as that person. And part of me wants a home for each little area I want to write in...want an area to document my travels and adventures, my little observations about life and general...
sometimes I just want to tell stories...other peoples stories maybe? Met so many amazing people. Like Jesus. He's fifteen, grew up in L.A. and dropped out of middle school. Been arrested twice, saw friends go to jail on murder charges, has seen death straight hand. But talk to him and you'd know he knows whats up. He's very passionate about keeping people out of gang violence and about getting his life on track; I first met him last summer on the Sierras trip, a nine-day gang-intervention course with OBLA. What I remember from that trip was him just simply staying out of the drama of the other youth (conflicts with authority, etc) and that "I just like hiking."
He was quiet but had a knowing look; it was great to see him again and hear what he's been up to. He's involved in the community service organization with OBLA, and raising money to go on an epic adventure in Washington and Utah, and returning to the Sierras. It was awesome to see him transcend as a youth leader too on last weekend's course (a 2-day backpacking program for foster kids in LA); such a great asset.
I mean it was his campfire; his stories that engaged William and Javier to speak up about their experiences too and all of them proceeded to grill Andy about his pro-gang ideology. It was so powerful to hear from Jesus (not from me or another instructor) for his peers for him to help others understand consequences of their actions. "I've been there, and it sucks because it basically means your life is over...and I knew the first time I came out here I knew I had to get out," he said. What really spoke to me was that it was his experience in the Sierras, really getting away from the city, that showed him there was more out there beyond his ghetto neighborhood, and that life was good and beautiful and there was so much to explore.
and on writing...mostly I'm of the opinion that it is what it is, and if I really wanted to write more I would, and since I don't, I must some how not want it enough.
But I really should get back to that essay. Mmyep pinning down the historical sociopolitical process of defining race in America.