well, things are getting seemingly better. i have been meaning to write, but i guess "time" is just not on my side. i feel like i live to work and work to live. but i am not the only fool who lives this way. although, i feel like my brain is going to mush so that should motivate me to be applying to schools; but it seems as though i am always ( Read more... )

okay so i don't know what my problem is, but i can't stop thinking about the past on my days off. i try so hard to be happy and upbeat but today, i was just flat out down. it might be because i got myspace messages from brian, and those always cheer me up - cuz i really cared about him and it is nice to know that he thinks about me. so anyways, ( Read more... )

today was my father's 50th birthday party and i feel that it was a great success. i must admit, i didn't do as much planning as my mom and sister, but i helped nonetheless. my dad isn't tooooo drunk; he is just laying on the couch moaning about his legs hurting from dancing so much. for the most part most of the guests arrived in a leisurely ( Read more... )

so it has been one month since i moved out of the dell and back home. holy shit, one month to the day. i didn't even realize it until i looked up at my digital clock/calendar. crap. not that it is a long time or anything. but it went by surprisingly fast. and what have i done in this months time exactly? well, i mailed my resumes, transcripts, ( Read more... )

i did it. i am 3 days away from completing my undergraduate career and i am not sure that i am ready. i don't want to leave this place. i don't want to have my last good byes with professors, employers, old friends and new friends. i don't want to find a job and never come back to the security that is UMass. as many times as i have bitched and ( Read more... )

i probably shouldn't really even ask that question, because i will probably somehow jinx myself. anyway, i should be planning, but i got up extra early and i have my outlines started and that is usually half the battle. now i just need to think of activities and if all goes well, this week will wrap up without a hitch. and apparently without a ( Read more... )

well, we talked today -- and i feel like things are resolved. we talked about important things that bother me too. like, when we don't do it, i feel like i am doing something wrong, or i'm really unattractive or something. well, either way -- i feel like things are better. i still feel weary about that day he didn't call me til 1230. i want to ( Read more... )

i am so mad right now. i think i know what is coming but i feel that i am not at fault. i've been in relationships before -- i know how they work. i know when you care about someone you don't treat them like this. this is not how i want to be treated. this is not "caring" and/or "love" for that matter. i don't know what this is - but it needs ( Read more... )

i am not too sure what i am thinking right now. i just know i need to put it into some form before i fall asleep. i stood a rather difficult ground today... but i feel as though i have made the tie between brian and i even stronger. i don't want to think that this relationship is going to be "too difficult", but it surely is complicated. being ( Read more... )

so you don't want to fight, but you don't want to communicate either. so thus, i get upset... and it turns into fighting. it turns into me feeling like a onesided conversation. i don't know why i get so upset, why i put so much emotion into something that doesn't respond or try to help me solve the problem. i could talk about this until i am ( Read more... )