I left!  I did it.  Finally!  Reading old posts I can not believe I stayed so long!  I was so unhappy, but I thought I loved her.  It was the illusion I was holding on to.  10 years later.  Where did time go?  But, I won't waste another moment of being unhappy.  I am taking care of me.  It is killing her, but I sacrificed so much to try and make ( Read more... )

I don't know how it is that when I am in love I feel like that person has me completely by the balls... I told her last night that I was thinking about moving to Boston... I told her that if things continue the way they are I will leave her... Just not yet. I needed her to know how bad it's gotten for me... I am tired of feeling insecure. I am ( Read more... )

I feel like I want to cry..... I hate my life as it is..... The way I get talked to. How every girl wants her. It's hard... :( How I lack the attention I crave how I can't talk to her how she doesn't take an interstate in knowing or understanding me or taking care to make sure I don't feel insecure. I don't feel special. I don't feel beautiful I ( Read more... )

She's been nicer.  I get a text yesterday that she misses me and that she is having an aching feeling.  Wow surprise she actually cares, she doesn't act like it most of the time.  I don't know how many times she feels the need to remind me she can and is willing to live this life with out me.  Well good for you.  I mean it.  I don't want someone ( Read more... )

So I am going to be a guest writer on a lesbian blog called Card Carrying Lesbian.  My pen name will be Ciel ( Read more... )

I've had my share... And I never get out of it what I ask for... I am pretty point blank...  I want tickles I want attention, what ever it is... and it's not like I am not willing to give...  Do I ask for too fucking much.... Jesus Christ!  I hate girls that fucking try to win me over and get my fucking attention just to let me down ultimately ( Read more... )

Maybe there is something I need to learn still... I just read through an old conversation I had with an ex and she was saying that she needed time and space and then she got frustrated, and I talked about how she would just get angry when I cried.  Why the FUCK do the girls I am with think it's ok to get fucking angry at me for hurting.  ESPECIALLY ( Read more... )

Well I thought of more to say.  I guess I want to write more about my girlfriend.  It's weird because I get thoughts in my head and then I sit down to write and I get blocked.  Maybe it's so painful now that it's just hard for me to talk about anymore.  I'm all confused in my head.  I know she is treating me similarly to how I treated Siofra in the ( Read more... )

I just don't know where to begin... I have been through two relationships since me and Siofra parted.  One I didn't like the girl much and ended up letting it go.  The other I didn't like much either and we fizzled out before we even started.  I realized fairly quickly that she wasn't the girl I thought she was.  A little crazy.  Now I am in ( Read more... )

Why did you have to be the wiser. Why did you have to see all that was infront of you. To take it back and leave the mistake that I made to shoot me in the back. Nothing is ever simple anymore. Not when your the sinner. Crusified and cursed to die. To be responsible for the blighted ill-starred pandora's box. Guilty of blasphemy of my soul ( Read more... )