phone calls from home prove only one thing. it's no longer my home ( Read more... )

i am sorry ( Read more... )

i miss my friends. i miss who they were when they were my friends. things get so fucked up so fast sometimes...you get lost in the details until the big picture kicks you in the face. i love my boys, but boys, our era is over.

right now this song is all too accurate, which is why the fifth line breaks my heart more than anyone will ever know.

( Read more... )

i want to write but i can't find the words through the music and the silence scares me.

i am nothing more than a jigsaw puzzle. i have 5 billion pieces and i'm missing about 7, a very important 7, but no one will ever notice because no one finishes a 5 billion piece jigsaw puzzle. even the most diligent give up or get bored after the first 2 billion pieces and still no sign of a picture.

**discard your friends to change the scenery

your hands left marks like footprints on my heart now i scrub and scrape but the scars wont erase and the five thousand pictures that follow me around and their one million voices that can't be turned down show me happy and smiles and an unbroken heart but all they really tell me is everything falls apart. everything falls apart ( Read more... )

i just noticed the date. it's the ninth. of september. today would have been my mothers 46th birthday. how weird. yesterday was my dads 54th. in about 2 weeks it will be the 2 year anniversary of my friends death. about 2 weeks later is the 5 year anniversary of others. then is my birthday. then my grandmas 2 year. then rosies birthday. then ( Read more... )

i didn't realize how fricking HUGE my tits look in some of those pictures in my last post...oh well. ::shrug::

**no more promise no more sorrow**

so, there's not much to say, really...the doctors want like, 12 grand to TAKE my boobs. how ridiculous is that? not that i have a choice, right? oh well.

look! it's rachael!

( pictures my christian took this week...mostly )

so i went to the doctor to see about a boob job. turns out it will cost about 12 grand. sounds a bit over the top to me...it was a bit weird being in l.a. and in a plastic surgery office. i felt like a sell-out even though i don't want cosmetic surgery.

also...there are so many things to say but so few of them that i want to think about right ( Read more... )