People keep telling me to cheer up ( Read more... )

What are you like in the morning ( Read more... )

She should have been here with me now. As long as I remember myself, she was there, poking, prodding, advising. Somehow I can just imagine her as a newborn - all newborns yell, I’m told, but her yell probably meant “Hurry up and get born, Subaru, we’ve got things to do ( Read more... )

( One morning, too long ago... )

I sat in my room and flipped between TV channels; not because I wanted - or not wanted - to watch something particular. It was just a thing to do, an occupation that precluded thinking thoughts longer than two seconds. And suddenly I stopped, because a girl on screen wore a dress just like Hokuto’s ( Read more... )

I am weak ( Read more... )

I feel so helpless sometimes when I look at him. I feel as if I’m sixteen again, as if I hadn’t spent nine years fine-tuning my abilities and learning control. He makes me weak, and I hate him, and still I can’t kill him ( Read more... )

There was a period when I did not look into mirrors at all. When I passed mirror-like shop windows or any place at all where I could see my own reflection, I turned away. Because to look would be to see her, and that was too painful to tolerate. I wore drab clothes she would’ve hated. I grew my hair a bit longer, then cut it as short as I could ( Read more... )

I wasn’t sure I could do that. I am the strongest onmyoujitsu among the Sumeragi, and this says enough about my powers if you know of such matters, and yet I was not sure I could do what I had to do. I spent years doing things I knew, perfecting my control… building walls around myself. And in order to reach Kamui, I had to tear them all down ( Read more... )

Sometimes, remembering, I wonder whether I ever truly believed him. Had I looked at him and thought: Yes, this is Sakurazuka Seishirou, my friend, someone I care fore, someone who cares for me? I try to remember and I can’t. It’s as if the boy who came to Sakurazuka clinic to play with dogs died long ago - or, probably, never existed at all, a ( Read more... )