Title: Sound of Your Heart
Pairing: YunJae
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG
Word Count: 555
Summary: Jaejoong can’t sleep. It’s too quiet, and Jaejoong can’t sleep.
A/N: Set in the Climbing Mountains Verse, falling between
CM and
Home in the timeline.
*****
(2:30AM)
Jaejoong couldn’t sleep. He had lain awake half the night, tossing and turning restlessly, the sheets twisting about his legs. No matter how firmly he closed his eyes, how many imaginary sheep he counted, he couldn’t slip away from the whirring of his mind.
He rolled over in frustration and met nothing but more mattress. The king-sized bed was too big with just his form nestled under the unfamiliar covers: the wide expanse only served as a reminder that there was no one else to share this bed with him; the six pillows that were piled high at the head of the bed were far too many for one person to possibly need.
It was also quiet.
Much too quiet.
From his place on left side of the bed, he could hear nothing but the slight hum of the climate control system. No midnight snacks in the kitchen would be had here, nor late night composing. He wouldn’t hear shrieks of laughter drifting in from the living room as an impromptu video game competition dissolved from fair play into rampant cheating and distraction tactics.
His chest tightened painfully as a sob slipped from his lips.
There was no slow and steady heartbeat beneath his ear, rhythmic and calming as it gently lulled him to sleep.
He was alone here and all he had left was silence.
He still felt somewhat numb inside, and the space next to him on the bed was as empty and hollow as his heart. He felt like something was missing, as though some piece of him had been torn out and left behind, and he’d never felt so alone. Not when he’d first learned that he was adopted; abandoned by his birth parents, who should have loved and cherished him more than anything. Not when he’d moved to Seoul all on his own at the tender age of fourteen. Not on the first night he’d slept on the streets just to ensure he had enough money left to feed himself the next day.
His hand reached out to clutch at the sheets, fingers spasming as a tear slipped across the bridge of his nose. Was there a stronger word than lonely, he wondered. This feeling was so far beyond lonely and so much stronger than grief or longing. He didn’t know what its name was, he only knew that it hurt more than any pain he had ever experienced.
He closed his eyes once more and tried to pretend, just for a little while, that he wasn’t alone in this place. The duvet wrapped tightly around him became an arm resting across his shoulders, the pillow against his cheek was a smooth chest rising and falling gently.
If he imagined hard enough, he could almost hear the familiar sound of a heart beating reassuringly beneath his ear.
Thump.
If he imagined hard enough, he could almost believe that the sound was drowning out the knowledge that he had chosen this.
Thump.
If he imagined hard enough, he could almost convince himself that the sleek, impersonal hotel room instead held the comforting feeling of home.
Thump.
If he imagined hard enough, he could almost pretend that Yunho was here next to him and not sleeping half a city away in a dorm that now held two instead of five.
*****
Can’t stop this bleeding, can’t stop believing;
I’m missing the sound of your heart beating.
Baby I’m in love with you,
And I’m missing the sound of your heart beating.
(Shawn Hook - “Sound of Your Heart”)