I've never been able to deny the middle school rap of 94/95. 2Pac and Snoop at their best when rap held it's own. Death Row and Bad Boy when they were IT. Before the meltdown and the degeneration into the absolut rubbish that's put out today. But yes; All Eyez On Me would have to sit in my top 10 albums ever. Amongst the heavy metal old men my ( Read more... )

I'm not even in the mood for a playlist. I dredged every mp3 out of their dark corners in C:// and I just skip and skip and skip. Songs I love to death just aren't cutting it and it seems to be the rare few that I let play are terribly old and terribly out of my fashion. It's a mindless superficiality.

I was awake until 0500 talking to him again. ( Read more... )

I've minimised and it's nothing personal. I'm feeling tired.

And I shouldn't be awake but we're talking and I don't want it to end. But the sun is rising and there's always later.

Fun arguments and nothing else. It's a new look for now.

We were awake until 0600 talking. Teasing and joking and half hearted arguments. This was how it was all before it became fuckd. And it was good.

And it's because I don't want to do anything else. Violent dark movies that I love over and over. The ones that you watch and are exhausted after it all. It's back to not talking (count #463) and not even bothering with the pretense of being Away.

A playlist cinematic: alittleshattered.m3u
_          A Clockwork Orange.mpg
_          American History ( Read more... )

Cutting up glossy magazines because I can. Six months ago I wouldn't have been able to. I liked my magazines whole and still looking brand fucking new. So there are stacks of pretty pictures to dismember. Hm. My comic collection is still safe. I'm not that afraid yet.

And if I was a work of art I'd be Heironymous Bosch's Garden of Earthly Delights. ( Read more... )

I don't have anything useful to say. There are no 'events' to speak of. I'm not political or philosophical. No inspiration to hope of being poetic. And I don't have an opinion. I can't even free the lyrics of a song.

This sudden downward spiralling is as confusing as it is unappealing. I want and I don't and I can't even be bothered enough to care ( Read more... )

I just can't seem to focus. On anything.

I've really fuckd up this time. I need out.

Arguments and double standards. I'm tired of tension and two faced cowards. Why can't people just say it to your face? But I think I need a job. I can't keep living off my parents like this. It's Sunday afternoon sun and Diablo. My room is messy again and I'm waiting for Josh to call. It's a maybe somewhere tomorrow. We'll see.

"Smashing dressing rooms was all booze related. The worst was A Day on the Green. A buddy and I, completely ripped on J