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defeated.

you always took care of me. even when you couldnt. even when you shouldnt.

the set up never sticks. i want more. and less. i shouldnt be here. wherever it is. just an observer.

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i am scared of all the wrong things. and blame everything else. it seems like more and more often my only solace is that my biggest fears are depersonalized too. its that bitter kind of ironic that i live everyday. outta control.

everything in my house is fucking broken and everyone is too busy going different ways to ever do anything about it. its a mess. i heard things before and they turned out to be true. too much sacrifice for my sake is going on and it makes me uncomfortable because i know how unreliable i am. alyson left again because she couldnt stand it. i think ( Read more... )

good or bad i dont expect much of anything anymore. my actuality is usually one sided. and i probably care too much. or just dont talk loud enough.

i need balance. to void all this time ive been dying through since i lost it. before what i would like to think was me is too far gone. i did my time. cashed in that reality check for a fever, chest pain and way to many i owe yous. sorry. its all non-stop. im so exhausted that ive been confusing it with effort. im tired of conditioning negative ( Read more... )

im not in a good way. except its completely necessary right now. i dont really know what i'll do. i guess my self control only extends to things that i dont really care that much about anymore. yeah, motivation is a funny thing.