SVU #11: Take Back the Night
We continue with our "90210" rip-off. The part of Kelly Taylor will be played by Elizabeth Wakefield this evening. Also, will someone please rescue Lila off the mountain?! She's no longer nude and rolling around in the grass, so I've lost interest with this plotline. Sorry it took so long to post this...there are two supa' lame subplots involving AlexEnid and Noah and Danny and Isabella, so I wasn't as into this one as #10.
Cover!
Yeah, James totally looks like Mark Wahlberg back when he was Marky Mark. Jessica doesn't look so much scared or hurt as like she wishes she could have him back. I miss the Daniels twins.
Jessica awakens from a nightmare about the previous evening with James, only to discover that she's covered in owies: bump on her head, bruised ribs, finger shaped bruises on her arm, etc. She's also wearing purple satin pajamas, not the flannel ones she went to bed in the night before. Apparently the spirit of the Unicorner was calling her, and she had to change in the middle of the night. She gets up to shower, and finds a pink carnation with a note that says, "Jessica, I hope you feel better soon" in the hall. It's from the same person who delivered her bag and knocked James out on the mountain.
Jessica leaves the room to shower, and Elizabeth starts to cry. She reminices on the tough year Jessica's had so far (marrying Mike, leaving Mike, Mike getting shot, Mike becoming Magically Unparalyzed Mike-or MUM for short, Theta bitches, etc.), and thought that James was Jessica's turning point. Then Liz actually thinks, "Jessica's problems weren't entirely because of bad luck-she was also partly to blame." Real fucking nice, Liz. After I gave you a "St. Liz" tag with no ironic undetones. Can I invent a "Liz is a sanctimonious bitch" tag? Anyway, Elizabeth thinks about what a phenomenal judge of character she is, and yet James slipped past her. Lapses in judgement are a bitch, aren't they, Liz? Jessica comes in from taking her shower, and Liz thinks about how they need to report the attempted rape (real) before James can strike again.
Lila is having a dream about the ghost of Tisiano. It's cheesy and not awesome, so moving on. Lila wakes up, pissed off to be next to Bruce. Can't blame her. She feels Bruce's forehead, and thinks that his fever has broken-and not only that, but his head is cold! And his lips are blue! Lila finally cracks under the pressure, and starts slapping Bruce and screaming at him to wake up. It's ALLUDED to that it's because she cares, but it's EXPLICITLY stated that she just doesn't want to be alone. Don't you know where co-dependence can lead, Lila?
William White, ya'll! He's still lurking in the library, lookin' like Chris Gaines: Western Villain.
My paint skillz, I show them to you. Anyway, he's waiting for Maeve the librarian to leave. He knows she's allergic to shellfish, and when she dawdles he thinks, "Hurry up, Maeve, or I'll sneak some lobster in your sandwich at lunch." William White is so classy. If it were me, I'd just throw some crayfish up in there, but I'm a little strapped for cash right now. Once Meave (I keep typing Mabel) takes off, he folds up his wheelchair and sneaks into some little closet. Like a true psycho, the walls are covered in photos of Liz. Celine comes in, and when William asks where she's been, she says she was lost in the "dictionary aisle." William smugly informs her that it's a library, not a supermarket, and it's called the reference section, m'kay? Look who knows so much!
Anyway, there's banter about how Celine wants to ride William's baloney pony, and then she finally gives him Liz's car keys. fyi, we know Celine is evil because she smokes. And because she wants to bone crazy Willy. William makes a copy of Liz's keys in a block of wax, and then scribbles down some Shakespearean sonnet, and asks Celine to put it in Elizabeth's car and leave the keys in the ignition. Then I think they get nasty. Gross.
Bruce wakes up to Lila pounding on her chest. I feel like she was punching him repeatedly rather than administering proper CPR, but it worked, so who am I to judge? Bruce thinks about how hot Lila must have looked taking care of him, and OF COURSE he thinks about how hot he must look with his shirt off. He flexes and tells Lila that he doesn't blame her for taking advantage of the situation and calls her Florence Nightingale, and Lila gets pissed and wanders off to the other side of the camp. This is a common theme in this storyline. Where's the wolf when you need it?
Nina and Liz check their mail, and Nina has none, while Liz practically needs a forklift to bring hers up to her room. Liz and Nina talk about what to do about Jess, and Nina says that if Jess won't press charges, Liz will just have to interfere take matters into her own hands. Tom comes up and her and Liz are so boring and lame and affectionate that Nina just starts puking in the corner, right next to me.
Jessica's hiding out in her room when James calls. He wants to see her face to face, and Jess wants to talk to him over the phone. She finally relents and agrees to meet him in the quad. She puts on a wrinkled pair of sweatpants and a huge sweatshirt while rehearsing the way she's going to rip James a new one (you drink too much, you had no right, no means no, etc).
AlexEnid is sitting in the dining room, watching the Thetas have lunch. She thinks that they're probably talking about her. She bases this on absolutely nothing. She thinks that if the Thetas don't want her around, they should just tell her. She finally mans up and walks past the table on her way to the soda station. A few girls smile and mouth "hi," but bitchy Alison is too busy talking to notice her, and that's who counts most, damnit! Noah walks up and makes some crack about being careful with her drink. Noah's kind of an ass, considering AlexEnid is paranoid around him because she always turns into such a stupid clutzoid dumbhead nong-nong. (I will give ten fictional dollars to anyone who gets that reference) Anyway, AlexEnid spills her soda on the floor and says, "I just spilled orange fizz all over the place!" Noah gets all moony about the word "fizz," and I realize that this detail might be what finally causes T2 and Enid to realize that they are Noah and AlexEnid in real life! Noah asks her to study for the psych test (I just typed psycho-Sweet Valley has warped my fragile little mind), and AlexEnid is supa' psyched.
Liz is eating lunch alone when Maia walks up. Liz fills Maia in on what happened with Jess the night before, and Maia starts crying and blames herself for not pressing charges sooner. Liz asks Maia to talk to Jess, and Maia refuses. Maia is starting to piss me off a little. She's borderline schizo with her constant guilt and refusal.
Bruce is asking Lila to come with him because he has a plan. Lila reminds him that his last plan resulted in him almost drowning (but also led to Lila using her awesome Bolivian survival strategies!), and asks him if they're going to reassemble the plane using tree sap and make Lila the test pilot. Bruce calls Lila pigheaded, and she says, "What an enchanting expression!" I fucking love Lila. I could write a whole recap of her awesome lines in this book and the last one. Lila tells Bruce off and turns around, only to trip over a tree branch and further injure her already sore ankle. Bruce hands her a map that shows a ranger station on a road ten miles away. Bruce says that Lila saved his life, now he wants to save both of theirs. Awww.
Danny and Isabella are playing Trivial Pursuit, and once Isabella wins she asks Danny if he knows what day it is. Why, it's their three month anniversary! LAME. Does anyone celebrate queer milestones like that past high school? Isabella starts telling Danny how he doesn't have a romantic bone in his body, and he reminds her of how they went bowling. Isabella's a big bitch about how it ruined her manicure, and Danny starts making fun of how polished she is and how she's afraid to get dirty. I feel like this is going to lead to some wacky turn of events resulting in a comic misunderstanding.
Jessica meets James, and he basically blames everything on her. He tells her he's upset and she messed everything up by not trusting him. He hilariously calls Elizabeth dangerous and says she has a problem. He also blames Jess for being dressed so sexy and flirtatious, and says she led him on. She should have let him know up front that she wasn't going to put out, and then he walks away. Jess is gobsmacked. I love that word-don't get too many opportunities to use it, though.
Elizabeth comes into the dorm room and finds Jessica crying on the floor, cutting up the outfit she wore the night before. This is the longest day ever. Elizabeth finally tells Jessica about Maia, and Jessica freaks out as she finally realizes that if Liz hadn't shown up, James would have raped her, too. Liz rapidly changes the subject and asks when Jess wants to go to Steven and Billie the Girl's, but Jess doesn't want to go. Also, Liz can't find her keys. 'Cause Celine and crazy Willy have them, remember?
Bruce and Lila are walking through the woods, and Bruce is being nice and snapping branches so Lila doesn't trip and/or get hit in the face. Lila thinks about the party the Thetas will throw when she gets back, and how she'll only include the "most glamorous and fascinating details." This may or may not include naked fishing. Bruce finds a clearing, and when Lila joins him they find themselves on the edge of a steep cliff. Bruce swears and throws things. Lila cries.
Celine goes to Elizabeth's Jeep and sarcastically thinks about what a "feminine" car it is. THEN. She wonders why Liz couldn't "drive something elegant, like a Cadillac convertible?" Celine totally wants to do 2008 SVH Bruce. She's also grossed out by vinyl seats. She has no idea how to drive a stick (that's not what William said! HEY-OH!), and ends up blocking four cars because she can't drive any further.
AlexEnid is looking at a picture of her and Mark, and finally throws it out so that she can move on. She also gets rid of the vodka she was keeping under her bed, then she goes downstairs to get a can of ginger ale from the vending machine. She calls T2, and opens her ginger ale. He's concerned that she opened a beer, but she says she was just opening a can of fizz. There's some talk of her future date with Noah, and T2 sounds a little jealous to AlexEnid. Won't he feel foolish when he finds out he's jealous of himself?
Jessica is hanging out in her room, bored. She won't leave for fear of running into date rape-y psycho James. She wants to talk to Lila-not because Lila went through a similar situation, but because she wants someone to entertain her. It's a comfort to me that even in times of crisis Jessica's sociopathy finds a way to surface. Anyway, she finally calls the Fowler mansion and talks to Grace. They finally figure out that Lila and Bruce are missing, and Grace decides to make some calls while Jessica starts to freak out.
Bruce is trying to figure out a way to get down the side of the cliff, and Lila is sobbing hysterically. He hugs Lila and thinks about how this is all his fault. Much like everything else.
Elizabeth is wandering around the parking lot trying to find the Jeep. She finally sees it, about to be hooked to a tow truck. Liz begs the driver to let her go, and since she is St. Elizabeth, he totally caves. Liz gets in, and she sees the sonnet crazy Willy had Celine put on her dashboard. It says, "For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright, who art as black as hell, as dark as night." Liz is all rattled, and she thinks it's James. Really, Liz? What gave it away? His penchant for dancing like a drunken asshole, the way he crushes beer cans with his forehead? She is such a dumbass.
Tom and Danny are playing football, and Danny's complaining about how Isabella doesn't think he's romantic. Danny asks for Tom's advice since Tom is so romantic. I know my husband snagged me by calling me poison and not believing me when I said his dad gave me the bad touch. Gross. Anyway, Danny asks about the most romantic date Tom ever took Elizabeth on:
"Tom's eyes were distant, and he smiled. 'We went to this little Chinese restaurant that had the most gorgeous view of the city. When Elizabeth went to the ladies' room, I tucked a little note into her fortune cookie.'
'What did it say?' Danny asked.
'I love you. Afterward we went dancing.'"
LAME!!!!!!! I much prefer the fortunes Homer wrote. Danny asks to do a variation on the date, and Tom refuses, saying he will not allow Danny to ruin a completely generic and unoriginal special memory. Danny manages to change his mind with promises of nachos. Swayed by congealed cheese and stale chips, Tom? Tsk tsk.
Liz is at Steven and Billie the Girl's apartment, and she wastes no time filling them in on what happened with Jessica. Steven wants to go beat him up (StevenPunch?), but Billie restrains him. They talk about how they want Jess to report it, but she seems reluctant to do it. Steven asks if she's going to tell Ned and Alice, and Liz says that it's "probably" Jessica's call. I mean, she's already told at least 5 people, why stop now?
Noah's studying and it's really boring except for the fact that he finally connects AlexEnid and EnidEnid.
Elizabeth brings Jessica a box of eleven custard-filled dougnuts (WANT. NOW.), admitting that she ate one on the way. They talk about how Lila and Bruce are missing, and then Liz tries to get Jess to press charges. Jessica still refuses.
Elizabeth goes over to Sigma House and sees Peter H. Wilbourne III staring back at her. He's an ass. And may I ask what the fuck is wrong with the National board of Sigma House that they haven't kicked this douchebag out for kidnapping?! And for that matter, why haven't criminal charges been pressed? Is Chief Wiggum running the SVPD? Anyway, Elizabeth walks in to find James and Peter hisses in her ear, "It's not over, Wakefield." James pushes him out of the way, and they sit down. He asks if Elizabeth's going to apologize, and she says no, she came for an apology from HIM. James tells her to butt out of Jessica's life, and she tells him to stop sending the notes. Much like Greg McConnell in Cruel Intentions, I don't think he's ever written a grocery list, let alone a letter. He says that the Wakefields are uptight, and that Jessica better not come crawling back to him. Pshaw! Right!
Magda calls an emergency Theta meeting re: the disappearance of awesome Lila. The girls decide they're going to split into groups with some of the Sigmas (Bruce is their president. Of course) and show pictures of Bruce and Lila to people in nearby towns. Jessica's also going to ask Liz to run something on WSVU about it. After the meeting adjourns, Isabella tells Jessica that she's going to take Danny camping for their anniversary to prove that she's not afraid to get dirrrty. Jessica hears a girl named Mariela Winterson say she has a date with James, and Jessica asks to talk to her. Jessica kind of skirts around and doesn't come out and say that James is rape-y (I guess Mariela didn't get the campus-wide memo Liz sent out). Mariela thinks she's jealous, and says that James warned her Jess would try and talk her out of going out with him.
AlexEnid meets Noah for their date, and AlexEnid realizes she hasn't kept up with her studies like she should have, so she feels like a dumbass. It's boring and AlexEnid just sits there thinking about T2. This plot blows.
Elizabeth and Tom make out in the WSVU station. I would hate to work there...you'd be in 24/7 danger of ralphing. Tom's all concerned that she went to Sigma to see James alone, and makes her promise to tether herself to him at all times so he can TomPunch! any potential attackers. They start talking AGAIN about how Jessica won't press charges, and that's when Liz gets the idea to form a Take Back the Night rally, and run a segment on WSVU.
Bruce throws the last match on the fire, and Lila worries that it won't last the night. They talk about what they're going to do when they get back. Bruce bought a brand new Limited Edition Jeep Cherokee wtih some of his inheritance money, and he's going to take it down to the beach. I'm guessing in the re-issue he'll buy an Escalade and be rollin' on dubs. Dubs? Is that right? I can't keep up with the slang these kids use. Anyway, Lila is going to see her friends and fit in a shopping trip or two. They also keep talking about how they have no food, but I don't know why AWESOME!!!!Lila (I've upgraded her status due to exponential amounts of awesomeness in the previous book) doesn't just catch another fish.
Maia and Elizabeth are trying to find the Shakespeare book, and when Maia goes off to find one, Elizabeth goes up to Chris Gaines Crazy Willy in his wheelchair and asks if any new copies of Shakespearean sonnets have come in. Willy says they haven't, but she can borrow his personal copy. Liz gets all skeeved out because Willy is giving her the sex eye. He brings the book to her, and when she thanks him he says, "Anytime, Elizabeth. Anytime." But she never said her name was Elizabeth!!! It's like in "Scream" when the killer says, "I want to know who I'm looking at. I mean, talking to!" Anyway, Elizabeth just assumes that he heard someone say her name, or just knows her name because she's so effing awesome. Maia comes over to look at the book, and Elizabeth asks if Maia would help out with her "empowerment rally for women who have been victims of crime." Minus the victims of crime thing, it sounds like Lilith Fair, doesn't it? (which I totally went to and sat in the second row of. AmAHzing) Anyway, Liz is organizing it in two days (bullshit!), and Maia offers to tell people about it, but doesn't think she'll come.
Lila is freezing and keeps getting really drowsy. Bruce is freaking out that he's going to lose her to hypothermia, so he takes off his outer shirt and covers Lila with it. That was kind of nice, huh?
Isabella is purchasing camping equipment. She gets stuck in a tent. It's not funny. A comedienne, Francine is not.
Lila wakes up and is all snuggly and make-y out-y with Bruce. Hypothermia schmypothermia. There's a roaring in her ears that grows louder as they make out, and she's aware only of the heat of Bruce's breath on her skin. Gross. Hey, guess what the roaring is? It's a helicopter! Bruce rips his shirt in half (Hulk mad! Hulk smash!! Rescue Hulk!) and waves it at the helicopter. They have to climb up a ladder, and Lila is scared, so Bruce follows her, and they're rescued! YAY!!!!
Nina and Elizabeth are talking about the march in history class. (I mean, in history class they're talking about the march. No one was actually marching in class) Anyway, Celine comes in wearing a leopard-print halter and a velvet mini skirt. Maybe she's the one who stole my shirt! Elizabeth thinks that Celine is the one leaving her notes, and Nina says she can't ignore it. Elizabeth starts to get nervous.
Bruce and Lila are in the helicopter, and Lila is thinking about how fun it will be to call her friends and tell them that she was in a plane crash. Lila's a little twisted. When they reach the hospital, they're put on stretchers and wheeled away from each other. Bruce gazes wordlessly at her, and his eyes say, "Don't leave me." Lila feels an indescribable sense of loss. I feel strong and un-ignorable nausea.
Jessica is at the beach with Steven, Billie the Girl, and Elizabeth. Steven's being a good brother, and he tries to convince Jess to go to the march, and she agrees to think about it. Jessica wants to know if Steven told Mike, and he says he didn't. Then Steven takes everyone for ice cream, but not before reminding Jess that he's a law student in case she wants to take things further. I'm assuming legally, not in a "Flowers in the Attic" kind of way, because ew.
The Thetas and Sigmas are ready to go on their search for the already safe and warm Bruce and Lila. Jessica sees Mariela and James standing together. When Mariela notices Jessica noticing this, she holds James's hand. Bitch. Jessica and Isabella are walking around hanging up posters, and Isabella tells Jessica not to be upset about James and Mariela. Jess finally confesses to Isabella (I guess Isabella was in class when Liz had that skywriter go over the quad), and Isabella has an idea for the rally the next night.
Liz is at the rally with Nina and Tom, and Nina tells Liz that they bought out an entire store's stock of candles. That means there are a lot of people there! Elizabeth goes on-stage for a sound check, and the crowd starts screaming. Out of admiration, Tom ascertains. Duh, Tom, she is a fucking Wakefield!
Isabella is picking Jessica up to go to the rally, and asks Jessica if she has her notecards ready. Izzie also says that she'll talk to Tom and have him set everything up for after the rally. They get there, and Liz starts her speech, which I shall transcribe:
"We're here tonight to take a stand. We're here to protest the crimes that have been committed against us as women. We are here-as victims of rape, sexual harassment, discrimination, domestic violence-to say that we refuse to tolerate this kind of treatment. We are here to reclaim what is ours. We're taking control of our minds and our bodies. Tonight, as women, we demand the same respect that everyone deserves."
Inspirational? Sure. Clearly pieced together from various television programs and news reports? Absolutely. I prefer Buffy's speech when all the potentials become slayers, "Every girl who can stand up-will stand up..." I tried to find the exact speech, but after 20 minutes I gave up. Anyway, Elizabeth lights the first candle and they start the "Women unite! Take back the night!" chant. And the march begins...
AlexEnid is on the phone with T2 talking about her date. AlexEnid beats around the bush and finally says she wants to meet T2 in person. He says, "I don't think that would be such a good-" and AlexEnid hangs up, humiliated as per usual.
Elizabeth sees Jessica and gives her a hug, proud that she came to the rally. Isabella grabs Jess, saying that Tom can do it now. Elizabeth is confused and acting like a toddler while Jess is in front of the camera. "What's going on? Tell me what's happening! Pay attention to meeeee!"
Maia is watching the march from her dorm room, thinking she should have gone. She doesn't want the people who are standing on the sidelines to view her as a victim or a hysterical female trying to get attention. She sees Jessica on WSVU and observes that she looks great. Of course she does! Jessica Wakefield will not appear on television looking like less than perfection! Tom interviews Jess, who says that she was sexually assaulted four days ago by someone she had been dating. She says she can't name names, "But he's a star athlete who plays on both the soccer and football teams. He's a premed student and the treasurer of the Sigmas. I think everyone knows who I'm talking about..." Maia's all, "GASP!!! Only one person matches that description!" Kind of the point, Maia. Jessica says that she's speaking out because she doesn't think "he" knows the damage he's done, and she wants to make sure he's not able to do this to anyone else. She also thanks Liz for organizing the march, 'cause it was great.
Noah's all in a tizzy because AlexEnid hung up on him. He has a caller ID box, but it's to be used ONLY in an emergency. It's also the stupidest caller ID ever, because it only works if the person is still on the line. Plot contrivance. Such a moral dilemma!
Elizabeth hugs Jessica and tells her how proud of Jess she is. As they walk back to the dorm, Jessica tells Liz that she's decided to press charges. Liz is, of course, thrilled. When they get into their room they find an envelope with a note that says, "For Jessica. Carry this with you-use it whenever you need help." There's a silver whistle in the envelope. Isn't it Randy Mason that's leaving her all this crap?
Jessica is at Theta house talking to Denise and Magda when Alison and Mariela come in all huffy. Alison asks Jessica what she's doing there, and Jessica says she's just talking to her friends. Alison asks if she was talking about a certain star athlete, and Jess is like, "Oh, you mean rape-y James the date rape-y rapist? Yeah, I was. You wanna do something, bitch?" Mariela finally asks why Jessica was trying to embarrass her, and Jess is all, "I tried to warn you he was rape-tastic and you wouldn't listen. Not my fault!" Mariela calls her jealous, Alison guesses that he rejected her and she couldn't take it. Then she tells Jess that she better watch it because James is going to go places and his reputation is more important than Jessica's deflated ego. I keep picturing James on a bike going, "This town is full of losers, and I'm pulling out to win!" So Alison tells Jess that she saw James and Jessica dry humping on the dance floor at the Sigma party (yeah, it was at Zeta house, so wouldn't it be a Zeta party?) and Helen saw them snuggling and drinking beers at Mountain Lodge Inn. Jessica feebly says that things aren't always what they seem, and Alison's all, "Well, it seems to me that no one will believe you. Who would you believe: a suave, sophisticated campus leader and star athlete, or a freshman divorcee with a record? Jessica Wakefield, you are over on this campus." Alison is such a bitch!
Danny-are we still doing this lameness? Fine, Danny goes to the top floor of the library (he works for security or something so he got the key) and sets up takeout and some jazz tapes. He left a rose and note on Isabella's pillow so she'd know where to find him. He also put a fortune in her cookie that said, "Happy anniversary, Isabella. Love, Danny." How original and romantic. At the same time, Isabella is setting up camping equipment in the field behind the library. So why can't Danny see her from the window? Whatever, SV logic! Isabella bought the following for her ONE NIGHT camping trip ON A COLLEGE CAMPUS: tent, two sleeping bags, lantern, stove, cooler, frame pack, tarp, and an air mattress. She also bought new hiking boots to navigate the rough terrain of the quad. The salesman at the camping store also convinced her to buy freeze-dried food. SUCKA. She got Danny's favorite meal-chili con carne and ice cream. She also left Danny a note on his desk to come meet her.
AlexEnid is staring at her psych book thinking about Noah and T2. She decides to call T2 one last time, just to set things straight. Noah's running into the hot-line office just as she calls, and he tells AlexEnid that he's not allowed to meet callers personally (hot-line policy). He wants to disregard another policy and look at the caller ID but some bitch Terry won't leave the room. He finally shoos her out and checks the caller ID with a smile.
More lameness. Isabella's three hours late. After one hour, I'd go looking. But I'm slightly more proactive I guess. He puts the cookie in his pocket and goes looking for her.
Tom and Liz are meeting Jessica at a coffeehouse. Jess tells Liz she's going to drop the charges, which makes Liz "very tired." Alison Quinn got to her, and she doesn't want to deal with her bitchiness. Liz tries to convince her, and Jessica's like, "I'm the one being called a liar and getting crazy looks and James gets nothing!!!"
Lila's eating meat loaf, mashed potatoes, and peas in the hospital. My old Lila would've insisted on lobster being brought into the hospital. Grace comes in and Lila tells her that she's going to see Bruce. Grace won't let her, so she sits there daydreaming about their reunion, and worrying that Bruce will change his mind about her. Impossible!
Isabella's eating freeze-dried food and falls asleep in the field, not even in the tent! It's like watching a caterpillar transform into a butterfly!
Crazy Willy's telling Celine how hot Elizabeth looked and how amazing it is that she didn't recognize him, and Celine's like, "Um, you've got a dead rat stuck to your face. Why would she recognize you?" He keeps talking about Elizabeth and gives Celine another note for her. Celine finally starts giving him a foot rub, which shuts him up for a minute or so. Then Celine invites him to dinner (I'm assuming she doesn't live in the dorm because she wants to make him fried chicken, hush puppies, and peach pie. Everybody knows the dorm kitchen only has a rusty skillet and a misshapen pot). William flips out saying that he can't be seen, and kindly STFU and get out. She walks out of the room and tears up the note...Crazy Willy can do his own dirty work, damnit!
Danny gets to Isabella's room and can tell that she didn't get the note. He wants to go look for her, but instead he falls asleep in her bed. Yeah, he works for campus security. No wonder SVU is such a safe haven for students.
Jessica's leaving class and hears Peter Wilbourne say, "Look! It's Kiss-and-Tell Wakefield." Sooooo lame, that one. Apparently Jess had refused to go out with him, so now he's decided to make her life miserable. Jess decides to ignore him and walks away, but Petey and a few of the Sigmas are following her making sleazy comments. Peter puts his arm around her and says, "I don't hear you saying no, so I guess that means yes." Jessica keeps ignoring him, and when she sees some Thetas (including Mariela) she waves to try and get them to help and they just walk away. Nice. Sisterhood my ass. Jessica finally yells at them to leave her alone and runs away crying.
Isabella goes into her dorm and finds Danny asleep on her bed. They laugh about how sweet and romantic and adventurous and metamorphic the other one is.
Jessica goes into her room and looks at the whistle she'd attached to her key chain. She thinks that it would only be useful if she had someone who wanted to help her, and right now she doesn't. James comes to the door, and Jess won't let him in. He's asking her why she's trying to ruin him and why he betrayed her. She finally screams at him to go away or she'll call security. Yeah, security's asleep, Jess. Better luck next time. He leaves, and the phone rings. It's NewlyRescuedLila!!!
Maia finds Liz walking around campus and gives her the sonnet book. She says that she heard Jess is pressing charges, and would like to help. Elizabeth asks her to testify, and she says no. She won't even go see Jess because she feels so guilty. Eliabeth is growing increasingly pissy, and finally asks Maia what she's going to do if James isn't found guilty. Maia says she's planning on transferring schools.
Jessica and Isabella go to the hospital to see Lila. Mrs. Fowler hugs Jess and thanks her for calling to tell her Lila was missing, Jess says she wishes she would have called sooner. Lila's parents leave so the girls can have their privacy, and Lila yells after them to say hi to Bruce for her if they walk past his room. Jessica and Isabella bought Lila a red satin nightgown and robe so she wouldn't have to wear the yucky hospital robes. I have a feeling Bruce will be seeing this new negligee very soon. Ha ha, negligee. Lila got two carloads worth of flowers, because she's awesome like that. She says she gets to go home the next day, and then she starts talking about Bruce. Jessica thinks Lila needs to be checked for brain damage. Lila recounts out the ways he helped her, Jessica thinks they should check Bruce for brain damage. HA. Lila hopes they'll be an "item" now.
AlexEnid is walking around campus when Todd says hi to her. Todd asks if she's seeing someone and she says no, then asks him the same thing. He "shyly" says no. AlexEnid thinks that he looks lonely and doesn't know how to help. She also can't believe she wanted to be his girlfriend. From your lips, AlexEnid... Noah comes up to say hi and gets all weird when he sees her talking to Todd. Noah, come the fuck on! 1. Todd's a douche. 2. You're supposed to be all kind and mature and intelligent, yet you immediately jump to the conclusion (using your Jumping to Conclusions map, no doubt) that AlexEnid's doing the nasty with Todd? Please. You're lame. Anyway, Noah runs off to the psychology aisle (HA), and AlexEnid suddenly thinks that Noah might have thought she was with Todd. Gross.
Jessica's having a trial run of her trial (redundant?) with Billie the Girl, Steven, and Liz acting as judges. They warn her that some of the questions might be tough, but she needs to be truthful and calm. Elizabeth asks what she was wearing the night of the attack, and Jess says, "This is a hearing, not a fashion show." Which sounds fair to me, but everyone else makes buzzer sounds and tells her to answer. Jess doesn't want to say she was wearing a red bustier top and black silk pants (honey, I wouldn't admit to that fugliness, either), so Billie tells her to just say she was wearing a top and pants. Steven asks if she made it clear that she didn't want to have sex. When Jess says that she said no many times, Steven asks her at what point did she say no. Jess is getting worried because she doesn't want to answer all these questions. She says she was saying no the whole time, so Steven tells her to say she was saying no from the beginning. Jess freaks out a little and says she needs some air. She goes outside to sit on the stoop.
Mike comes up and asks if she's okay. She says she's fine, and asks how he is. He says he'll be back to normal soon. Mike wishes her luck at the hearing. He says that it's a small town and word gets around. Based on all of the mountains and lakes and make-out cliffs that magically appear, Sweet Valley has always seemed ginormous to me. Anyway, Mike says that he wanted to kick James's ass, but this was Jess's battle to fight. He kisses her forehead and wishes her luck, then says that if she ever needs anything, she knows where to find him. I kind of luck post-temporarily paralyzed, rehabilitated, unabusive Mike.
A nurse brings Lila a dozen roses in a gorgeous crystal vase. They're not from Bruce, though...they're from Aunt Irma and Uncle Richard. Lila's bummed. Her parents leave, and Lila puts on her new robe (told you!) and heads to Bruce's room. He's asleep, and Lila wonders if he's dreaming about her. Of course he is, you're Lila Effing Fowler!! She kisses his forehead, turns the TV off, and goes back to her room.
Liz and Jess are leaving a late movie, and they notice a huge nail stuck in their tire. Jess doesn't remember running over it, and Liz starts to freak out. Elizabeth starts changing the tire (Jess wasn't paying attention when Ned taught them how. Shocking). A tow truck shows up and asks for Jessica, saying that someone called and told them she needed help. The tow truck driver changes the tire, and when Elizabeth asks how much they owe him, he says it's already been taken care of. As they get in the Jeep, Elizabeth sees a figure slide into the shadows. Ooooooh.
Jessica's sorting through outfits to wear to the disciplinary committee hearing, and ends up wearing something of Elizabeth's. She thinks that it's amazing how much she looks like Elizabeth when she wears Elizabeth's clothes. Yes, it's astonishing that an IDENTICAL TWIN would look like her IDENTICAL TWIN when she wears her clothes. Maia comes in to wish Jess luck, and wishes that she could have pressed charges, too. Jess is really nice and says that since she was actually raped, her scars run deeper than Jessica's. Maia starts crying and apologizing, and says she wishes she could testify today but she just can't. Jessica says that Elizabeth might not understand her point of view, but Jess does. They hug and Maia gives Jess her scarf to wear "for good luck."
AlexEnid is laying on her bed trying to decide whether or not to call T2 or Noah. The phone rings, and a guy asks who he's speaking to. AlexEnid's all, "GASP!!! OMG, is this T2?!" And he says that it's Noah, and she's all conflicted because she's happy and disappointed. The ghostwriter calls her Alexandra out of nowhere, and it weirds me out. Noah asks her to go out with him that night and meet him in front of the coffeehouse. AlexEnid's supa' psyched.
Lila asks a nurse when Bruce is scheduled to leave. The nurse says that he was released twenty minutes ago. Lila's disappointed, but hopes that Bruce will be in the cab. He's not. Bastardo!
Jessica's freaking out in the hearing, which is packed with students. Don't you think it would have been in the university's best interest to make this a closed hearing? Although they did allow Peter Wilbourne to remain a student, so there's a history of bad judgment there. Awesome. There are two or three rows of friends there to support Jess (no Ned or Alice, though. Has she STILL not told them?!?! Or could Ned just not get off work?). She deflates when she sees all the Sigmas, plus Alison and Mariela sitting behind James. The Sigmas all wore their fraternity jackets. Queer. They should have all worn jerseys with James's number.
The committee files into the room. It's made up of four students and four faculty members. The dean calls the meeting to order. Jessica is called, and she says that she is charging James with sexual assault. The dean asks if she realizes the seriousness of these accusations and the damage it could cause James's reputation. Jessica does, and she's asked to go over the events the night of the attack. After she does this, the committee gets to ask her questions. One of the students asks if James had ever made any unwelcome sexual advances in the past. Jess says that he tried to put his hands up her shirt at a frat party, and he wouldn't stop when she said no. Luckily someone walked in on them. The student asks why she went out with him again, and she says that she thought it was only because he was drunk.
Another committee member asks if she had done anything to lead James to believe that she wanted to have sex with him. Jess says no, and the student asks if there was anything she could have done that would be misinterpreted. She says no again, and a student yells, "Yeah, right!" The dean says that if there is one more outburst he will close the hearing. A male faculty member asks Jess if she's certain James intended to rape her, since Elizabeth arrived before James could go further than touching her. ASS. Jess thinks that Maia is the key to everything, but since she can't tell the committee about Maia she says, "No, I don't have any absolute proof that he wanted to rape me-I can't read his mind. But when he was hitting me and dragging me toward the car, I knew it wasn't his way of being romantic." The dean warns Jessica not to be sarcastic.
Yet another female student committee member asks Jessica if she was fighting back when James was "hitting" and "dragging" her and if she asked him to stop. Jess is pissed and wants to tell her to fuck off, but instead she says that she did everything she could, but he's a star athlete. There was no way she could fend him off. Another female faculty member asks Jessica if she's currently divorced. Jess says that her marriage was annulled, and asks what that has to do with her being attacked. The woman asks if Jessica's bitter towards men. BITCH. Jess says that she will not discuss her marriage with the committee. It has nothing to do with the attack, and she refuses to answer any questions about it. The dean tells Jessica that if she continues to defend herself be insolent, he'll throw out her complaint. Jessica feels like she's losing control of the hearing.
Bruce is banging on the bell in a flower shop, getting impatient because he wishes he was banging Lila. Bruce asks for a dozen long-stemmed roses when the woman finally shows up, and she's all slow and old and Bruce is getting pissed. He finally ties the bow on the box, and the old lady tells him he made a splendid bow. LOLZ. Bruce totally wanted to buy Lila a floral shop instead of a doughnut shop. He takes off towards the hospital, hoping Lila hasn't checked out yet.
Elizabeth is now testifying about what she saw at Lookout Point. She says that she heard Jessica screaming, and when she walked to the car she saw James on top of Jessica while Jess was trying to fight him off. The dean asks how she reacted upon seeing this, and she hesitates before saying that her first instinct was to get Jessica out of the car and she smashed his windshield with a tire iron. FAIL GHOSTWRITER!!!! It was a WRENCH. A professor interrupts Liz and asks why she acted so drastically-couldn't she have tried to talk to James? Liz says that there was no time and the doors were locked-she had to get his attention. The committee is staring at her like she's a crazy person. They're not entirely wrong. A female faculty member asks how Liz knew her sister was being attacked, and Liz says that someone told her. She's asked who, and says that she can't say. The dean tells her that her vague testimony will make it difficult to take her answers into consideration. A professor asks Liz if her and Jess cooked up a publicity stunt for WSVU. Liz yells, "Absolutely not!" She's toast, guys.
James is up at bat. He looks at Jess and says that everything was a misunderstanding. He says Jessica seemed reluctant at first, but she warmed up to the idea. A committee members asks if he means she warmed up to having sex, and he confirms. He thinks that Liz took Jessica away against her will. He thinks that Liz is overprotective, and Jessica could have left on her own if she wanted to. Jessica's pissed and Liz looks like she wants to kick his ass. Another student says that if Elizabeth really took Jessica against her will, wouldn't it make sense that Jessica would have come back later on her own? James says that Liz doesn't like him and turned Jessica against him. He cites Elizabeth's history of being kidnapped by run-ins with the Sigmas, and thinks that Elizabeth was worried about Jessica meeting new guys since her marriage didn't work out.
A male student observes that James is so calm-isn't he mad that his car was wrecked and now he has to defend himself? James says he knows where Jessica's coming from-she had a rough time with her marriage ending and with Steven shooting and temporarily paralyzing Mike. He looks at Jessica and says he's sorry she thinks he hurt her, but he just wanted to have a good time. Jessica thinks that James is going to win.
Lila asks the cabdriver to take her to the university. She's about to cry, when a pedestrian runs in front of the cab. Bruce jumps into the backseat and gives Lila the roses, saying that he tied the bow himself. What a big boy! They snuggle a little, then Bruce tells Lila he loves her, and she answers him with a passionate kiss. Awwwwww.
The committee files back into the room, and the dean says that Jessica hasn't provided sufficient evidence. He's a total dick and says, "Furthermore, it's the suggestion of the committee that you seek counseling. False accusations are very destructive, Ms. Wakefield. They can ruin people's lives." Then he apologizes to James and lets him go. Jessica starts crying and telling Liz to take her home.
All of a sudden, Maia comes walking into the room!!! I am utterly gobsmacked (hee) that she showed up. She asks to speak to the committee, and the dean hems and haws and finally agrees. James looks a little confused and nervous. Maia says that she's there to support Jessica. Elizabeth thinks that she looks confident and strong, not like the mouse-y prickly Maia she knew before. Maia tells the committee that she was also assaulted by James, but she was actually raped. A committee member asks why she waited so long to come forward, and she says that she came forward for herself, Jessica, and James. She tells James that he has a problem and can't treat women this way. Sex isn't a game! I have a lot of filthy jokes to insert here, but I'll keep it PG-13. All of a sudden, James starts sobbing. Weinie.
AlexEnid walks into the coffeehouse to meet Noah, and wastes no time telling him she's interested in someone else. Can we PLEASE end this charade now? Fine, we'll wait a few more pages.
James is crying, asking why Maia didn't tell him. Maia says that she told him over and over to stop, and asks why he didn't. James says that he thought she was fooling around. Maia's still being calm, but she's starting to get pissed. She asks James what she had to do for him to take her seriously. He apologizes to Maia and Jessica, and Jessica almost feels sorry for him, but she knows he brought it on himself. The dean finds James guilty and apologizes to Jessica. Everyone hugs and tells Maia how proud of her they are.
Noah wants to know who AlexEnid is interested in. It finally comes out that Noah's T2, and they BWAHAHAHA for a few minutes. Then they make out.
More Wacky Willy! He's pissed because Celine showed up at the library, and no one can see them together. They fight a little and it's boring, then William tells Celine he has another note for Liz. She hassles him about it, and then Celine sees Elizabeth walk in and tells William to give it to Liz himself.
Bruce is back at the Sigma house. Can I just say that it is highly unlikely that a sophomore would be president of a fraternity? Anyway, they tell him that James was kicked out of school. Peter Wilbourne blames "that wench, Jessica Wakefield." Everyone starts making threats about Jessica, and Bruce finally says that Jessica may be a lot of things, but she's not a liar. He says he's sorry that James was kicked out, but there's nothing he can do. Peter's all, "I'm evil! I'll do something about it! I kidnapped her sister, you know." Bruce says that if anyone lays a hand on Jessica, he'll kick them out of the house. Peter pouts and runs out of the room. Ha. Bruce is all fired up to go pick up his Jeep.
Elizabeth is looking for the wheelchair guy. Instead she finds Celine, who acts like a total freak show before saying, "He's over there." Real effing smooth, dumbass. Elizabeth gives him the book back, and he calls her Elizabeth again. I'm bored.
Lila's laying on her bed while Jessica puts glow-in-the dark stars on her ceiling. That's tacky, Li. She hears a horn honking out her window, and runs out to find Bruce. He asks her if she wants to go to the beach, and she asks him if he has a full tank of gas. She runs down a list, which includes hair curlers (I don't know), then she tells him she has to stop at Theta and pick some stuff up.
They walk up to the house and there's a surprise luau party to welcome them back! Because it's not Sweet Valley without a party. Bruce actually puts on a grass skirt and wears an orchid behind his ear. Winston is grilling pineapple hot dogs and papaya burgers. Apparently there are also kiwi kebobs. Gross. Jessica tells him to take a break from the grill and go hang out with Denise, she can grill. Mariela comes up to Jessica and apologizes. They hug and make up. AlexEnid comes up to Jessica with a platter of disgusting party meat, and Jessica is shocked at how great she looks. Everyone's all happy and excited and blah.
Elizabeth is having a dream about how the man in the wheelchair is actually William White. She wakes up scared, and finds a note under the door: "Make but my name they love, and that love still, and then thou lovest me, for my name is Will." Seriously, he emphasized it. Liz drops the note and covers her mouth to stifle her screams. Dun dun dun!!
That's it. Sorry it was so long, there was a lot of filler in this one. :(