SVH Super Thriller FEAR: A Killer on Board
Hey, remember when Ned was a terrible(r than usual father) and the SVPD was inept(er than usual) in the last book? And then John Marin got locked up and everyone was like, "Ha ha ha, he's gone forever and we're going to be a-okay?" Yeah, they're totally not. This book is resplendent with a blatant disregard for protocol by virtually every tertiary character. Seriously, they make the camp counselors in Montana look capable.
Covah!
Look at those waves! They're so treacherous! And that is the biggest window I've ever seen on a boat. Through it we can see a horrified Liz and Jess. Also, do those little (big?) windows REALLY open? Especially out? This is all a little suspect to me. Are there any sailors out there who can verify this? When you open the cover, the scene is actually one from the book! Jess and Liz are wearing the outfits described, the water glass is knocked over, and Marin's even wearing a flannel shirt while brandishing his knife. Marin's got that floppy Dawson circa season 1 hair going on.
Elizabeth and Jessica helpfully recap the last book for us while they set the table. At dinner, Ned asks the family if they'd like to go on vacation for a week. Alice interrupts to ask if Steven is going, and he's not. He's having way too much fun working in Sacramento! Or he knows his family is crazy and has no desire to spend a week alone with them. Whatevs. Jessica threatens to drink a bowl of extra hot salsa if Ned doesn't tell her where they're going. That, I would like to see. Ned announces that they're going to Catalina Island to stay at a ritzy resort called the Orizaba. Marianna West was supposed to go, but she's too bogged down with work, so she's letting Ned take her reservation.
That night, Elizabeth's on the phone with Todd, apologizing again for cheating on him. Todd's like, "Yeah, it's a good thing you almost died or I'd be super pissed. But I guess almost getting your throat slashed'll teach you!" After they hang up, Jessica comes in waving pamphlets and talking about all the exciting things she wants to do on Catalina. Liz learned her lesson, and she's had enough excitement. She's going to read a book by the pool, thankyouverymuch. They finally agree to go horseback riding.
Leighann LeShay is getting ready for her shift as a prison guard. She thinks about how horrible all the prisoners in Cellblock A are...except for the handsome young man in cell 202. He's such a fucking crazy serial killer polite gentleman!
Liz and Jessica are leaving the cafe on Friday after work, and Jess is making fun of Liz for taking forever to say good-bye to Todd. Elizabeth asks if Jess misses Ken, and she admits that she does. She's afraid that the two of them are going to turn into boring Todd and Elizabeth. Don't worry, Jess, soon you'll have another dead boyfriend who will make Ken an ex-boyfriend.
Alice is packing for Catalina. She's sorting through her nightgown drawer looking for something...romantic. Ned's gonna get some, ya'll! What do we think Alice considers sexy sleepwear? I'm guessing she's more of a "softer side of Sears" kinda gal than a Frederic's of Hollywood lady. Alice thinks that she's pissed at Ned. It's his own fault he spent a week in agony, because he could have told her what was going on. Yeah. That's the only smart thing Alice thinks this whole book. Ned walks into the room, and Alice lays into him (after folding a long gown of aqua silk into her suitcase). She tells him that she has the right to defend her family, and when Ned says that he feared for Alice's safety, as well, she says that she has the right to defend herself. But her voice is shaking and she collapses on the bed when she says it, so we know that she's a helpless wittle female.
Jessica's packing while Liz makes fun of how messy her room is (ZOMG, so different but so identical), and they YET AGAIN recap the whole Marin/Scott/Ben business. Elizabeth once again refers to him as her "soul mate," and once again, I yack. To lighten the mood, Jessica holds up a red sequined tube dress, and Elizabeth asks if it's a sequined tube sock. A girlfriend of mine bought a red sparkly tube dress from Victoria's Secret about ten years ago. Not a good look, even on a perfect size 6 blonde.
Leighann is doing her rounds, and the prisoners are being all cliche-y and heckling her. She thinks to herself that she's like Clint Eastwood, and she actually says to someone, "Go ahead-make my day!" She also uses such clever bon mots as, "Bug off, creep!" I've seen enough prison movies to know that guards are usually slightly more explicit. John Marin tells the guys to shut the eff up, and they all clam up immediately because they can sense his evil. Leighann walks over to thank him, and is all googly-eyed and in love. John is standing with his arm around his abdomen, and when Leighann asks what's up, he says it's just indigestion. John also tells Leighann that he made her a present, but gifts are strictly foreboden. Leighann takes it anyway, continuing Sweet Valley's fine tradition of a blatant disregard for any kind of standard protocol. He carved her a teeny tiny sailboat! And he wants to take her on a midnight sail when he's released from prison! And Leighann totally thinks she's falling in love with him! So many idiots in this town. At least she doesn't call him her soul mate. Barf.
The Wakefields are in the car on their way to Catalina. Liz mentions that she's having Winston and Maria pick up the mail, and Ned flips out (this is a recurring theme...Ned's a twee bit schizo in this book), saying that it should be HIS responsibility to inform his family when a psychopath is after them instead of handling it himself take care of the mail. After all, he's the one who so thoughtlessly sprang this amazing trip on his family at the last minute! Jessica suggests singing to lighten the mood.
At eight o'clock in the morning, Leighann is doing her rounds. She stops by John's cell and notices him curled up in the fetal position on the bed. She asks if he's okay, and he rolls onto the floor, groaning in agony. I don't know why, but I kinda don't think he's really sick.
And now, in honor of kakeochi_umai, I present to you Jessica Wakefield's version of "Home on the Range":
"Oh, give me a home, where the buffalo roam,
Where the water-skiers and the Windsurfers play,
Where seldom is heard, a discouraging word,
And the guys flex their muscles all day!"
Elizabeth laughs, but then she gets all freaked out when she sees the boat. She's horrified of boats now because of that time a week ago when John almost killer her. Um, I call shenanigans. If the Wakefields stopped doing things because they almost got slaughtered, they would not go to/intern at the following:
London, the Sweet Valley News, Flair magazine, parties at Lila's house, spas, the library, SVH, the boiler room at SVH, SVU, use virtual reality goggles, fraternity parties, Nevada, Death Valley, the hospital, football games, cabins...
Anyway, Leighann is ONCE AGAIN disregarding protocol to open John's cell and try to help him. She kneels down by John, and he grabs her wrist and steals her gun. But-but...she was in love with him! They were going to go sailing! Yeah, not so much, Leighann. He makes her call her supervisor (Manuel) to come up and check on Marin. Manuel comes into the cell, and Marin bashes him upside the head with the gun, killing him. Um. What kind of guns do they use at this prison? Granted, it's been a while since I whomped someone with a gun, but I feel like you'd have to use a pretty big gun and a lot of force to actually kill someone by hitting them with a gun. Who knows. John steals Manuel's uniform and makes Leighann sneak him out of the prison.
Marianna West is working on Saturday morning, and a lawyer named Griffin comes in. There's a lame exchange, the point of which is to demonstrate the fact that Griffin's a tool who doesn't listen or respect women.
Harry Emerson and his family are driving from Utah to LA, and Harry wants to stop at eleven instead of twelve for lunch. Harry's wife is a shrew and will not abide this kind of defiance. Harry (silently) vows to do something unexpected on this trip.
John has tied Leighann up in the backseat of her Geo Metro (that sounds uncomfortable...like the backseat of a Volkswagen). He's abandoning her, but lets her know that if she struggles enough she'll be able to free herself. Then she can walk the ten miles back to the prison. Leighann is all upset that she was such an idiot. She tells Marin that she's quitting her job when she gets back to the prison. Yeah, wishful thinking. Pretty sure you're already fired, sweet cheeks.
Harry Emerson and his family are walking down the road in the desert. Harry's wife is bitching him out since the hitchhiker he picked up has stolen their car, their cash, and their suitcases. Harry will not be doing unexpected, wife-defying things anymore.
Marianna is over Griffin. She wants to throw him out a window. Luckily, a handsome young man comes into her office, asking where Ned's office is. You see, he's here to fix Ned's voice mail. And what a perfect opportunity for Marianna to rid herself of Griffin! She sends him to Ned's office with voice mail guy and tells him to supervise the guy, as per standard office protocol. Griffin sulks into the office, and John starts talking to him about how much women bosses suck. He tells Griffin to go ahead and get a cup of coffee, and since Griffin is brimming with ineptitude, he complies. John hacks into Ned's voice mail (fyi, Ned's lame password is "TWINS"), and hears a message from Tony warning Ned that John is out of prison. John finds out where Ned is vacationing, and off he goes.
The Wakefields are by the pool, and Ned freaks out when he sees a guy walking towards Elizabeth. He screams and jumps into the pool after the guy, disappointing Alice and embarrassing the twins. After this incident, the twins go to lunch. They decide to go horseback riding after they eat.
Debbie Clayton is working the registration desk, thinking about how much she wants to become employee of the month. She'll get a $100 bonus! She wants to buy a white sequined dress she saw in one of the hotel shops. HAWT.
A handsome young man wanders in, interrupting her reverie. He wants a room, but the only one available is the VIP suite. Debbie hesitates, but ultimately lets "Leon LeShay" (get it?) have it. If John is such a criminal mastermind, why doesn't he use a more clever alias? Leon also asks what room his good friend Ned is staying in, and, as has become custom in this book, Debbie blatantly ignores hotel protocol and tells him, inadvertantly revealing the twins room, as well. Debbie, I think that dress will look phenomenal at the unemployment office.
Jessica's perving on the horseback riding instructor, a red-haired guy named Brad. The girls are wearing the outfits from the cover: Jess has on a blue and white striped string bikini with denim cut-offs and a sweater around her waist, and Liz is wearing khaki shorts and an orange and white striped tee shirt. Jessica thinks Liz's shirt looks like a Creamsicle. Mmmmm. Creamsicle. Elizabeth is sickened by Jessica's flirting with a strange man so soon after almost being killed by a strange man, so she rides ahead on the trail.
Jill Reese, a waitress at the hotel, is laying by the pool, lamenting how boys don't like her. She thinks about the hot twins she waited on at lunch, speculating that they must be size sixes. Of course. A handsome young man comes up to Jill, and she gets excited for a minute. Then he asks about the twins (referring to them as "the Doublemint twins." That is so meta!), saying he saw Jill waiting on them at lunch. Jill reluctantly says that she heard them mention going horseback riding.
Jessica disappointedly tells Liz that she was right about not flirting with strange men. Brad is married! Jessica's bored (the group they're riding with is primarily children), so she asks Brad if she and Elizabeth can ride off on their own. Brad is reluctant to do so, then Jess mentions Brad's wife, and he lets them go.
Ned goes up to the front desk to check for messages, and Debbie gives him a note from the twins, saying they're horseback riding. She also tells him that his friend, Leon LeShay, checked into the hotel. She describes Marin, and Ned freaks out. He heads back to the room and calls Detective Tony. Tony's like, "Meh, chill out, Ned. LOTS of people fit Marin's description. Never mind that you don't actually HAVE a friend named Leon LeShay, or that Marin has a history of trying to kill your family. Have I mentioned I'm a police officer? Trust me!" Then Tony mentions Leighann LeShay, the prison guard Marin kidnapped. Ned realizes that Marin is on the island. We don't hear Tony's reaction, but I'm sure it was, "Psshh. Purely coincidental! LeShay's a VERY common name!"
Joe Garcia is smoking a cigarette behind the stable, thinking about how he wishes he could buy his fiancee, Debbie, the slutty white dress she wants for her birthday. Just then, a handsome young man walks up (ghostwriter, plz to give me a new description), and wants to rent a horse. Joe says no, it's against the (incredibly flexible and easy to disregard) hotel protocol for guests to take out horses without a guide. Leon offers Joe $100, and Joe allows Leon to take out Old Lacey.
Ned and Alice are in their hotel room, and they find a note that says, "Horseback riding can be dangerous, Counselor. JM" Oh noes!
Jessica and Elizabeth are lost. And Elizabeth is getting a twee bit snarky. When Jessica insists that they aren't that lost since they're still on Catalina Island, Elizabeth says, "Do you rehearse your lame comments ahead of time, or do you improvise them on the spot?" Pwn3d!1!!1 They keep fighting, and Liz says Jess has no common sense. Jess then says, "If you have so much common sense, then why are you in the middle of the woods, screaming your lungs out, sitting on a horse with an idiotic name like Fred?" Jess, I would be a little nicer to Fred if I were you. Fred has magical Pegasus powers that you might need later! The twins start to get nervous as they notice that it's getting dark, and a storm seems to be a-brewing.
Brad is irritated with the little ones. He's lamenting the loss of hott Jessica. Brad sees Leon struggling to get Lacey to go off-trail. Brad says that Old Lacey has been trained to stay on the trails. However, Brad's horse (Big Red) is the best off-trail horse around!
Ned is panicking and trying to get Joe to let him take a horse. He offers Joe a hundred dollars! Joe gives in (of course) and says that it's his lucky day! A guy named Leon gave him a hundred dollars earlier. Ned is not pleased.
Brad is confused as to how Leon managed to convince him to switch horses. He wishes he was as persuasive as Leon...then maybe he could have gotten into Jessica's drawers. Oh, Brad. You don't have to be THAT persuasive. You pretty much have to make eye contact. Or untie her bikini top. Either way.
The twins are still sniping at each other. Jessica finds herself at the edge of an 80 foot ledge, and she can see a beach at the bottom. Elizabeth finds a rocky, overgrown path leading down to the beach, and Jessica volunteers to lead the way.
As the twins make their way down the path, Elizabeth keeps getting startled and thinking she sees people hiding in the shadows. Jessica's horse (Black Beauty, natch) stumbles at a narrow, rockier portion of the path. She rights herself, and starts down another, even narrower, rockiester part of the path. Black Beauty drops to one knee and isn't able to stand up. Jessica's clinging to the horse, as the saddle has come loose. "The girl and the horse were silhouetted against a sky full of swirling purple clouds." LAME.
Suddenly, a voice says, "Well, well, well." Not your best opener, John. Elizabeth screams, "Marin!" Then Black Beauty pitches forward and she yells, "Jessica!" Not helpful, Liz. Liz is trying to get Jessica to slide backwards off Black Beauty and get on Fred. She decides to distract Marin by mocking him. Nice. Jessica's trying to figure out how to get off of Black Beauty without scaring her. She puts her sweater over Black Beauty's head (in lieu of a gunnysack), and begins to slide off. A boom of thunder spooks the horse, and it bucks, knocking the sweater off. Jessica jumps off the horse, and Elizabeth tells her to jump onto Fred, who is bounding away from Marin.
HEY!!! Guess what? The twins great-great-grandmother Jessamyn was a horseback rider in the circus! Jessica feels her ancestors blood coursing through her veins, and she manages to jump onto the horse. So. Many. Flashbacks. fyi, Black Beauty manages to stand up, in case any of you were concerned that she fell over the ledge.
Alice is packing the twins' things so that when Ned and the girls return, they can immediately leave. Alice shats on all the goodwill I've earlier bestowed upon her. She decides that she's not sitting around the hotel! If she doesn't hear anything in an hour, she's going to join the search, too. I'd much prefer she polish the suitcases or something equally useful.
The twins are still riding Fred, with Marin in hot pursuit. Elizabeth says that Fred is getting tired and won't be able to keep up the pace much longer. The twins stop at the edge of yet another cliff, and Marin is now so close that he can almost reach out and touch Jessica. And then. Awesome sauce. Elizabeth decides to jump the horse off the cliff!
(artist's rendering of Fred...not sure which one is Jessica or Elizabeth on the back of the horse, though)
Ned is still searching for the girls, and he stumbles upon Joe and Brad. They inform Ned that they found Black Beauty by the ledge. Her knee is a little scratched, but otherwise she's fine. They also found a scrap of Jessica's sweater stuck to a bush. They assume that Black Beauty pitched forward and flipped Jessica over the cliff. Ned decides to head down to the beach and try to find Jessica's mangled corpse.
Jessica is closing her eyes in fear as they ride Fred over the cliff. The horses hooves hit ground, and he keeps running along. The twins turn around and realize that the cliff wasn't a steep drop, but was kind of a staircase of rocks that Fred was able to bound down. Elizabeth calls him Pegasus. I said it first! The girls see Marin standing at the top of the cliff, and decide to make their way towards a campground nearby.
Ned manages to find the twins, and there's a tearful reunion. They head back to the stables.
Alice barges into the stable, and Joe and Brad tell her that they think Jessica got smashed when Black Beauty pitched her over the cliff. Alice wants to go to the cliff (to look for evidence? At least Ned had the common sense to go look for her remains), and just as she's "obstinately" insisting that she WILL be taking a horse, Ned and the girls come into the room. There's a happy reunion, and Brad says that the police will want to talk to the girls that night. Alice insists that they will be leaving immediately, and the police can talk to the girls on the mainland. Joe tells the Wakefields that Debbie's mother runs a houseboat-rental service, and he'll arrange for them to take a boat off the island (since it's so late, there are no more shuttles, and helicopters can't fly in the storm).
The houseboat is puttering loudly along (Jess says it sounds like a popcorn popper). Elizabeth keeps feeling like she's on Marin's sailboat again, and she's sitting on the deck by herself, all depressed. Poor Lizzie.
Marin is trying to rent a houseboat from Debbie's mom, and she says no, because she's already rented her last houseboat. Marin asks to take an old motorboat that's tied to the dock. He offers her one hundred dollars, and since she's easily bought like the rest of her family, she agrees. She walks inside to get the paperwork, and looks at a flyer that was given to her earlier. She realizes that John is John, and he walks in, punches her upside the head, and she goes down. He grabs an ax and the keys to the motorboat, and heads off to seek bloody vengeance. Bwah ha ha!
Jess asks how much longer to the mainland, and Ned and Alice don't know. Ned says that if it wasn't an emergency, they wouldn't be out on the water at all since it's so rough. Suddenly, Jessica sees a motorboat in the distance. Elizabeth says, "Marin!" And Ned says it can't be him. Jessica and Elizabeth are rather insistent that it might be, but Ned just keeps saying no. Ned's such a fucktard. Ned says, "Damn!" (two Ned swears in as many books!), and decides to take the inflatable dinghy over to the motorboat. face-palm. Alice suggests calling the Coast Guard, and Elizabeth (who in the last two seconds has become convinced that there's no way Marin can be in the boat) says there's no time. The motorboat is about to capsize! Ned takes off in the dinghy, after the ladies anchor the houseboat.
Hey guess what! Yeah, it's totally Marin in the motorboat. He chopped a hole in the hull of the boat to get it to fill slowly with water. Marin hears Alice on the radio, and responds saying that he's the Coast Guard. He says that they'll head out as soon as possible, then tells her not to use the radio in the next hour or so in case of emergency. The frequency is getting jammed due to all the emergency calls from the storm. Oh, Alice. So Liz and Jess didn't hear the voice and realize who it was? So.Faking.Stupid.
Ned has made it to the motorboat and yells hello. He notices that there's an aluminum ladder hanging off the side of the boat, and observes that it seems a little unusual. Hmmm. He notices the water in the hull, and climbs into the boat, after tying the dinghy to the motorboat. Ned looks around and doesn't see anyone, then spots a note on the steering wheel. It says, "You lose, Counselor. Alice and the girls are mine." Ned runs to the side of the boat and sees that the dinghy is gone. He thinks about diving into the water and swimming after John, but realizes that the waves are too treacherous and the distance is too long. Oh, Ned. I'd love to see you try to swim that far. Since you're a Wakefield, I'm sure a fleet of dolphins would come and lead you to safety.
Suddenly, he notices a radio! OMFG, I bet John totally forgot to fuck with it before he took off! Ned says, "Dammit!" when he finds it chopped to bits. Such language! Ned notices that the key is still in the ignition, and knows that Marin would never leave it if the boat actually worked. He says dammit AGAIN, and thinks that he's never felt so helpless. Dude, you brought it on yourself. If you weren't such an effing idiot, you wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place. Your daughters have been almost killed way more times than you, so maybe next time you should listen to them, 'kay?
Jessica and Liz are in the cabin, making jokes about her hair. Liz is like, "Must you ALWAYS be so vain?" And Jess is like, "Dude, chill the hell out, I was just trying to cheer you up. The one time in my life I'm not just thinking about myself you get all up in my Kool-Aid!" Then Liz apologizes and asks where Alice is. She's gathering the medical supplies together in case the fictitious motorboat people are injured. Liz says that it seems like Ned's been gone a long time, Jess says it doesn't, Liz asks how Jess would know, Jess says, "Don't get sarcastic about that stupid wristwatch thing again!" Soooo different, soooo alike. Liz says that Ned's been gone three-quarters of an hour. How weird. I always say 45 minutes. Jessica says that she thought she saw Ned coming back toward the boat a few minutes ago, but it was probably the bright light from the boat playing tricks on her.
The twins hear something bump against the boat, and run to look out the ginormous porthole. Alice comes in and says she already checked, and it wasn't the dinghy. Alice gets up and says she has some more work to do on the deck (ah, Alice. Good ol' predictable, crazy Alice. Nice to have you back.). Jess and Liz try to follow her, but Alice tells them to stay where they are in the cabin.
Ned's trying to get the boat started before it fills with water. He notices a canvas tarp that was covering the front of the boat, and manages to plug the hole with it. He knows it's only a temporary solution, and starts to bail the boat out. I'd almost feel sorry for Ned, but it's kind of hard when he just keeps bringing it on himself.
John has arrived at the houseboat and has anchored the dinghy about thirty yards away. He left the ax in the dinghy because it was too heavy to swim with. He's still got that stupid knife. He's got a weird obsession with killing the Wakefields in a clean, delicate manner. Blech. He pulls himself onto the boat, and smiles as he sees Alice doing...whatever it is she's doing on the deck.
Alice is getting upset waiting for Ned, and decides to hell with the Coast Guard! She's going to radio for help. She also says this out loud. Because, you know, no one is capable of thinking quietly to themselves in this book. John busts out his knife and moves towards Alice, after cutting the anchor line. He knocks Alice out as she stands in front of the radio.
Ned has bailed the motorboat out and is desperately trying to start the motor. It's missing a spark plug wire, so he's kind of chopped together the motor, using a wire from the busted radio. Who knew Ned was so talented? The boat takes off slowly, and Ned notices that the houseboat is moving away. He panics.
Marin is forcing Liz into a little storage space kinda thing. He has a knife to Jessica's throat and tells Liz he'll kill Jessica if she doesn't go into it. With a final glance at Alice, Liz climbs into the space and Marin shuts the top.
Ned pulls the motorboat up to the dinghy and ties them together. He grabs the ax, pulls up the anchor, and takes the motorboat over to the houseboat.
Jessica replays the last few minutes. Liz dropped a glass of water onto the table by the bunk beds...ZOMG, just like on the cover! Well-played, Daniel Weiss and team! Jessica starts crying and asking Marin how he found them, and John tells her to shut up.
Elizabeth is cramped in the tiny storage space thingy. She's already starting to freak out (I actually don't blame her, for once), thinking she feels bugs crawling on her and panicking about how much air is left. Then she starts listening to John and Jessica. Jessica proves that she's supa' slow on the uptake, telling John that Ned will be back with the people he rescued from the motorboat any minutes. John's like, "Yeah, are you retarded or something?! It was fucking ME in the motorboat and I totally tricked you guys!" Elizabeth gasps. I really can't believe the two of them are this shocked. THEY WERE THE ONES WHO THOUGHT JOHN WAS IN THE MOTORBOAT IN THE FIRST PLACE. Sorry for the caps...I'm hoping if I type loud enough they'll figure it out. Anyway, John tells Jessica that Ned's probably dead since the motorboat was sinking, and the twins start to cry.
Jessica struggles and Elizabeth hears Marin slap her. Jessica asks what difference it makes since he's going to kill her anyway, and after some threats about killing Elizabeth, Jessica lets John tie her up. Kinky. Elizabeth is pissed that Marin's using her against Jessica, and she punches the floor. She cuts her hand on something sharp, and realizes that it's a scalpel. She picks it up and thinks that she feels stronger because now she can hurt Marin. Assuming he lets her out of the storage space trunk thingy in lieu of letting her suffocate.
Alice wakes up to see Jessica (and herself) tied up. Jessica starts to tell Alice where Elizabeth is, and John slaps her again. Methinks Jessica likes the rough stuff, as she keeps defying John's orders to shut the eff up. Alice tells him not to slap her daughter, and John's like, "Okay, I'll just slit her throat then. Is that okay with you?" He walks over to the storage compartment and lets Liz out. She tries to stab him in the stomach, and it really just pisses John off. Stab to kill, Liz. John practically breaks Liz's wrist, and then ties her up. He then gets a gas can and starts tossing it around the deck, dousing Jessica's cutoffs and Alice's khakis. John fakes the girls out a little, then he lights the fire. As Marin reaches to toss a match at Jessica, Ned tackles him.
Alice instructs the girls to work their hands free, saying the ropes are coming loose. A spark lands on Alice's head, igniting her beautiful blonde hair. Jessica smothers it with her elbow. I don't know. Ned and John are fighting right by Jessica, and as John tries to stab Ned, Jessica manages to trip him. Ned hits John upside the head with the handle of the ax (doesn't feel so good, huh, John?). A spark lands on Elizabeth, igniting her shirt. Ned snuffs it out (with his HANDS. Ned's kind of badass for about two pages), and unties her. Then he frees Alice while Liz frees Jess. They run to the dinghy, and stupid frigging Ned decides to go back and get Marin. Dude. The hell?!
Alice cuts the line and they row the dinghy away from the houseboat. Alice says that Ned told her he's going back to get Marin and swim him to safety. Alice is super Stepford about it, and says she wanted to argue with Ned, but there was no time. Yeah, I'd grab my husband by the ear and yank his ass overboard. The boat explodes, and Alice is like, "I'm sure Ned's fine. He'll be here soon." It's like in Titanic when they're waiting for the boats to come. Jessica thinks that Marin could've woken up and jumped off the boat, and Ned would be risking his life while Marin was swimming away.
Suddenly a male hand reaches up the side of the dinghy! Ned climbs into the boat, telling the girls that Marin is dead. He saw the body himself-Marin died of smoke inhalation. Elizabeth thinks that they're finally safe, and then she dips her oar into the water, rowing away from the burning boat.
I hope the Coast Guard finds them and they don't capsize or something. Maybe they're still floating out there?
Covah!
Look at those waves! They're so treacherous! And that is the biggest window I've ever seen on a boat. Through it we can see a horrified Liz and Jess. Also, do those little (big?) windows REALLY open? Especially out? This is all a little suspect to me. Are there any sailors out there who can verify this? When you open the cover, the scene is actually one from the book! Jess and Liz are wearing the outfits described, the water glass is knocked over, and Marin's even wearing a flannel shirt while brandishing his knife. Marin's got that floppy Dawson circa season 1 hair going on.
Elizabeth and Jessica helpfully recap the last book for us while they set the table. At dinner, Ned asks the family if they'd like to go on vacation for a week. Alice interrupts to ask if Steven is going, and he's not. He's having way too much fun working in Sacramento! Or he knows his family is crazy and has no desire to spend a week alone with them. Whatevs. Jessica threatens to drink a bowl of extra hot salsa if Ned doesn't tell her where they're going. That, I would like to see. Ned announces that they're going to Catalina Island to stay at a ritzy resort called the Orizaba. Marianna West was supposed to go, but she's too bogged down with work, so she's letting Ned take her reservation.
That night, Elizabeth's on the phone with Todd, apologizing again for cheating on him. Todd's like, "Yeah, it's a good thing you almost died or I'd be super pissed. But I guess almost getting your throat slashed'll teach you!" After they hang up, Jessica comes in waving pamphlets and talking about all the exciting things she wants to do on Catalina. Liz learned her lesson, and she's had enough excitement. She's going to read a book by the pool, thankyouverymuch. They finally agree to go horseback riding.
Leighann LeShay is getting ready for her shift as a prison guard. She thinks about how horrible all the prisoners in Cellblock A are...except for the handsome young man in cell 202. He's such a fucking crazy serial killer polite gentleman!
Liz and Jessica are leaving the cafe on Friday after work, and Jess is making fun of Liz for taking forever to say good-bye to Todd. Elizabeth asks if Jess misses Ken, and she admits that she does. She's afraid that the two of them are going to turn into boring Todd and Elizabeth. Don't worry, Jess, soon you'll have another dead boyfriend who will make Ken an ex-boyfriend.
Alice is packing for Catalina. She's sorting through her nightgown drawer looking for something...romantic. Ned's gonna get some, ya'll! What do we think Alice considers sexy sleepwear? I'm guessing she's more of a "softer side of Sears" kinda gal than a Frederic's of Hollywood lady. Alice thinks that she's pissed at Ned. It's his own fault he spent a week in agony, because he could have told her what was going on. Yeah. That's the only smart thing Alice thinks this whole book. Ned walks into the room, and Alice lays into him (after folding a long gown of aqua silk into her suitcase). She tells him that she has the right to defend her family, and when Ned says that he feared for Alice's safety, as well, she says that she has the right to defend herself. But her voice is shaking and she collapses on the bed when she says it, so we know that she's a helpless wittle female.
Jessica's packing while Liz makes fun of how messy her room is (ZOMG, so different but so identical), and they YET AGAIN recap the whole Marin/Scott/Ben business. Elizabeth once again refers to him as her "soul mate," and once again, I yack. To lighten the mood, Jessica holds up a red sequined tube dress, and Elizabeth asks if it's a sequined tube sock. A girlfriend of mine bought a red sparkly tube dress from Victoria's Secret about ten years ago. Not a good look, even on a perfect size 6 blonde.
Leighann is doing her rounds, and the prisoners are being all cliche-y and heckling her. She thinks to herself that she's like Clint Eastwood, and she actually says to someone, "Go ahead-make my day!" She also uses such clever bon mots as, "Bug off, creep!" I've seen enough prison movies to know that guards are usually slightly more explicit. John Marin tells the guys to shut the eff up, and they all clam up immediately because they can sense his evil. Leighann walks over to thank him, and is all googly-eyed and in love. John is standing with his arm around his abdomen, and when Leighann asks what's up, he says it's just indigestion. John also tells Leighann that he made her a present, but gifts are strictly foreboden. Leighann takes it anyway, continuing Sweet Valley's fine tradition of a blatant disregard for any kind of standard protocol. He carved her a teeny tiny sailboat! And he wants to take her on a midnight sail when he's released from prison! And Leighann totally thinks she's falling in love with him! So many idiots in this town. At least she doesn't call him her soul mate. Barf.
The Wakefields are in the car on their way to Catalina. Liz mentions that she's having Winston and Maria pick up the mail, and Ned flips out (this is a recurring theme...Ned's a twee bit schizo in this book), saying that it should be HIS responsibility to inform his family when a psychopath is after them instead of handling it himself take care of the mail. After all, he's the one who so thoughtlessly sprang this amazing trip on his family at the last minute! Jessica suggests singing to lighten the mood.
At eight o'clock in the morning, Leighann is doing her rounds. She stops by John's cell and notices him curled up in the fetal position on the bed. She asks if he's okay, and he rolls onto the floor, groaning in agony. I don't know why, but I kinda don't think he's really sick.
And now, in honor of kakeochi_umai, I present to you Jessica Wakefield's version of "Home on the Range":
"Oh, give me a home, where the buffalo roam,
Where the water-skiers and the Windsurfers play,
Where seldom is heard, a discouraging word,
And the guys flex their muscles all day!"
Elizabeth laughs, but then she gets all freaked out when she sees the boat. She's horrified of boats now because of that time a week ago when John almost killer her. Um, I call shenanigans. If the Wakefields stopped doing things because they almost got slaughtered, they would not go to/intern at the following:
London, the Sweet Valley News, Flair magazine, parties at Lila's house, spas, the library, SVH, the boiler room at SVH, SVU, use virtual reality goggles, fraternity parties, Nevada, Death Valley, the hospital, football games, cabins...
Anyway, Leighann is ONCE AGAIN disregarding protocol to open John's cell and try to help him. She kneels down by John, and he grabs her wrist and steals her gun. But-but...she was in love with him! They were going to go sailing! Yeah, not so much, Leighann. He makes her call her supervisor (Manuel) to come up and check on Marin. Manuel comes into the cell, and Marin bashes him upside the head with the gun, killing him. Um. What kind of guns do they use at this prison? Granted, it's been a while since I whomped someone with a gun, but I feel like you'd have to use a pretty big gun and a lot of force to actually kill someone by hitting them with a gun. Who knows. John steals Manuel's uniform and makes Leighann sneak him out of the prison.
Marianna West is working on Saturday morning, and a lawyer named Griffin comes in. There's a lame exchange, the point of which is to demonstrate the fact that Griffin's a tool who doesn't listen or respect women.
Harry Emerson and his family are driving from Utah to LA, and Harry wants to stop at eleven instead of twelve for lunch. Harry's wife is a shrew and will not abide this kind of defiance. Harry (silently) vows to do something unexpected on this trip.
John has tied Leighann up in the backseat of her Geo Metro (that sounds uncomfortable...like the backseat of a Volkswagen). He's abandoning her, but lets her know that if she struggles enough she'll be able to free herself. Then she can walk the ten miles back to the prison. Leighann is all upset that she was such an idiot. She tells Marin that she's quitting her job when she gets back to the prison. Yeah, wishful thinking. Pretty sure you're already fired, sweet cheeks.
Harry Emerson and his family are walking down the road in the desert. Harry's wife is bitching him out since the hitchhiker he picked up has stolen their car, their cash, and their suitcases. Harry will not be doing unexpected, wife-defying things anymore.
Marianna is over Griffin. She wants to throw him out a window. Luckily, a handsome young man comes into her office, asking where Ned's office is. You see, he's here to fix Ned's voice mail. And what a perfect opportunity for Marianna to rid herself of Griffin! She sends him to Ned's office with voice mail guy and tells him to supervise the guy, as per standard office protocol. Griffin sulks into the office, and John starts talking to him about how much women bosses suck. He tells Griffin to go ahead and get a cup of coffee, and since Griffin is brimming with ineptitude, he complies. John hacks into Ned's voice mail (fyi, Ned's lame password is "TWINS"), and hears a message from Tony warning Ned that John is out of prison. John finds out where Ned is vacationing, and off he goes.
The Wakefields are by the pool, and Ned freaks out when he sees a guy walking towards Elizabeth. He screams and jumps into the pool after the guy, disappointing Alice and embarrassing the twins. After this incident, the twins go to lunch. They decide to go horseback riding after they eat.
Debbie Clayton is working the registration desk, thinking about how much she wants to become employee of the month. She'll get a $100 bonus! She wants to buy a white sequined dress she saw in one of the hotel shops. HAWT.
A handsome young man wanders in, interrupting her reverie. He wants a room, but the only one available is the VIP suite. Debbie hesitates, but ultimately lets "Leon LeShay" (get it?) have it. If John is such a criminal mastermind, why doesn't he use a more clever alias? Leon also asks what room his good friend Ned is staying in, and, as has become custom in this book, Debbie blatantly ignores hotel protocol and tells him, inadvertantly revealing the twins room, as well. Debbie, I think that dress will look phenomenal at the unemployment office.
Jessica's perving on the horseback riding instructor, a red-haired guy named Brad. The girls are wearing the outfits from the cover: Jess has on a blue and white striped string bikini with denim cut-offs and a sweater around her waist, and Liz is wearing khaki shorts and an orange and white striped tee shirt. Jessica thinks Liz's shirt looks like a Creamsicle. Mmmmm. Creamsicle. Elizabeth is sickened by Jessica's flirting with a strange man so soon after almost being killed by a strange man, so she rides ahead on the trail.
Jill Reese, a waitress at the hotel, is laying by the pool, lamenting how boys don't like her. She thinks about the hot twins she waited on at lunch, speculating that they must be size sixes. Of course. A handsome young man comes up to Jill, and she gets excited for a minute. Then he asks about the twins (referring to them as "the Doublemint twins." That is so meta!), saying he saw Jill waiting on them at lunch. Jill reluctantly says that she heard them mention going horseback riding.
Jessica disappointedly tells Liz that she was right about not flirting with strange men. Brad is married! Jessica's bored (the group they're riding with is primarily children), so she asks Brad if she and Elizabeth can ride off on their own. Brad is reluctant to do so, then Jess mentions Brad's wife, and he lets them go.
Ned goes up to the front desk to check for messages, and Debbie gives him a note from the twins, saying they're horseback riding. She also tells him that his friend, Leon LeShay, checked into the hotel. She describes Marin, and Ned freaks out. He heads back to the room and calls Detective Tony. Tony's like, "Meh, chill out, Ned. LOTS of people fit Marin's description. Never mind that you don't actually HAVE a friend named Leon LeShay, or that Marin has a history of trying to kill your family. Have I mentioned I'm a police officer? Trust me!" Then Tony mentions Leighann LeShay, the prison guard Marin kidnapped. Ned realizes that Marin is on the island. We don't hear Tony's reaction, but I'm sure it was, "Psshh. Purely coincidental! LeShay's a VERY common name!"
Joe Garcia is smoking a cigarette behind the stable, thinking about how he wishes he could buy his fiancee, Debbie, the slutty white dress she wants for her birthday. Just then, a handsome young man walks up (ghostwriter, plz to give me a new description), and wants to rent a horse. Joe says no, it's against the (incredibly flexible and easy to disregard) hotel protocol for guests to take out horses without a guide. Leon offers Joe $100, and Joe allows Leon to take out Old Lacey.
Ned and Alice are in their hotel room, and they find a note that says, "Horseback riding can be dangerous, Counselor. JM" Oh noes!
Jessica and Elizabeth are lost. And Elizabeth is getting a twee bit snarky. When Jessica insists that they aren't that lost since they're still on Catalina Island, Elizabeth says, "Do you rehearse your lame comments ahead of time, or do you improvise them on the spot?" Pwn3d!1!!1 They keep fighting, and Liz says Jess has no common sense. Jess then says, "If you have so much common sense, then why are you in the middle of the woods, screaming your lungs out, sitting on a horse with an idiotic name like Fred?" Jess, I would be a little nicer to Fred if I were you. Fred has magical Pegasus powers that you might need later! The twins start to get nervous as they notice that it's getting dark, and a storm seems to be a-brewing.
Brad is irritated with the little ones. He's lamenting the loss of hott Jessica. Brad sees Leon struggling to get Lacey to go off-trail. Brad says that Old Lacey has been trained to stay on the trails. However, Brad's horse (Big Red) is the best off-trail horse around!
Ned is panicking and trying to get Joe to let him take a horse. He offers Joe a hundred dollars! Joe gives in (of course) and says that it's his lucky day! A guy named Leon gave him a hundred dollars earlier. Ned is not pleased.
Brad is confused as to how Leon managed to convince him to switch horses. He wishes he was as persuasive as Leon...then maybe he could have gotten into Jessica's drawers. Oh, Brad. You don't have to be THAT persuasive. You pretty much have to make eye contact. Or untie her bikini top. Either way.
The twins are still sniping at each other. Jessica finds herself at the edge of an 80 foot ledge, and she can see a beach at the bottom. Elizabeth finds a rocky, overgrown path leading down to the beach, and Jessica volunteers to lead the way.
As the twins make their way down the path, Elizabeth keeps getting startled and thinking she sees people hiding in the shadows. Jessica's horse (Black Beauty, natch) stumbles at a narrow, rockier portion of the path. She rights herself, and starts down another, even narrower, rockiester part of the path. Black Beauty drops to one knee and isn't able to stand up. Jessica's clinging to the horse, as the saddle has come loose. "The girl and the horse were silhouetted against a sky full of swirling purple clouds." LAME.
Suddenly, a voice says, "Well, well, well." Not your best opener, John. Elizabeth screams, "Marin!" Then Black Beauty pitches forward and she yells, "Jessica!" Not helpful, Liz. Liz is trying to get Jessica to slide backwards off Black Beauty and get on Fred. She decides to distract Marin by mocking him. Nice. Jessica's trying to figure out how to get off of Black Beauty without scaring her. She puts her sweater over Black Beauty's head (in lieu of a gunnysack), and begins to slide off. A boom of thunder spooks the horse, and it bucks, knocking the sweater off. Jessica jumps off the horse, and Elizabeth tells her to jump onto Fred, who is bounding away from Marin.
HEY!!! Guess what? The twins great-great-grandmother Jessamyn was a horseback rider in the circus! Jessica feels her ancestors blood coursing through her veins, and she manages to jump onto the horse. So. Many. Flashbacks. fyi, Black Beauty manages to stand up, in case any of you were concerned that she fell over the ledge.
Alice is packing the twins' things so that when Ned and the girls return, they can immediately leave. Alice shats on all the goodwill I've earlier bestowed upon her. She decides that she's not sitting around the hotel! If she doesn't hear anything in an hour, she's going to join the search, too. I'd much prefer she polish the suitcases or something equally useful.
The twins are still riding Fred, with Marin in hot pursuit. Elizabeth says that Fred is getting tired and won't be able to keep up the pace much longer. The twins stop at the edge of yet another cliff, and Marin is now so close that he can almost reach out and touch Jessica. And then. Awesome sauce. Elizabeth decides to jump the horse off the cliff!
(artist's rendering of Fred...not sure which one is Jessica or Elizabeth on the back of the horse, though)
Ned is still searching for the girls, and he stumbles upon Joe and Brad. They inform Ned that they found Black Beauty by the ledge. Her knee is a little scratched, but otherwise she's fine. They also found a scrap of Jessica's sweater stuck to a bush. They assume that Black Beauty pitched forward and flipped Jessica over the cliff. Ned decides to head down to the beach and try to find Jessica's mangled corpse.
Jessica is closing her eyes in fear as they ride Fred over the cliff. The horses hooves hit ground, and he keeps running along. The twins turn around and realize that the cliff wasn't a steep drop, but was kind of a staircase of rocks that Fred was able to bound down. Elizabeth calls him Pegasus. I said it first! The girls see Marin standing at the top of the cliff, and decide to make their way towards a campground nearby.
Ned manages to find the twins, and there's a tearful reunion. They head back to the stables.
Alice barges into the stable, and Joe and Brad tell her that they think Jessica got smashed when Black Beauty pitched her over the cliff. Alice wants to go to the cliff (to look for evidence? At least Ned had the common sense to go look for her remains), and just as she's "obstinately" insisting that she WILL be taking a horse, Ned and the girls come into the room. There's a happy reunion, and Brad says that the police will want to talk to the girls that night. Alice insists that they will be leaving immediately, and the police can talk to the girls on the mainland. Joe tells the Wakefields that Debbie's mother runs a houseboat-rental service, and he'll arrange for them to take a boat off the island (since it's so late, there are no more shuttles, and helicopters can't fly in the storm).
The houseboat is puttering loudly along (Jess says it sounds like a popcorn popper). Elizabeth keeps feeling like she's on Marin's sailboat again, and she's sitting on the deck by herself, all depressed. Poor Lizzie.
Marin is trying to rent a houseboat from Debbie's mom, and she says no, because she's already rented her last houseboat. Marin asks to take an old motorboat that's tied to the dock. He offers her one hundred dollars, and since she's easily bought like the rest of her family, she agrees. She walks inside to get the paperwork, and looks at a flyer that was given to her earlier. She realizes that John is John, and he walks in, punches her upside the head, and she goes down. He grabs an ax and the keys to the motorboat, and heads off to seek bloody vengeance. Bwah ha ha!
Jess asks how much longer to the mainland, and Ned and Alice don't know. Ned says that if it wasn't an emergency, they wouldn't be out on the water at all since it's so rough. Suddenly, Jessica sees a motorboat in the distance. Elizabeth says, "Marin!" And Ned says it can't be him. Jessica and Elizabeth are rather insistent that it might be, but Ned just keeps saying no. Ned's such a fucktard. Ned says, "Damn!" (two Ned swears in as many books!), and decides to take the inflatable dinghy over to the motorboat. face-palm. Alice suggests calling the Coast Guard, and Elizabeth (who in the last two seconds has become convinced that there's no way Marin can be in the boat) says there's no time. The motorboat is about to capsize! Ned takes off in the dinghy, after the ladies anchor the houseboat.
Hey guess what! Yeah, it's totally Marin in the motorboat. He chopped a hole in the hull of the boat to get it to fill slowly with water. Marin hears Alice on the radio, and responds saying that he's the Coast Guard. He says that they'll head out as soon as possible, then tells her not to use the radio in the next hour or so in case of emergency. The frequency is getting jammed due to all the emergency calls from the storm. Oh, Alice. So Liz and Jess didn't hear the voice and realize who it was? So.Faking.Stupid.
Ned has made it to the motorboat and yells hello. He notices that there's an aluminum ladder hanging off the side of the boat, and observes that it seems a little unusual. Hmmm. He notices the water in the hull, and climbs into the boat, after tying the dinghy to the motorboat. Ned looks around and doesn't see anyone, then spots a note on the steering wheel. It says, "You lose, Counselor. Alice and the girls are mine." Ned runs to the side of the boat and sees that the dinghy is gone. He thinks about diving into the water and swimming after John, but realizes that the waves are too treacherous and the distance is too long. Oh, Ned. I'd love to see you try to swim that far. Since you're a Wakefield, I'm sure a fleet of dolphins would come and lead you to safety.
Suddenly, he notices a radio! OMFG, I bet John totally forgot to fuck with it before he took off! Ned says, "Dammit!" when he finds it chopped to bits. Such language! Ned notices that the key is still in the ignition, and knows that Marin would never leave it if the boat actually worked. He says dammit AGAIN, and thinks that he's never felt so helpless. Dude, you brought it on yourself. If you weren't such an effing idiot, you wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place. Your daughters have been almost killed way more times than you, so maybe next time you should listen to them, 'kay?
Jessica and Liz are in the cabin, making jokes about her hair. Liz is like, "Must you ALWAYS be so vain?" And Jess is like, "Dude, chill the hell out, I was just trying to cheer you up. The one time in my life I'm not just thinking about myself you get all up in my Kool-Aid!" Then Liz apologizes and asks where Alice is. She's gathering the medical supplies together in case the fictitious motorboat people are injured. Liz says that it seems like Ned's been gone a long time, Jess says it doesn't, Liz asks how Jess would know, Jess says, "Don't get sarcastic about that stupid wristwatch thing again!" Soooo different, soooo alike. Liz says that Ned's been gone three-quarters of an hour. How weird. I always say 45 minutes. Jessica says that she thought she saw Ned coming back toward the boat a few minutes ago, but it was probably the bright light from the boat playing tricks on her.
The twins hear something bump against the boat, and run to look out the ginormous porthole. Alice comes in and says she already checked, and it wasn't the dinghy. Alice gets up and says she has some more work to do on the deck (ah, Alice. Good ol' predictable, crazy Alice. Nice to have you back.). Jess and Liz try to follow her, but Alice tells them to stay where they are in the cabin.
Ned's trying to get the boat started before it fills with water. He notices a canvas tarp that was covering the front of the boat, and manages to plug the hole with it. He knows it's only a temporary solution, and starts to bail the boat out. I'd almost feel sorry for Ned, but it's kind of hard when he just keeps bringing it on himself.
John has arrived at the houseboat and has anchored the dinghy about thirty yards away. He left the ax in the dinghy because it was too heavy to swim with. He's still got that stupid knife. He's got a weird obsession with killing the Wakefields in a clean, delicate manner. Blech. He pulls himself onto the boat, and smiles as he sees Alice doing...whatever it is she's doing on the deck.
Alice is getting upset waiting for Ned, and decides to hell with the Coast Guard! She's going to radio for help. She also says this out loud. Because, you know, no one is capable of thinking quietly to themselves in this book. John busts out his knife and moves towards Alice, after cutting the anchor line. He knocks Alice out as she stands in front of the radio.
Ned has bailed the motorboat out and is desperately trying to start the motor. It's missing a spark plug wire, so he's kind of chopped together the motor, using a wire from the busted radio. Who knew Ned was so talented? The boat takes off slowly, and Ned notices that the houseboat is moving away. He panics.
Marin is forcing Liz into a little storage space kinda thing. He has a knife to Jessica's throat and tells Liz he'll kill Jessica if she doesn't go into it. With a final glance at Alice, Liz climbs into the space and Marin shuts the top.
Ned pulls the motorboat up to the dinghy and ties them together. He grabs the ax, pulls up the anchor, and takes the motorboat over to the houseboat.
Jessica replays the last few minutes. Liz dropped a glass of water onto the table by the bunk beds...ZOMG, just like on the cover! Well-played, Daniel Weiss and team! Jessica starts crying and asking Marin how he found them, and John tells her to shut up.
Elizabeth is cramped in the tiny storage space thingy. She's already starting to freak out (I actually don't blame her, for once), thinking she feels bugs crawling on her and panicking about how much air is left. Then she starts listening to John and Jessica. Jessica proves that she's supa' slow on the uptake, telling John that Ned will be back with the people he rescued from the motorboat any minutes. John's like, "Yeah, are you retarded or something?! It was fucking ME in the motorboat and I totally tricked you guys!" Elizabeth gasps. I really can't believe the two of them are this shocked. THEY WERE THE ONES WHO THOUGHT JOHN WAS IN THE MOTORBOAT IN THE FIRST PLACE. Sorry for the caps...I'm hoping if I type loud enough they'll figure it out. Anyway, John tells Jessica that Ned's probably dead since the motorboat was sinking, and the twins start to cry.
Jessica struggles and Elizabeth hears Marin slap her. Jessica asks what difference it makes since he's going to kill her anyway, and after some threats about killing Elizabeth, Jessica lets John tie her up. Kinky. Elizabeth is pissed that Marin's using her against Jessica, and she punches the floor. She cuts her hand on something sharp, and realizes that it's a scalpel. She picks it up and thinks that she feels stronger because now she can hurt Marin. Assuming he lets her out of the storage space trunk thingy in lieu of letting her suffocate.
Alice wakes up to see Jessica (and herself) tied up. Jessica starts to tell Alice where Elizabeth is, and John slaps her again. Methinks Jessica likes the rough stuff, as she keeps defying John's orders to shut the eff up. Alice tells him not to slap her daughter, and John's like, "Okay, I'll just slit her throat then. Is that okay with you?" He walks over to the storage compartment and lets Liz out. She tries to stab him in the stomach, and it really just pisses John off. Stab to kill, Liz. John practically breaks Liz's wrist, and then ties her up. He then gets a gas can and starts tossing it around the deck, dousing Jessica's cutoffs and Alice's khakis. John fakes the girls out a little, then he lights the fire. As Marin reaches to toss a match at Jessica, Ned tackles him.
Alice instructs the girls to work their hands free, saying the ropes are coming loose. A spark lands on Alice's head, igniting her beautiful blonde hair. Jessica smothers it with her elbow. I don't know. Ned and John are fighting right by Jessica, and as John tries to stab Ned, Jessica manages to trip him. Ned hits John upside the head with the handle of the ax (doesn't feel so good, huh, John?). A spark lands on Elizabeth, igniting her shirt. Ned snuffs it out (with his HANDS. Ned's kind of badass for about two pages), and unties her. Then he frees Alice while Liz frees Jess. They run to the dinghy, and stupid frigging Ned decides to go back and get Marin. Dude. The hell?!
Alice cuts the line and they row the dinghy away from the houseboat. Alice says that Ned told her he's going back to get Marin and swim him to safety. Alice is super Stepford about it, and says she wanted to argue with Ned, but there was no time. Yeah, I'd grab my husband by the ear and yank his ass overboard. The boat explodes, and Alice is like, "I'm sure Ned's fine. He'll be here soon." It's like in Titanic when they're waiting for the boats to come. Jessica thinks that Marin could've woken up and jumped off the boat, and Ned would be risking his life while Marin was swimming away.
Suddenly a male hand reaches up the side of the dinghy! Ned climbs into the boat, telling the girls that Marin is dead. He saw the body himself-Marin died of smoke inhalation. Elizabeth thinks that they're finally safe, and then she dips her oar into the water, rowing away from the burning boat.
I hope the Coast Guard finds them and they don't capsize or something. Maybe they're still floating out there?