SVHSY #42 Touch and Go
Here we go again. Last time in Sweet Valley Senior Year, Elizabeth was a moron, mooning over Conner, and Melissa was stealing my heart while attempting to get revenge on her boyfriend, Will, and best friend, Cherie, by gaining Aaron Dallas's affections. This book is far less awesome.
And so it goes...
Conner is trying to call Alanna and explain that there was an innocent reason for Elizabeth being at his house. He keeps getting the answering machine and as soon as he starts leaving a message gets the dial tone. It would probably only take me two tries to realize that she was hanging up every single time, but our Conner is less bright. It's on the fourth try when she actually picks up and says he has the wrong number that he finally gets it. Idiot. Maybe he and Liz do belong together.
He calls Tia for advice and ends up convincing her that she should meddle and go to Alanna's house and talk to her for him. This makes Tia a doormat because she doesn't like Alanna or want her with Conner anyway. Still less of a doormat than St. Liz who would have volunteered to go herself, judging from past books. Anyway, Tia goes and basically tells Alanna, "Look, bitch, you need to actually TALK to him if you want to know his explanations for things." Alanna is all, "OMG! You're right! I'll go talk to him right now!!" Stupid wench.
Melissa and Aaron are at House of Java for another tutoring session and he tells her that he'll be able to have an index card for the next text! He should be able to get an awesome grade and bring his average up to a C or B-...but wait! That'll mean he won't need tutoring anymore! Melissa can't allow that because he still hasn't made a move on her. She needs to find a way to make sure he gets a B- or lower on the test so that she'll still be able to tutor him.
Andy's boyfriend, Dave just won a scholarship which ticks off Andy because he's a jerk. Okay, he's supposed to be a really nice guy, but he just sort of annoys me...like most of the characters. He's bothered by the scholarship because HE hasn't attained anything in his life. He's mediocre.
Alanna finds Conner just before an AA meeting. They make up (darn it!) and attend the meeting together. The speaker talks all about how she was in a relationship after becoming sober and it was the worst thing for her because she switched an alcohol addiction to an addiction to the guy / relationship. Alanna starts internally freaking out that she's doing the same thing. YES, YOU ARE! END IT NOW!! She asks Conner what he thinks, later when he's trying to make out with her, and he thinks that they're okay and she shouldn't freak out so much. Hmm, I wonder if little miss I'm an alcoholic and my parents don't love me will listen to his advice?
Tia, Trent, Andy, and Dave are having a double date that winds up in Andy's basement. As they channel surf, they see a comic on TV that was at an open mic night at a NYC comedy club when Tia and Andy were there for a game show. Tia reveals that Andy went up onstage and got a lot of laughs when he thought that he could do better than Frank Falcon (names, ghostwriters, names! Make up better ones!). The others tell Andy that he should try to do stand-up in a nearby Big Mesa club. He says maybe.
Alanna is at home trying to read Othello and having trouble when her dad comes in her room and reams her out for not writing a thank you letter that she told him she'd mailed a week ago! Huh. Isn't telling the truth part of the twelve steps? Maybe not. Anyway, they have a screaming fight which I think she deserves for a lot of things. She gets upset and calls Conner when her dad leaves. Conner tells her not to take it so personally, that she'll drive herself crazy if she overreacts everytime. She doesn't appreciate his advice and calls her temporary sponsor, Sandy Bietches. Yep. Like beaches. She hangs up when she gets the voicemail.
Melissa is helping Aaron again and getting very fed up that he won't make a move. She's figured out the perfect plan to keep the tutoring sessions going and I have to admit that it's very good. Will and Aaron have the same teacher and Will has complained before that the teacher only checks off key terms in their written essays to determine the essay grade. She's going to help Aaron with the concepts, but NOT THE TERMS!! This way she'll look good as the tutor, he'll still get a good grade, but not TOO good, and they'll keep hanging out.
Andy works on stand-up material about his friends. It's not very clever. Then he worries that his friends will hate him if he makes fun of them onstage, so he deletes it. Probably a good move (because of the content, not because of his friends. I'm sure that he could find better friends). He goes to an open mic night and he sucks royally. He does lame jokes about New York and no one cares because they're all from California. And because they like jokes that are funny. He tells his boyfriend and Dave tells him that he should make jokes about his friends. Andy asks if he thinks that they'd be mad, but Dave assures him that they won't be. I foresee this backfiring.
Alanna's sponsor calls her back. Haha, caller ID! Alanna tries to play like she's not home, but Sandra calls her out on it in a friendly way and says she hung up the first time she called HER sponsor. They agree to meet for coffee right away. When Alanna complains about her dad, Sandra tells her that she can't take it personally and pretty much gives the same advice as Conner, verbatim. This makes Alanna happy that Conner wasn't being a mean jerk, but you can't solve one problem without gaining a new one. She led Sandra to believe that she was single and now she can't tell her about Conner. Boo hoo. I can't feel sorry for this girl. I'm glad that she had the allergic reaction to avocado last book.
Melissa meets Will and Aaron after their English class because she's "dying to know" if her plan worked. It did! Aaron only got a B-. She looks at his test and complains that the teacher only checked off key terms and that's so unfair. Will is trying to butt in saying that she knew that already because he'd complained tons of times about it to her. She brushes him off and Aaron is too focused on his bad grade to notice what Will's saying. I want to take conniving lessons from Melissa. Seriously. Will offers to tutor Aaron instead of Melissa, but she says that he's too busy with basketball and his internship with the Tribune. Is this what Liz mentioned last book when she called herself a "professional" journalist or reporter or something? Same internship? Anyway, Melissa insists on continuing tutoring and she's amused at Will's jealousy. As I would be, too, if I were plotting revenge on my boyfriend. Later, Will tries to make plans with Melissa and she smartly tells him that she can totally get together with him, but it has to be after tutoring...which she still insists that she's doing to help Cherie. Liar. Will gets huffy, but doesn't suspect anything's actually wrong because she DID make plans with him and didn't blow him off.
Andy tells Dave he's going to do an open mic night, but doesn't want anyone to know since he bombed so badly last time. As a meddling boyfriend does (and a gay one, for that matter. Maybe it's just me, but my straight boyfriend would not meddle like this), Dave promptly e-mails Tia and asks her to get all of Andy's friends together for the open mic night. Sigh.
Conner and Alanna go for coffee at the same place that she and Sandra had gone. Of course Sandra comes in and sees Conner trying to kiss his girlfriend. Alanna freaks out and decides not to go to the AA meeting that Sandra will be at next time.
Melissa and Aaron are studying and she is FED UP that he won't make a move when it's so clear that he wants to. She decides to make the first move, and it's the first wrong move she's made!!! Why, Melissa, why?? How could you be so foolish?! Aaron pushes her away and wants to know what the hell she was doing. She runs away and calls Will to meet her for coffee. At this point she's completely screwing up. She tells Will that Aaron kissed HER and he gets rightfully pissed off. He wants to know how Aaron could do that to him. They're teammates, after all. Truth dawns on Melissa and she realizes that's why Aaron didn't make a move. She tells Will that Aaron felt really bad and was embarrassed and he shouldn't make a big deal of it. "Are you telling me you've never made a mistake you wish you could erase? Or kissed someone that maybe you shouldn't have kissed?" NICE! Because he has! Lots of times! And they both know it! He reluctantly agrees not to talk to Aaron.
At open mic night, the gang's all there, minus Conner who never hangs out with them anymore anyway because of stupid Alanna. I won't give you all of Andy's "jokes" because they suck, but I will give you what he says about the twins because it sounds kind of familiar. Italics are his, but I've bolded certain phrases for you all:
"Now, Jessica and Elizabeth are twins, and if I didn't love them so much, I'd hate them. And so would you--they've got that California thing going on. You know, blond hair, blue eyes, thin, smart, full of energy, nice. It's enough to make you sick, really. But it's strange because they look alike, but have completely different personalities. For instance, Elizabeth has let loose a little this year, but for the most part she's had steady boyfriends. I mean, she dated the same guy for three years. That's pretty rare in high school. Jessica, on the other hand...well, actually, I guess they're not all that different. Because from what I heard, Jessica dated the same football team for three years--which is sort of like dating exclusively."
Okay, who on earth did she date for THREE years? Continuity FAIL. Obviously he means ToddPunch, but she only dated him during junior year...and during part of that time she dated Jeffrey. It seemed like three to twenty years, but it wasn't. Andy and the ghostwriters FAIL. Also, there is zero mention of how many times she cheated. That's something that I'd laugh at.
Anyway, everyone thinks Andy's hilarious (although I don't know why as proven by the above) except for his boyfriend, Dave. When he jokes about Dave, he jokes about him only having one foot out of the closet. These jokes aren't terrible, but Dave is embarrassed and then gets pissed off at him and refuses to go out and celebrate with the others.
Will's still mad at Aaron for making a move on Melissa and tells his buddies Josh and Matt what happened. They agree that it's an asshole thing to do. Then we get this from Will: "...regardless of what Will had told Melissa, he couldn't just let this go. Especially now that his friends knew about it." Hello, Will? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO JUST TOLD THEM!! You didn't have to! You could have kept it to yourself so that Melissa could find another way to get revenge! You just had to open your big, fat, cheating mouth, huh? I hate you. Josh and Matt spread the story around and it gets to Aaron who goes to Will and tells him the truth...and offers to prove it. The death knell of Melissa's payback sounds and my face droops with unrequited revenge reading.
Tia tells Conner that she doesn't think his relationship with Alanna is healthy because he's so different than normal. He acts like a puppy whose owner kicks it a lot, still going back for more. He thinks Tia's a bitch for telling him the truth because she never hangs out with Alanna to know her better. Conner, I never hang out with Alanna, either, but I know that she's a drunk skank. Tia apologizes and Conner says that they're fine. I doubt this.
Andy and Dave talk, fixing their fight which was never interesting in the first place.
Alanna goes to an AA meeting at the YMCA to avoid Sandra. Sandra happens to be at this one, though. She and Alanna talk and she lets her know that it's okay to be in a relationship if Alanna feels that it's okay. Worst. Sponsor. Ever. Okay, not really, but Conner+Alanna=Bad News. And boring reading.
Melissa gets a note from Aaron asking her to meet him at the soccer field because he wants a second chance. He promises that she won't be disappointed. I promise that he's wrong. She goes and is really excited to see him. She doesn't know if it's because he looks like such a good kisser (and she totally wants to feel his arms around her) or if it's because she's about to get her revenge. She says something incriminating about Will not having to know and then he - gasp! - comes out of the woods with Cherie! She's busted and my heart breaks a tiny bit. She hasn't totally learned her lesson, though. In her journal entry, she asks how the three of them could have done this to her. I hope this means what I think it means: MORE SUPER DUPER REVENGE!!!
And so it goes...
Conner is trying to call Alanna and explain that there was an innocent reason for Elizabeth being at his house. He keeps getting the answering machine and as soon as he starts leaving a message gets the dial tone. It would probably only take me two tries to realize that she was hanging up every single time, but our Conner is less bright. It's on the fourth try when she actually picks up and says he has the wrong number that he finally gets it. Idiot. Maybe he and Liz do belong together.
He calls Tia for advice and ends up convincing her that she should meddle and go to Alanna's house and talk to her for him. This makes Tia a doormat because she doesn't like Alanna or want her with Conner anyway. Still less of a doormat than St. Liz who would have volunteered to go herself, judging from past books. Anyway, Tia goes and basically tells Alanna, "Look, bitch, you need to actually TALK to him if you want to know his explanations for things." Alanna is all, "OMG! You're right! I'll go talk to him right now!!" Stupid wench.
Melissa and Aaron are at House of Java for another tutoring session and he tells her that he'll be able to have an index card for the next text! He should be able to get an awesome grade and bring his average up to a C or B-...but wait! That'll mean he won't need tutoring anymore! Melissa can't allow that because he still hasn't made a move on her. She needs to find a way to make sure he gets a B- or lower on the test so that she'll still be able to tutor him.
Andy's boyfriend, Dave just won a scholarship which ticks off Andy because he's a jerk. Okay, he's supposed to be a really nice guy, but he just sort of annoys me...like most of the characters. He's bothered by the scholarship because HE hasn't attained anything in his life. He's mediocre.
Alanna finds Conner just before an AA meeting. They make up (darn it!) and attend the meeting together. The speaker talks all about how she was in a relationship after becoming sober and it was the worst thing for her because she switched an alcohol addiction to an addiction to the guy / relationship. Alanna starts internally freaking out that she's doing the same thing. YES, YOU ARE! END IT NOW!! She asks Conner what he thinks, later when he's trying to make out with her, and he thinks that they're okay and she shouldn't freak out so much. Hmm, I wonder if little miss I'm an alcoholic and my parents don't love me will listen to his advice?
Tia, Trent, Andy, and Dave are having a double date that winds up in Andy's basement. As they channel surf, they see a comic on TV that was at an open mic night at a NYC comedy club when Tia and Andy were there for a game show. Tia reveals that Andy went up onstage and got a lot of laughs when he thought that he could do better than Frank Falcon (names, ghostwriters, names! Make up better ones!). The others tell Andy that he should try to do stand-up in a nearby Big Mesa club. He says maybe.
Alanna is at home trying to read Othello and having trouble when her dad comes in her room and reams her out for not writing a thank you letter that she told him she'd mailed a week ago! Huh. Isn't telling the truth part of the twelve steps? Maybe not. Anyway, they have a screaming fight which I think she deserves for a lot of things. She gets upset and calls Conner when her dad leaves. Conner tells her not to take it so personally, that she'll drive herself crazy if she overreacts everytime. She doesn't appreciate his advice and calls her temporary sponsor, Sandy Bietches. Yep. Like beaches. She hangs up when she gets the voicemail.
Melissa is helping Aaron again and getting very fed up that he won't make a move. She's figured out the perfect plan to keep the tutoring sessions going and I have to admit that it's very good. Will and Aaron have the same teacher and Will has complained before that the teacher only checks off key terms in their written essays to determine the essay grade. She's going to help Aaron with the concepts, but NOT THE TERMS!! This way she'll look good as the tutor, he'll still get a good grade, but not TOO good, and they'll keep hanging out.
Andy works on stand-up material about his friends. It's not very clever. Then he worries that his friends will hate him if he makes fun of them onstage, so he deletes it. Probably a good move (because of the content, not because of his friends. I'm sure that he could find better friends). He goes to an open mic night and he sucks royally. He does lame jokes about New York and no one cares because they're all from California. And because they like jokes that are funny. He tells his boyfriend and Dave tells him that he should make jokes about his friends. Andy asks if he thinks that they'd be mad, but Dave assures him that they won't be. I foresee this backfiring.
Alanna's sponsor calls her back. Haha, caller ID! Alanna tries to play like she's not home, but Sandra calls her out on it in a friendly way and says she hung up the first time she called HER sponsor. They agree to meet for coffee right away. When Alanna complains about her dad, Sandra tells her that she can't take it personally and pretty much gives the same advice as Conner, verbatim. This makes Alanna happy that Conner wasn't being a mean jerk, but you can't solve one problem without gaining a new one. She led Sandra to believe that she was single and now she can't tell her about Conner. Boo hoo. I can't feel sorry for this girl. I'm glad that she had the allergic reaction to avocado last book.
Melissa meets Will and Aaron after their English class because she's "dying to know" if her plan worked. It did! Aaron only got a B-. She looks at his test and complains that the teacher only checked off key terms and that's so unfair. Will is trying to butt in saying that she knew that already because he'd complained tons of times about it to her. She brushes him off and Aaron is too focused on his bad grade to notice what Will's saying. I want to take conniving lessons from Melissa. Seriously. Will offers to tutor Aaron instead of Melissa, but she says that he's too busy with basketball and his internship with the Tribune. Is this what Liz mentioned last book when she called herself a "professional" journalist or reporter or something? Same internship? Anyway, Melissa insists on continuing tutoring and she's amused at Will's jealousy. As I would be, too, if I were plotting revenge on my boyfriend. Later, Will tries to make plans with Melissa and she smartly tells him that she can totally get together with him, but it has to be after tutoring...which she still insists that she's doing to help Cherie. Liar. Will gets huffy, but doesn't suspect anything's actually wrong because she DID make plans with him and didn't blow him off.
Andy tells Dave he's going to do an open mic night, but doesn't want anyone to know since he bombed so badly last time. As a meddling boyfriend does (and a gay one, for that matter. Maybe it's just me, but my straight boyfriend would not meddle like this), Dave promptly e-mails Tia and asks her to get all of Andy's friends together for the open mic night. Sigh.
Conner and Alanna go for coffee at the same place that she and Sandra had gone. Of course Sandra comes in and sees Conner trying to kiss his girlfriend. Alanna freaks out and decides not to go to the AA meeting that Sandra will be at next time.
Melissa and Aaron are studying and she is FED UP that he won't make a move when it's so clear that he wants to. She decides to make the first move, and it's the first wrong move she's made!!! Why, Melissa, why?? How could you be so foolish?! Aaron pushes her away and wants to know what the hell she was doing. She runs away and calls Will to meet her for coffee. At this point she's completely screwing up. She tells Will that Aaron kissed HER and he gets rightfully pissed off. He wants to know how Aaron could do that to him. They're teammates, after all. Truth dawns on Melissa and she realizes that's why Aaron didn't make a move. She tells Will that Aaron felt really bad and was embarrassed and he shouldn't make a big deal of it. "Are you telling me you've never made a mistake you wish you could erase? Or kissed someone that maybe you shouldn't have kissed?" NICE! Because he has! Lots of times! And they both know it! He reluctantly agrees not to talk to Aaron.
At open mic night, the gang's all there, minus Conner who never hangs out with them anymore anyway because of stupid Alanna. I won't give you all of Andy's "jokes" because they suck, but I will give you what he says about the twins because it sounds kind of familiar. Italics are his, but I've bolded certain phrases for you all:
"Now, Jessica and Elizabeth are twins, and if I didn't love them so much, I'd hate them. And so would you--they've got that California thing going on. You know, blond hair, blue eyes, thin, smart, full of energy, nice. It's enough to make you sick, really. But it's strange because they look alike, but have completely different personalities. For instance, Elizabeth has let loose a little this year, but for the most part she's had steady boyfriends. I mean, she dated the same guy for three years. That's pretty rare in high school. Jessica, on the other hand...well, actually, I guess they're not all that different. Because from what I heard, Jessica dated the same football team for three years--which is sort of like dating exclusively."
Okay, who on earth did she date for THREE years? Continuity FAIL. Obviously he means ToddPunch, but she only dated him during junior year...and during part of that time she dated Jeffrey. It seemed like three to twenty years, but it wasn't. Andy and the ghostwriters FAIL. Also, there is zero mention of how many times she cheated. That's something that I'd laugh at.
Anyway, everyone thinks Andy's hilarious (although I don't know why as proven by the above) except for his boyfriend, Dave. When he jokes about Dave, he jokes about him only having one foot out of the closet. These jokes aren't terrible, but Dave is embarrassed and then gets pissed off at him and refuses to go out and celebrate with the others.
Will's still mad at Aaron for making a move on Melissa and tells his buddies Josh and Matt what happened. They agree that it's an asshole thing to do. Then we get this from Will: "...regardless of what Will had told Melissa, he couldn't just let this go. Especially now that his friends knew about it." Hello, Will? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO JUST TOLD THEM!! You didn't have to! You could have kept it to yourself so that Melissa could find another way to get revenge! You just had to open your big, fat, cheating mouth, huh? I hate you. Josh and Matt spread the story around and it gets to Aaron who goes to Will and tells him the truth...and offers to prove it. The death knell of Melissa's payback sounds and my face droops with unrequited revenge reading.
Tia tells Conner that she doesn't think his relationship with Alanna is healthy because he's so different than normal. He acts like a puppy whose owner kicks it a lot, still going back for more. He thinks Tia's a bitch for telling him the truth because she never hangs out with Alanna to know her better. Conner, I never hang out with Alanna, either, but I know that she's a drunk skank. Tia apologizes and Conner says that they're fine. I doubt this.
Andy and Dave talk, fixing their fight which was never interesting in the first place.
Alanna goes to an AA meeting at the YMCA to avoid Sandra. Sandra happens to be at this one, though. She and Alanna talk and she lets her know that it's okay to be in a relationship if Alanna feels that it's okay. Worst. Sponsor. Ever. Okay, not really, but Conner+Alanna=Bad News. And boring reading.
Melissa gets a note from Aaron asking her to meet him at the soccer field because he wants a second chance. He promises that she won't be disappointed. I promise that he's wrong. She goes and is really excited to see him. She doesn't know if it's because he looks like such a good kisser (and she totally wants to feel his arms around her) or if it's because she's about to get her revenge. She says something incriminating about Will not having to know and then he - gasp! - comes out of the woods with Cherie! She's busted and my heart breaks a tiny bit. She hasn't totally learned her lesson, though. In her journal entry, she asks how the three of them could have done this to her. I hope this means what I think it means: MORE SUPER DUPER REVENGE!!!