SVU 48: No Rules - Part 1
Oh dear, oh dear. This isn't a recap. This isn't even an essay. This is a frickin' dissertation on, of all things, one of the most bizarre and pointless Sweet Valley Uni books on the planet. In my defence, I'm an English Literature student and my brain automaticaly analyses everything I read. It's quite useful if I'm editing my family's Christmas letter, but not so useful when I'm trying to write snark.
On the brightside, this is the book in which Neil (*swoon*) and Sam (*hiss*) make their debuts. We also have two three-book-only characters, Ruby and Charlie, who have backstories and POVs, and four three-book-only characters, Josh, Uli, Pam and Rob, who don't. We also have proof that "Laurie John" has never visited Sweden in her life!
I don't know if I'm allowed to do this, but I'm going to have to post this as two parts as livejournal says it's too long. Let me know if this is against the rules and I'll delete the entries and attempt to edit them! But for now this is An Analysis of Chapters 1 - 8. Part 2 shall conclude the Analysis.
Please settle down with a nice cup of tea and pile of Christmassy biscuits of your choice,
Chapter 1
Elizabeth and Jessica are driving to San Francisco in a red convertible, and are conveniently explaining the road trip to each other. Basically they drive around America for four weeks with some total strangers, occasionally doing crazy stunts with the possibility of winning a $5,000 scholarship - all of it being filmed and shown on TV.
The odd thing about this book is that the title - No Rules - is actually spoken at least twice. I’ve not come across this before. “No chaperone, no worries - no rules!” says Jess some time in the first section. Personally, I wonder why she feels that she might be given a chaperone at nineteen, but I suppose that kind of thing happens when your college is ten minutes down the road from your parents’ house.
Jess also announces that “change is in the wind,” but Liz isn’t buying it. She won’t even let her hair down. I‘m struggling to remember why I liked SVU Liz best as a preteen. Jess is happy to welcome the winds of change - to the extent that she only brought the regulation one suitcase and one duffel bag on the trip. If this were anyone else, we wouldn’t consider this an achievement, but for Jess we should give her a round of applause. And possibly some flowers and cake. Jess is growing up!
We are informed that Lila isn’t going on the trip as she didn’t get picked. Thus, she calls the contest “tacky” and according to Jess, “if her nose had gotten any higher in the air, she’d have keeled over.” She’s apparently going to Europe for the summer, which would usually make us all disappointed - but don’t worry; we have Sam and Neil and a whole group of three-books-only characters to be entertained with!
Jess comments on the fact that Liz is behaving rather out-of-character by going on the road trip. Personally, I think it’s more OOC that Lila was planning on going, but Jess doesn’t think this is at all odd. Liz goes on about how she was stressed out at finals and needs a change of scenery, and a new experience would do her good. Fair enough - but who ISN’T stressed out by exams? Liz acts like this is a totally unheard of occurrence. Nevertheless, Liz says that this road trip is “out with the old and in with the new!” From what I can see, the only thing new in this book is the characters.
Todd and Dana are also in a car - but they’re on their way to the airport. I don’t understand why Todd has to fly to San Francisco when Jess and Liz can drive, but whatever. Todd is a bit confused because Dana isn’t behaving like herself. This was the earliest SVU book my library had so I don’t know what she’s usually like, but apparently she was usually “as bubby as a shaken glass of Sprite.” What a stupid metaphor - who shakes a glass of Sprite? And if she was like a shaken glass of Sprite does that mean that she’s half-spilt on the floor? I’m sick of typing the word Sprite.
Dana is giving Todd the silent treatment and he is so worried that he’s close to crashing the car. They eventually reach the airport and he suggests just jumping out with his bags to save Dana paying for short-term parking, which is very expensive. I understand Todd’s logic, but Dana wants him to park so that she can wait with him in the airport. I guess I understand her too. But then Dana goes on to whine about how she won’t see him for “four whole weeks.” She wines A LOT in this first chapter. I’m glad she’s not in the rest of the book. If she’s so worried about four weeks then how is she going to react if Todd, say, goes to study abroad for a year, or gets a job in a different state from her? GROW UP, DANA!
Ahem. Anyway. Dana is described as using a “crazy, kiddie lunch box” as a purse, and also as wearing a green mini-skirt. She sounds like a clown. At the airport she practically mauls Todd when he’s about to go and check in, which is very amusing if you’ve just been imagining that Dana looks like a clown. Then Dana tells him not to go on the road trip, and to let an alternative go - after all, Tom would want to use the chance to chase after Liz. Apparently Dana is Tom’s ex, and I can see some sparks of jealousy appearing between the lines in my book. Todd immediately thinks that Dana is worried that something will happen between him and Liz (conveniently his ex - they swapped girlfriends? Weird) but Dana insists that she’ll just miss him too much.
Dana whines some more and practically throws a tantrum. I can’t believe I’m actually wasting words recapping this section. It sucks, which is bad as this book is actually really amusing towards the end. Anyway, Dana freaks Todd out by saying stuff like “Hey, we can tell ours kids about this some day!” Tell your kids that you threw a tantrum in the airport because your boyfriend was going away for a month? Great story! Then she starts talking about honeymoon destinations, and Todd freaks even more. Then:
“’I’ll watch you on TV every week,’ she said with a pathetic squeak.”
Even the ghostwriter is sick of Dana. GOOD. Todd feels bad for making Dana unhappy but is not guilty enough to give up the trip. And luckily this section ends before I rip the pages out of the book in frustration.
We switch to Tom and Danny who are at a petrol station. Danny nearly drenches himself in petrol because he’s too busy watching a girl who looks like Isabella, apparently his ex-girlfriend who had something tragic happen to her which involved a laced cigarette, which I won’t recap as I never read about it. (If someone tells me which book this happened in then I’ll link to the recap!) Tom admits to Danny that he paid some guy called Matt Wylie so that he could drop out of the trip and let Tom take his place - just so that he could be near Liz. He used his trust fund money to bribe Matt. Tom - LIZ ISN’T WORTH IT!
“I’ll have Elizabeth back in my life by the end of the summer,” Tom vows. Haha, are you so sure? What makes you think that some handsome, jerkish, slacker named Sam won’t be more attractive to her? Actually, nothing makes me think that about Liz normally, but apparently the ghostie thought it was a good idea.
Finally, Jess and Liz arrive in San Francisco, after Jess proves that she can read a map successfully. Just in case we forgot that the winds of change were in the air.
Chapter 2
Jess yet again behaves responsibly and offers to go to the pay phone to call the rental people to pick up the car. Ah, the days before mobile phones! While she’s doing this, Liz ties her hair into a braid and relaxes. Braids never relax me, but okay. She muses about not having any rules his summer - OKAY, WE SEE THE LINK BETWEEN THE BOOK AND THE TITLE NOW, GHOSTWRITER.
Jess spots the ICSN (the guys who’re filming the road trip - Intense Crap Sports Network or something like that) and gets excited…at the thought of all the cute guys who might be on their team. Still the same old Jess, despite these mysterious winds of change. Liz reminds her that a) they might not be on the same team, and b) the last thing which either of them needs right now is to get involved with new guys. Jess says that she’s just “window shopping” and Liz asks her when she ever window-shopped without buying.
Jess is about to go and say Hi to Danny - without Liz, who wants to start to trip fresh “and that meant avoiding the old SVU crowd” in case she got labelled a Bookworm early on *Rachel the Bookworm is offended* - when Richie Valentine begins to speak into a mike. He’s hosting the Intense Cost to Coast Road Trip Challenge (hereafter just called the road trip to save my fingers from falling off in agony). Jess makes fun of his hair and says that he’s cuter on TV. Liz wonders how Jess can comment on his hair when he always wears a hat. She thinks he looks the same - OLD.
Richie Valentine (hereafter known as RV for no reason other than personal amusement) babbles on about crazy college kids and introduces the three Universities Colleges (as you call them over there) - Sweet Valley University, Orange County College and Stanford University (why do they get called Colleges if Uni is in the title? That doesn’t make sense to me). Everyone cheers for their college. I’m getting bored. RV babbles on again, about sponsors and what’s involved in the trip. More things are said about rules - apparently ICSN is famous for breaking them, so the guys are getting to pick their team numbers out of a hat first. Ooh, I bet all of the women are protesting against this! Not. Jess tries to look over people’s shoulders to see the guys and Liz complains that she can’t see. Jess says that it’s probably a good thing but won’t tell Liz who she saw. The girls then go to pick team numbers out of the hat and RV tells them to all go and get acquainted and be sure to get interviewed by the guys with the cameras and so on. Then he puts on a cowboy hat and talks in a corny accent before going to suck up to all of his sponsors while on camera.
Todd is feeling sick because he’s eaten too much candyfloss and corndogs (what are corndogs, anyway?) He plans to get his interview out of the way immediately and is waiting in line behind a “tallish, sandy-haired guy in a ragged OCC sweatshirt and a ratty flannel that screamed ‘laid-back.’” Now I don’t know what a “flannel” is in relation to anything other than a bath-tub or a type of material, but I do happen to know that this bloke is SAM making his SVU debut!! I’ll admit that I actually liked Sam when I read this books as a preteen, but after rereading this section here where he says that he has no hopes/dreams/ambitions I am realising that a) he kind of sucks and b) maybe Sam is the reason why I seem to attract total jerks? I should sue Francine Pascal. Anyway, Todd is wondering what he can say in his interview in response to the question about why he wanted to go on the road trip, as he can’t say that it’s in order to “escape his overly amorous girlfriend” since Dana would be watching - plus, he’d sound like an idiot. Sam finally finishes his rubbish interview and Todd thinks that at least his will definitely be better than Sam’s. He then goes on to feel sorry for whoever ends up stuck on a team with Sam. Premonition?
Jessica is looking for the perfect place to have her interview. This section is pretty vain and shallow so I’m going to skim it. She eventually spots some guy being interviewed in the absolutely perfect spot to have her own interview - NEIL’S DEBUT! I loved Neil as well, and wished - like Jess - that he wasn’t really gay. Jessica thinks that Neil is a “work of art” and that “if she’d known the guys at Stanford were this gorgeous and sophisticated, she might have gone to school there instead of SVU.” Sadly, I do know girls who say “There’s no way I’m going to study in the textiles department at Heriot-Watt since there are practically no guys there” and “There were some totally hot guys at Queen Margaret so I’m planning on applying there, even though they don’t do Medicine.” Needless to say, I hate being in high school. Anyway, this bit is basically here in case we truly thought that change was in the air in Jess’s life in relation to anything other than map-reading and making important phone calls.
Neil says that he loves music, dancing, good parties and that he came on the trip to meet new people and have fun, and that he’s excited about possibly winning the scholarship. Jess nearly squeals out loud because she and Neil are “so alike, it’s got to be fate.” Um, Jess, don’t most students like music, dancing and parties? And why would anyone come on a road trip with total strangers if they DIDN’T want to have fun and meet new people? And lastly, who would turn down a scholarship? Well, okay, maybe Sam doesn’t care about these things but he doesn’t really have a personality so he doesn’t count. Anyway, Jess is besotted with Neil but upset that he’s on Team 1 and she’s on Team 2. She begins to scheme…
Liz is waiting for her interview and worrying about what she can say which won’t make her sound like “Elizabeth the Superbrain.” I actually wrote “Supervain” in my notes. I’m proud of my subconscious. Anyone who refers to themselves as a “Superbrain” is definitely “Supervain.”
The girl in front of her - Pam, you’ll be seeing her a lot in this mini-series - refuses to start her interview without her boyfriend, Rob. Pam is described as having “the most irritating voice Elizabeth had ever heard” and Rob is said to be “a dumpy, shaggy-haired guy.” Basically, they’re the unattractive, annoying friends who are in every teenage book in order to make the main character look more awesome. I won’t bother recapping their interview as it is embarrassingly painful. Pam sounds a bit like a hyper version of Pathetically Needy Dana, if that helps you imagine her. Rob doesn’t have a personality, like most of the guys in SVU.
Liz judges them all the way through their interview and pities whoever ends up on their team - and then Pam tells the camera which team she’s on, and Liz just about dies. Haha, serves you right for judging them! But hey, isn’t Team 1 the same team with Neil was on? The team which Jessica will do anything to get on?
Next, some guy called Josh gets interviewed. He, like Pam and Rob, never has his own POV in the entire mini-series so you don’t need to know anything about him other than that he has no personality but a lot of money. Liz is suspicious of him, but I’ve just finished this book and he doesn’t do anything interesting so I don’t know why she feels suspicious. Then she whips out a notepad and pencil from her handbag and plans to make some notes for her interview. Oh dear. Luckily Jess appears and begs Liz to do her a huge favour. I wonder what it could be?
Tom has finished his interview and thinks that it went well. Obviously it would be good, he thinks, because he works at WSVU. The only thing which could have possibly made his interview better would be if Liz had seen him. In my notes I wrote “if Liz had seen her.” Well, you will see later that Todd and Tom end up acting like a couple, so maybe this is premonition for the fact that Tom is definitely the female half? Danny rushes up to Tom to introduce him to two of his teammates. I don’t think we see Danny or these two guys ever again in this book so this is clearly a plot device. The guys are all cheesy and talk a load of rubbish before shouting “Team four rules!” Eric, one of Danny’s teammates, says that he’d rather be on Team One because of a girl he saw. He then goes on to describe the typically Sweet Valley idea of an attractive girl. Then he says that her name is Elizabeth, and Tom is sad as he’s on Team Three. Then he turns into Jessica Wakefield and sets out to find someone who’ll be willing to trade teams with him.
A new character is introduced - yeah, as if Sam and Neil weren’t enough! Her name is Ruby and she’s entering the RV park with her duffel bag, purse, carry-on bag, guitar and her own POV! An ICSN guy stops her and tells her that she’s only allowed two bags on the trip. Ruby argues that a guitar case isn’t a bag but the guy isn’t buying it. Seriously, if someone’s crazy enough to take a decent guitar on a road trip in an RV with five other college students then let them! Ruby eventually gives in and tosses her duffel bag at the guy, saying that her guitar is more important. Basically, Ruby’s personality = music enthusiast. I don’t think we see her after the road trip so she doesn’t need any more depth.
Tom has managed to change teams with some girl because he told her that a guy on Team Three has a major crush on her. He doesn’t, but these two must have hit off together immediately because the girl never comes back to beat Tom up for lying to her. Tom’s ecstatic because he’s now on Elizabeth’s team. Elizabeth seems to be Tom’s only interest and I think that’s rather pathetic. Seeing as this was the first SVU book I ever read, I can see why I preferred Liz&Sam to Liz&Tom.
Tom’s the first on the RV, and people soon start to join him. The first looks familiar to Tom, and is wearing a SVU baseball cap - it’s Todd! Tom convinces himself that he can cope with living in the same space as Todd for three weeks - after all, Liz will be there, so surely that’ll make the experience better. Then he sees a flash of blonde hair outside the window, and gets excited in anticipation of seeing Liz again. Because, you know, no one else in his team could possibly have blonde hair.
Then he sees her.
It’s…
Jessica!
*rolls around on the floor laughing*
In case you didn’t guess, Liz and Jess traded teams so that Jess could be with Neil. This makes Team One the team which Jess, Neil, Pam, Rob, Tom and Todd are on. What a fun team this shall be!
Chapter 3
Jessica gets onboard the RV and accidentally starts talking to Pam, who now has a carrot-coloured perm and a squawky voice. Okay, ghostwriter, we get it - she’s nowhere near as hot as the Wakefield twins. You don’t need to make her look like an alien in order to prove that. Pam oohs and ahhs over the tiny stove in the RV, talking to her boyfriend in a baby-voice about how fun it’ll be playing house.
Then Jessica notices that both Todd and Tom are in her team, and moans inwardly about how she’s landed a place at the “Boring Convention.” More like the Pathetic, Elizabeth-Lovers convention, but we’ll get to that part later. Then Neil appears and Jess decides that she can deal with being on Todd and Tom’s team. Description of Neil - basically, he’s hot. I think it’s him on the cover of SVU 50: Summer of Love, so check that out if you’re interested. Neil hops into the driver’s seat and Jess fights with Tom and Todd over who gets to sit in the passenger seat and navigate. T&T laugh at the idea of Jessica ever being able to navigate, but decide to ask Neil to choose his driving partner. Neil is currently pretending to be straight, so his choosing Jessica and checking her out actually makes sense now. T&T moan about him choosing Jess but don’t argue with Neil.
Jessica explains to Neil why T&T hate each other - they’re both ex-boyfriends of Liz, her sister. Neil begins to worry about how well this trip is going to be, proving that he is the one person in Francine Pascal’s California who has a brain. They talk about which college’s they’re from and Todd puts on a Mexican accent to say OCC after Pam tells Neil where they’re from. Pam screeches at him and I’m already sick of her characterisation by page 41. Neil suggests that they get moving and listen to the tape which RV gave them, which has their instructions about where they’re meant to go. They’re going to...Las Vegas, Nevada! Rob cheers as his characterisation is over-weight, adventurous frat-boy. Pam bounces up and down as her characterisation is lame and annoying. Neil tells Jess that he knows pretty much how to get there, and Jess admits that she’s pretty rubbish with maps. I’m confused as she was pretty much the opposite in the first chapter, but I guess the ghostie forgot this. Jess and Neil bond over a dance tune on the radio.
T&T start war over whose legs are allowed to be in certain positions under the table. It’s lame. They get talking to P&R and Tom suggests that they organise sleeping arrangements and that the girls get the two beds. Todd argues just to annoy Tom. It’s even lamer. Pam starts whining about wanting to sleep next to Rob. Todd realises that they should really start acting like a team before a disaster occurs.
Chapter 4
Liz meets Uli, a totally unrealistic exchange student from Sweden who speaks rubbish English. In case anyone doesn’t know, the majority of people from Sweden speak EXCELLENT ENGLISH. I just got back from an Open Day at St. Andrews University and a Swedish girl asked the admissions officer if she’d have to take a test to prove that she had a good level of English and the admissions officer said “No, not if you’re from Sweden.” Anyway, even if Uli wasn’t Swedish, chances are that he’d at least know how to talk in the past tense in English, which he can’t in this book. FAIL FOR GHOSTWRITER ON RESEARCHING EUROPEAN EXCHANGE STUDENTS. I won’t recap Liz’s conversation with Uli because it’s really embarrassing and unrealistic.
Uli accidentally pokes a girl on the shoulder and she introduces herself as Charlie. Charlie has a POV whereas Uli doesn’t as he’s a three-book character (like Pam and Rob) with rubbish characterisation. Charlie says that she’s thinking about leaving college and Liz is shocked. Coming from a working-class public school where only about 20% of students go on to university, I think that Liz is a snob. Ruby buts in and says that she’s been thinking the same thing as what she really wants to do is become a singer. Ruby offers to perform a song for Liz, and Liz reacts as if Ruby had offered to give her a lap-dance. Liz = supersnob. Ruby plays her a song about going down a road, clearly a metaphorical road. Liz and Charlie applaud even though they don’t know what to make of Ruby. Sam complains from the driver’s seat about how much noise they’re making. Liz wonders what’s annoying Sam. Ruby begins to sulk and Sam swerves dramatically causing Uli and Charlie to bump heads. Liz acts as if this is the end of the world and the end of their friendships. Liz, chill - Sam’s just annoyed because of the bad traffic! Then Sam announces that they’re about to pass Team One who are stuck in the left-hand lane. Liz suggests he slows down and lets them into the lane in front of them. Me and Sam both ask her if she’s forgotten that she’s COMPETING AGAINST Team One. Liz says that Jess is on that team so Sam honks the horn and shouts obnoxiously. It isn’t said whether the window is open, so he may well have just shouted obnoxiously…to himself. Liz notices that both Todd and Tom were sitting by the window in the RV, and is glad that she’s not stuck with them for four weeks.
Two seconds later she discovers that living with Sam isn’t so good either, as he calls her chick and asks her to get him a drink. I think she overreacts a little - she could just say “Here’s your drink but don’t ever call me ‘chick’ again” but instead she totally freaks at him, ruining the mood in the RV even more. Uli ends up getting Sam a drink, and Liz sulks in the back of the RV, wondering if Sam really is a better RV-mate than T&T combined.
Ruby is quietly strumming her guitar and thinking the same thing as me - Liz is a snob. She also thinks that Charlie is a snob too, which is a bit of strange idea. Charlie just seems shy and insecure. Like a replacement Enid. However, we are all going to love Ruby as she starts referring to Liz as Miss Barbie Doll! Liz really does make herself seem as if she’s made out of plastic as she begins questioning Ruby about how long she’s played guitar, and if she ever took lessons, and lastly - did she write the song about coming on the trip? Duh, Liz, it’s clearly about something deeper than a road trip. Ruby had sung about needing someone to help her be led down the road, etc. Ruby is obviously thinking the same thing as me as she says “Just as she’d suspected, Miss Blonde Hair and Blue Eyes was as shallow as a puddle.” However, Ruby loses her fanclub when she confronts Liz about the fact that Liz’s future is perfectly mapped out for her, and then asks her to stop trying to bond with her and make her feel like part of the team. Liz actually comes up with a clever comeback here, so she’s not too bad. Ruby apparently thinks it’s cool to be an outcast, as if she’s a fifteen-year-old wannabe goth. Then Ruby tells Liz that the only reason she’s on this trip is to get publicity and get her singing career on the road. I don’t know how she’s going to have a chance to sing on a road trip sponsored by a sports channel, but okay. Liz stupidly asks Ruby what she’s going to do about college. Liz - college isn’t for everyone! What if you want to become a bin man? You can’t exactly study for a degree in that, can you? Then Ruby sings Liz another song.
Sam is trying to sleep on the couch and is inwardly ranting about how much the other people’s snoring annoys him. Boohoo, Sam. Then Sam goes on to moan about Elizabeth;
“It hadn’t taken him long to figure out that everything about the Wakefield chick had to be by the schedule. She was a looker, no doubt about it, but more uptight than a cork in one of his old man’s wine bottles.”
I remember why I like Sam. Then he reveals the problem with the Liz;
“…she was just too good to be true. Too nice. Too helpful. Too energetic. And too pretty.”
Sam the Slacker has busted the crap characterisation of Liz and Jess. I think he deserves an award. No other character has noticed this, and we’re near the end of the Uni series.
Liz is driving the RV, with Charlie sitting next to her, chatting away. Sam’s ears prick up when he hears the word sex come from Liz’s mouth, and is shocked that she was talking about such a subject. But this still doesn’t make Sam cheer up. His team is too boring and he can’t remember why he came on the road trip. He can’t wait to get to Las Vegas where he can ditch his team and start having some real fun.
Charlie and Liz are still chatting away, and Charlie nearly lets Liz know that she - shock, horror! - has a boyfriend. I don’t know why she hides her boyfriend’s existence from the team at all. She could have just said “I have a boyfriend called Scott.” But apparently Charlie is scared about admitting this. Weird. Charlie isn’t worried about Liz’s perfect characterisation, and in fact, wishes that she could be more like her - strong, independent and fearless.
Then Charlie looks into her sideview mirror for a mysterious Harley-Davidson which had been following them, and wonders if she should tell Liz. Hmm, I wonder who could be following them, and why?
Chapter 5
The next morning everyone wakes up parked in Las Vegas, as Super Liz has driven them through the night. Ruby is grouchy, Sam is sleepy and Charlie is combing her hair. Sam amusingly thinks that her hair looks exactly the same after she’s combed it, but is sensible enough not to say this to her. Oh, yeah, and the sixth person on their team is Josh, the guy someone heard being interviewed earlier. He doesn’t have a POV and his characterisation is rich, athletic, frat boy who has no cares in the world and has yet to grow up. Charlie tells them all that there’s a free breakfast waiting for them, courtesy of ICSN and Uli tells everyone that they have fish for breakfast in Sweden. My mum stayed in Sweden for a holiday once and according to her the typical Swedes who she met ate cereal with creamy-yoghurt in it instead of milk, never fish! So, the likelihood is that Uli is a very badly researched character. Poor Uli!
There is then a stupid scene in which Sam wanders around the RV in his boxers, unable to find his trousers until Liz tosses them to him. He wonders why she doesn’t blush at seeing him in his boxers - Sam, it’s not as if you’re naked! Liz is horrified that he wears the same trousers two days running. Underwear, I’d have a problem with, but trousers don’t tend to smell after just one day. Liz decides to skip breakfast for now, and have a sleep as she’s been driving all night and Sam describes her sleeping figure rather weirdly. Then he tucks her in. I can’t get my head around Sam at all - it’s as if he has a split-personality.
Back in Jess’s RV, T&T are arguing over whether they’re at the right RV park. They’re the last to arrive as they spent three hours at the side of the road arguing about whether they should keep on driving through the night, or sleep. Todd sees a girl who reminds him of Dana and he wonders whether he did the right thing leaving her behind. Seeing as he never mentions her again in the book (as far as I can remember) I think he probably did. Todd’s decision is cemented in his head when Pam begins shouting at Rob and talking about marriage and kids and being generally very possessive and unrealistic. He decides that he doesn’t need a ball-and-chain. I think it’s pathetic that he’d ever consider a wife to be a ball-and-chain, and that if that’s the way he sees Dana then she clearly isn’t right for him.
Elizabeth is lying on the couch in the RV, reading Jane Austen’s Emma. Of course she is. She looks over to where Sam is playing solitaire at the table and wonders if she dreamt about him tucking her in. Liz offers to make everyone some coffee and Sam tells her that it’s bad for your health. Really? Someone turns up to give them their next set of instructions, and Liz reads them out to everyone in the team. Their first challenge is to collect as many winnings cups (the containers which gamblers keep their change in) from casinos as they can. Charlie, Uli and Ruby admit that they’ve never been inside a casino (duh, as they’re under 21. I think you can gamble at 18 in the UK. And drink. It makes sense - kind of stupid if you can get married but not drink alcohol) so Sam decides to teach them how to play blackjack while Liz tries to read out the rest of the instructions. Basically, they get picked up by a limo and dropped at the Las Vegas Strip at 9pm and have to be back at the limo by 1am with as many casino cups as they can get. Liz complains that none of them are old enough to enter a casino, and Sam shows them a really rubbish fake ID. He’s wearing a fake moustache and it says that his name is Burgess Paco Morales. I can imagine an American kid being called that by some strange parents, but whatever. It still makes me crack up.
Liz chooses this moment to check out Sam’s ass. Then she worries that he caught her staring at his ass. She tries to convince herself that she totally doesn’t want him. Sam boasts about how they have an advantage, and Liz stupidly tells Sam that some guy on Team One is actually 21, and that no one is going to believe Sam’s fake ID. Sam makes a blonde joke and tells them all not to worry.
Tom is moaning about the fact that they have to go in partners around Las Vegas and that he got stuck with Todd since Jess had nabbed Neil and P&R are inseparable. Then Tom sees Liz’s team going past and grins at Todd and acts all happy in order to…impress her? I don’t know. I don’t understand how Tom’s brain works. He seems to think that by winning the competition she’ll wish she was on his team.
Liz’s team get to Las Vegas and she acts like a teacher, pairing them up, telling them to stick with their assigned partners and to be back at the limo by 12:15 for the 12:40 departure. Liz tries to partner them all boy-girl but they rebel. I like Liz’s team - they don’t act like they’re in primary elementary school. Sam tells Liz that her laws don’t always work in the real world and I ask him to marry me. Finally, someone believes that Liz isn’t the centre of the universe! Then Sam uses some stupid metaphor and confuses Uli, the Thick Swede. I plan to hunt the ghostie down and shoot them. I hope these books weren’t popular in Sweden. Josh and Sam disappear, leaving Ruby and Charlie on their own because Liz and Uli are going boy-girl so that Liz can pity Uli for not having grown up in Sweet Valley with perfect English.
Chapter 6
Sam and Josh manage to convince a security guard that a TV show called NewsDepth is doing reports on Las Vegas casinos allowing underage gambling. The guy also believes that Sam’s ID is real, for some crazy reason. This may be down to the ICSN TV crew running around and convincing the guard that there really is something going on. Sam also convinces the guard that some people have hidden cameras - like an older woman with a bum-bag (I can’t call them fanny-packs like they do in the book as that means something different over here :P). Then he tells the guard to look out for a couple of “typical all-American good-looking jocks” whom the TV crews have hired to see how lenient the casinos are about letting in underage gamblers. Todd and Tom, anyone? Then he tells him to look out for fake IDs which look authentic. I can’t believe the guy falls for this. Then Josh and Sam leave and decide that they probably should tell this story to every casino, just in case. What a total waste of time! Why not just go and get cups?
Tom and Todd enter a casino and immediately get asked for their IDs. Todd tries to pass off his fake one and the guard just glances at it and asks him to leave. But before Tom can show his real ID the guard marches them out of the casino and asks them to go and bother someone else. Tom rants about how he’s really 21, and not even here with Todd. Pretty stupid thing to say considering they walked in together, but whatever. They eventually give up and decide that they can just try somewhere else. Hmm, who thinks that the plenty of other casinos won’t want T&T either?
Ruby and Charlie haven’t even been attempting to enter the casinos and have been visiting the theatre. Ruby is enjoying herself immensely but Charlie has been worried all night that they’d get caught for sneaking into the show. Charlie doesn’t really want to see any more shows and suggests that she and Ruby split up but meet up again at 12:05 in case Liz has a fit if they turn up without their assigned partners. Both girls are relieved to not have to hang around together all night. This section is pretty boring, although the subtext (yes, I’ve just been doing my English Lit. homework!) is that Charlie is the one who wants to split up, so where on earth does she want to go? Ooh, mystery! The section picks up again in a minute when Liz and Uli appear out of nowhere and Ruby has to hide behind her playbill so that they don’t spot her on her own. Liz and Uli have gone into a casino to get cups and immediately left again because they were worried about being caught and thrown into jail. Well, Uli is, Liz doesn’t seem too bothered. Uli says that in Sweden they have a saying ‘Any fish is a good fish off the hook.’ I bet they don’t. And if his English is so bad how can he translate that saying? Liz asks him what it means and he tells her that he has no idea. So why did he tell her? I bet you the ghostie just Googled “Swedish sayings” and plonked one into her novel to make herself look clever. They disappear with their cups while Ruby worries that she hasn’t got any, but thinks that Uli and Liz will get plenty, and disappears into another show.
Jess is taking touristy pictures of Neil. They start slagging off the clothing of the passersby and begin debating who the old guy in the orange sweatsuit is - Neil suggests a coach and Jess a principal. They bond over the fact that both their high school principals were bald, and the ghostie gets half a point for continuity and remembering Chrome Dome Cooper. However, she is still -30 points for her useless minor characters and bad representation of Scandinavians. Neil dares Jess to go and ask the orange guy whether he’s a principal or not and she wimps out so he does it instead. Neil gets talking to him and the guy thinks that he recognises Neil and they end up having a fake reunion about some game which Neil played at but didn’t really. (If that makes sense). Jess gets her picture taken with him and then Neil asks the orange guy if he would mind getting them some cups from the casino next to them as they don’t want to go in themselves as they’re under 21. Orange Dude likes the fact that they abide the law and gets them cups. Yawn, this section is so boring. Neil and Jess decide that the way to get cups is to ask people who are actually over 21. Good plan considering Sam and Josh have ruined everyone’s chances.
Chapter 7
Uli is talking to Liz about all the things he wants to see from his tourist brochure and his English has miraculously improved! Inconsistency within one book? What more could you except from Francine Pascal’s Army of Ghostwriters? Uli wants to go and see a bunch of things but Liz wants to check on the others. She and Uli have only collected 14 cups because they’ve been seeing loads of touristy shows. She tries to reason that 14 isn’t too bad if each couple brings 7, but then Josh turns up without any cups, and without Sam. Liz acts like a primary school teacher who has lost a six year old on a trip to the zoo. Josh tells her that Sam is playing slots in The Sapphire Slipper. Then Josh drags Uli off to show him a “man’s view of Las Vegas.” Because, you know, they don’t have sex in Sweden, so clearly Uni needs to be educated. Liz, amazingly, allows Uli to be led away by Josh and be corrupted. As she heads off to find Sam she’s sure she sees Charlie on the back of a Harley-Davidson, but dismisses it.
T&T are frustrated that no one will let them enter any casinos, despite the fact that Tom is actually 21. Todd is hungry and keeps trying to get Tom to stop moaning and go and get something to eat. Tom refuses to go back to the RV park with no cups and let Liz see that he failed. Like she cares about anything other than her own cups and her own team. Todd gets fed up with Tom and says that he’s going to go and eat, with or without him, and stops in front of a casino called New York New York. And then bursts into song. Tom is not amused. Todd heads into the casino and buys some food from a vending machine. I THOUGHT HE WASN’T ALLOWED ENTRY TO ANY CASINOS? IF HE COULD GO IN AND BUY FOOD COULDN’T HE GO IN AND STEAL CUPS? Am I the only one confused by this? T&T argue some more and then discover a dumpster full of winnings cups and realise that they don’t need to enter any casinos.
Liz has found Sam playing blackjack. She lectures him on letting the team down. Sam says that he’s going to win enough money to take the team out for steak. I think Liz should at least acknowledge that it was kind of nice of him to share his winnings, but she just lectures him some more. Then Sam loses, and goes to the ATM and takes out some money. Liz suspects that he’s blowing next year’s school money. We all know that Sam is loaded. Liz lectures him more. I think we should count how many times Liz lectures Sam. If I drank anything other than wine and champagne, I’d suggest we turned it into a drinking game. Sam asks Liz what she has against him having fun. She says she’s against him being stupid. He gets pissed off at her. She tries to make him leave, but he just takes loads of money out of the ATM. Liz is shocked that he has money. And she’s not living in the lap of luxury in Sweet Valley? Come on, Liz, you don’t even have to work to pay for your living expenses at college - surely you’re used to having money at your disposal? Liz tries to drag Sam away from the casino but fails.
Jess has had a “wonderfully innocent, fun night” with Neil. She’s definitely looking forward to the next four weeks. Plus, they have plenty of winnings cups! They’re carrying them in bags because some “sweet little granny took pity on them and gave them each a shopping bag.” Okay, I’ve never been to Las Vegas but do sweet little grannies tend to wander around the casinos with empty shopping bags? Anyway, Neil and Jess run into Rob and Pam on their way to the limo and debate over who has the most cups, and Pam says that she bets T&T didn’t even manage to get one. Then they reach the limo and find T&T knee-deep in winnings cups.
Ruby is running late for the limo but just makes it - as do a very drunk Josh and Uli. They’re shouting “Skal!” at each other (the a has a little o above it, but I only know the ALT codes for German symbols) and calling each other “buddy.” The driver starts to drive away and Ruby tries to stop him as Liz, Sam and Charlie aren’t here yet. Ruby and Josh have no cups, and Uli has a shot glass. Josh calls him a “crazy foreigner” for taking the shot glass. I call him drunk.
The Mystery of Charlie continues - she arrives at the RV park despite having missed the limo. She finds Ruby and claims that she hitchhiked. Ruby gets freaked out and is about to warn her about how dangerous it is to hitchhike when Sam and Liz turn up in a taxi. Liz calls Sam a “gambling maniac.” Sam claims he is now broke, and Liz pays for the taxi. Oh, and Liz jinxed him and that’s why he kept losing once she arrived. A Wakefield bringing bad luck? Wow. Las Vegas must be an alternate universe. Liz has forgotten her cups and Sam has one, which he was keeping his own winnings in. Clearly they are not going to win the contest.
Liz ducks from the cameras as she goes to join the crowd of competitors. It’s announced that Team 2 sucks. Liz is humiliated. I don’t see what the big deal with losing such a stupid contest is. The rest of this section is Liz moaning so we’ll skip it, shall we?
Chapter 8
Over in Jess’s RV the next morning, T&T are arguing and Rob is crazily driving them all to Idaho. Rob jokes that they’re going to have to dig up potatoes, and Pam lectures him on his driving. They argue quite a bit while T&T silently sit next to each other on the sofa. Jess & Neil play rummy. The argument between Pam and Rob escalates until Rob says “If you can do better, you get your big rear over here and drive,” to which Pam retorts “I’ll have you know, my rear isn’t big. It’s a perfect size ten.” Yep, that’s right, guys. A Sweet Valley book actually used the words PERFECT SIZE TEN. I’ll give you all a few moments to recover from that shock. Anyway, Tom eventually tells Rob to pull over so that he can drive and Pam and Rob can continue arguing in the back. Todd comes to sit beside Tom and they bond over their hatred of the lovebirds.
Apparently it’s night-time now, and Todd is driving and very sleepy. Pam and Rob have made up by now, and he’s admitting to the fact that Tom isn’t such a bad guy. Pam suddenly cries out something which disturbs Todd and he asks Tom to check on whether it really was as bad as it sounded. Apparently Pam was getting a foot massage. Pam is all “Ooooh, snookums, that feels good!” and Todd realises that her voice really grates his nerves, and that her possessiveness over Rob is just like Dana’s behaviour around him. He begins to worry that if he and Dana stay together then they’ll end up like Pam and Rob. Todd ending up obnoxious and fat? Wow. He’d have to leave Sweet Valley. Can’t have unattractive people there, even if they used to date a Wakefield. Todd admits to Tom that Pam sounds like Dana, and Tom says “You’ve got be kidding. Comparing Dana’s tone to Pam’s is like comparing Dana’s cello music to a Shop-Vac.” One, clearly Tom is not over Dana, and two, how can someone so annoying play such beautiful an instrument as the cello? She puts Apocalyptica to shame. Tom goes on about how beautiful Dana’s voice is and Todd’s like, Um, she’s my girlfriend. Tom is like, Yeah, but she dated me first. How do you like getting my leftovers? Todd’s like, Well, Liz is my old girlfriend and had been for years before she dated you! Clearly these two need to switch back girlfriends again if this is how they’re acting. Todd says the way that Tom behaves around Liz is pathetic and thankfully the scene changes.
Jess is so happy that she and Neil are getting on so well, and thinks that maybe Liz was right about a boyfriend being a friend first. She plans to let her relationship with Neil grow naturally. Wow, maybe change is in the wind! However, her happy time is spoiled but Tom and Todd arguing about Liz and Dana. Jess tells them to shut up and not mention Liz’s name again for the rest of the trip. She makes them pull over so she can drive.
Part 2
Um, yeah... there were paragraphs when I posted the entry. But now they're...gone. Hmm. Can someone let me know if this is readable or not? If the answer is no, I'll go through and attack this entry with paragraph html as I can't bear facing Rich Text mode again *kicks livejournal*
On the brightside, this is the book in which Neil (*swoon*) and Sam (*hiss*) make their debuts. We also have two three-book-only characters, Ruby and Charlie, who have backstories and POVs, and four three-book-only characters, Josh, Uli, Pam and Rob, who don't. We also have proof that "Laurie John" has never visited Sweden in her life!
I don't know if I'm allowed to do this, but I'm going to have to post this as two parts as livejournal says it's too long. Let me know if this is against the rules and I'll delete the entries and attempt to edit them! But for now this is An Analysis of Chapters 1 - 8. Part 2 shall conclude the Analysis.
Please settle down with a nice cup of tea and pile of Christmassy biscuits of your choice,
Chapter 1
Elizabeth and Jessica are driving to San Francisco in a red convertible, and are conveniently explaining the road trip to each other. Basically they drive around America for four weeks with some total strangers, occasionally doing crazy stunts with the possibility of winning a $5,000 scholarship - all of it being filmed and shown on TV.
The odd thing about this book is that the title - No Rules - is actually spoken at least twice. I’ve not come across this before. “No chaperone, no worries - no rules!” says Jess some time in the first section. Personally, I wonder why she feels that she might be given a chaperone at nineteen, but I suppose that kind of thing happens when your college is ten minutes down the road from your parents’ house.
Jess also announces that “change is in the wind,” but Liz isn’t buying it. She won’t even let her hair down. I‘m struggling to remember why I liked SVU Liz best as a preteen. Jess is happy to welcome the winds of change - to the extent that she only brought the regulation one suitcase and one duffel bag on the trip. If this were anyone else, we wouldn’t consider this an achievement, but for Jess we should give her a round of applause. And possibly some flowers and cake. Jess is growing up!
We are informed that Lila isn’t going on the trip as she didn’t get picked. Thus, she calls the contest “tacky” and according to Jess, “if her nose had gotten any higher in the air, she’d have keeled over.” She’s apparently going to Europe for the summer, which would usually make us all disappointed - but don’t worry; we have Sam and Neil and a whole group of three-books-only characters to be entertained with!
Jess comments on the fact that Liz is behaving rather out-of-character by going on the road trip. Personally, I think it’s more OOC that Lila was planning on going, but Jess doesn’t think this is at all odd. Liz goes on about how she was stressed out at finals and needs a change of scenery, and a new experience would do her good. Fair enough - but who ISN’T stressed out by exams? Liz acts like this is a totally unheard of occurrence. Nevertheless, Liz says that this road trip is “out with the old and in with the new!” From what I can see, the only thing new in this book is the characters.
Todd and Dana are also in a car - but they’re on their way to the airport. I don’t understand why Todd has to fly to San Francisco when Jess and Liz can drive, but whatever. Todd is a bit confused because Dana isn’t behaving like herself. This was the earliest SVU book my library had so I don’t know what she’s usually like, but apparently she was usually “as bubby as a shaken glass of Sprite.” What a stupid metaphor - who shakes a glass of Sprite? And if she was like a shaken glass of Sprite does that mean that she’s half-spilt on the floor? I’m sick of typing the word Sprite.
Dana is giving Todd the silent treatment and he is so worried that he’s close to crashing the car. They eventually reach the airport and he suggests just jumping out with his bags to save Dana paying for short-term parking, which is very expensive. I understand Todd’s logic, but Dana wants him to park so that she can wait with him in the airport. I guess I understand her too. But then Dana goes on to whine about how she won’t see him for “four whole weeks.” She wines A LOT in this first chapter. I’m glad she’s not in the rest of the book. If she’s so worried about four weeks then how is she going to react if Todd, say, goes to study abroad for a year, or gets a job in a different state from her? GROW UP, DANA!
Ahem. Anyway. Dana is described as using a “crazy, kiddie lunch box” as a purse, and also as wearing a green mini-skirt. She sounds like a clown. At the airport she practically mauls Todd when he’s about to go and check in, which is very amusing if you’ve just been imagining that Dana looks like a clown. Then Dana tells him not to go on the road trip, and to let an alternative go - after all, Tom would want to use the chance to chase after Liz. Apparently Dana is Tom’s ex, and I can see some sparks of jealousy appearing between the lines in my book. Todd immediately thinks that Dana is worried that something will happen between him and Liz (conveniently his ex - they swapped girlfriends? Weird) but Dana insists that she’ll just miss him too much.
Dana whines some more and practically throws a tantrum. I can’t believe I’m actually wasting words recapping this section. It sucks, which is bad as this book is actually really amusing towards the end. Anyway, Dana freaks Todd out by saying stuff like “Hey, we can tell ours kids about this some day!” Tell your kids that you threw a tantrum in the airport because your boyfriend was going away for a month? Great story! Then she starts talking about honeymoon destinations, and Todd freaks even more. Then:
“’I’ll watch you on TV every week,’ she said with a pathetic squeak.”
Even the ghostwriter is sick of Dana. GOOD. Todd feels bad for making Dana unhappy but is not guilty enough to give up the trip. And luckily this section ends before I rip the pages out of the book in frustration.
We switch to Tom and Danny who are at a petrol station. Danny nearly drenches himself in petrol because he’s too busy watching a girl who looks like Isabella, apparently his ex-girlfriend who had something tragic happen to her which involved a laced cigarette, which I won’t recap as I never read about it. (If someone tells me which book this happened in then I’ll link to the recap!) Tom admits to Danny that he paid some guy called Matt Wylie so that he could drop out of the trip and let Tom take his place - just so that he could be near Liz. He used his trust fund money to bribe Matt. Tom - LIZ ISN’T WORTH IT!
“I’ll have Elizabeth back in my life by the end of the summer,” Tom vows. Haha, are you so sure? What makes you think that some handsome, jerkish, slacker named Sam won’t be more attractive to her? Actually, nothing makes me think that about Liz normally, but apparently the ghostie thought it was a good idea.
Finally, Jess and Liz arrive in San Francisco, after Jess proves that she can read a map successfully. Just in case we forgot that the winds of change were in the air.
Chapter 2
Jess yet again behaves responsibly and offers to go to the pay phone to call the rental people to pick up the car. Ah, the days before mobile phones! While she’s doing this, Liz ties her hair into a braid and relaxes. Braids never relax me, but okay. She muses about not having any rules his summer - OKAY, WE SEE THE LINK BETWEEN THE BOOK AND THE TITLE NOW, GHOSTWRITER.
Jess spots the ICSN (the guys who’re filming the road trip - Intense Crap Sports Network or something like that) and gets excited…at the thought of all the cute guys who might be on their team. Still the same old Jess, despite these mysterious winds of change. Liz reminds her that a) they might not be on the same team, and b) the last thing which either of them needs right now is to get involved with new guys. Jess says that she’s just “window shopping” and Liz asks her when she ever window-shopped without buying.
Jess is about to go and say Hi to Danny - without Liz, who wants to start to trip fresh “and that meant avoiding the old SVU crowd” in case she got labelled a Bookworm early on *Rachel the Bookworm is offended* - when Richie Valentine begins to speak into a mike. He’s hosting the Intense Cost to Coast Road Trip Challenge (hereafter just called the road trip to save my fingers from falling off in agony). Jess makes fun of his hair and says that he’s cuter on TV. Liz wonders how Jess can comment on his hair when he always wears a hat. She thinks he looks the same - OLD.
Richie Valentine (hereafter known as RV for no reason other than personal amusement) babbles on about crazy college kids and introduces the three Universities Colleges (as you call them over there) - Sweet Valley University, Orange County College and Stanford University (why do they get called Colleges if Uni is in the title? That doesn’t make sense to me). Everyone cheers for their college. I’m getting bored. RV babbles on again, about sponsors and what’s involved in the trip. More things are said about rules - apparently ICSN is famous for breaking them, so the guys are getting to pick their team numbers out of a hat first. Ooh, I bet all of the women are protesting against this! Not. Jess tries to look over people’s shoulders to see the guys and Liz complains that she can’t see. Jess says that it’s probably a good thing but won’t tell Liz who she saw. The girls then go to pick team numbers out of the hat and RV tells them to all go and get acquainted and be sure to get interviewed by the guys with the cameras and so on. Then he puts on a cowboy hat and talks in a corny accent before going to suck up to all of his sponsors while on camera.
Todd is feeling sick because he’s eaten too much candyfloss and corndogs (what are corndogs, anyway?) He plans to get his interview out of the way immediately and is waiting in line behind a “tallish, sandy-haired guy in a ragged OCC sweatshirt and a ratty flannel that screamed ‘laid-back.’” Now I don’t know what a “flannel” is in relation to anything other than a bath-tub or a type of material, but I do happen to know that this bloke is SAM making his SVU debut!! I’ll admit that I actually liked Sam when I read this books as a preteen, but after rereading this section here where he says that he has no hopes/dreams/ambitions I am realising that a) he kind of sucks and b) maybe Sam is the reason why I seem to attract total jerks? I should sue Francine Pascal. Anyway, Todd is wondering what he can say in his interview in response to the question about why he wanted to go on the road trip, as he can’t say that it’s in order to “escape his overly amorous girlfriend” since Dana would be watching - plus, he’d sound like an idiot. Sam finally finishes his rubbish interview and Todd thinks that at least his will definitely be better than Sam’s. He then goes on to feel sorry for whoever ends up stuck on a team with Sam. Premonition?
Jessica is looking for the perfect place to have her interview. This section is pretty vain and shallow so I’m going to skim it. She eventually spots some guy being interviewed in the absolutely perfect spot to have her own interview - NEIL’S DEBUT! I loved Neil as well, and wished - like Jess - that he wasn’t really gay. Jessica thinks that Neil is a “work of art” and that “if she’d known the guys at Stanford were this gorgeous and sophisticated, she might have gone to school there instead of SVU.” Sadly, I do know girls who say “There’s no way I’m going to study in the textiles department at Heriot-Watt since there are practically no guys there” and “There were some totally hot guys at Queen Margaret so I’m planning on applying there, even though they don’t do Medicine.” Needless to say, I hate being in high school. Anyway, this bit is basically here in case we truly thought that change was in the air in Jess’s life in relation to anything other than map-reading and making important phone calls.
Neil says that he loves music, dancing, good parties and that he came on the trip to meet new people and have fun, and that he’s excited about possibly winning the scholarship. Jess nearly squeals out loud because she and Neil are “so alike, it’s got to be fate.” Um, Jess, don’t most students like music, dancing and parties? And why would anyone come on a road trip with total strangers if they DIDN’T want to have fun and meet new people? And lastly, who would turn down a scholarship? Well, okay, maybe Sam doesn’t care about these things but he doesn’t really have a personality so he doesn’t count. Anyway, Jess is besotted with Neil but upset that he’s on Team 1 and she’s on Team 2. She begins to scheme…
Liz is waiting for her interview and worrying about what she can say which won’t make her sound like “Elizabeth the Superbrain.” I actually wrote “Supervain” in my notes. I’m proud of my subconscious. Anyone who refers to themselves as a “Superbrain” is definitely “Supervain.”
The girl in front of her - Pam, you’ll be seeing her a lot in this mini-series - refuses to start her interview without her boyfriend, Rob. Pam is described as having “the most irritating voice Elizabeth had ever heard” and Rob is said to be “a dumpy, shaggy-haired guy.” Basically, they’re the unattractive, annoying friends who are in every teenage book in order to make the main character look more awesome. I won’t bother recapping their interview as it is embarrassingly painful. Pam sounds a bit like a hyper version of Pathetically Needy Dana, if that helps you imagine her. Rob doesn’t have a personality, like most of the guys in SVU.
Liz judges them all the way through their interview and pities whoever ends up on their team - and then Pam tells the camera which team she’s on, and Liz just about dies. Haha, serves you right for judging them! But hey, isn’t Team 1 the same team with Neil was on? The team which Jessica will do anything to get on?
Next, some guy called Josh gets interviewed. He, like Pam and Rob, never has his own POV in the entire mini-series so you don’t need to know anything about him other than that he has no personality but a lot of money. Liz is suspicious of him, but I’ve just finished this book and he doesn’t do anything interesting so I don’t know why she feels suspicious. Then she whips out a notepad and pencil from her handbag and plans to make some notes for her interview. Oh dear. Luckily Jess appears and begs Liz to do her a huge favour. I wonder what it could be?
Tom has finished his interview and thinks that it went well. Obviously it would be good, he thinks, because he works at WSVU. The only thing which could have possibly made his interview better would be if Liz had seen him. In my notes I wrote “if Liz had seen her.” Well, you will see later that Todd and Tom end up acting like a couple, so maybe this is premonition for the fact that Tom is definitely the female half? Danny rushes up to Tom to introduce him to two of his teammates. I don’t think we see Danny or these two guys ever again in this book so this is clearly a plot device. The guys are all cheesy and talk a load of rubbish before shouting “Team four rules!” Eric, one of Danny’s teammates, says that he’d rather be on Team One because of a girl he saw. He then goes on to describe the typically Sweet Valley idea of an attractive girl. Then he says that her name is Elizabeth, and Tom is sad as he’s on Team Three. Then he turns into Jessica Wakefield and sets out to find someone who’ll be willing to trade teams with him.
A new character is introduced - yeah, as if Sam and Neil weren’t enough! Her name is Ruby and she’s entering the RV park with her duffel bag, purse, carry-on bag, guitar and her own POV! An ICSN guy stops her and tells her that she’s only allowed two bags on the trip. Ruby argues that a guitar case isn’t a bag but the guy isn’t buying it. Seriously, if someone’s crazy enough to take a decent guitar on a road trip in an RV with five other college students then let them! Ruby eventually gives in and tosses her duffel bag at the guy, saying that her guitar is more important. Basically, Ruby’s personality = music enthusiast. I don’t think we see her after the road trip so she doesn’t need any more depth.
Tom has managed to change teams with some girl because he told her that a guy on Team Three has a major crush on her. He doesn’t, but these two must have hit off together immediately because the girl never comes back to beat Tom up for lying to her. Tom’s ecstatic because he’s now on Elizabeth’s team. Elizabeth seems to be Tom’s only interest and I think that’s rather pathetic. Seeing as this was the first SVU book I ever read, I can see why I preferred Liz&Sam to Liz&Tom.
Tom’s the first on the RV, and people soon start to join him. The first looks familiar to Tom, and is wearing a SVU baseball cap - it’s Todd! Tom convinces himself that he can cope with living in the same space as Todd for three weeks - after all, Liz will be there, so surely that’ll make the experience better. Then he sees a flash of blonde hair outside the window, and gets excited in anticipation of seeing Liz again. Because, you know, no one else in his team could possibly have blonde hair.
Then he sees her.
It’s…
Jessica!
*rolls around on the floor laughing*
In case you didn’t guess, Liz and Jess traded teams so that Jess could be with Neil. This makes Team One the team which Jess, Neil, Pam, Rob, Tom and Todd are on. What a fun team this shall be!
Chapter 3
Jessica gets onboard the RV and accidentally starts talking to Pam, who now has a carrot-coloured perm and a squawky voice. Okay, ghostwriter, we get it - she’s nowhere near as hot as the Wakefield twins. You don’t need to make her look like an alien in order to prove that. Pam oohs and ahhs over the tiny stove in the RV, talking to her boyfriend in a baby-voice about how fun it’ll be playing house.
Then Jessica notices that both Todd and Tom are in her team, and moans inwardly about how she’s landed a place at the “Boring Convention.” More like the Pathetic, Elizabeth-Lovers convention, but we’ll get to that part later. Then Neil appears and Jess decides that she can deal with being on Todd and Tom’s team. Description of Neil - basically, he’s hot. I think it’s him on the cover of SVU 50: Summer of Love, so check that out if you’re interested. Neil hops into the driver’s seat and Jess fights with Tom and Todd over who gets to sit in the passenger seat and navigate. T&T laugh at the idea of Jessica ever being able to navigate, but decide to ask Neil to choose his driving partner. Neil is currently pretending to be straight, so his choosing Jessica and checking her out actually makes sense now. T&T moan about him choosing Jess but don’t argue with Neil.
Jessica explains to Neil why T&T hate each other - they’re both ex-boyfriends of Liz, her sister. Neil begins to worry about how well this trip is going to be, proving that he is the one person in Francine Pascal’s California who has a brain. They talk about which college’s they’re from and Todd puts on a Mexican accent to say OCC after Pam tells Neil where they’re from. Pam screeches at him and I’m already sick of her characterisation by page 41. Neil suggests that they get moving and listen to the tape which RV gave them, which has their instructions about where they’re meant to go. They’re going to...Las Vegas, Nevada! Rob cheers as his characterisation is over-weight, adventurous frat-boy. Pam bounces up and down as her characterisation is lame and annoying. Neil tells Jess that he knows pretty much how to get there, and Jess admits that she’s pretty rubbish with maps. I’m confused as she was pretty much the opposite in the first chapter, but I guess the ghostie forgot this. Jess and Neil bond over a dance tune on the radio.
T&T start war over whose legs are allowed to be in certain positions under the table. It’s lame. They get talking to P&R and Tom suggests that they organise sleeping arrangements and that the girls get the two beds. Todd argues just to annoy Tom. It’s even lamer. Pam starts whining about wanting to sleep next to Rob. Todd realises that they should really start acting like a team before a disaster occurs.
Chapter 4
Liz meets Uli, a totally unrealistic exchange student from Sweden who speaks rubbish English. In case anyone doesn’t know, the majority of people from Sweden speak EXCELLENT ENGLISH. I just got back from an Open Day at St. Andrews University and a Swedish girl asked the admissions officer if she’d have to take a test to prove that she had a good level of English and the admissions officer said “No, not if you’re from Sweden.” Anyway, even if Uli wasn’t Swedish, chances are that he’d at least know how to talk in the past tense in English, which he can’t in this book. FAIL FOR GHOSTWRITER ON RESEARCHING EUROPEAN EXCHANGE STUDENTS. I won’t recap Liz’s conversation with Uli because it’s really embarrassing and unrealistic.
Uli accidentally pokes a girl on the shoulder and she introduces herself as Charlie. Charlie has a POV whereas Uli doesn’t as he’s a three-book character (like Pam and Rob) with rubbish characterisation. Charlie says that she’s thinking about leaving college and Liz is shocked. Coming from a working-class public school where only about 20% of students go on to university, I think that Liz is a snob. Ruby buts in and says that she’s been thinking the same thing as what she really wants to do is become a singer. Ruby offers to perform a song for Liz, and Liz reacts as if Ruby had offered to give her a lap-dance. Liz = supersnob. Ruby plays her a song about going down a road, clearly a metaphorical road. Liz and Charlie applaud even though they don’t know what to make of Ruby. Sam complains from the driver’s seat about how much noise they’re making. Liz wonders what’s annoying Sam. Ruby begins to sulk and Sam swerves dramatically causing Uli and Charlie to bump heads. Liz acts as if this is the end of the world and the end of their friendships. Liz, chill - Sam’s just annoyed because of the bad traffic! Then Sam announces that they’re about to pass Team One who are stuck in the left-hand lane. Liz suggests he slows down and lets them into the lane in front of them. Me and Sam both ask her if she’s forgotten that she’s COMPETING AGAINST Team One. Liz says that Jess is on that team so Sam honks the horn and shouts obnoxiously. It isn’t said whether the window is open, so he may well have just shouted obnoxiously…to himself. Liz notices that both Todd and Tom were sitting by the window in the RV, and is glad that she’s not stuck with them for four weeks.
Two seconds later she discovers that living with Sam isn’t so good either, as he calls her chick and asks her to get him a drink. I think she overreacts a little - she could just say “Here’s your drink but don’t ever call me ‘chick’ again” but instead she totally freaks at him, ruining the mood in the RV even more. Uli ends up getting Sam a drink, and Liz sulks in the back of the RV, wondering if Sam really is a better RV-mate than T&T combined.
Ruby is quietly strumming her guitar and thinking the same thing as me - Liz is a snob. She also thinks that Charlie is a snob too, which is a bit of strange idea. Charlie just seems shy and insecure. Like a replacement Enid. However, we are all going to love Ruby as she starts referring to Liz as Miss Barbie Doll! Liz really does make herself seem as if she’s made out of plastic as she begins questioning Ruby about how long she’s played guitar, and if she ever took lessons, and lastly - did she write the song about coming on the trip? Duh, Liz, it’s clearly about something deeper than a road trip. Ruby had sung about needing someone to help her be led down the road, etc. Ruby is obviously thinking the same thing as me as she says “Just as she’d suspected, Miss Blonde Hair and Blue Eyes was as shallow as a puddle.” However, Ruby loses her fanclub when she confronts Liz about the fact that Liz’s future is perfectly mapped out for her, and then asks her to stop trying to bond with her and make her feel like part of the team. Liz actually comes up with a clever comeback here, so she’s not too bad. Ruby apparently thinks it’s cool to be an outcast, as if she’s a fifteen-year-old wannabe goth. Then Ruby tells Liz that the only reason she’s on this trip is to get publicity and get her singing career on the road. I don’t know how she’s going to have a chance to sing on a road trip sponsored by a sports channel, but okay. Liz stupidly asks Ruby what she’s going to do about college. Liz - college isn’t for everyone! What if you want to become a bin man? You can’t exactly study for a degree in that, can you? Then Ruby sings Liz another song.
Sam is trying to sleep on the couch and is inwardly ranting about how much the other people’s snoring annoys him. Boohoo, Sam. Then Sam goes on to moan about Elizabeth;
“It hadn’t taken him long to figure out that everything about the Wakefield chick had to be by the schedule. She was a looker, no doubt about it, but more uptight than a cork in one of his old man’s wine bottles.”
I remember why I like Sam. Then he reveals the problem with the Liz;
“…she was just too good to be true. Too nice. Too helpful. Too energetic. And too pretty.”
Sam the Slacker has busted the crap characterisation of Liz and Jess. I think he deserves an award. No other character has noticed this, and we’re near the end of the Uni series.
Liz is driving the RV, with Charlie sitting next to her, chatting away. Sam’s ears prick up when he hears the word sex come from Liz’s mouth, and is shocked that she was talking about such a subject. But this still doesn’t make Sam cheer up. His team is too boring and he can’t remember why he came on the road trip. He can’t wait to get to Las Vegas where he can ditch his team and start having some real fun.
Charlie and Liz are still chatting away, and Charlie nearly lets Liz know that she - shock, horror! - has a boyfriend. I don’t know why she hides her boyfriend’s existence from the team at all. She could have just said “I have a boyfriend called Scott.” But apparently Charlie is scared about admitting this. Weird. Charlie isn’t worried about Liz’s perfect characterisation, and in fact, wishes that she could be more like her - strong, independent and fearless.
Then Charlie looks into her sideview mirror for a mysterious Harley-Davidson which had been following them, and wonders if she should tell Liz. Hmm, I wonder who could be following them, and why?
Chapter 5
The next morning everyone wakes up parked in Las Vegas, as Super Liz has driven them through the night. Ruby is grouchy, Sam is sleepy and Charlie is combing her hair. Sam amusingly thinks that her hair looks exactly the same after she’s combed it, but is sensible enough not to say this to her. Oh, yeah, and the sixth person on their team is Josh, the guy someone heard being interviewed earlier. He doesn’t have a POV and his characterisation is rich, athletic, frat boy who has no cares in the world and has yet to grow up. Charlie tells them all that there’s a free breakfast waiting for them, courtesy of ICSN and Uli tells everyone that they have fish for breakfast in Sweden. My mum stayed in Sweden for a holiday once and according to her the typical Swedes who she met ate cereal with creamy-yoghurt in it instead of milk, never fish! So, the likelihood is that Uli is a very badly researched character. Poor Uli!
There is then a stupid scene in which Sam wanders around the RV in his boxers, unable to find his trousers until Liz tosses them to him. He wonders why she doesn’t blush at seeing him in his boxers - Sam, it’s not as if you’re naked! Liz is horrified that he wears the same trousers two days running. Underwear, I’d have a problem with, but trousers don’t tend to smell after just one day. Liz decides to skip breakfast for now, and have a sleep as she’s been driving all night and Sam describes her sleeping figure rather weirdly. Then he tucks her in. I can’t get my head around Sam at all - it’s as if he has a split-personality.
Back in Jess’s RV, T&T are arguing over whether they’re at the right RV park. They’re the last to arrive as they spent three hours at the side of the road arguing about whether they should keep on driving through the night, or sleep. Todd sees a girl who reminds him of Dana and he wonders whether he did the right thing leaving her behind. Seeing as he never mentions her again in the book (as far as I can remember) I think he probably did. Todd’s decision is cemented in his head when Pam begins shouting at Rob and talking about marriage and kids and being generally very possessive and unrealistic. He decides that he doesn’t need a ball-and-chain. I think it’s pathetic that he’d ever consider a wife to be a ball-and-chain, and that if that’s the way he sees Dana then she clearly isn’t right for him.
Elizabeth is lying on the couch in the RV, reading Jane Austen’s Emma. Of course she is. She looks over to where Sam is playing solitaire at the table and wonders if she dreamt about him tucking her in. Liz offers to make everyone some coffee and Sam tells her that it’s bad for your health. Really? Someone turns up to give them their next set of instructions, and Liz reads them out to everyone in the team. Their first challenge is to collect as many winnings cups (the containers which gamblers keep their change in) from casinos as they can. Charlie, Uli and Ruby admit that they’ve never been inside a casino (duh, as they’re under 21. I think you can gamble at 18 in the UK. And drink. It makes sense - kind of stupid if you can get married but not drink alcohol) so Sam decides to teach them how to play blackjack while Liz tries to read out the rest of the instructions. Basically, they get picked up by a limo and dropped at the Las Vegas Strip at 9pm and have to be back at the limo by 1am with as many casino cups as they can get. Liz complains that none of them are old enough to enter a casino, and Sam shows them a really rubbish fake ID. He’s wearing a fake moustache and it says that his name is Burgess Paco Morales. I can imagine an American kid being called that by some strange parents, but whatever. It still makes me crack up.
Liz chooses this moment to check out Sam’s ass. Then she worries that he caught her staring at his ass. She tries to convince herself that she totally doesn’t want him. Sam boasts about how they have an advantage, and Liz stupidly tells Sam that some guy on Team One is actually 21, and that no one is going to believe Sam’s fake ID. Sam makes a blonde joke and tells them all not to worry.
Tom is moaning about the fact that they have to go in partners around Las Vegas and that he got stuck with Todd since Jess had nabbed Neil and P&R are inseparable. Then Tom sees Liz’s team going past and grins at Todd and acts all happy in order to…impress her? I don’t know. I don’t understand how Tom’s brain works. He seems to think that by winning the competition she’ll wish she was on his team.
Liz’s team get to Las Vegas and she acts like a teacher, pairing them up, telling them to stick with their assigned partners and to be back at the limo by 12:15 for the 12:40 departure. Liz tries to partner them all boy-girl but they rebel. I like Liz’s team - they don’t act like they’re in primary elementary school. Sam tells Liz that her laws don’t always work in the real world and I ask him to marry me. Finally, someone believes that Liz isn’t the centre of the universe! Then Sam uses some stupid metaphor and confuses Uli, the Thick Swede. I plan to hunt the ghostie down and shoot them. I hope these books weren’t popular in Sweden. Josh and Sam disappear, leaving Ruby and Charlie on their own because Liz and Uli are going boy-girl so that Liz can pity Uli for not having grown up in Sweet Valley with perfect English.
Chapter 6
Sam and Josh manage to convince a security guard that a TV show called NewsDepth is doing reports on Las Vegas casinos allowing underage gambling. The guy also believes that Sam’s ID is real, for some crazy reason. This may be down to the ICSN TV crew running around and convincing the guard that there really is something going on. Sam also convinces the guard that some people have hidden cameras - like an older woman with a bum-bag (I can’t call them fanny-packs like they do in the book as that means something different over here :P). Then he tells the guard to look out for a couple of “typical all-American good-looking jocks” whom the TV crews have hired to see how lenient the casinos are about letting in underage gamblers. Todd and Tom, anyone? Then he tells him to look out for fake IDs which look authentic. I can’t believe the guy falls for this. Then Josh and Sam leave and decide that they probably should tell this story to every casino, just in case. What a total waste of time! Why not just go and get cups?
Tom and Todd enter a casino and immediately get asked for their IDs. Todd tries to pass off his fake one and the guard just glances at it and asks him to leave. But before Tom can show his real ID the guard marches them out of the casino and asks them to go and bother someone else. Tom rants about how he’s really 21, and not even here with Todd. Pretty stupid thing to say considering they walked in together, but whatever. They eventually give up and decide that they can just try somewhere else. Hmm, who thinks that the plenty of other casinos won’t want T&T either?
Ruby and Charlie haven’t even been attempting to enter the casinos and have been visiting the theatre. Ruby is enjoying herself immensely but Charlie has been worried all night that they’d get caught for sneaking into the show. Charlie doesn’t really want to see any more shows and suggests that she and Ruby split up but meet up again at 12:05 in case Liz has a fit if they turn up without their assigned partners. Both girls are relieved to not have to hang around together all night. This section is pretty boring, although the subtext (yes, I’ve just been doing my English Lit. homework!) is that Charlie is the one who wants to split up, so where on earth does she want to go? Ooh, mystery! The section picks up again in a minute when Liz and Uli appear out of nowhere and Ruby has to hide behind her playbill so that they don’t spot her on her own. Liz and Uli have gone into a casino to get cups and immediately left again because they were worried about being caught and thrown into jail. Well, Uli is, Liz doesn’t seem too bothered. Uli says that in Sweden they have a saying ‘Any fish is a good fish off the hook.’ I bet they don’t. And if his English is so bad how can he translate that saying? Liz asks him what it means and he tells her that he has no idea. So why did he tell her? I bet you the ghostie just Googled “Swedish sayings” and plonked one into her novel to make herself look clever. They disappear with their cups while Ruby worries that she hasn’t got any, but thinks that Uli and Liz will get plenty, and disappears into another show.
Jess is taking touristy pictures of Neil. They start slagging off the clothing of the passersby and begin debating who the old guy in the orange sweatsuit is - Neil suggests a coach and Jess a principal. They bond over the fact that both their high school principals were bald, and the ghostie gets half a point for continuity and remembering Chrome Dome Cooper. However, she is still -30 points for her useless minor characters and bad representation of Scandinavians. Neil dares Jess to go and ask the orange guy whether he’s a principal or not and she wimps out so he does it instead. Neil gets talking to him and the guy thinks that he recognises Neil and they end up having a fake reunion about some game which Neil played at but didn’t really. (If that makes sense). Jess gets her picture taken with him and then Neil asks the orange guy if he would mind getting them some cups from the casino next to them as they don’t want to go in themselves as they’re under 21. Orange Dude likes the fact that they abide the law and gets them cups. Yawn, this section is so boring. Neil and Jess decide that the way to get cups is to ask people who are actually over 21. Good plan considering Sam and Josh have ruined everyone’s chances.
Chapter 7
Uli is talking to Liz about all the things he wants to see from his tourist brochure and his English has miraculously improved! Inconsistency within one book? What more could you except from Francine Pascal’s Army of Ghostwriters? Uli wants to go and see a bunch of things but Liz wants to check on the others. She and Uli have only collected 14 cups because they’ve been seeing loads of touristy shows. She tries to reason that 14 isn’t too bad if each couple brings 7, but then Josh turns up without any cups, and without Sam. Liz acts like a primary school teacher who has lost a six year old on a trip to the zoo. Josh tells her that Sam is playing slots in The Sapphire Slipper. Then Josh drags Uli off to show him a “man’s view of Las Vegas.” Because, you know, they don’t have sex in Sweden, so clearly Uni needs to be educated. Liz, amazingly, allows Uli to be led away by Josh and be corrupted. As she heads off to find Sam she’s sure she sees Charlie on the back of a Harley-Davidson, but dismisses it.
T&T are frustrated that no one will let them enter any casinos, despite the fact that Tom is actually 21. Todd is hungry and keeps trying to get Tom to stop moaning and go and get something to eat. Tom refuses to go back to the RV park with no cups and let Liz see that he failed. Like she cares about anything other than her own cups and her own team. Todd gets fed up with Tom and says that he’s going to go and eat, with or without him, and stops in front of a casino called New York New York. And then bursts into song. Tom is not amused. Todd heads into the casino and buys some food from a vending machine. I THOUGHT HE WASN’T ALLOWED ENTRY TO ANY CASINOS? IF HE COULD GO IN AND BUY FOOD COULDN’T HE GO IN AND STEAL CUPS? Am I the only one confused by this? T&T argue some more and then discover a dumpster full of winnings cups and realise that they don’t need to enter any casinos.
Liz has found Sam playing blackjack. She lectures him on letting the team down. Sam says that he’s going to win enough money to take the team out for steak. I think Liz should at least acknowledge that it was kind of nice of him to share his winnings, but she just lectures him some more. Then Sam loses, and goes to the ATM and takes out some money. Liz suspects that he’s blowing next year’s school money. We all know that Sam is loaded. Liz lectures him more. I think we should count how many times Liz lectures Sam. If I drank anything other than wine and champagne, I’d suggest we turned it into a drinking game. Sam asks Liz what she has against him having fun. She says she’s against him being stupid. He gets pissed off at her. She tries to make him leave, but he just takes loads of money out of the ATM. Liz is shocked that he has money. And she’s not living in the lap of luxury in Sweet Valley? Come on, Liz, you don’t even have to work to pay for your living expenses at college - surely you’re used to having money at your disposal? Liz tries to drag Sam away from the casino but fails.
Jess has had a “wonderfully innocent, fun night” with Neil. She’s definitely looking forward to the next four weeks. Plus, they have plenty of winnings cups! They’re carrying them in bags because some “sweet little granny took pity on them and gave them each a shopping bag.” Okay, I’ve never been to Las Vegas but do sweet little grannies tend to wander around the casinos with empty shopping bags? Anyway, Neil and Jess run into Rob and Pam on their way to the limo and debate over who has the most cups, and Pam says that she bets T&T didn’t even manage to get one. Then they reach the limo and find T&T knee-deep in winnings cups.
Ruby is running late for the limo but just makes it - as do a very drunk Josh and Uli. They’re shouting “Skal!” at each other (the a has a little o above it, but I only know the ALT codes for German symbols) and calling each other “buddy.” The driver starts to drive away and Ruby tries to stop him as Liz, Sam and Charlie aren’t here yet. Ruby and Josh have no cups, and Uli has a shot glass. Josh calls him a “crazy foreigner” for taking the shot glass. I call him drunk.
The Mystery of Charlie continues - she arrives at the RV park despite having missed the limo. She finds Ruby and claims that she hitchhiked. Ruby gets freaked out and is about to warn her about how dangerous it is to hitchhike when Sam and Liz turn up in a taxi. Liz calls Sam a “gambling maniac.” Sam claims he is now broke, and Liz pays for the taxi. Oh, and Liz jinxed him and that’s why he kept losing once she arrived. A Wakefield bringing bad luck? Wow. Las Vegas must be an alternate universe. Liz has forgotten her cups and Sam has one, which he was keeping his own winnings in. Clearly they are not going to win the contest.
Liz ducks from the cameras as she goes to join the crowd of competitors. It’s announced that Team 2 sucks. Liz is humiliated. I don’t see what the big deal with losing such a stupid contest is. The rest of this section is Liz moaning so we’ll skip it, shall we?
Chapter 8
Over in Jess’s RV the next morning, T&T are arguing and Rob is crazily driving them all to Idaho. Rob jokes that they’re going to have to dig up potatoes, and Pam lectures him on his driving. They argue quite a bit while T&T silently sit next to each other on the sofa. Jess & Neil play rummy. The argument between Pam and Rob escalates until Rob says “If you can do better, you get your big rear over here and drive,” to which Pam retorts “I’ll have you know, my rear isn’t big. It’s a perfect size ten.” Yep, that’s right, guys. A Sweet Valley book actually used the words PERFECT SIZE TEN. I’ll give you all a few moments to recover from that shock. Anyway, Tom eventually tells Rob to pull over so that he can drive and Pam and Rob can continue arguing in the back. Todd comes to sit beside Tom and they bond over their hatred of the lovebirds.
Apparently it’s night-time now, and Todd is driving and very sleepy. Pam and Rob have made up by now, and he’s admitting to the fact that Tom isn’t such a bad guy. Pam suddenly cries out something which disturbs Todd and he asks Tom to check on whether it really was as bad as it sounded. Apparently Pam was getting a foot massage. Pam is all “Ooooh, snookums, that feels good!” and Todd realises that her voice really grates his nerves, and that her possessiveness over Rob is just like Dana’s behaviour around him. He begins to worry that if he and Dana stay together then they’ll end up like Pam and Rob. Todd ending up obnoxious and fat? Wow. He’d have to leave Sweet Valley. Can’t have unattractive people there, even if they used to date a Wakefield. Todd admits to Tom that Pam sounds like Dana, and Tom says “You’ve got be kidding. Comparing Dana’s tone to Pam’s is like comparing Dana’s cello music to a Shop-Vac.” One, clearly Tom is not over Dana, and two, how can someone so annoying play such beautiful an instrument as the cello? She puts Apocalyptica to shame. Tom goes on about how beautiful Dana’s voice is and Todd’s like, Um, she’s my girlfriend. Tom is like, Yeah, but she dated me first. How do you like getting my leftovers? Todd’s like, Well, Liz is my old girlfriend and had been for years before she dated you! Clearly these two need to switch back girlfriends again if this is how they’re acting. Todd says the way that Tom behaves around Liz is pathetic and thankfully the scene changes.
Jess is so happy that she and Neil are getting on so well, and thinks that maybe Liz was right about a boyfriend being a friend first. She plans to let her relationship with Neil grow naturally. Wow, maybe change is in the wind! However, her happy time is spoiled but Tom and Todd arguing about Liz and Dana. Jess tells them to shut up and not mention Liz’s name again for the rest of the trip. She makes them pull over so she can drive.
Part 2
Um, yeah... there were paragraphs when I posted the entry. But now they're...gone. Hmm. Can someone let me know if this is readable or not? If the answer is no, I'll go through and attack this entry with paragraph html as I can't bear facing Rich Text mode again *kicks livejournal*