Sweet Valley High #74: The Perfect Girl
Sweet Valley High #74: The Perfect Girl
I needed a break from Psychotic Margo, so I picked a book out of my closet at random, and this is the one I chose.
In a nutshell: This book takes place over the course of about three weeks. Robin Wilson’s boyfriend, George, signs up for an intensive flying class. Because he isn’t able to hang out with her as much as usual, she gets anorexia and almost dies. But then she decides not to have anorexia anymore and is all better, which isn’t unrealistic or offensive at all. Oh, and the SVH cheerleaders decide to break the Guinness world record for biggest ice cream sundae, and Jess and Robin spend the whole book trying to out-bitch each other.
On the cover, Robin’s wearing a SVH jersey or something, and actually looking pretty cute. I think they might have used the same model for her as they did for Lila on the cover of Lila’s Story: don’t they look similar? (Excuse the Reading Is Fun thing; I got the picture off ebay.)
The book starts out in the cafeteria. Jess runs in and tells the other cheerleaders that the coach (though it’s never said which team) told her that the gym floor needs to be completely redone. The girls don’t care, but Jess is all het up about how expensive it’ll be and insists on having a fundraiser to help. Say what you want about Jess, but she’s always willing to pitch in and help the school raise money for stuff. But isn’t this kind of thing covered in the school district’s operations budget? Well, whatever: Amy wants a bake sale, but is shot down because the SVH cheerleaders have a reputation to maintain as a bunch of catty bitches. I mean, as creative, exciting fund raisers.
Formerly Fat Robin Wilson suggests trying to break a Guinness world record and selling tickets, but nobody knows what kind of record they should break. They call Liz over to help, but Liz just laughs at them. Robin finally suggests the world’s biggest ice cream sundae, and they could sell servings to people to make their money, and everyone loves the idea. Jessica’s annoyed that she wasn’t the one to think of it, but even she acknowledges that Robin hit it out of the park. Maria Santelli’s dad is the mayor, apparently, and she’s going to ask him to be the honorary fundraiser chairman, so they can get publicity.
As Robin walks home, she remembers her backstory, for those of us who haven’t read
sundancekid’s recap. She thinks about how unfair it is that beauty opens so many doors, and that Jess and Liz have always had it easy, whereas her life has only been worth living since she got skinny. I think that says more about you, Robin, than it does about society at large. But, anyway, the bottom line is that years of being fat have made Robin self-conscious and unhappy about her looks.
Robin is apparently dating George Warren now, after he cheated on Enid with her when they met at flying class then he paralyzed Enid in a plane crash, and stayed with her out of guilt, but dumped her for Robin when she got better. ( In book #20.) He pulls up and offers her a ride home, and in the car, he tells her that he’s signed up for a new flying class. She’s happy for him, since he’d vowed (VOWED!) to never fly again. Well, Enid could tell you all about how good he is at keeping promises, Robin. Robin thinks this means he might finally be forgiving himself for cheating on Enid and almost putting her in a wheelchair for life that one time. Good for him?
Anyhow, the class will be intense, so George won’t have time to come see Robin very much for the next few weeks. He tells her he loves her, and she says, “Because I’m nice and sympathetic!” and he corrects her, “No, because you’ve got great legs!” She winces, and worries that he only likes her because she’s hot, and wouldn’t have looked at her twice if she were still fat. Well, Robin, since when you were fat you were convinced that you didn’t deserve to also be happy, fun, and interesting, you never would’ve taken those flying lessons, so you never would’ve met him in the first place. I’m just saying.
Liz asks Robin to meet her and Todd at the beach that weekend since George is busy, but Robin refuses because when she was fat, one time Todd and Liz tried to set her up with Winston? I guess? And it didn’t go well? According to the recap of book three, it was a failure because fat people freak Winston out. So Robin thinks Liz pities her because she used to be fat and lonely, and she’s embarrassed and feels fat again. I can’t believe how many times I’ve just typed the word fat. Liz is like, “Get over it. Meet us at the beach after diving practice,” but Robin is like, “Whatever.” She doesn’t want to go anywhere without George, because she’s scared people will judge her all, “Why doesn’t that girl have a guy with her? What’s wrong with her?” Gloria Steinem would slap Robin’s face off.
At diving practice, Robin stands next to a kid from the junior high and feels enormous compared to her. She’s humiliated that she weighs more than a twelve year old.
Todd throws Liz in the ocean! I had to mention that, since I don’t think there’s any pool tossing in this book. Robin shows up, and Liz starts to talk in a really weird way about what a great body Robin has, but Robin is like, “Whatever,” and puts on a sweatshirt. Liz and Todd eat ice cream, but Robin declines so Todd gives her an insensitively hard time: “Are you one of those constantly-on-a-diet girls?” Um, Todd? Don’t tease the formerly fat girl about watching her weight, okay? Jerk. Liz thinks that, while it’s true Jessica used to torment Robin terribly, it’s time Robin get over it. Nice. It’s no wonder Robin leaves. Oh, and there’s a mention of how Liz never ever has to diet, but she knows some of her friends do, and she hopes they do it sensibly.
Robin goes home, and there’s some more backstory. She has a rich artist aunt who wanted her to go to Sarah Lawrence, early admission, all expenses paid. Robin wanted to get a diving scholarship to a West Coast school where she could study computers, but her aunt said she’d only pay for Robin’s college if she went to SL, no diving, and no computers. She’ll never amount to anything with a computer degree! Unlike those painting degrees, which apparently make you rich enough to live in a mansion in Paris and run your relatives’ lives. Robin stood up to her aunt and mom and finally won, but now she feels guilty anytime she thinks about college and how expensive it’s going to be. George calls and says he’s having tons of fun in his class, and he made a new friend named Vicky who’s really good at math and wants to meet Robin. Robin is depressed: she feels ugly without George, and wishes he had time to come see her. Robin is such a loser.
After cheer practice the next day, the girls start to plan their sundae party. They need kiddie pools to hold the ice cream, and Jess volunteers Liz to do the publicity. Nice. They need to get companies to donate ice cream, so Robin, Jess, and Cara take off in the Fiat. Robin remembers when Jess rescheduled the cheer team’s yearbook photo and didn’t tell Robin, to try to keep her out of the picture. Jess insists on doing the talking at the ice cream parlor, and Robin is like, “Whatever. It’s too early to start fighting for control; Jess’ll flake out later, like she always does, and then I’ll take over.” Hee. It’s awesome reading from the perspective of a character who sees Jess for exactly what she is. The ice cream lady agrees to help and offers the girls samples. Robin starts to agree, but then a fat family walks in and she lies that she’s allergic to milk and runs away. Seeing fat people makes her feel ashamed of how she used to look.
Jess and Liz sit in the cafeteria, and Jess moans about Lois Waller, who she thinks is too fat to be let out in public. Lois and her boyfriend have their lunch, and Jess is mortally offended and disgusted that a fat person would dare eat fries right out where anyone could see. She is such a bitch. Liz isn’t much better: “Lois would never be a fashion model, but she clearly had a great relationship with Gene, and her outlook on life was completely optimistic. So what difference did it make if she couldn’t wear size-six jeans? None at all, Elizabeth told herself confidently. None at all.” Well, isn’t that nice? I’m sure Lois sleeps easy at night, knowing she has the Elizabeth Wakefield seal of approval. I wonder if Liz’s friends ever get tired of her condescending bullshit.
Vicky, George’s new friend from flying class, wants to meet Robin, so George calls her up and asks if he can bring Vicky to the beach disco. Robin says yes because she wants to make George happy, even though she doesn’t really want Vicky tagging along on their date. George and Vicky show up, and because this is Sweet Valley, Vicky is tall, blonde, gorgeous, and looks like a model. Robin feels like an idiot for assuming she’d be ugly just because George said she’s good at math: she feels guilty for her sexist stereotyping. Hee. On the way to the club, Robin tries to make conversation with Vicky, but George keeps interrupting to talk about people and professors Robin doesn’t know. Finally, Robin stops trying. Inside, Robin says she doesn’t feel like dancing and George is like, “Kay! Bye!” and hauls Vicky off to dance with her instead. Robin is like, “I am so stupid to let my boyfriend get stolen right in front of me.” She remembers that she got with George in the first place because he cheated on Enid during flying class, and is like, “Obviously the same thing is happening again.” On the way home, Robin is distant to Vicky, who’s still trying to be nice. Vicky asks to go into Robin’s house and use the bathroom, and when they all walk in, Vicky picks up a photo and is like, “Is this your cousin?” Robin says it’s a picture of her, and Vicky is all, “Wow! You’ve lost a lot of weight! I’m so impressed!” Tactful! Robin coldly says, “Yes, I know I used to be fat.” There’s an awkward moment, and as soon as they’re alone, George takes Robin to task for being rude.
George comes over the next morning and tells Robin she embarrassed him by being mean to Vicky. I sort of think he brought it on himself, what with cutting Robin out of the conversation and then dancing with Vicky all night long while Robin sat and watched, but whatever. Vicky is one of those people Robin thinks have had things handed to them because of their beauty; not like Robin. Nothing ever goes right for people like her. George is furious that she didn’t like Vicky, and he storms out to go back to UCLA. Robin starts to eat a sticky bun, but then stops when she remembers how slim and elegant Vicky was. She runs upstairs to weigh herself, and realizes that she’s gained three pounds. Obviously that’s why George doesn’t like her anymore. It’s time for her to get back on the stick and watch what she eats again. She writes down her diet: no breakfast, salad for lunch, light dinner, and tons of water to hide her hunger pangs. No way will George leave her for Vicky now! Or Robin could go get herself paralyzed. It worked for Enid, after all.
The cheerleaders’ plans for the sundae party are in full swing, and Robin is really bossy to all of them. She thinks about having a cookie, but changes her mind when Jess asks how George is doing. He hasn’t called for days, and he won’t pick up the phone when she calls him. What a great boyfriend! I definitely see why she wants to stay with him!
At dinner, Robin refuses to eat because her mom made roast chicken - So much fat in the skin! - and carrots with margarine on them. Ah, the eighties, before anyone had ever heard of transfats. Robin says she’s on a diet, and her mom is like, “Why? You look fine!” Robin is all, “THAT’S WHAT YOU USED TO SAY WHEN I WAS FAT! DO YOU WANT ME TO GET FAT AGAIN?” Her poor mom is like, “Um? No?” And Robin runs away, screaming, “IT’S SO HARD TO DIET WHEN YOU PUT FATTENING FOOD IN FRONT OF ME!” She’d been starving, but she’s not hungry anymore.
Jess and Liz drive to school, and pass Robin walking. They offer her a ride, but she says no thanks because cheering and diving aren’t enough exercise. She needs more. Liz is worried, but Jess is like, “It’s none of your business if she wants to lose weight. Leave her alone.” Liz rages at how unfair it is that society makes girls feel ugly if they don’t look like models, and Jess points out, “Well, models look good.” Hee.
At lunch, the cheerleaders and Liz plan the sundae party some more. Robin volunteers to be in charge of the money because she thinks the other girls on her team are too ditzy and irresponsible. Awesome! Cara offers Robin some fries, and Robin yells at her. Liz gives her the patented Saint Elizabeth Look Of Concern, and Robin is like, “Great. Liz Wakefield is going to get all up in my business now. She’s so nosy.” I love how Robin tells it like it is with the twins, even if she is completely pathetic about her boyfriend.
After practice, when the other cheerleaders are so tired they can’t even get up off the ground, Robin goes to run laps and then work on gymnastics some more. They all think she’s insane. She weighs herself, though, and she’s lost four pounds (in two days?), so she knows there’s no way George will leave her now!
George finally calls Robin, and he says he’s been unavailable because he and Vicky were studying like crazy for an exam on emergency procedures. She apologizes for how she acted last weekend, and almost cries but then she gets a grip. George apologizes too, and is like, “It’s my fault. That’s why I didn’t call you all week.” What? He knew he was being a jerk, so he avoided her calls? George is a real prize, isn’t he? No wonder Robin wants him so badly! When he’s mean to her, he gives her the little-known Silent Treatment Apology, to let her know he’s really, really sorry! They make plans for the next night, and Robin angsts about whether he really loves her or is just saying it. I think she should be suspicious: Obviously, if he really loved her, he’d tell her by not telling her.
Robin is all excited because she’s lost eight pounds, and so George will definitely think she’s hot. She’s also reorganized her closet by garment type and color, and spaced all the hangers exactly the same distance apart. George asks her how the sundae party went, and she’s pissed that he hadn’t been paying attention when she was talking about it, or he’d know it hadn’t happened yet. He asks her why she hasn’t asked him about flying yet, and she changes the subject to a post-apocalyptic science fiction novel she just finished reading. Wow. Robin has layers! George thinks she’s worried he’ll get hurt flying, and reassures her that Enid’s accident is 100% behind him. I’m sure Enid would be glad to hear it, since she’s not paralyzed for life anymore. George won’t be able to see Robin next weekend since he promised Vicky he’d drive her to her parents’ house. Vicky invited Robin too, but George remembered that Robin doesn’t like her, so he said Robin would be busy. Robin is crushed, and doesn’t want her food anymore. George doesn’t get it, and tells her she has no reason to be jealous of Vicky. He’s all, “Have I ever given you any reason to doubt that I love you?” and she points out, “The lack of phone calls, the fascination with Vicky, his not remembering important plans,” then she tells the waiter she doesn’t want her food anymore and George is embarrassed and thinks she made a scene. She didn’t, though. They leave, and George is like, “Just because we’re dating doesn’t mean you get to run my life, and if I want to be friends with my class partner I will. I wish you would trust me more.” He cuts the dinner short and takes her home, where Robin finds that her mom has hung up some laundry and completely messed up her OCD closet. She rages, and her mom asks if she’s sick.
The next morning, Robin’s mom makes pancakes and bacon. Robin screams that it was her mom’s fault Robin was fat, for making food like that, and her mom cries. Nice, Robin. Her mom is worried because Robin never seems to eat anything anymore, and Robin lies that she eats a lot at school. Her mom is like, “Oh, well as long as you have a big lunch, I guess everything is fine.” Robin lines up the sugar bowl and salt and pepper shakers, and that makes her feel better.
At school, Lois buys a ticket for the sundae party from Robin. Robin won’t make eye contact, though, because - Say it with me! - Lois is fat! At least a size ten! And I don’t know if you knew this, but Robin used to be fat too! And she thinks Lois should be embarrassed of herself! Just because you were full of self loathing doesn’t mean everyone has to be, Robin. I know it’s appalling that an overweight person might actually dare to like herself and enjoy her life, but try to deal, okay?
At diving practice after school, Robin’s swimsuit is loose. Her coach calls her out on it, and Robin says it must have just stretched out. Her coach doesn’t buy it, and is the only person in this whole book who actually seems concerned with Robin’s best interests: “Robin, I’ve noticed you’ve lost a lot of weight lately. As an athlete in training, you shouldn’t be dieting without a doctor’s supervision. Do you have a doctor’s supervision!” Go diving coach lady! Robin sheepishly confesses that she doesn’t, and the coach grills her some more on how many calories per day she’s eating, and whether she’s getting adequate nutrition to support her through cheer and diving. The coach sends her home, but Robin is shaking so badly that she can’t open her locker. The coach doesn’t call Robin’s mom, though, so I have to give her a C: better than average on being a concerned adult, but severely lacking in substantive follow through.
Robin goes ballistic on Todd because he sat in her usual desk in French class. That’s pretty brave. Dude’s kind of violent, after all.
Robin’s too tired and dizzy to focus on her homework. Liz tries to ask her if she’s okay, and Robin is like, “Go away.” So Liz does. What a great friend! Robin sees Enid and feels awkward, because being around Enid always reminds Robin of how George is really a cheating cheater. Good! But at least Robin has lost a few more pounds. She looks all scary, though, and realizes that her diet is getting out of control. She tries to buy a hamburger, but she can’t eat with everyone looking. She goes to a room by herself and still can’t manage a bite (“The hamburger squatted like a toad in front of her.” - EW!), so she throws it out and runs away. She’s disgusted with herself: if she can’t even do something simple, like diet, without completely messing it up, then what hope does she have to maintain a long-distance relationship with George. He is totally going to leave her for Vicky! Liz pops up a second time and tries to take Robin to the nurse, but Robin says she’s just stressed about the sundae party, so Liz leaves her alone again.
The cheerleaders have a photo op with the mayor. Jess flirts with the photographer, hoping that if he thinks she likes him, he’ll take some head shots of her for free so she can be famous. Amy thinks that’s kind of gross. Jess is annoyed that Maria’s dad is the mayor instead of Ned, because if Ned were mayor Jess would get to be in the paper a lot. I thought she was in the paper once a week as it was? Well, whatever. Robin shows up late, and her uniform is too big on her. Jess is now annoyed because Robin is going to wreck the photo by being ugly, but she does feel a little twinge of worry for her. Not enough to say anything about it, though.
Why is there no Lila in this book? I miss her.
The day of the sundae party. Liz and Todd make out. The newspapers and TV station are there. Why? Robin overslept and is late, and Jess is mad at her. Robin can’t open the chocolate syrup because she’s too weak. She faints, and Todd catches her. Jess is like, “What should I do to help?” and Liz tells her that she and TBT will take care of getting an ambulance for Robin, and Jess should keep the sundae party going. Jess doesn’t seem happy with this - The Grinch’s heart grew three sizes that day! - but she obeys. Liz and Todd call an ambulance, and it takes Robin away while the sundae party goes on. Principal Cooper calls Robin’s mom. Liz blames herself because she noticed Robin wasn’t eating and didn’t really do much to stop her. Todd tells her to not feel bad.
Robin wakes up in the hospital: she’s malnourished and has pneumonia. George is frantic all, “Why haven’t you been eating? Tell me how to help you! Why were you keeping this from me?” She’s like, “Vicky would never do anything this messed up, so I guess George is going to leave me now.” Her mom is like, “You told me you were eating a lot at school! How could you do this?” Um, she was lying about eating because that’s what anorexics do, duh. It’s nothing personal, Mama Wilson.
Robin wakes up again, and Vicky is sitting there. Nice. She had to drive George there, actually, because he was too upset to drive himself. Vicky is like, “I know what’s going on. You’re an anorexic.” Robin is all, “MYOB, bitch.” And Vicky is like, “And you caught anorexia because you didn’t like George hanging out with me.” Of course that’s why. Vicky goes on, “But you don’t need to be anorexic anymore, because George is totally in love with you, even though he’s been being a jerk to you about the flying lessons. He and I are just friends.”
Robin is like, “Whatever.”
Vicky says, “I know you wish I would drop dead-”
And Robin goes, “Uh-huh.” HA!
And Vicky continues, “You don’t need to be intimidated by my perfection, though, because I’m not perfect. I used to be HOOKED ON MARIJUANA.”
Robin’s like, “Really?”
And Vicky is like, “I swear.”
And then Robin sits up and eats her breakfast. All better! She tells the doctor she wants to eat now, and the doctor calls her a liar. Supportive! He also tells her she might have to go to group therapy to help her with her self-image. This whole scene is SO HORRIBLE OH MY GOD.
George comes in again, and tells her how much he loves her. They hug, and she tells him she likes Vicky after all, so he’s happy. Robin tells him she’s going to need some time to herself to figure stuff out and sort out her life again, and George is like, “I guess I deserved that.” It’s not about you, asshole! God, Robin, dump him already.
At lunch, all the popular girls are sitting together. Jess calls Liz and Enid over, and Amy is like, “Ugh! Not Enid! She sucks! What are you thinking!” Jess tells Amy, “You’ll thank me later.” Jess asks Enid to tell everyone about her cousin Jake, who’s coming for a visit. Enid is like, “I have a cousin named Jake. He’s coming to visit.” Hee. She’s so boring. Lila says, “Oh, is that all? That’s really nice, Enid.” I love Lila. But then Enid continues. Apparently, Jake is a hot tennis player. She has a photo she shows them, and Lila says she’s seen him play on TV. That’s all the Queen Bees really needed to know, so Enid is dismissed. Lila can’t believe stupid Enid would have such an awesome cousin, but Amy thinks Tom McKay is cuter. Jess reminds Amy that Tom and Jean West are going out, and Amy is like, “So?”
Book 75 is called Amy’s First Love here, but I don’t think that’s the title it wound up having. Everyone knows Amy’s first love is herself.