Sweet Valley High #38 Leaving Home
The cover is Liz sitting at her typewriter, staring dreamily at a poster of Switzerland (a chalet on a lake if you were interested) while Jess looks schemeingly on from the doorway.
I just made up the word schemeingly. Please use it frequently so it’ll be added to the dictionary. The really short recap: Liz wants to go to Switzerland for senior year. Jess and the crew are all “Why are you so anxious to get away from us?” Liz is then all “Lalalala, I can’t hear you over the sound of my own awesomeness.” Winston wins the lottery…or does he?
The book opens with our heroines at the beach with Enid. Jess is using a pair of binoculars to check out hot guys surfing. The binos were given to her by a boy who has a crush on her. But Jess doesn’t like this boy because he is too boring. His name is Randy. I know a guy named Randy and not only is he boring, he stinks. I don’t think he wears deodorant. I can see why Jess wouldn’t date Randy. There is some background exposition and we find out that Liz likes Enid as a friend because Enid is loyal, trustworthy, and dependable--sounds like Liz needs a dog rather than a friend. I am with Jess, Enid’s a drag. We also find out the twins are “model slim” and have “sparkling blue-green eyes.” On page 3, we learn that Liz looks and Jessica leaps. That’s a pretty accurate description. Enid defends Randy while Jess insinuates that she is only using him for the things he gives her. Jess foreshadows for us by saying “This is really terrific. I mean, look at this place! A beach--palm trees--gorgeous guys--the mountains just a couple of hours away. Who could ask for anything more than Sweet Valley?” I am guessing Liz, but that really is only a guess. Turns out I am right. Liz is studying a brochure about Switzerland. Jess tells her to put it away like Liz is an errant child but that doesn’t go over so well. Liz starts saying how lovely Switzerland is as reported by Regina Morrow. Jess doesn’t want to hear it. We then get some back story on Heroically Deaf Regina and how she went to Switzerland to be cured. How she was a beautiful model with a tragic hearing disability. But even though she spent a lot of time in the hospital there, Regina fell in love with the country. And now Liz loves it too.
Oh, oh, oh! Perfect! I’ve never read it but the intimations are just too good. Mr. Bow-chica-bow-bow Collins suggested Liz read F. Scott Fitzgerald’s Tender is the Night for extra credit. ::wink wink:: Extra credit huh? Mmmhhhmmm. Oh, after reading up about the novel, seems it is about alcoholism and affairs. Nope, nothing suggestive there, Teach. Seems like this uplifting novel inspired Liz to look into programs that would let her do her senior year abroad. And upon finding a program that would work, she had talked about nothing else.
Jess’ sociopathy makes its second appearance (the first obviously being her callous treatment of Stinky-Randy). “There was no way Jessica was going to let her twin take off and leave her!” Yep, good ole Jess, always thinking of others. But it looks like Jess has Enid on her side. After all, without Liz, Enid is less than nothing at SVH.
The headmaster of the school is Mr. Hummel. Yep, Hummel. How bloody original. But it turns out this fantastic school just happens to be offering a creative writing course that starts in the summer and would continue through the senior year. Good thing that authentic Swiss boarding school is setup like an American high school. Jess gets in a lovely paragraph designed to guilt-trip her sister into not going, but Liz feels she just has to go. It’s a feeling. Jess supportively decides to nip the plan in the bud before Liz gets too attached to the idea.
That night, the twins and parents drive to San Fernando, which is halfway between SV and “state college” where Steven is a freshman. The got to Pedro’s Mexican Restaurant. Jess tells Liz she won’t get Mexican food in Switzerland. Way to keep Elizabeth’s mind off it, Jess. Jess then says, “Europe has really had it anyway.” And, “It’s really decaying over there, Liz.” She then says that Elizabeth shouldn’t be focused on writing in a chalet but being on the beach, keeping her tan. Oh, the intelligence is just astounding. Liz disagrees with Jessica, reminding her how awesome it was when they went on Spring Break. Papa Wakefield finally breaks up the catfight by telling them not to get excited until they have more information. Some rare parenting and good advice from Ned.
The next day at lunch, Liz, Jeffrey, Jessica, Winston, Lila and a few others are gabbing about, you guessed it, Switzerland. Liz laments the cost while Lila makes some gratuitous statements designed to remind us how rich she is. Winston adds some humor by saying he’ll send Liz to boarding school. Turns out Winston has a lottery ticket his lucky father bought him and he is sure to win. Well, Liz thinks he is something of a long-shot but goshums, the first numbers of the ticket are Jeffrey’s birthday! Jeffrey was born on July 12th if you were interested. Winston is holding a Get Rich Quick party that evening. Not as good as a dance or a Fowler Mansion party, but it’ll do. Winston makes sure to invite Lila so she’ll be able to give him tips on how to act when wealthy. Everyone jokes about him now being able to finance his appetite and mention is made of his trying to break a world record in pizza eating (note: anyone know what book that is and I’ll link it).
Liz and Jeffrey head off to the mall to find a present for Jeffrey’s mom. Liz mentions Switzerland again and Jeff gets quiet-seems he doesn’t like Liz’s latest obsession. Liz sees a lovely pearl pin that I think will reappear. Jeffrey knows he is being selfish in not wanting Liz to go to Switzerland and not even wanting to want her to go. She’s all like, “It’s just Senior year and we’ll be able to get together on vacations” but Jeff wisely (Jeffrey really is the smartest person in SV I’d say) basically says, “Uh, you and Todd couldn’t even handle Vermont and you think Switzerland is going to be easy?” (Plug alert! Read my recap of the Todd-Vermont-Ohnoes here.) Liz is all, “This is totally different!” She rationalizes that Todd moved away forever, and she would only be going for senior year. Logic, I can haz it? Liz doesn’t want to remember the hurt that Todd’s leaving caused. She decides the best course of action is to ignore the problem and focus on skiing in Switzerland. Liz does remember that she and Todd tried for a long time (about two weeks, for the record) to make their long distance relationship work. And, well, Switzerland is farther than Vermont. And phone calls would be impossible and letters would take days and days. But she and Jeffrey have a strong relationship so there! Liz decides then to focus her gushing on the writing program rather than the locale because that’ll make everyone more supportive. Liz then proceeds to turn around and stick her foot in her mouth. I thought Jess was the tactless one?
Winston and his girlfriend are getting food for the party. He’s invited about half the town and they joke about how they are glad they don’t have tons of money. They then bump into a little girl who wants her grandfather to buy her some of her favorite cookies. But grandpa is too poor. Maria and Winston comment on how shabby his shoes and sweater are and how awful it is that he can’t get his granddaughter cookies. Winston forgot something and heads back and when he gets back to the counter, the jacket he had for some reason put down is now gone and he has the grandfather’s jacket. This is more of a tragedy than it first appears because not only might the old man be cold trying to fit into Winston’s several-sizes-smaller jacket, Winston’s lottery ticket just happened to be in the pocket too! Winston is freaking out when he feels something in the old man’s jacket. Turns out grandpa was a lottery player too! Everyone asks what Winston’s numbers are and he reads them off. Liz is confused because the first numbers were supposed to be Jeffrey’s birthday. I just knew that would be important later, I just knew it! The grand prize for this amazing, televised lottery drawing is…twenty-five thousand dollars! Don’t spend it all in one place! Well, the numbers are read off and they just happen to match Winston’s “new” ticket! He’s won! Or not. Mostly not. Everyone goes wild. It is finally sinking in and Winston doesn’t know what to do. He won, but the ticket isn’t his. Conundrum! (but really, $25,000 wouldn’t even buy you an outhouse in California so I don’t know why everyone is so excited and stuff.)
The next day, after school, Liz checks the mailbox and lo and behold, the info for the Swiss school (Interlochen fyi) has arrived. Turns out the school not only sent brochures, they also sent information on a scholarship they just happen to offer to a student who will be studying in the English department. It is in honor of a woman who lived in California, but studied at Interlochen and it includes admission into the summer program too. What are the chances? (about equal to those of winning the lottery, no doubt.) The requirements for the scholarship include age, sex, writing ability, smarts, persistence, community volunteerism, etc. Basically if the scholarship were written for a person, that person would be Elizabeth Wakefield. Jess doesn’t want her to go but can’t bring herself to keep Liz from applying. She points out that Liz is perfect for the scholarship--she’s even more saintly than the girl it is named after. Jess dramatizes Liz leaving for Switzerland and how she’ll have “no more twin.” And that Liz will fall in love with a shepherd or a yodeler and never come back.
Liz needs to get paperwork done and three recommendations. Of course Mr. Collins will write one (kickbacks? ;) ) and maybe she can get Ms. Dalton (the lover of Ken Matthews) but who else will write a recommendation letter for Saint Elizabeth? Jess points out that half the faculty will write the damn letter, damn it all. The teachers will go on and on about all the good Saint Elizabeth has done--it is hopeless if Jess were trying to keep her sister in country. Jess might as well go start packing the trunk. Liz also says she’ll have to send in writing samples and fishes for some compliments. Liz also has to be interviewed by two people--an alumnus of the school and a member of the family sponsoring the scholarship (guess Winston paying is out?). And Interlochen alumni and family members are that thick on the ground? Right. Jess is all like “What the hell are you worrying about, fool?” Liz runs off to begin the process of getting the heck out of the country. Jess can’t understand why Liz is so anxious to get away from everyone here, but really, can anyone blame her? She may be QueenBeeII of Sweet Valley, but what is that compared to Switzerland? (it is getting tiring typing Switzerland each time so I am just going to call it SwMs for Swiss Miss from now on, okay?)
Jess heads upstairs to the “Hershey Bar” and calls in the cavalry--Steven. (Note, it took her several minutes to find the phone in the room. This is because Jessica is the impulsive, messy one. Please remember from now on, right-o?) Steven brings up the last time Jess called with an “emergency” thinking Mama Wakefield was knocked up, which turned out to be a false alarm. Jess assures him that this time it is serious. Steven says “Well bust it up for heaven’s sake! Follow her around wherever she goes and submarine her!” Okay, he didn’t say that, I just randomly started channeling “The Parent Trap.” The original one with Hayley Mills. I love that movie, and Susan almost ended up in a boarding school in Switzerland too! Anyway, back to SV. Jess updates Steven on the Liz-SwMs situation aka The Sitch. The ‘rents are currently talking to Liz about the info and the scholarship that was practically written for her. Steven agrees that it is serious. Jess says that they can’t let her go---there’s no way Jess could make it without Liz (to bail her out and kiss up for her and cover for her and make excuses for her, etc). She also adds-so as not to seem too selfish-that the whole boarding school thing sounds creepy. Plus Liz’ll come back speaking German, smoking cigarettes, and dragging everyone to the opera of all evil places. And boarding schools are for orphans and losers---people with nowhere else to go. Steven cautions patience--after all Alice and Ned will never let her go. They wouldn’t let Steven quit school and get a job on some cruise ship and school abroad has a direct correlation to that.
Ned and Alice are talking to Liz. They know she is qualified and stuff but are trying to get her to keep things in perspective and think about what she’d be giving up to go. They also then compare her to Steven and his desire to leave school to be lounge singer on a cruise ship or something. Was that the only other book the ghostwriter has read? Liz suggests they call the headmaster tomorrow (because Switzerland is so in the same timezone as California) and can’t believe they are comparing her, Saint Elizabeth, to half-baked Steven.
Liz just can’t understand why no one is as excited about her going to SwMs as she is. Her parents are downers, Enid was decidedly brusk on the phone, Jess has been avoiding her all day. She thinks her friends should be as excited about Liz leaving the country as Liz is. Good thing she can now call Jeffrey and vent to him and get full support. Riiiight.
The next day at school, Winston is busy dealing with all his new “friends” and his new fame. Lila is suddenly his best friend (over $25,000?), reporters are coming to interview him at school, even his parents have “flipped.” Everyone is so happy but he is dying inside. Everything is moving so fast and he knows he needs to tell his parents the ticket isn’t actually his, but he keeps waiting and it keeps getting harder. Poor Winston. He even has a new nickname, “Big Win.” But all the attention is soured by the knowledge that the real winner is a poor old man who can’t even buy his granddaughter cookies. L (You could turn this into a drinking game-every time ghostwriter uses “poor old man” take a drink.) Winston goes into the library to study and get away from his fans and runs into Liz. She is, of course, working on her scholarship application. She mentions the disparity in numbers on his ticket and Winston comes up with a quick lie about how his dad bought him two. Way to come clean, Winnie!
That afternoon finds Winston in the SV Ghetto looking for the “poor old man.” (drink). Oops, now we learn his name--Jack Oliver. He went back to the supermarket with Winston’s jacket and now Winston is going to return Mr. Oliver’s jacket. Mr. Oliver’s house is tiny but still somewhat charming despite its dilapidated condition. Winston is invited in and the interior is just as shabby as the exterior. Mr. Oliver makes some remarks about his granddaughter when he sees Winston looking at her picture. Seems Mr. Oliver never regretted not being rich until his granddaughter came along…oh, now there’s a subtle setup. Winston then sees some lottery tickets on a table and “casually” asks, “So, you play the lottery?” Turns out Mr. Oliver plays weekly but is about to give it up because there is no payback. Yep, real real subtle. Mr. Oliver hasn’t even been paying attention to the numbers the last few weeks. (which really isn’t smart, I mean, you might as well throw your money away even more at that point.) But hey, if he stops paying, maybe he can help save up to send his little granddaughter to riding camp. She just loves riding, if only they had the money to send her. (Okay, really now, who discusses their money problems with complete strangers right off the bat? NO ONE.) But now Winston knows how poor they are so of course he is going to give the man the ticket right? WRONG. Winston also knows that Mr. Oliver doesn’t even know he won. So it’s not like Winston is stealing from him, right? Even after the “Oh, I am so poor” lament, Winston is unmoved. He just has to keep quiet and the money is his! [insert evil laughter]
Back at the Wakefield’s house, Liz wants everyone to practice for when her interviewer comes. She wants to make a good impression. No one in the family seems very interested so Liz goes to call Jeffrey. They keep missing each other during the day due to schedule conflicts. He answers and says in a husky voice, “I wish I could see you tonight. I have something I want to give you.” Honest to God, that’s what he said. And I am not making up the “husky voice” thing either. How kinky! Liz responds to this with a “Really? What is it?” Oh, Liz, you are so innocent. Jeffrey won’t tell her what it is but he is going to take her someplace special tomorrow night and give it to her then. People, I am NOT making this up! Turns out Liz can’t go because she is going to work on her story and actually wanted Jeffrey’s help. She then wonders if the interviewer will want to talk to Jeffrey. Jeffrey says that he is sure willing to say that Liz is “the softest, the sexiest, the most romantic girl he’s ever been in love with.” Liz doesn’t find that so funny and Jeffrey accuses her of losing her sense of humor. Assuming she ever had one. Well turns out it is certainly gone (if it existed) because no one is taking her application seriously so she is going to have to work doubleplushard to whip everyone into shape. (If she were Jessica, she would just hire actors to pretend to be her family and friends, but she is Liz and never even thinks of it.)
The next night, Liz has let Jeffrey drag her out to a party for a few hours. She and Enid are talking and the subject of Liz’s interviews comes up. Liz is again stressing that for some reason her friends will say something bad about her and cause her to lose the scholarship. Because that is such a valid fear. Enid assures Liz that she’ll only tell the truth but then Liz worries that her friends and family will embellish too much and she won’t look like she is a human being. Which she isn’t--she is Saint Elizabeth. Enid tells her to take a chill pill and Liz gushes some more about the school. But she is still confused why no one is supporting her. Enid says, “Did you ever think it was because we didn’t want you to go away?” and Liz is all like “That is so selfish!” Enid then reminds her that she shouldn’t have to go to Europe to find inspiration-she should be inspired by everyday things too. Liz flies off the handle and stomps off in righteous indignation--not because it is in character but because the ghostwriter needs this contrived anger to forward the story, fyi.
The next day Enid is sad about their fight and bumps into Jeffrey. They discuss what can be done and decide that they have to support Liz 100%. Enid feels she hasn’t been a good friend and maybe she’ll put together a scrapbook of all the fun things they’ve done together so Liz can take it with her--Jeffrey offers to help. Jeffrey has bought her the pearl pin that Liz gushed about on their last shopping trip. They are both excited now to actually be doing something rather than moping about Liz leaving.
Winston is busy with his own troubles. He calls the lottery ticket place and asks what happens if someone uses a winning ticket that isn’t his. The lady there says that the winner is the person holding the ticket, period. Winston thinks that doesn’t help him in his dilemma--the money is legally his but he still feels awful.
Jessica is wailing away to Steven--Liz is for sure going and they can’t do anything about it! Steven has a plan. They are going to basically sabotage Liz’s interview with the guy and they’ll get other people school to help them. How loving!
The next day at school, Liz is waiting for Jeffrey at lunch. Lila waves her over--turns out Lila saw Jeffrey and Enid leaving together. Lila then makes some insinuations about Jeffrey and Enid getting it on. Liz laughs at first but then a tiny bit of doubt creeps in… Of course Jeffrey’s errand is innocent---he and Enid are going for glue for the scrapbook. Jeffrey even wrote Liz a note but some sophomore boys just happened to take it out of her locker (how?) and throw it away.
Winston too skipped lunch to go buy a doll for Mr. Oliver’s granddaughter. Because a doll totally makes up for $25,000. He sends the doll anonymously but still feels so guilty. He is so torn!
The day of the interview, Liz dresses up conservatively (read: grannyish) and ponders the state of her relationship with Jeffrey. He said he wrote a note and she believes him. She doesn’t think anything is going on with Enid now, but what if, in the future…because what if she meats some hottie Eurotrash and wants a hookup? Should she and Jeffrey be bound to each other or be allowed to date other people. She then flashes back to when she was waiting for Jeffrey at his homeroom and he and Enid walked up looking guilty. She had a feeling they were hiding something from her and can’t help but remember Lila’s gossip. Poor Liz, she thinks her whole life has gone tits over arse.
Jess is still working on her sabotage plan. She is distracted when Neil Freemont interrupts her to introduce her to Kirk Anderson. Kirk is hot but very arrogant seeming. Even Jess is turned off by his arrogant personality. Neil interrupts her before she can tell Kirk off and practically fellates him there on the tennis court. Jess leaves without giving Kirk the set-down he deserves. Which ends that inane little interlude but will probably become important in the next book. So remember it!
Liz is at home moping around. Mrs. Wakefield does some actual parenting and gets her to talk about what is wrong. Alice is incredulous that Liz thinks that Jeffrey can be interested in Enid. After all, Enid is as dull as a rock. Though she says something like “Enid? Your Enid?” and really, how many Enid’s could there possibly be? It isn’t exactly a common name---it fell out of the top 1000 in the country in the 50s. Alice then takes Liz to task for jumping to conclusions and assuming a ton about both Jeffrey and Enid. Liz finally realizes that she needs to pull her head out of her butt and actually talk to the two of them. Is this the first time that Alice has been an actual parent? Someone alert the media!
The Wakefield’s dinner is now enhanced by the inclusion of Steven. He and Jess have a bit of fun at Liz’s expense. She is still worry-warting about the interview the next day. It is some involved thing about her going to San Diego by bus for the first part, then to Palisades for the second, then everyone coming back to Sweet Valley for the third part. Ned says that he doesn’t get off work til 6 and Liz freaks because the interviewer will be at the house by 4. He’ll think they have a “broken home!” Yeah, because no one’s father actually has to work for a living, moron. Liz is upset at her family’s casual behavior to her life-changing interview and decides to call Jeffrey. She has just missed him. His mother thinks he has gone over to Enid’s house. Liz forgets everything she and her mother talked about and assumes that he is over there for hawt sexxorz or something. She is now devastated and doesn’t want to talk to Jeffrey at all. Good think you decided not to jump to conclusions any more Liz.
The next day, Liz goes to her interview. She dresses like a librarian. She doesn’t wear the pin Jeffrey gave her because she is passive-aggressive about the whole situation. The interviewer, Mr. Sterne (oh, subtle), is about her dad’s age. She tells him about herself and he says something about how the most important thing is the interview with her family and friends because those are the things that show her character the best. Oh, lord, if that isn’t obvious, I don’t know what is. Was this book written by an 8th grader?
Well, the interviews continue (mostly off “screen” thankfully) and Liz and Mr. Sterne arrive at the Wakefield house. He again says how important it is to have someone from a good family to represent his family. Oh, Lord, we get it! No need to hit us over the head with the point! Lucky for Liz and her hopes for a good impression, there is a motorcycle in their driveway when she and the interviewer get there. Liz can’t figure out what it is doing there since none of them are allowed to ride evil, dangerous motorcycles. Mr. Sterne sniffs disdainfully. They go into the house. Steven is there, and he hasn’t shaved that morning. Mrs. Wakefield is conveniently gone and Steven makes some comments about punctuality not being necessary. He also keeps commenting how attached the family is to each other and how they can’t function without each other--which is why he isn’t at college right now. Jess then comes in wearing a leather miniskirt and more makeup than a whore. Liz knows her chances for the scholarship are finished. It is extremely telling that Jess and Steven don’t care what will happen to them when Liz loses the scholarship and has to stay at home--because they know she is so spineless that even though they are ruining her chances at going abroad, they know she won’t kill them in their sleep. Like I would. In a second. Mr. Wakefield arrives then and we end the tableau.
Well, later in the day, the Wakefield family is having a conference. Liz is very mad at her sister and brother and her parents for both being late. Seems as though Mama and Papa Wakefield are a little blasé about the whole scholarship and supporting their daughter thing. They do yell some at Jess and Steven who try to make up excuses for their behavior. For some reason the motorcycle thing gets some more attention. Is it really criminal to have a motorcycle? Really? Liz just wants to be alone-she can’t believe how her family disappointed her. Her only hope is that the interviews with her friends go better. With Jess’ plan, I seriously doubt her hopes will be realized.
Jess and Steven are moving forward with their sabotage plan. They apparently feel no remorse for the way they practically sent Liz into a suicidal depression earlier in the day. Jess’s plan has evolved to include her wearing something similar to Liz and bumping into Mr. Sterne during the day to make Liz look schizo. Steven’s part in the plan is to call the office a dozen times when Liz is in her interview to make it look like she is a whore. Steven doesn’t know whether to call Jess a genius or a real jerk. Me, I vote for uber-jerk. She then calls Lila to make sure everyone else is on board with destroying Liz’s reputation the next day. How loving and caring.
Back to Winston and his great internal struggle. He talks to his mom in vague terms about his problem and comes to a decision. With any luck, it’ll be one that keeps him firmly in first place as Sweet Valley’s best and most balanced resident.
The next morning, Jess has dressed exactly like Liz. Because their wardrobes are so similar, it was easy to do. At school, Jess gets right to work. Her first bizarre conversation with Mr. Sterne is about how important men are. Jess-as-Liz says she hopes to meet a rich Swiss banker. A couple of boys then appear and Jess-as-Liz drapes herself all over them. Mr. Sterne is baffled and upset. Jess is thrilled her plan is going so well. It is going so well that, later in the day, Jeffrey mistakes her for Liz, and Jess has to make some stuff on the fly to keep him from hanging around. She then heads over to Mr. Sterne who has just talked to Mr. Collins. Mr. Sterne says that he has never heard such a glowing report from anyone in his career and Jess-as-Liz gushes about how wonderful that is. Why, she has just been in love with Mr. Collins since day one. Why, he is just so gorgeous. Jess then makes some insensitive remarks about the woman the scholarship was named after and dashes off to meet one of her many men before the horrified Mr. Sterne can say a word. Honestly though, if I had a twin sister who did something like this to me, I’d cut her nose off so she’d never be able to pretend to be me again. Or at least break it a few times. Liz’s afternoon meeting doesn’t go so well when Steven keeps his part of the bargain. Mr. Sterne and the school alumnus who is there to interview her too are both completely confused by her contrary behavior and will be in contact--maybe. Liz is devastated and doesn’t know what went wrong--until she spies someone who looks exactly like her, down to the hair ribbon, walking in the parking lot. Liz vows that this is the last trick her sister is going to ever play on her. Oh, sure, I’ll believe that one and did I mention a bridge I have for sale?
Back at home, Liz is confronting her brother and sister. Why she didn’t just wait and squeal to her parents--oh, right, Ned and Alice’s sterling parenting skills. So Liz is in tears trying to figure out what they did. She demands they tell her what they did to make Mr. Sterne think she was a lunatic. Steven is starting to feel some remorse and tries to make excuses saying that they didn’t want her to ruin her life by going to a snobby boarding school and stuff. Jess is feeling guilty too because she hates to see her twin upset-you think she might’ve thought about that beforehand, but no! Well, Liz puts two and two together and basically susses out what they did. They ask for forgiveness but she won’t give it. Liz then storms out of the room without killing them. Steven and Jess then try to blame each other for the stupid plan but eventually decide that what they need to do is call Mr. Sterne and try to sort it all out.
Liz is in her bedroom still crying. Everything is so messed up. She decides to go for a jog along the beach. She will stop by Jeffrey’s house and talk to him too. She is also starting to forgive Jess and Steven--after all, they did what they did out of love. Personally, I’d call it selfishness disguised as love, but Liz is all about rationalization. Plus, Liz didn’t like Mr. Sterne at all-he was tense and pretentious and hard to talk to. And she hadn’t really considered day-to-day life in a Swiss boarding school. (I myself would guess it would be even harder if everyone knew you were the scholarship-winner aka charity case.) So she has halfway convinced herself that she doesn’t want to go when she gets to Jeffrey’s house. Enid is there and they look very cozy. Liz jumps to conclusions (again) and decides that Jeffrey just can’t wait to get rid of her to start moving in on her best friend. Because that is totally in his character. Liz runs away before they see her and goes to throw herself in the ocean or something equally melodramatic.
Winston has come to a decision. He goes to Mr. Oliver and explains about the ticket mix-up. Mr. Oliver is at first confused, but when Winston reiterates that Mr. Oliver is now the owner of the $25,000, he becomes joyful. Not only can he send his granddaughter to horsey camp, fix his daughter’s car, and he can give them a good Christmas. Aww, fell that tugging? That’s your heartstrings. And feel that funny feeling in your stomach? That’s your gag reflex. Mr. Oliver doesn’t blame Winston at all for failing to tell him about the win sooner and Winston is feeling high as a kite because he has done the right thing.
Liz gets home feeling her entire world has fallen apart. She showers and then decides that she hasn’t forgiven her brother and sister and goes to yell at them. Ned and Alice want to hear what the commotion is about. Everyone is yelling and the doorbell rings. The Wakefield’s dog (who hasn’t gotten a mention until this very moment) starts barking. Liz keeps yelling and Alice says something fairly insensitive about the parents having had a hard week and wanting some relaxing quiet to put their feet up and then she’ll hear about what happened with the interviews. It is at that moment that Ned walks in with Mr. Sterne and the other interview lady. Mr. Sterne pompously says some stuff about how they were ready to reject Liz but then Jess and Steven came and fessed up and their dedication to keeping their sister at home actually speaks highly of her, and after some consideration, they’ve decided to award her the scholarship. At that moment, Jeffrey and Enid conveniently appear and give Liz their beautifully constructed (and glued) scrapbook. Liz is just overcome and feels the need to dis the adults and go off alone with Jeffrey. Mr. Sterne stiffly agrees to give her a moment (which could be another drinking game---every time Mr. Sterne does something “stiff” or says something “stiffly” take a drink.)
Liz and Jeffrey have a quick talk and all her fears are obviously put to rest. She says that she has made a decision. She goes back to the room and makes her award winning speech-remembering to thank all the little people---and then turns down the scholarship. Mr. Sterne is stiffly shocked! No one has ever turned down their scholarship. Liz says that she can believe that because studying in SwMs would be magical, but not nearly as magical as living in Sweet Valley with her friends and family. Gag me with a spoon. Especially gag me when everyone in the room claps after her impassioned and trite speech. But really, it is over and done with that fast. One minute it is all "Switzerland, yays!" and the next is it "Sweet Valley is teh awesomest!"
Our B plot is also coming to an end when the newspaper prints a story about how Winston isn’t really the winner of the lottery. Lila and Jess discuss it. They are both pretty sure they wouldn’t have given up the money. Lila mentions that you don’t get far in life having that sort of confused-generous value system. Winston himself then appears and gives them the whole story. And apparently the poor old man is throwing him a party with some of the money. Way to save, old guy! Jess has stopped paying attention because she has spotted ArrogantKirk making his way arrogantly into the school. Neil is still with him and Jess makes a mental not to talk to Neil about his execrable taste in friends.
Back in The Oracle office, Penny Ayla is so happy Liz isn’t leaving for SwMs, but hey, some of the people on staff had a great idea---how about a personals column in the newspaper? That’s a great way to fill up space that would otherwise be taken up by exposés on cafeteria food and its awfulness. The personals idea is a hit with everyone and Lynne Henry is going to be the one to edit and coordinate it. Jess, Cara, and Lila are pretty skeptical about the whole thing---after all, what kind of loser needs to advertise to get a date? I think we’ll find out in #39 Secret Admirer.
I just made up the word schemeingly. Please use it frequently so it’ll be added to the dictionary. The really short recap: Liz wants to go to Switzerland for senior year. Jess and the crew are all “Why are you so anxious to get away from us?” Liz is then all “Lalalala, I can’t hear you over the sound of my own awesomeness.” Winston wins the lottery…or does he?
The book opens with our heroines at the beach with Enid. Jess is using a pair of binoculars to check out hot guys surfing. The binos were given to her by a boy who has a crush on her. But Jess doesn’t like this boy because he is too boring. His name is Randy. I know a guy named Randy and not only is he boring, he stinks. I don’t think he wears deodorant. I can see why Jess wouldn’t date Randy. There is some background exposition and we find out that Liz likes Enid as a friend because Enid is loyal, trustworthy, and dependable--sounds like Liz needs a dog rather than a friend. I am with Jess, Enid’s a drag. We also find out the twins are “model slim” and have “sparkling blue-green eyes.” On page 3, we learn that Liz looks and Jessica leaps. That’s a pretty accurate description. Enid defends Randy while Jess insinuates that she is only using him for the things he gives her. Jess foreshadows for us by saying “This is really terrific. I mean, look at this place! A beach--palm trees--gorgeous guys--the mountains just a couple of hours away. Who could ask for anything more than Sweet Valley?” I am guessing Liz, but that really is only a guess. Turns out I am right. Liz is studying a brochure about Switzerland. Jess tells her to put it away like Liz is an errant child but that doesn’t go over so well. Liz starts saying how lovely Switzerland is as reported by Regina Morrow. Jess doesn’t want to hear it. We then get some back story on Heroically Deaf Regina and how she went to Switzerland to be cured. How she was a beautiful model with a tragic hearing disability. But even though she spent a lot of time in the hospital there, Regina fell in love with the country. And now Liz loves it too.
Oh, oh, oh! Perfect! I’ve never read it but the intimations are just too good. Mr. Bow-chica-bow-bow Collins suggested Liz read F. Scott Fitzgerald’s Tender is the Night for extra credit. ::wink wink:: Extra credit huh? Mmmhhhmmm. Oh, after reading up about the novel, seems it is about alcoholism and affairs. Nope, nothing suggestive there, Teach. Seems like this uplifting novel inspired Liz to look into programs that would let her do her senior year abroad. And upon finding a program that would work, she had talked about nothing else.
Jess’ sociopathy makes its second appearance (the first obviously being her callous treatment of Stinky-Randy). “There was no way Jessica was going to let her twin take off and leave her!” Yep, good ole Jess, always thinking of others. But it looks like Jess has Enid on her side. After all, without Liz, Enid is less than nothing at SVH.
The headmaster of the school is Mr. Hummel. Yep, Hummel. How bloody original. But it turns out this fantastic school just happens to be offering a creative writing course that starts in the summer and would continue through the senior year. Good thing that authentic Swiss boarding school is setup like an American high school. Jess gets in a lovely paragraph designed to guilt-trip her sister into not going, but Liz feels she just has to go. It’s a feeling. Jess supportively decides to nip the plan in the bud before Liz gets too attached to the idea.
That night, the twins and parents drive to San Fernando, which is halfway between SV and “state college” where Steven is a freshman. The got to Pedro’s Mexican Restaurant. Jess tells Liz she won’t get Mexican food in Switzerland. Way to keep Elizabeth’s mind off it, Jess. Jess then says, “Europe has really had it anyway.” And, “It’s really decaying over there, Liz.” She then says that Elizabeth shouldn’t be focused on writing in a chalet but being on the beach, keeping her tan. Oh, the intelligence is just astounding. Liz disagrees with Jessica, reminding her how awesome it was when they went on Spring Break. Papa Wakefield finally breaks up the catfight by telling them not to get excited until they have more information. Some rare parenting and good advice from Ned.
The next day at lunch, Liz, Jeffrey, Jessica, Winston, Lila and a few others are gabbing about, you guessed it, Switzerland. Liz laments the cost while Lila makes some gratuitous statements designed to remind us how rich she is. Winston adds some humor by saying he’ll send Liz to boarding school. Turns out Winston has a lottery ticket his lucky father bought him and he is sure to win. Well, Liz thinks he is something of a long-shot but goshums, the first numbers of the ticket are Jeffrey’s birthday! Jeffrey was born on July 12th if you were interested. Winston is holding a Get Rich Quick party that evening. Not as good as a dance or a Fowler Mansion party, but it’ll do. Winston makes sure to invite Lila so she’ll be able to give him tips on how to act when wealthy. Everyone jokes about him now being able to finance his appetite and mention is made of his trying to break a world record in pizza eating (note: anyone know what book that is and I’ll link it).
Liz and Jeffrey head off to the mall to find a present for Jeffrey’s mom. Liz mentions Switzerland again and Jeff gets quiet-seems he doesn’t like Liz’s latest obsession. Liz sees a lovely pearl pin that I think will reappear. Jeffrey knows he is being selfish in not wanting Liz to go to Switzerland and not even wanting to want her to go. She’s all like, “It’s just Senior year and we’ll be able to get together on vacations” but Jeff wisely (Jeffrey really is the smartest person in SV I’d say) basically says, “Uh, you and Todd couldn’t even handle Vermont and you think Switzerland is going to be easy?” (Plug alert! Read my recap of the Todd-Vermont-Ohnoes here.) Liz is all, “This is totally different!” She rationalizes that Todd moved away forever, and she would only be going for senior year. Logic, I can haz it? Liz doesn’t want to remember the hurt that Todd’s leaving caused. She decides the best course of action is to ignore the problem and focus on skiing in Switzerland. Liz does remember that she and Todd tried for a long time (about two weeks, for the record) to make their long distance relationship work. And, well, Switzerland is farther than Vermont. And phone calls would be impossible and letters would take days and days. But she and Jeffrey have a strong relationship so there! Liz decides then to focus her gushing on the writing program rather than the locale because that’ll make everyone more supportive. Liz then proceeds to turn around and stick her foot in her mouth. I thought Jess was the tactless one?
Winston and his girlfriend are getting food for the party. He’s invited about half the town and they joke about how they are glad they don’t have tons of money. They then bump into a little girl who wants her grandfather to buy her some of her favorite cookies. But grandpa is too poor. Maria and Winston comment on how shabby his shoes and sweater are and how awful it is that he can’t get his granddaughter cookies. Winston forgot something and heads back and when he gets back to the counter, the jacket he had for some reason put down is now gone and he has the grandfather’s jacket. This is more of a tragedy than it first appears because not only might the old man be cold trying to fit into Winston’s several-sizes-smaller jacket, Winston’s lottery ticket just happened to be in the pocket too! Winston is freaking out when he feels something in the old man’s jacket. Turns out grandpa was a lottery player too! Everyone asks what Winston’s numbers are and he reads them off. Liz is confused because the first numbers were supposed to be Jeffrey’s birthday. I just knew that would be important later, I just knew it! The grand prize for this amazing, televised lottery drawing is…twenty-five thousand dollars! Don’t spend it all in one place! Well, the numbers are read off and they just happen to match Winston’s “new” ticket! He’s won! Or not. Mostly not. Everyone goes wild. It is finally sinking in and Winston doesn’t know what to do. He won, but the ticket isn’t his. Conundrum! (but really, $25,000 wouldn’t even buy you an outhouse in California so I don’t know why everyone is so excited and stuff.)
The next day, after school, Liz checks the mailbox and lo and behold, the info for the Swiss school (Interlochen fyi) has arrived. Turns out the school not only sent brochures, they also sent information on a scholarship they just happen to offer to a student who will be studying in the English department. It is in honor of a woman who lived in California, but studied at Interlochen and it includes admission into the summer program too. What are the chances? (about equal to those of winning the lottery, no doubt.) The requirements for the scholarship include age, sex, writing ability, smarts, persistence, community volunteerism, etc. Basically if the scholarship were written for a person, that person would be Elizabeth Wakefield. Jess doesn’t want her to go but can’t bring herself to keep Liz from applying. She points out that Liz is perfect for the scholarship--she’s even more saintly than the girl it is named after. Jess dramatizes Liz leaving for Switzerland and how she’ll have “no more twin.” And that Liz will fall in love with a shepherd or a yodeler and never come back.
Liz needs to get paperwork done and three recommendations. Of course Mr. Collins will write one (kickbacks? ;) ) and maybe she can get Ms. Dalton (the lover of Ken Matthews) but who else will write a recommendation letter for Saint Elizabeth? Jess points out that half the faculty will write the damn letter, damn it all. The teachers will go on and on about all the good Saint Elizabeth has done--it is hopeless if Jess were trying to keep her sister in country. Jess might as well go start packing the trunk. Liz also says she’ll have to send in writing samples and fishes for some compliments. Liz also has to be interviewed by two people--an alumnus of the school and a member of the family sponsoring the scholarship (guess Winston paying is out?). And Interlochen alumni and family members are that thick on the ground? Right. Jess is all like “What the hell are you worrying about, fool?” Liz runs off to begin the process of getting the heck out of the country. Jess can’t understand why Liz is so anxious to get away from everyone here, but really, can anyone blame her? She may be QueenBeeII of Sweet Valley, but what is that compared to Switzerland? (it is getting tiring typing Switzerland each time so I am just going to call it SwMs for Swiss Miss from now on, okay?)
Jess heads upstairs to the “Hershey Bar” and calls in the cavalry--Steven. (Note, it took her several minutes to find the phone in the room. This is because Jessica is the impulsive, messy one. Please remember from now on, right-o?) Steven brings up the last time Jess called with an “emergency” thinking Mama Wakefield was knocked up, which turned out to be a false alarm. Jess assures him that this time it is serious. Steven says “Well bust it up for heaven’s sake! Follow her around wherever she goes and submarine her!” Okay, he didn’t say that, I just randomly started channeling “The Parent Trap.” The original one with Hayley Mills. I love that movie, and Susan almost ended up in a boarding school in Switzerland too! Anyway, back to SV. Jess updates Steven on the Liz-SwMs situation aka The Sitch. The ‘rents are currently talking to Liz about the info and the scholarship that was practically written for her. Steven agrees that it is serious. Jess says that they can’t let her go---there’s no way Jess could make it without Liz (to bail her out and kiss up for her and cover for her and make excuses for her, etc). She also adds-so as not to seem too selfish-that the whole boarding school thing sounds creepy. Plus Liz’ll come back speaking German, smoking cigarettes, and dragging everyone to the opera of all evil places. And boarding schools are for orphans and losers---people with nowhere else to go. Steven cautions patience--after all Alice and Ned will never let her go. They wouldn’t let Steven quit school and get a job on some cruise ship and school abroad has a direct correlation to that.
Ned and Alice are talking to Liz. They know she is qualified and stuff but are trying to get her to keep things in perspective and think about what she’d be giving up to go. They also then compare her to Steven and his desire to leave school to be lounge singer on a cruise ship or something. Was that the only other book the ghostwriter has read? Liz suggests they call the headmaster tomorrow (because Switzerland is so in the same timezone as California) and can’t believe they are comparing her, Saint Elizabeth, to half-baked Steven.
Liz just can’t understand why no one is as excited about her going to SwMs as she is. Her parents are downers, Enid was decidedly brusk on the phone, Jess has been avoiding her all day. She thinks her friends should be as excited about Liz leaving the country as Liz is. Good thing she can now call Jeffrey and vent to him and get full support. Riiiight.
The next day at school, Winston is busy dealing with all his new “friends” and his new fame. Lila is suddenly his best friend (over $25,000?), reporters are coming to interview him at school, even his parents have “flipped.” Everyone is so happy but he is dying inside. Everything is moving so fast and he knows he needs to tell his parents the ticket isn’t actually his, but he keeps waiting and it keeps getting harder. Poor Winston. He even has a new nickname, “Big Win.” But all the attention is soured by the knowledge that the real winner is a poor old man who can’t even buy his granddaughter cookies. L (You could turn this into a drinking game-every time ghostwriter uses “poor old man” take a drink.) Winston goes into the library to study and get away from his fans and runs into Liz. She is, of course, working on her scholarship application. She mentions the disparity in numbers on his ticket and Winston comes up with a quick lie about how his dad bought him two. Way to come clean, Winnie!
That afternoon finds Winston in the SV Ghetto looking for the “poor old man.” (drink). Oops, now we learn his name--Jack Oliver. He went back to the supermarket with Winston’s jacket and now Winston is going to return Mr. Oliver’s jacket. Mr. Oliver’s house is tiny but still somewhat charming despite its dilapidated condition. Winston is invited in and the interior is just as shabby as the exterior. Mr. Oliver makes some remarks about his granddaughter when he sees Winston looking at her picture. Seems Mr. Oliver never regretted not being rich until his granddaughter came along…oh, now there’s a subtle setup. Winston then sees some lottery tickets on a table and “casually” asks, “So, you play the lottery?” Turns out Mr. Oliver plays weekly but is about to give it up because there is no payback. Yep, real real subtle. Mr. Oliver hasn’t even been paying attention to the numbers the last few weeks. (which really isn’t smart, I mean, you might as well throw your money away even more at that point.) But hey, if he stops paying, maybe he can help save up to send his little granddaughter to riding camp. She just loves riding, if only they had the money to send her. (Okay, really now, who discusses their money problems with complete strangers right off the bat? NO ONE.) But now Winston knows how poor they are so of course he is going to give the man the ticket right? WRONG. Winston also knows that Mr. Oliver doesn’t even know he won. So it’s not like Winston is stealing from him, right? Even after the “Oh, I am so poor” lament, Winston is unmoved. He just has to keep quiet and the money is his! [insert evil laughter]
Back at the Wakefield’s house, Liz wants everyone to practice for when her interviewer comes. She wants to make a good impression. No one in the family seems very interested so Liz goes to call Jeffrey. They keep missing each other during the day due to schedule conflicts. He answers and says in a husky voice, “I wish I could see you tonight. I have something I want to give you.” Honest to God, that’s what he said. And I am not making up the “husky voice” thing either. How kinky! Liz responds to this with a “Really? What is it?” Oh, Liz, you are so innocent. Jeffrey won’t tell her what it is but he is going to take her someplace special tomorrow night and give it to her then. People, I am NOT making this up! Turns out Liz can’t go because she is going to work on her story and actually wanted Jeffrey’s help. She then wonders if the interviewer will want to talk to Jeffrey. Jeffrey says that he is sure willing to say that Liz is “the softest, the sexiest, the most romantic girl he’s ever been in love with.” Liz doesn’t find that so funny and Jeffrey accuses her of losing her sense of humor. Assuming she ever had one. Well turns out it is certainly gone (if it existed) because no one is taking her application seriously so she is going to have to work doubleplushard to whip everyone into shape. (If she were Jessica, she would just hire actors to pretend to be her family and friends, but she is Liz and never even thinks of it.)
The next night, Liz has let Jeffrey drag her out to a party for a few hours. She and Enid are talking and the subject of Liz’s interviews comes up. Liz is again stressing that for some reason her friends will say something bad about her and cause her to lose the scholarship. Because that is such a valid fear. Enid assures Liz that she’ll only tell the truth but then Liz worries that her friends and family will embellish too much and she won’t look like she is a human being. Which she isn’t--she is Saint Elizabeth. Enid tells her to take a chill pill and Liz gushes some more about the school. But she is still confused why no one is supporting her. Enid says, “Did you ever think it was because we didn’t want you to go away?” and Liz is all like “That is so selfish!” Enid then reminds her that she shouldn’t have to go to Europe to find inspiration-she should be inspired by everyday things too. Liz flies off the handle and stomps off in righteous indignation--not because it is in character but because the ghostwriter needs this contrived anger to forward the story, fyi.
The next day Enid is sad about their fight and bumps into Jeffrey. They discuss what can be done and decide that they have to support Liz 100%. Enid feels she hasn’t been a good friend and maybe she’ll put together a scrapbook of all the fun things they’ve done together so Liz can take it with her--Jeffrey offers to help. Jeffrey has bought her the pearl pin that Liz gushed about on their last shopping trip. They are both excited now to actually be doing something rather than moping about Liz leaving.
Winston is busy with his own troubles. He calls the lottery ticket place and asks what happens if someone uses a winning ticket that isn’t his. The lady there says that the winner is the person holding the ticket, period. Winston thinks that doesn’t help him in his dilemma--the money is legally his but he still feels awful.
Jessica is wailing away to Steven--Liz is for sure going and they can’t do anything about it! Steven has a plan. They are going to basically sabotage Liz’s interview with the guy and they’ll get other people school to help them. How loving!
The next day at school, Liz is waiting for Jeffrey at lunch. Lila waves her over--turns out Lila saw Jeffrey and Enid leaving together. Lila then makes some insinuations about Jeffrey and Enid getting it on. Liz laughs at first but then a tiny bit of doubt creeps in… Of course Jeffrey’s errand is innocent---he and Enid are going for glue for the scrapbook. Jeffrey even wrote Liz a note but some sophomore boys just happened to take it out of her locker (how?) and throw it away.
Winston too skipped lunch to go buy a doll for Mr. Oliver’s granddaughter. Because a doll totally makes up for $25,000. He sends the doll anonymously but still feels so guilty. He is so torn!
The day of the interview, Liz dresses up conservatively (read: grannyish) and ponders the state of her relationship with Jeffrey. He said he wrote a note and she believes him. She doesn’t think anything is going on with Enid now, but what if, in the future…because what if she meats some hottie Eurotrash and wants a hookup? Should she and Jeffrey be bound to each other or be allowed to date other people. She then flashes back to when she was waiting for Jeffrey at his homeroom and he and Enid walked up looking guilty. She had a feeling they were hiding something from her and can’t help but remember Lila’s gossip. Poor Liz, she thinks her whole life has gone tits over arse.
Jess is still working on her sabotage plan. She is distracted when Neil Freemont interrupts her to introduce her to Kirk Anderson. Kirk is hot but very arrogant seeming. Even Jess is turned off by his arrogant personality. Neil interrupts her before she can tell Kirk off and practically fellates him there on the tennis court. Jess leaves without giving Kirk the set-down he deserves. Which ends that inane little interlude but will probably become important in the next book. So remember it!
Liz is at home moping around. Mrs. Wakefield does some actual parenting and gets her to talk about what is wrong. Alice is incredulous that Liz thinks that Jeffrey can be interested in Enid. After all, Enid is as dull as a rock. Though she says something like “Enid? Your Enid?” and really, how many Enid’s could there possibly be? It isn’t exactly a common name---it fell out of the top 1000 in the country in the 50s. Alice then takes Liz to task for jumping to conclusions and assuming a ton about both Jeffrey and Enid. Liz finally realizes that she needs to pull her head out of her butt and actually talk to the two of them. Is this the first time that Alice has been an actual parent? Someone alert the media!
The Wakefield’s dinner is now enhanced by the inclusion of Steven. He and Jess have a bit of fun at Liz’s expense. She is still worry-warting about the interview the next day. It is some involved thing about her going to San Diego by bus for the first part, then to Palisades for the second, then everyone coming back to Sweet Valley for the third part. Ned says that he doesn’t get off work til 6 and Liz freaks because the interviewer will be at the house by 4. He’ll think they have a “broken home!” Yeah, because no one’s father actually has to work for a living, moron. Liz is upset at her family’s casual behavior to her life-changing interview and decides to call Jeffrey. She has just missed him. His mother thinks he has gone over to Enid’s house. Liz forgets everything she and her mother talked about and assumes that he is over there for hawt sexxorz or something. She is now devastated and doesn’t want to talk to Jeffrey at all. Good think you decided not to jump to conclusions any more Liz.
The next day, Liz goes to her interview. She dresses like a librarian. She doesn’t wear the pin Jeffrey gave her because she is passive-aggressive about the whole situation. The interviewer, Mr. Sterne (oh, subtle), is about her dad’s age. She tells him about herself and he says something about how the most important thing is the interview with her family and friends because those are the things that show her character the best. Oh, lord, if that isn’t obvious, I don’t know what is. Was this book written by an 8th grader?
Well, the interviews continue (mostly off “screen” thankfully) and Liz and Mr. Sterne arrive at the Wakefield house. He again says how important it is to have someone from a good family to represent his family. Oh, Lord, we get it! No need to hit us over the head with the point! Lucky for Liz and her hopes for a good impression, there is a motorcycle in their driveway when she and the interviewer get there. Liz can’t figure out what it is doing there since none of them are allowed to ride evil, dangerous motorcycles. Mr. Sterne sniffs disdainfully. They go into the house. Steven is there, and he hasn’t shaved that morning. Mrs. Wakefield is conveniently gone and Steven makes some comments about punctuality not being necessary. He also keeps commenting how attached the family is to each other and how they can’t function without each other--which is why he isn’t at college right now. Jess then comes in wearing a leather miniskirt and more makeup than a whore. Liz knows her chances for the scholarship are finished. It is extremely telling that Jess and Steven don’t care what will happen to them when Liz loses the scholarship and has to stay at home--because they know she is so spineless that even though they are ruining her chances at going abroad, they know she won’t kill them in their sleep. Like I would. In a second. Mr. Wakefield arrives then and we end the tableau.
Well, later in the day, the Wakefield family is having a conference. Liz is very mad at her sister and brother and her parents for both being late. Seems as though Mama and Papa Wakefield are a little blasé about the whole scholarship and supporting their daughter thing. They do yell some at Jess and Steven who try to make up excuses for their behavior. For some reason the motorcycle thing gets some more attention. Is it really criminal to have a motorcycle? Really? Liz just wants to be alone-she can’t believe how her family disappointed her. Her only hope is that the interviews with her friends go better. With Jess’ plan, I seriously doubt her hopes will be realized.
Jess and Steven are moving forward with their sabotage plan. They apparently feel no remorse for the way they practically sent Liz into a suicidal depression earlier in the day. Jess’s plan has evolved to include her wearing something similar to Liz and bumping into Mr. Sterne during the day to make Liz look schizo. Steven’s part in the plan is to call the office a dozen times when Liz is in her interview to make it look like she is a whore. Steven doesn’t know whether to call Jess a genius or a real jerk. Me, I vote for uber-jerk. She then calls Lila to make sure everyone else is on board with destroying Liz’s reputation the next day. How loving and caring.
Back to Winston and his great internal struggle. He talks to his mom in vague terms about his problem and comes to a decision. With any luck, it’ll be one that keeps him firmly in first place as Sweet Valley’s best and most balanced resident.
The next morning, Jess has dressed exactly like Liz. Because their wardrobes are so similar, it was easy to do. At school, Jess gets right to work. Her first bizarre conversation with Mr. Sterne is about how important men are. Jess-as-Liz says she hopes to meet a rich Swiss banker. A couple of boys then appear and Jess-as-Liz drapes herself all over them. Mr. Sterne is baffled and upset. Jess is thrilled her plan is going so well. It is going so well that, later in the day, Jeffrey mistakes her for Liz, and Jess has to make some stuff on the fly to keep him from hanging around. She then heads over to Mr. Sterne who has just talked to Mr. Collins. Mr. Sterne says that he has never heard such a glowing report from anyone in his career and Jess-as-Liz gushes about how wonderful that is. Why, she has just been in love with Mr. Collins since day one. Why, he is just so gorgeous. Jess then makes some insensitive remarks about the woman the scholarship was named after and dashes off to meet one of her many men before the horrified Mr. Sterne can say a word. Honestly though, if I had a twin sister who did something like this to me, I’d cut her nose off so she’d never be able to pretend to be me again. Or at least break it a few times. Liz’s afternoon meeting doesn’t go so well when Steven keeps his part of the bargain. Mr. Sterne and the school alumnus who is there to interview her too are both completely confused by her contrary behavior and will be in contact--maybe. Liz is devastated and doesn’t know what went wrong--until she spies someone who looks exactly like her, down to the hair ribbon, walking in the parking lot. Liz vows that this is the last trick her sister is going to ever play on her. Oh, sure, I’ll believe that one and did I mention a bridge I have for sale?
Back at home, Liz is confronting her brother and sister. Why she didn’t just wait and squeal to her parents--oh, right, Ned and Alice’s sterling parenting skills. So Liz is in tears trying to figure out what they did. She demands they tell her what they did to make Mr. Sterne think she was a lunatic. Steven is starting to feel some remorse and tries to make excuses saying that they didn’t want her to ruin her life by going to a snobby boarding school and stuff. Jess is feeling guilty too because she hates to see her twin upset-you think she might’ve thought about that beforehand, but no! Well, Liz puts two and two together and basically susses out what they did. They ask for forgiveness but she won’t give it. Liz then storms out of the room without killing them. Steven and Jess then try to blame each other for the stupid plan but eventually decide that what they need to do is call Mr. Sterne and try to sort it all out.
Liz is in her bedroom still crying. Everything is so messed up. She decides to go for a jog along the beach. She will stop by Jeffrey’s house and talk to him too. She is also starting to forgive Jess and Steven--after all, they did what they did out of love. Personally, I’d call it selfishness disguised as love, but Liz is all about rationalization. Plus, Liz didn’t like Mr. Sterne at all-he was tense and pretentious and hard to talk to. And she hadn’t really considered day-to-day life in a Swiss boarding school. (I myself would guess it would be even harder if everyone knew you were the scholarship-winner aka charity case.) So she has halfway convinced herself that she doesn’t want to go when she gets to Jeffrey’s house. Enid is there and they look very cozy. Liz jumps to conclusions (again) and decides that Jeffrey just can’t wait to get rid of her to start moving in on her best friend. Because that is totally in his character. Liz runs away before they see her and goes to throw herself in the ocean or something equally melodramatic.
Winston has come to a decision. He goes to Mr. Oliver and explains about the ticket mix-up. Mr. Oliver is at first confused, but when Winston reiterates that Mr. Oliver is now the owner of the $25,000, he becomes joyful. Not only can he send his granddaughter to horsey camp, fix his daughter’s car, and he can give them a good Christmas. Aww, fell that tugging? That’s your heartstrings. And feel that funny feeling in your stomach? That’s your gag reflex. Mr. Oliver doesn’t blame Winston at all for failing to tell him about the win sooner and Winston is feeling high as a kite because he has done the right thing.
Liz gets home feeling her entire world has fallen apart. She showers and then decides that she hasn’t forgiven her brother and sister and goes to yell at them. Ned and Alice want to hear what the commotion is about. Everyone is yelling and the doorbell rings. The Wakefield’s dog (who hasn’t gotten a mention until this very moment) starts barking. Liz keeps yelling and Alice says something fairly insensitive about the parents having had a hard week and wanting some relaxing quiet to put their feet up and then she’ll hear about what happened with the interviews. It is at that moment that Ned walks in with Mr. Sterne and the other interview lady. Mr. Sterne pompously says some stuff about how they were ready to reject Liz but then Jess and Steven came and fessed up and their dedication to keeping their sister at home actually speaks highly of her, and after some consideration, they’ve decided to award her the scholarship. At that moment, Jeffrey and Enid conveniently appear and give Liz their beautifully constructed (and glued) scrapbook. Liz is just overcome and feels the need to dis the adults and go off alone with Jeffrey. Mr. Sterne stiffly agrees to give her a moment (which could be another drinking game---every time Mr. Sterne does something “stiff” or says something “stiffly” take a drink.)
Liz and Jeffrey have a quick talk and all her fears are obviously put to rest. She says that she has made a decision. She goes back to the room and makes her award winning speech-remembering to thank all the little people---and then turns down the scholarship. Mr. Sterne is stiffly shocked! No one has ever turned down their scholarship. Liz says that she can believe that because studying in SwMs would be magical, but not nearly as magical as living in Sweet Valley with her friends and family. Gag me with a spoon. Especially gag me when everyone in the room claps after her impassioned and trite speech. But really, it is over and done with that fast. One minute it is all "Switzerland, yays!" and the next is it "Sweet Valley is teh awesomest!"
Our B plot is also coming to an end when the newspaper prints a story about how Winston isn’t really the winner of the lottery. Lila and Jess discuss it. They are both pretty sure they wouldn’t have given up the money. Lila mentions that you don’t get far in life having that sort of confused-generous value system. Winston himself then appears and gives them the whole story. And apparently the poor old man is throwing him a party with some of the money. Way to save, old guy! Jess has stopped paying attention because she has spotted ArrogantKirk making his way arrogantly into the school. Neil is still with him and Jess makes a mental not to talk to Neil about his execrable taste in friends.
Back in The Oracle office, Penny Ayla is so happy Liz isn’t leaving for SwMs, but hey, some of the people on staff had a great idea---how about a personals column in the newspaper? That’s a great way to fill up space that would otherwise be taken up by exposés on cafeteria food and its awfulness. The personals idea is a hit with everyone and Lynne Henry is going to be the one to edit and coordinate it. Jess, Cara, and Lila are pretty skeptical about the whole thing---after all, what kind of loser needs to advertise to get a date? I think we’ll find out in #39 Secret Admirer.