round 17 - team future - everything's fine (heartbeat racing down the interstate) - 4/5
part 1 | part 2 | part 3
part xx: one more wrong turn
when were this young we have nothing to lose it is just a clock to beat and a hand to choose it's a long drive back to Vegas skies so why don't i make one more wrong turn tonight
--
Niall and Zayn were sitting outside waiting outside, sitting on the curb when Harry pulled back into the parking lot.
He'd cried for an hour after calling Louis, and he'd had to stop to refuel and drive two hours back to the hotel. It was nearing twelve noon--he'd been gone for several hours and the others had probably noticed immediately.
Harry parked the car and stepped out quietly, waiting for his lecture.
Instead, Niall and Zayn just stared at him sternly.
"I said goodbye to Lou. For forever." Harry's voice broke the silence. "I was done. So. I called him, and we played phone tag for a bit. But. I think I found closure."
"Oh, god, Harry." Niall pulled Harry into a hug. "I'm so sorry."
"You wanted us to work things out, didn't you?" Harry said quietly, not looking up from his phone. "You wanted us to go back to the way it was."
Zayn stared at Niall, wondering if that was really the motivation for this road trip.
"Of course I wanted you back together. I wanted my friends to be happy." Niall looked sad. "When you were together... it always looked like you'd never been happier. So. I tried to fix it. But that wasn't the point of this. The point was to see my friends."
Harry looked skeptical, but sighed. "Well, come on. Let's hit the road."
Six hours later--almost halfway to DC--Niall saw a classic American diner and pulled in. "Come on, dinner."
They piled into a booth, squishing together perhaps a little closer than absolutely necessary. It was subconscious, automatically providing physical comfort as they had during tours.
Harry looked happier, a bit more cheerful and a lot brighter. If Liam hadn't known better, he would have thought Harry was honestly better. But he did know better, and he knew exactly how much Harry was hurting right now.
Niall sipped contentedly at his glass of sweet tea. Everything was calm now--it likely wouldn't be in an hour or so.
When the waitress returned to take their order, Harry immediately ordered breakfast for dinner, while Niall requested a plate of chicken and waffles. Liam and Zayn stuck to more traditional burgers and chips.
They ate slowly, talking about easy topics. Liam watched Harry warily out of the corner of his eye, and snagged the check when it came time to leave.
Outside, Harry took one look at the van, glanced back at the others, and burst into tears.
--
part xxi: without leaving scars
complicated situations are the makings of all that's wrong and I've been standing in the river of deliverance way too long there's gotta be a better way for me to say what's on my heart without leaving scars
--
This is Anne Cox! Leave a message at the beep!
"Hi Anne, Niall here. Harry just had a bit of a meltdown, he's better now, sleeping in the back, Zayn's driving. I think he just needed to vent."
--
You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2.
"Louis, we're on our way up to DC. Maybe see you in a day or so."
--
"Hello, Ms Swift?"
"I'm sorry, who is this and how did you get my phone number?"
"My name's Peter Wilkins, and I got your number from the call roll. No, don't hang up! I was just told to call you and tell you there are six tickets under the name T. Swift waiting at will-call for the eight o'clock showing of Mary Poppins on Thursday night."
"Sorry, what? How?"
"That's not part of my job, ma'am. I just know I'm to call you and inform you about the tickets waiting for you at will call for Thursday."
"Alright. Thank you?"
"Oh, and Ms Swift?"
"Yes?"
"There was a message with the tickets. I don't know what it means, but the note says 'feel free to take the credit, but use these wisely and say hello to Z for me.' Mr Tomlinson was quite clear it be included."
"..."
"...Ms Swift?"
"I'll pick the tickets up on Thursday. What time does will call open?"
"Six, Ms Swift."
"Thank you...Peter, you said it was?"
"Yes, ma'am. It was my pleasure."
--
You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2.
"Louis...thank you. I just want to know...why are you doing this?"
--
You've reached Taylor. I'm busy right now, so leave a message at the beep!
"I'm doing it because they were my friends, and I know how much you loved Zayn. And I'd like to think that four years of mutual advice and two beach trips means that we're friends! Charlie sends her love, and I guess I do too. Take care, Taylor."
--
part xxii: the sunset means so much
tonight the sunset means so much the one that that you know you never touch like the feeling the real thing gotta reach out for the sweet dream but somehow the darkness wakes me up
--
"Hey, cliff, pull over," Zayn said.
"Zayn, there was a sign for a rest stop, if we go for one more mile you can pee in an actual toilet," Niall said, and didn't pull over. "Magic, I know."
"I wanted to throw wish stones, actually."
Niall made a sound of surprise and pulled over. "We haven't done that in ages."
"Well. We did it at the WMYB video, remember? They filmed it and put it in. And then again for Live While We're Young, and London Nights. And after that we sort of...split up? So. Not ages, but four years," Liam pitched in from the backseat. "I think I see some good pebbles anyways."
They all piled out of the van and found appropriately sized stones. Harry produced sharpies from his bag and they each scribbled a message on a rock.
Zayn took a photo of all four of their rocks together, and then they each chucked them out into the ocean.
"What did you wish for?" Niall asked, sitting down on the edge of the cliff.
"Against the rules, remember?" Liam shrugged, flicking little bits of rock. "But...I wished for Dani and I to get approved for adoption."
"To figure out my love life," Zayn admitted.
"What do you think?" Harry added. "And you, Niall?"
"Friends," Niall said simply, then looked at the road sign. "Wait, where are we--yes!"
"Niall, what are you doing?" Liam asked when Niall suddenly got up and scrabbled for his phone in the driver's cup holder.
"We're near Virginia Beach!" he said excitedly, scrolling through his phone contacts. "One of my cousins moved here for university, I'm seeing if she's got plans or if we can all meet up!"
"You were driving, how did you not know where we were already?" Liam said, gaping a little at Niall. "Suddenly the last two weeks seem really unsafe."
"I dunno, Zayn was giving directions and I was mostly just doing what I was told," Niall said. "Now shush, calling Rebecca."
"That's reassuring," Liam mumbled, and outright laughed when Niall flipped him off again.
--
As it turned out, Rebecca had a week long break after her midterms and was completely okay with meeting them for a late lunch and an afternoon on the beach.
They arranged a place to meet and she pulled in, hopping out of her Bug and tackling Niall into a hug. Right after, she flicked him on the ear.
"You never call," she scolded. "We live in the same country now, the least you could do is call every once in awhile."
"I called and I'm here in person," he said cheekily, and she cuffed him in the back of the head. "Hey!"
"You know what I meant," she said. "Now come on, I'm starving and this place down the block actually does really great fish and chips. Forward march!"
The fish and chips turned out to be as good as Rebecca had promised and they spent the afternoon goofing off on the beach.
"If you bury me again, I swear to God," Zayn said darkly, looking suspiciously at the shovels and buckets the girls had brought with them.
"We're making a sand castle," the tallest--Laurel--insisted. "We've got time, and the water's not great this time of year. So. Sand castle."
"Niall, get off the blanket!" Rebecca shrieked at her cousin, glaring as he sprawled out, taking up the whole piece of fabric. "Help me!" Liam and Zayn each grabbed sides of the blanket
"No, no no no no," Niall said when he realized what was going on, but it was too late--Zayn and Liam swung the blanket like a swing and sent Niall flying. "That hurts!" Niall whined, but it was in good humor.
Niall and Rebecca set to work bringing up buckets of semi-warm salt water while everyone else started construction on the giant monster of a castle they were building.
It was quickly decided that Zayn should not be anywhere near the construction.
"While you finish that sand castle, me and my pyromaniac tendencies are going to start a bonfire," Zayn said, backing away from the bucket of water that Harry threatened him with after Zayn accidentally caved in a side of the moat for the third time. "Also, have you noticed how many fires we've had in the past two weeks?"
"Just shut up and find some driftwood."
After the sun went down, one of Rebecca's friends produced a box of sparklers and borrowed Zayn's lighter to go with them.
Or more accurately, she stuck her hand in Zayn's pocket and retrieved the lighter herself, causing Zayn to jump in surprise and stare at her with suspicion for the rest of the night.
"We have a bonfire, why can't you light them in the fire?"
She just winked and Zayn hid behind Niall for the next hour.
Harry spent twenty minutes writing his name in sparkler light before remembering his camera and videotaping everyone else goofing off.
"This is going to look great in the video montage," he said happily, spinning and catching a good shot of the three girls spelling out W and M with their arms and sparklers. "W and M?"
"William and Mary!" The three girls yelled. Niall flopped back onto the sand, laughing. "It's our university!"
Eventually, when everyone was sleepily putting out the fire, Niall asked "Know of any good motels around here? We weren't planning on staying this late."
Rebecca rolled her eyes. "Crash at mine," she offered. "I haven't got enough beds for all of you, but there's a pullout couch and a blowup mattress and I don't think you mind sharing? My roommate's out of town to visit her family in Washington. It's small, but it's a flat, and not a dorm?"
"Thanks, Becks," Niall said. "Knew there was a reason you were my favorite cousin."
"Prove it by calling every once in awhile," she sniffed, but it was fond. "Come on, let's get everyone back home. It's about an hour drive."
--
Rebecca woke them the next morning at six, dashing through the apartment to gather her materials for an early morning class. She kissed Niall goodbye and waved at the three other sleepy men in her apartment, telling them to lock up when they left.
"That felt oddly like it should have involved a one night stand," Harry commented sleepily, and Niall threw pillows at him until Harry cried mercy and apologized.
They tidied up rapidly and were on their way by seven, stopping at a Dunkin Doughnuts for coffee and doughnuts.
"I miss tea," Zayn sighed, staring mournfully into his coffee cup. "What do Americans have against tea anyways?"
"Boston Tea Party?" Niall suggested. "You can't use tea to strip paint?"
"Can you really use coffee to strip paint?" Liam asked, looking puzzled. He took a sip of his coffee and spat it out. "Okay, yeah, this coffee you probably could. Milk and sugar's over there, yeah?"
They devoured their breakfast and Liam slid into the driver's seat, having snagged the keys from a sleepy looking Harry while he flirted with the barista.
Four hours later, Liam was still driving when there was a sudden sound of metal scraping against rock from the back of the van and then a sudden burst of smoke from the hood.
Harry, who'd been dozing in the passenger seat, sat bolt upright and fumbled for his camera; Niall was jerked out of his conversation with Zayn, where they were apparently taking Harry's subdued state as a chance to discuss his show and its technical failings. It was a blatant attempt at trying to draw Harry into the conversation and was just as blatantly not working.
The smoke and the metal screeching jerked everyone out of their more subdued states. Liam managed to pull the car to the side of the road and they all hurriedly disembarked.
"Shit, I think we've got a flat, and then something happened to the engine. Battery, maybe?" Niall looked dubiously towards the engine, where grayish smoke was curling up towards the sky. "Probably should call for help."
"I agree," Zayn said quickly, watching the car warily. "Liam?"
"Thirded. Harry, what do you think?"
Harry didn't reply, looking down the road at a row of crosses. Suddenly, he was running towards them, and skidded to a stop, dropping to his knees beside one of them. The others followed him quickly, wondering if Harry had finally snapped.
"This is it," he said softly. Understanding dawned in Zayn's eyes, then Niall's, and finally Liam's. "Like really, legitimately it. This is where..."
"We lost a lot more than we'd thought," Zayn finished lightly, although the way his hand shook as he dug in his pocket for his lighter and pack of cigarettes showed he thought nothing about this situation light.
"We'd lost a lot already," Niall countered, shakily sitting to Harry's left in front of the cross that read 'Josh Devine'. "But this is where we lost Josh."
"We lost Josh, Maddie, Matt and Brianna here," Liam corrected. "Not just Josh." He sat at the cross farthest away and ran his fingers over the name--Madeline Nadine Christensen. He traced over her birth and death dates as he said, "No one ever figured out why."
All four of them glanced at each other and then looked away, guilt written over their faces. It had been one of their first screaming matches that had contributed to the crash. A rainy foggy night had been cited as the official cause, but they all knew it was because they'd been fighting--Zayn and Harry versus Louis and Liam, with Niall trying to hold the middle ground--and had distracted the driver. They'd been travelling in a small van because the tour bus had gotten a flat tire, and when Matt, their driver, turned around to yell at them to stop and had failed to notice the techie/backup band van ahead of them slamming on the brakes. Their van had crashed into the other van and both vehicles had spun out, sending them flying off the road at fifty miles an hour.
Harry ended up with a broken arm; Liam and Louis both had concussions, Liam with an additional set of cracked ribs and Louis with a cracked skull. Niall, miraculously, was completely unharmed, other than a few bruises. Zayn, on the other hand, wound up in critical condition for four days, as were Josh, Paul, and their keyboardist, Brianna. Maddie and Matt, the two drivers, were dead on impact. The other three people in the vans had various broken limbs and injuries.
"That was bullshit, we all know it," Harry muttered. "It was because Louis and I were fighting." He shrugged. "Our first big fight. Beginning of the end, really. For all of us."
"Put a bit of a damper on the tour," Zayn said, trying to steer the conversation away from Louis, even after Harry had explained his level of closure. "Remember how we all wore black armbands for the rest of it?"
"Zayn got his memorial tattoo--the clover, right, Zayn?" Niall alone sat in front of Josh's cross and watched as Zayn sat in front of Matthew Heth's memorial stone--as he'd been atheist, his family had refused a cross and instead painted a rock with vibrant colors. "With the initials?"
Zayn nodded and pushed up his sleeve. His tattoos had expanded to an entire sleeve up his right arm, but in the crook of his elbow, there was a four leaf clover with the initials of the four dead. "I remember being really glad Taylor and my sisters had gone home the night before. During the fight, and then after, when I woke up."
"It's been five years now," Liam said softly, his hand still tracing over letters and numbers. He checked his watch. "Five years exactly today, actually. How come no one's come visit?"
"I go to Josh and Maddie's graves on the anniversary," Zayn said. He exhaled slowly, fingers tapping out a drumbeat Niall recognized as one of Josh's favorites in jam sessions. "I never thought about coming to where they actually died, if I'm honest. Not like they're here now, is it?"
The four of them sat there by the side of the road. Harry murmured what could have been a prayer; Niall definitely whispered at least one rosary (despite having not practiced for nearly a decade, he had still been raised Catholic and fell into the familiar ritual of prayer when upset); Zayn kept tapping Josh's drumbeat; Liam hummed a strain of 'If I Die Young'--or at least he did until Zayn elbowed him to stop.
"Does anyone remember what we were actually fighting about?" Niall asked. "I don't."
No one replied, lost in thought. An indeterminate amount of time later--it could have been five minutes or five hours, Niall wasn't sure--Harry spoke.
"Do you think it's fate or something?"
"What do you mean?" Liam didn't look up, but a wrinkle in his forehead betrayed thought.
"What are the chances that our van breaks down on the exactly six year anniversary, ten meters from the crash site?" Harry said, looking away from the cross. "And that it'd be the four of us when there were four of them that died? It's even the same time of day. Like... there's got to be a reason for it."
Zayn snorted. "I doubt it."
It was the first time Niall could remember Zayn arguing counter to Harry and the thought threw him.
Luckily, Liam stepped in before anything could escalate.
"Did anyone actually call the rental place or whatever for help?"
"Actually, it's just a flat tire," Harry said cheerfully. "I can fix that easily enough."
"And the smoke from the engine?"
"That I can't fix. Never finished mechanics lessons with Clarisse." Everyone turned to stare at him. "What?"
"The really tiny French girl who plays keyboards in your band?" Niall finally asked slowly. "The one who looks like she couldn't lift a five pound weight?"
Harry frowned. "Yeah, she's a certified mechanic. Our bus hasn't broken down--ever. We're up to changing oil!" he said proudly, beaming. "I can do basic maintenance for my car and stuff."
"Does Tyson embroider?" Zayn joked. Tyson was Skyscraper Love's drummer, who towered over Harry by at least a head and was frequently mistaken for an on-leave soldier. The idea of him embroidering was enough to send Niall into laughter and have Liam hiding giggles behind a hand.
"Yeah, actually," Harry said brightly, pushing to his feet and heading for the van. "Well. Cross-stitch. I'm told they're very different things, but I don't understand it." He flipped open the hood and waved away the smoke. "Well, I have no idea how to fix this." He looked over at Niall. "You have insurance or something?"
"I'll call Triple A," Niall put in. "Get the van towed, and then take Amtrak up to New York. It's only like a couple hours ride from DC, it think, and that's only half an hour back in a car."
"What's--" Zayn began, but Niall cut him off.
"Triple A does car help and shit. Amtrak is a train company." He rolled his eyes. "Proud Irishman, familiar with American terms. What's the world coming to?"
"You're losing your accent too," Liam teased, and shrieked, jumping out of the way when Niall decided to go after him with a sharpie he'd had in his pockets.
Zayn and Harry exchanged exasperated looks and decided to sit in the van until Niall and Liam had suitably mauled each other enough and remembered to phone for help.
--
part xxiii: everything is alright
tell me that you're alright hi everything's great yeah everything is alright everything's fine oh please tell me that you're alright
--
You've reached Danielle Peazer. I'm unable to take your call at the moment, so please leave a message at the beep!
"Hi, Danielle, it's Liam. I know you're teaching a class right now, but I just wanted to let you know that we had a minor accident with the van and we'll be taking the train up to New York instead. Everyone's fine, though. The weird thing was that we crashed about ten meters from where our vans crashed...remember when Josh died? It was right there, and it was so strange. I don't really want to think about it, though. If you want to fly out to New York and see the lads again, I'm sure they'd welcome you. I miss you so much. See you in three days!"
--
You've reached Liam Payne's mobile phone. I'm sorry I missed your call, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. If this is Danielle, I love you. If this is anyone else, leave a message at the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as possible!
"Hey, honey! I guess I just barely missed your call, and I guess you switched your phone off after you called me. I'm glad everyone's alright, and I'm sure you'll have fun in New York. I don't think I'll fly out to meet you, I'm doing well here. I think the paps have finally caught on that you're not here though. I think you said something else but I can't remember now. Love you lots, miss you loads, kisses!"
--
You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2.
"Hey Louis, it's Niall! We had some car troubles, so we'll be taking the train into New York. We'll be there tomorrow, if you want to meet up. I guess...if you want to set anything up, you know how to contact us. I don't know what you said to Harry, but he seems better now. We miss you, mate."
--
This is Anne Cox! Leave a message at the beep!
"Sorry I didn't call you back earlier, Mum. I meant to, but then stuff happened, and...I never got around to it? Anyways, I know it's like 4 AM in England, but I just wanted to call and say I'm doing alright. We had a bit of a car accident--don't worry, we're all fine--but we're going up to New York this weekend, and I was wondering if I could spend my next break with you? I just realized I haven't been home in ages. Love you!"
--
You've reached Gemma Styles-Harris. I'm not keeping my phone on because Alan wakes really easily and sleep is very, very precious. Leave a message at the beep and I will get back to you as soon as possible!
"Sorry about not calling you earlier, Gem. I had a long talk with Louis this morning, and then we had car trouble, so this was really the first opportunity I had to call. I called Mum first though, sorry. Tell Alan Uncle Harry says hello, and that I've got presents for him! I'm doing fine, finally got some closure, so everything's going well. I'll have my phone on tomorrow, so if you want to call me then we can chat. Love you lots!"
--
Hello! Due to the breakdown of the 452nd truce, the inhabitants of village 555-1818 are cowering in their bomb shelters. However, if you leave a name, number, and a message, any survivors will get back to you when the 453rd truce begins.
"Harry...really. Change your voicemail. Gemma and I love you, we're glad you're alright. You're always welcome at my house, love. Your old room's still exactly the same, although you might not want that. But I love you, and no matter what happens in New York, I'll always love you. Sleep well, love."
--
Hello! Due to the breakdown of the 452nd truce, the inhabitants of village 555-1818 are cowering in their bomb shelters. However, if you leave a name, number, and a message, any survivors will get back to you when the 453rd truce begins.
"Harry! It's Cher! You missed a fantastic festival, wish you could have been here. When you get back, call me and we'll find a time when we're in the same city and we'll go out for coffee. Send the others my love!"
--
part xxiv: things weren't like they are
we've fallen apart somewhere back at the start when we thought that we could fix each other by ourselves let's get back to the part when things weren't like they are
--
The train ride was quiet and not too long. After dealing with the mechanics, the only train they could catch was past 10 at night, and as a result, they were all worn out. Their car was mostly empty, just them and a few others in various stages of sleep.
Zayn was talking quietly on the phone--to Taylor, Rosie, or his mother, Niall wasn't sure. Whoever it was, they were female and one of the most important people in Zayn's life, so Niall tried not to listen into what was pretty clearly a private conversation. Liam was curled up, fast asleep against the window. His feet nudged Zayn's thigh and his hair flopped over his forehead and eyes. Harry too, dozed, although he was in the seat next to the isle, his head resting on Niall's shoulder.
Niall watched as the world flashed by outside, the American version of a countryside. It wasn't as green as Ireland--nowhere was as green as Ireland in the spring--but it was greener than his home in LA. That sort of made him miss Ireland, which, he realized with a shock, he no longer considered his home. It hasn't been home for a long time. At least since the split, so four years. When he thought about it further, he realized it hadn't really been home since One Direction had formed--eight years, then. Maybe home was people, he wondered. The people you loved and wanted to give the world to.
But that definition would mean Louis was Harry's home, and that didn't seem right.
Harry stirred them and nudged Niall's side. "What're you thinking about?"
Niall shrugged, watching the landscape slowly morph from fields and forest into the outskirts of a town. They were probably going to stop soon, or they might just blaze right through. "Wondering. What do you think home is?"
Harry yawned and blinked sleepily. "Safety."
"Safety?"
"Yeah. Where you feel loved and wanted, where the people care about you and you care about them, and they know all your faults and don't care. It's where you don't have to put up a front." He smiled wryly. "My home's scattered everywhere right about now. But I've got Mum, and Gem, so I'm pretty alright. And the rest of Skyscraper Love." Harry grinned, fully awake now. "Home was Louis, for awhile, and the rest of you lads. I think home's always changing, then. What brought this on?"
"I was just wondering why I didn't feel like Ireland was home anymore," Niall said. The train horn blew and they began to slow--definitely a stop, then. "And why you three didn't feel like home either."
"We're different people," Harry said plainly. "Four years with different people surrounding us...our brains might not realize it, but our hearts do. We're not the same people we were, so home's not together anymore."
Niall considered this, then accepted it, nodding. "When'd you get so smart?"
Harry laughed, sitting fully upright. Niall immediately began to miss the warmth against his side--the train was a bit chilly and he was too lazy to get his jumper out of his suitcase. Zayn gave them a curious look but kept the majority of his attention focused on his phone call.
"Probably about the time I realized I was never going to get Louis back," Harry said, reaching for one of the now-cold cups of coffee on the table between himself and Zayn. "I don't think I was this wise when I left Seattle."
"So you're really actually over it, then?"
The taller man shook his head, setting back into his seat with his coffee. He ran his empty hand through his curls, sighing. "Not really. But I know it's hopeless now. He loves someone else, and so I can stop waiting for him to come back. I didn't even realize I was doing it, but I was, and I can be happier now. He's got a girlfriend now anyways. Met her through Eleanor."
"They're still friends, then?" Niall grinned, glad to be hearing about Louis and knowing that this conversation wasn't going to send Harry off the rails.
"Apparently." Harry sighed. "Even when she was bearding, they just...got along really well, remember? But her girlfriend would have killed Louis if he ever actually tried anything with her."
Niall laughed and nodded agreement; he'd only met Eleanor's tenacious girlfriend once, but once had been plenty enough. She hadn't been too pleased about Eleanor bearding, but she got over it once Louis and Harry broke up and Eleanor "broke up" with Louis publicly.
"He really loves Charlie, though--I could hear it in his voice." Harry's own voice was tinged with sadness, admitting that he'd heard love he'd always wanted directed at him directed at someone else. "So he's happy, and that makes me happy." He smiled. "Enough about me. I've bared my soul to you; your turn. What's the real reason behind this little trip? I'm not going to let it go until you tell me everything. I don't believe a word of the bullshit you told us yesterday."
Niall looked out the window and was quiet until the train pulled to a complete stop. Somewhere behind them, someone began to pull their luggage down from the rack in preparation to disembark.
"Remember how I told you about my girlfriend?" he said quietly. "How it was only a short-term thing?"
"Yeah?"
"I lied. I'd marry her if I could."
"So why don't you?"
"She's got cancer," Niall said in a rush, as if he didn't want to say the words but had to anyways. "Breast cancer. Late stages. I asked her to marry me, and she said no. Said she wouldn't do that to me. Then she said we should take a few weeks off, clear our heads. Technically we're not dating now. I was always going to do a road trip, I just didn't want to do it alone."
"So you called us," Harry realized. "You were upset and called the only people you could think of that had always made you feel better--not your biological family, your parents divorced when you were little and your brother...well, we all know how that went. Your LA friends--and Ed too, I'd bet--know your girlfriend. You wouldn't really be getting away from it. In fact, everyone would pity you because you were the guy with the sick girlfriend who didn't want him around. So you called us. You had no idea if we'd say yes or no--but we did." Harry grinned like the cat who'd gotten into the cream. Or perhaps Zayn when he managed to sneak naps on tour. "Am I right?"
"Pretty much," Niall admitted.
"I am wasted as a popstar, I should be a psychologist!" Harry crowed, then immediately looked sheepish when Zayn glared at him and Niall looked a bit put out. "Sorry."
"No, you were right. And it mostly worked, didn't it? I haven't been as sad as I was. I've laughed even. And I wasn't lying about wanting you to be happy, cos I get it now. I get why you were so hurt when it ended between you and Louis. I figured...I figured if A..." he swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. "I figured if Annabelle and I couldn't have the happy ending, maybe you and Louis could."
"We're not going to get back together, you know," Harry said quietly. "Just like One Direction's not going to get back together. Different people, remember?"
"I never thought we would." Niall exhaled slowly and glanced at the window, to the mostly empty station, where a tired mother was herding her sleepy children on board the train. Behind her, the harried looking father tried to manage three suitcases. "We're all too old for it anyways. But we could still be friends, couldn't we?"
"I guess we could." Harry shrugged. "Don't know how well it'd work. I mean. We're all busy, all in different places. You ever think we were just friends because there was no one else we could have as friends? Like...no one else would understand, and we didn't have time for anyone else in the first place. That was why Danielle and Liam broke up in the first place."
"They got back together," Niall pointed out, watching the family on the platform until they disappeared into a car behind them. "Even got married. Plan to have kids."
Harry laughed. "Yeah, true. But they had the opposite problem the band did. They were compatible but didn't have time for each other--we weren't compatible but had to spend time together, so we got over the fights we got into, just because we had to. I mean. Did that make sense?"
"Yeah, actually." Niall jumped as the train whistle blew, and then again five seconds later when the train lurched forward. "Life's boring if you're only ever around people you always get along with."
Harry stuck his tongue out childishly. "I bet you and...Annabelle, right?" He waited for Niall to nod confirmation. "I bet you and Annabelle get into some pretty interesting fights."
"If by interesting you mean loud, passionate, entirely pointless and usually ending in sex, then yes. We have very interesting fights."
"What ends in sex?" Zayn asked, finally hanging up the phone. "Do I wantto know?"
There was absolutely nothing funny about it, but Harry and Niall both burst out laughing, loud enough to wake Liam and prompt the other passengers to shush them. They managed to quiet for a few seconds before glancing at each other and dissolving into half-hysterical laughter again. Liam began to giggle, and then Zayn, and none of them managed to calm down until they were well into the countryside once more.
"So, how would you guys feel about meeting up with Taylor Swift to see Louis' show in New York?" Zayn asked. "She's got tickets for all of us, presuming Louis hasn't put us on a DNA list. Does Broadway even have a DNA lists? Who'd even be on a Broadway DNA list?"
"If we're on a Broadway Do Not Admit list, I will ask for a copy and fucking frame that shit," Niall said immediately. "Like your non-existent restraining order, because that would be fucking awesome and you know it, don't you dare try to tell me otherwise. Also...Taylor? Are you sure that's a good idea?"
"It's just to clear the air," Zayn explained. "So. Are you up for it?"
Niall and Harry exchanged glances, then turned to Liam, who threw his hands up in the air. "Hell, why not. Can't be worse than Vegas."
"Famous last words," Harry and Niall chorused, but Zayn and Liam simply laughed it off. It would be difficult to top Vegas.
--
part xxv: what's left now
sing me to sleep i'll see you in my dreams waiting to say "i miss you i'm so sorry" forever's never seemed so long as when you're not around it's like a piece of me is missing i could have learned so much from you but what's left now?
--
You've reached Taylor. I'm busy right now, so leave a message at the beep!
"Hi, Taylor, it's Zayn. We're just pulling into New York right now, so...see you tonight? We'll meet you outside the theatre at seven, okay? Take care."
--
You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2.
"It's Niall, we're in New York. We're coming to see your show tonight, somehow Taylor got tickets and invited us for whatever reason? And Zayn's okay with it, so we're coming. If you're going to block us at the door, let us know and we won't show up."
--
"Hello, Danielle Peazer speaking."
"Dani! You're actually on the phone?"
"Oh, hi, Liam! Yeah, it's only ten at night. I'm on my way home from a girls' night with Zoe."
"...you're going home from a girl's night with Zoe at ten?"
"She and her boyfriend broke up. It quickly turned into a bitchfest about boyfriends who left. I wasn't comfortable talking about it so I left Zoe and Britt discussing the shortcomings of their exes. I'm just walking in the front door right now."
"So you're doing well then?"
"Yeah. A little tipsy--oh, for God's sake Liam, it was a glass of wine. I'm fine to drive. Don't give me the sigh of disapproval."
"Sigh of disapproval?"
"Yeah, Niall and I decided to name it the sigh of disapproval. It's when you sigh right before you start a lecture."
"I'm not even going to comment on that."
"Good, I don't want you to. How's the trip up to New York?"
"We just arrived."
"Oh, good! Do you know where you're staying?"
"Not yet."
"Well, let me know when you figure it out. Text me. I like hearing from you."
"I'd have thought you'd be sick of my phone calls by now."
"Not really. Anything else going on?"
"Well, we got tickets to see Louis' show."
"I thought it was sold out for months?"
"We thought so too, but Taylor Swift managed to get a set of tickets and she invited all of us, which. That was a surprise."
"I'd bet. I liked Taylor, but...how's Zayn taking it?"
"Actually pretty well. He and Taylor were talking on the phone for awhile, sorting stuff out. I think they're going to try again."
"That's either going to end with them getting married again or an actual restraining order this time. How's Harry doing?"
"Better than he was, which is nice.
"And Niall?"
"Still Niall. No other way to describe him."
"You're right there. You'll be back in two days, yeah?"
"I fly out tomorrow and I should be back home by day after tomorrow."
"I'll be waiting. I should probably go, leftover Thai is calling to me from the fridge."
"Go eat. I'll see you in two days."
"Love you."
"Love you too, bye."
part xx: one more wrong turn
when were this young we have nothing to lose it is just a clock to beat and a hand to choose it's a long drive back to Vegas skies so why don't i make one more wrong turn tonight
--
Niall and Zayn were sitting outside waiting outside, sitting on the curb when Harry pulled back into the parking lot.
He'd cried for an hour after calling Louis, and he'd had to stop to refuel and drive two hours back to the hotel. It was nearing twelve noon--he'd been gone for several hours and the others had probably noticed immediately.
Harry parked the car and stepped out quietly, waiting for his lecture.
Instead, Niall and Zayn just stared at him sternly.
"I said goodbye to Lou. For forever." Harry's voice broke the silence. "I was done. So. I called him, and we played phone tag for a bit. But. I think I found closure."
"Oh, god, Harry." Niall pulled Harry into a hug. "I'm so sorry."
"You wanted us to work things out, didn't you?" Harry said quietly, not looking up from his phone. "You wanted us to go back to the way it was."
Zayn stared at Niall, wondering if that was really the motivation for this road trip.
"Of course I wanted you back together. I wanted my friends to be happy." Niall looked sad. "When you were together... it always looked like you'd never been happier. So. I tried to fix it. But that wasn't the point of this. The point was to see my friends."
Harry looked skeptical, but sighed. "Well, come on. Let's hit the road."
Six hours later--almost halfway to DC--Niall saw a classic American diner and pulled in. "Come on, dinner."
They piled into a booth, squishing together perhaps a little closer than absolutely necessary. It was subconscious, automatically providing physical comfort as they had during tours.
Harry looked happier, a bit more cheerful and a lot brighter. If Liam hadn't known better, he would have thought Harry was honestly better. But he did know better, and he knew exactly how much Harry was hurting right now.
Niall sipped contentedly at his glass of sweet tea. Everything was calm now--it likely wouldn't be in an hour or so.
When the waitress returned to take their order, Harry immediately ordered breakfast for dinner, while Niall requested a plate of chicken and waffles. Liam and Zayn stuck to more traditional burgers and chips.
They ate slowly, talking about easy topics. Liam watched Harry warily out of the corner of his eye, and snagged the check when it came time to leave.
Outside, Harry took one look at the van, glanced back at the others, and burst into tears.
--
part xxi: without leaving scars
complicated situations are the makings of all that's wrong and I've been standing in the river of deliverance way too long there's gotta be a better way for me to say what's on my heart without leaving scars
--
This is Anne Cox! Leave a message at the beep!
"Hi Anne, Niall here. Harry just had a bit of a meltdown, he's better now, sleeping in the back, Zayn's driving. I think he just needed to vent."
--
You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2.
"Louis, we're on our way up to DC. Maybe see you in a day or so."
--
"Hello, Ms Swift?"
"I'm sorry, who is this and how did you get my phone number?"
"My name's Peter Wilkins, and I got your number from the call roll. No, don't hang up! I was just told to call you and tell you there are six tickets under the name T. Swift waiting at will-call for the eight o'clock showing of Mary Poppins on Thursday night."
"Sorry, what? How?"
"That's not part of my job, ma'am. I just know I'm to call you and inform you about the tickets waiting for you at will call for Thursday."
"Alright. Thank you?"
"Oh, and Ms Swift?"
"Yes?"
"There was a message with the tickets. I don't know what it means, but the note says 'feel free to take the credit, but use these wisely and say hello to Z for me.' Mr Tomlinson was quite clear it be included."
"..."
"...Ms Swift?"
"I'll pick the tickets up on Thursday. What time does will call open?"
"Six, Ms Swift."
"Thank you...Peter, you said it was?"
"Yes, ma'am. It was my pleasure."
--
You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2.
"Louis...thank you. I just want to know...why are you doing this?"
--
You've reached Taylor. I'm busy right now, so leave a message at the beep!
"I'm doing it because they were my friends, and I know how much you loved Zayn. And I'd like to think that four years of mutual advice and two beach trips means that we're friends! Charlie sends her love, and I guess I do too. Take care, Taylor."
--
part xxii: the sunset means so much
tonight the sunset means so much the one that that you know you never touch like the feeling the real thing gotta reach out for the sweet dream but somehow the darkness wakes me up
--
"Hey, cliff, pull over," Zayn said.
"Zayn, there was a sign for a rest stop, if we go for one more mile you can pee in an actual toilet," Niall said, and didn't pull over. "Magic, I know."
"I wanted to throw wish stones, actually."
Niall made a sound of surprise and pulled over. "We haven't done that in ages."
"Well. We did it at the WMYB video, remember? They filmed it and put it in. And then again for Live While We're Young, and London Nights. And after that we sort of...split up? So. Not ages, but four years," Liam pitched in from the backseat. "I think I see some good pebbles anyways."
They all piled out of the van and found appropriately sized stones. Harry produced sharpies from his bag and they each scribbled a message on a rock.
Zayn took a photo of all four of their rocks together, and then they each chucked them out into the ocean.
"What did you wish for?" Niall asked, sitting down on the edge of the cliff.
"Against the rules, remember?" Liam shrugged, flicking little bits of rock. "But...I wished for Dani and I to get approved for adoption."
"To figure out my love life," Zayn admitted.
"What do you think?" Harry added. "And you, Niall?"
"Friends," Niall said simply, then looked at the road sign. "Wait, where are we--yes!"
"Niall, what are you doing?" Liam asked when Niall suddenly got up and scrabbled for his phone in the driver's cup holder.
"We're near Virginia Beach!" he said excitedly, scrolling through his phone contacts. "One of my cousins moved here for university, I'm seeing if she's got plans or if we can all meet up!"
"You were driving, how did you not know where we were already?" Liam said, gaping a little at Niall. "Suddenly the last two weeks seem really unsafe."
"I dunno, Zayn was giving directions and I was mostly just doing what I was told," Niall said. "Now shush, calling Rebecca."
"That's reassuring," Liam mumbled, and outright laughed when Niall flipped him off again.
--
As it turned out, Rebecca had a week long break after her midterms and was completely okay with meeting them for a late lunch and an afternoon on the beach.
They arranged a place to meet and she pulled in, hopping out of her Bug and tackling Niall into a hug. Right after, she flicked him on the ear.
"You never call," she scolded. "We live in the same country now, the least you could do is call every once in awhile."
"I called and I'm here in person," he said cheekily, and she cuffed him in the back of the head. "Hey!"
"You know what I meant," she said. "Now come on, I'm starving and this place down the block actually does really great fish and chips. Forward march!"
The fish and chips turned out to be as good as Rebecca had promised and they spent the afternoon goofing off on the beach.
"If you bury me again, I swear to God," Zayn said darkly, looking suspiciously at the shovels and buckets the girls had brought with them.
"We're making a sand castle," the tallest--Laurel--insisted. "We've got time, and the water's not great this time of year. So. Sand castle."
"Niall, get off the blanket!" Rebecca shrieked at her cousin, glaring as he sprawled out, taking up the whole piece of fabric. "Help me!" Liam and Zayn each grabbed sides of the blanket
"No, no no no no," Niall said when he realized what was going on, but it was too late--Zayn and Liam swung the blanket like a swing and sent Niall flying. "That hurts!" Niall whined, but it was in good humor.
Niall and Rebecca set to work bringing up buckets of semi-warm salt water while everyone else started construction on the giant monster of a castle they were building.
It was quickly decided that Zayn should not be anywhere near the construction.
"While you finish that sand castle, me and my pyromaniac tendencies are going to start a bonfire," Zayn said, backing away from the bucket of water that Harry threatened him with after Zayn accidentally caved in a side of the moat for the third time. "Also, have you noticed how many fires we've had in the past two weeks?"
"Just shut up and find some driftwood."
After the sun went down, one of Rebecca's friends produced a box of sparklers and borrowed Zayn's lighter to go with them.
Or more accurately, she stuck her hand in Zayn's pocket and retrieved the lighter herself, causing Zayn to jump in surprise and stare at her with suspicion for the rest of the night.
"We have a bonfire, why can't you light them in the fire?"
She just winked and Zayn hid behind Niall for the next hour.
Harry spent twenty minutes writing his name in sparkler light before remembering his camera and videotaping everyone else goofing off.
"This is going to look great in the video montage," he said happily, spinning and catching a good shot of the three girls spelling out W and M with their arms and sparklers. "W and M?"
"William and Mary!" The three girls yelled. Niall flopped back onto the sand, laughing. "It's our university!"
Eventually, when everyone was sleepily putting out the fire, Niall asked "Know of any good motels around here? We weren't planning on staying this late."
Rebecca rolled her eyes. "Crash at mine," she offered. "I haven't got enough beds for all of you, but there's a pullout couch and a blowup mattress and I don't think you mind sharing? My roommate's out of town to visit her family in Washington. It's small, but it's a flat, and not a dorm?"
"Thanks, Becks," Niall said. "Knew there was a reason you were my favorite cousin."
"Prove it by calling every once in awhile," she sniffed, but it was fond. "Come on, let's get everyone back home. It's about an hour drive."
--
Rebecca woke them the next morning at six, dashing through the apartment to gather her materials for an early morning class. She kissed Niall goodbye and waved at the three other sleepy men in her apartment, telling them to lock up when they left.
"That felt oddly like it should have involved a one night stand," Harry commented sleepily, and Niall threw pillows at him until Harry cried mercy and apologized.
They tidied up rapidly and were on their way by seven, stopping at a Dunkin Doughnuts for coffee and doughnuts.
"I miss tea," Zayn sighed, staring mournfully into his coffee cup. "What do Americans have against tea anyways?"
"Boston Tea Party?" Niall suggested. "You can't use tea to strip paint?"
"Can you really use coffee to strip paint?" Liam asked, looking puzzled. He took a sip of his coffee and spat it out. "Okay, yeah, this coffee you probably could. Milk and sugar's over there, yeah?"
They devoured their breakfast and Liam slid into the driver's seat, having snagged the keys from a sleepy looking Harry while he flirted with the barista.
Four hours later, Liam was still driving when there was a sudden sound of metal scraping against rock from the back of the van and then a sudden burst of smoke from the hood.
Harry, who'd been dozing in the passenger seat, sat bolt upright and fumbled for his camera; Niall was jerked out of his conversation with Zayn, where they were apparently taking Harry's subdued state as a chance to discuss his show and its technical failings. It was a blatant attempt at trying to draw Harry into the conversation and was just as blatantly not working.
The smoke and the metal screeching jerked everyone out of their more subdued states. Liam managed to pull the car to the side of the road and they all hurriedly disembarked.
"Shit, I think we've got a flat, and then something happened to the engine. Battery, maybe?" Niall looked dubiously towards the engine, where grayish smoke was curling up towards the sky. "Probably should call for help."
"I agree," Zayn said quickly, watching the car warily. "Liam?"
"Thirded. Harry, what do you think?"
Harry didn't reply, looking down the road at a row of crosses. Suddenly, he was running towards them, and skidded to a stop, dropping to his knees beside one of them. The others followed him quickly, wondering if Harry had finally snapped.
"This is it," he said softly. Understanding dawned in Zayn's eyes, then Niall's, and finally Liam's. "Like really, legitimately it. This is where..."
"We lost a lot more than we'd thought," Zayn finished lightly, although the way his hand shook as he dug in his pocket for his lighter and pack of cigarettes showed he thought nothing about this situation light.
"We'd lost a lot already," Niall countered, shakily sitting to Harry's left in front of the cross that read 'Josh Devine'. "But this is where we lost Josh."
"We lost Josh, Maddie, Matt and Brianna here," Liam corrected. "Not just Josh." He sat at the cross farthest away and ran his fingers over the name--Madeline Nadine Christensen. He traced over her birth and death dates as he said, "No one ever figured out why."
All four of them glanced at each other and then looked away, guilt written over their faces. It had been one of their first screaming matches that had contributed to the crash. A rainy foggy night had been cited as the official cause, but they all knew it was because they'd been fighting--Zayn and Harry versus Louis and Liam, with Niall trying to hold the middle ground--and had distracted the driver. They'd been travelling in a small van because the tour bus had gotten a flat tire, and when Matt, their driver, turned around to yell at them to stop and had failed to notice the techie/backup band van ahead of them slamming on the brakes. Their van had crashed into the other van and both vehicles had spun out, sending them flying off the road at fifty miles an hour.
Harry ended up with a broken arm; Liam and Louis both had concussions, Liam with an additional set of cracked ribs and Louis with a cracked skull. Niall, miraculously, was completely unharmed, other than a few bruises. Zayn, on the other hand, wound up in critical condition for four days, as were Josh, Paul, and their keyboardist, Brianna. Maddie and Matt, the two drivers, were dead on impact. The other three people in the vans had various broken limbs and injuries.
"That was bullshit, we all know it," Harry muttered. "It was because Louis and I were fighting." He shrugged. "Our first big fight. Beginning of the end, really. For all of us."
"Put a bit of a damper on the tour," Zayn said, trying to steer the conversation away from Louis, even after Harry had explained his level of closure. "Remember how we all wore black armbands for the rest of it?"
"Zayn got his memorial tattoo--the clover, right, Zayn?" Niall alone sat in front of Josh's cross and watched as Zayn sat in front of Matthew Heth's memorial stone--as he'd been atheist, his family had refused a cross and instead painted a rock with vibrant colors. "With the initials?"
Zayn nodded and pushed up his sleeve. His tattoos had expanded to an entire sleeve up his right arm, but in the crook of his elbow, there was a four leaf clover with the initials of the four dead. "I remember being really glad Taylor and my sisters had gone home the night before. During the fight, and then after, when I woke up."
"It's been five years now," Liam said softly, his hand still tracing over letters and numbers. He checked his watch. "Five years exactly today, actually. How come no one's come visit?"
"I go to Josh and Maddie's graves on the anniversary," Zayn said. He exhaled slowly, fingers tapping out a drumbeat Niall recognized as one of Josh's favorites in jam sessions. "I never thought about coming to where they actually died, if I'm honest. Not like they're here now, is it?"
The four of them sat there by the side of the road. Harry murmured what could have been a prayer; Niall definitely whispered at least one rosary (despite having not practiced for nearly a decade, he had still been raised Catholic and fell into the familiar ritual of prayer when upset); Zayn kept tapping Josh's drumbeat; Liam hummed a strain of 'If I Die Young'--or at least he did until Zayn elbowed him to stop.
"Does anyone remember what we were actually fighting about?" Niall asked. "I don't."
No one replied, lost in thought. An indeterminate amount of time later--it could have been five minutes or five hours, Niall wasn't sure--Harry spoke.
"Do you think it's fate or something?"
"What do you mean?" Liam didn't look up, but a wrinkle in his forehead betrayed thought.
"What are the chances that our van breaks down on the exactly six year anniversary, ten meters from the crash site?" Harry said, looking away from the cross. "And that it'd be the four of us when there were four of them that died? It's even the same time of day. Like... there's got to be a reason for it."
Zayn snorted. "I doubt it."
It was the first time Niall could remember Zayn arguing counter to Harry and the thought threw him.
Luckily, Liam stepped in before anything could escalate.
"Did anyone actually call the rental place or whatever for help?"
"Actually, it's just a flat tire," Harry said cheerfully. "I can fix that easily enough."
"And the smoke from the engine?"
"That I can't fix. Never finished mechanics lessons with Clarisse." Everyone turned to stare at him. "What?"
"The really tiny French girl who plays keyboards in your band?" Niall finally asked slowly. "The one who looks like she couldn't lift a five pound weight?"
Harry frowned. "Yeah, she's a certified mechanic. Our bus hasn't broken down--ever. We're up to changing oil!" he said proudly, beaming. "I can do basic maintenance for my car and stuff."
"Does Tyson embroider?" Zayn joked. Tyson was Skyscraper Love's drummer, who towered over Harry by at least a head and was frequently mistaken for an on-leave soldier. The idea of him embroidering was enough to send Niall into laughter and have Liam hiding giggles behind a hand.
"Yeah, actually," Harry said brightly, pushing to his feet and heading for the van. "Well. Cross-stitch. I'm told they're very different things, but I don't understand it." He flipped open the hood and waved away the smoke. "Well, I have no idea how to fix this." He looked over at Niall. "You have insurance or something?"
"I'll call Triple A," Niall put in. "Get the van towed, and then take Amtrak up to New York. It's only like a couple hours ride from DC, it think, and that's only half an hour back in a car."
"What's--" Zayn began, but Niall cut him off.
"Triple A does car help and shit. Amtrak is a train company." He rolled his eyes. "Proud Irishman, familiar with American terms. What's the world coming to?"
"You're losing your accent too," Liam teased, and shrieked, jumping out of the way when Niall decided to go after him with a sharpie he'd had in his pockets.
Zayn and Harry exchanged exasperated looks and decided to sit in the van until Niall and Liam had suitably mauled each other enough and remembered to phone for help.
--
part xxiii: everything is alright
tell me that you're alright hi everything's great yeah everything is alright everything's fine oh please tell me that you're alright
--
You've reached Danielle Peazer. I'm unable to take your call at the moment, so please leave a message at the beep!
"Hi, Danielle, it's Liam. I know you're teaching a class right now, but I just wanted to let you know that we had a minor accident with the van and we'll be taking the train up to New York instead. Everyone's fine, though. The weird thing was that we crashed about ten meters from where our vans crashed...remember when Josh died? It was right there, and it was so strange. I don't really want to think about it, though. If you want to fly out to New York and see the lads again, I'm sure they'd welcome you. I miss you so much. See you in three days!"
--
You've reached Liam Payne's mobile phone. I'm sorry I missed your call, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. If this is Danielle, I love you. If this is anyone else, leave a message at the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as possible!
"Hey, honey! I guess I just barely missed your call, and I guess you switched your phone off after you called me. I'm glad everyone's alright, and I'm sure you'll have fun in New York. I don't think I'll fly out to meet you, I'm doing well here. I think the paps have finally caught on that you're not here though. I think you said something else but I can't remember now. Love you lots, miss you loads, kisses!"
--
You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2.
"Hey Louis, it's Niall! We had some car troubles, so we'll be taking the train into New York. We'll be there tomorrow, if you want to meet up. I guess...if you want to set anything up, you know how to contact us. I don't know what you said to Harry, but he seems better now. We miss you, mate."
--
This is Anne Cox! Leave a message at the beep!
"Sorry I didn't call you back earlier, Mum. I meant to, but then stuff happened, and...I never got around to it? Anyways, I know it's like 4 AM in England, but I just wanted to call and say I'm doing alright. We had a bit of a car accident--don't worry, we're all fine--but we're going up to New York this weekend, and I was wondering if I could spend my next break with you? I just realized I haven't been home in ages. Love you!"
--
You've reached Gemma Styles-Harris. I'm not keeping my phone on because Alan wakes really easily and sleep is very, very precious. Leave a message at the beep and I will get back to you as soon as possible!
"Sorry about not calling you earlier, Gem. I had a long talk with Louis this morning, and then we had car trouble, so this was really the first opportunity I had to call. I called Mum first though, sorry. Tell Alan Uncle Harry says hello, and that I've got presents for him! I'm doing fine, finally got some closure, so everything's going well. I'll have my phone on tomorrow, so if you want to call me then we can chat. Love you lots!"
--
Hello! Due to the breakdown of the 452nd truce, the inhabitants of village 555-1818 are cowering in their bomb shelters. However, if you leave a name, number, and a message, any survivors will get back to you when the 453rd truce begins.
"Harry...really. Change your voicemail. Gemma and I love you, we're glad you're alright. You're always welcome at my house, love. Your old room's still exactly the same, although you might not want that. But I love you, and no matter what happens in New York, I'll always love you. Sleep well, love."
--
Hello! Due to the breakdown of the 452nd truce, the inhabitants of village 555-1818 are cowering in their bomb shelters. However, if you leave a name, number, and a message, any survivors will get back to you when the 453rd truce begins.
"Harry! It's Cher! You missed a fantastic festival, wish you could have been here. When you get back, call me and we'll find a time when we're in the same city and we'll go out for coffee. Send the others my love!"
--
part xxiv: things weren't like they are
we've fallen apart somewhere back at the start when we thought that we could fix each other by ourselves let's get back to the part when things weren't like they are
--
The train ride was quiet and not too long. After dealing with the mechanics, the only train they could catch was past 10 at night, and as a result, they were all worn out. Their car was mostly empty, just them and a few others in various stages of sleep.
Zayn was talking quietly on the phone--to Taylor, Rosie, or his mother, Niall wasn't sure. Whoever it was, they were female and one of the most important people in Zayn's life, so Niall tried not to listen into what was pretty clearly a private conversation. Liam was curled up, fast asleep against the window. His feet nudged Zayn's thigh and his hair flopped over his forehead and eyes. Harry too, dozed, although he was in the seat next to the isle, his head resting on Niall's shoulder.
Niall watched as the world flashed by outside, the American version of a countryside. It wasn't as green as Ireland--nowhere was as green as Ireland in the spring--but it was greener than his home in LA. That sort of made him miss Ireland, which, he realized with a shock, he no longer considered his home. It hasn't been home for a long time. At least since the split, so four years. When he thought about it further, he realized it hadn't really been home since One Direction had formed--eight years, then. Maybe home was people, he wondered. The people you loved and wanted to give the world to.
But that definition would mean Louis was Harry's home, and that didn't seem right.
Harry stirred them and nudged Niall's side. "What're you thinking about?"
Niall shrugged, watching the landscape slowly morph from fields and forest into the outskirts of a town. They were probably going to stop soon, or they might just blaze right through. "Wondering. What do you think home is?"
Harry yawned and blinked sleepily. "Safety."
"Safety?"
"Yeah. Where you feel loved and wanted, where the people care about you and you care about them, and they know all your faults and don't care. It's where you don't have to put up a front." He smiled wryly. "My home's scattered everywhere right about now. But I've got Mum, and Gem, so I'm pretty alright. And the rest of Skyscraper Love." Harry grinned, fully awake now. "Home was Louis, for awhile, and the rest of you lads. I think home's always changing, then. What brought this on?"
"I was just wondering why I didn't feel like Ireland was home anymore," Niall said. The train horn blew and they began to slow--definitely a stop, then. "And why you three didn't feel like home either."
"We're different people," Harry said plainly. "Four years with different people surrounding us...our brains might not realize it, but our hearts do. We're not the same people we were, so home's not together anymore."
Niall considered this, then accepted it, nodding. "When'd you get so smart?"
Harry laughed, sitting fully upright. Niall immediately began to miss the warmth against his side--the train was a bit chilly and he was too lazy to get his jumper out of his suitcase. Zayn gave them a curious look but kept the majority of his attention focused on his phone call.
"Probably about the time I realized I was never going to get Louis back," Harry said, reaching for one of the now-cold cups of coffee on the table between himself and Zayn. "I don't think I was this wise when I left Seattle."
"So you're really actually over it, then?"
The taller man shook his head, setting back into his seat with his coffee. He ran his empty hand through his curls, sighing. "Not really. But I know it's hopeless now. He loves someone else, and so I can stop waiting for him to come back. I didn't even realize I was doing it, but I was, and I can be happier now. He's got a girlfriend now anyways. Met her through Eleanor."
"They're still friends, then?" Niall grinned, glad to be hearing about Louis and knowing that this conversation wasn't going to send Harry off the rails.
"Apparently." Harry sighed. "Even when she was bearding, they just...got along really well, remember? But her girlfriend would have killed Louis if he ever actually tried anything with her."
Niall laughed and nodded agreement; he'd only met Eleanor's tenacious girlfriend once, but once had been plenty enough. She hadn't been too pleased about Eleanor bearding, but she got over it once Louis and Harry broke up and Eleanor "broke up" with Louis publicly.
"He really loves Charlie, though--I could hear it in his voice." Harry's own voice was tinged with sadness, admitting that he'd heard love he'd always wanted directed at him directed at someone else. "So he's happy, and that makes me happy." He smiled. "Enough about me. I've bared my soul to you; your turn. What's the real reason behind this little trip? I'm not going to let it go until you tell me everything. I don't believe a word of the bullshit you told us yesterday."
Niall looked out the window and was quiet until the train pulled to a complete stop. Somewhere behind them, someone began to pull their luggage down from the rack in preparation to disembark.
"Remember how I told you about my girlfriend?" he said quietly. "How it was only a short-term thing?"
"Yeah?"
"I lied. I'd marry her if I could."
"So why don't you?"
"She's got cancer," Niall said in a rush, as if he didn't want to say the words but had to anyways. "Breast cancer. Late stages. I asked her to marry me, and she said no. Said she wouldn't do that to me. Then she said we should take a few weeks off, clear our heads. Technically we're not dating now. I was always going to do a road trip, I just didn't want to do it alone."
"So you called us," Harry realized. "You were upset and called the only people you could think of that had always made you feel better--not your biological family, your parents divorced when you were little and your brother...well, we all know how that went. Your LA friends--and Ed too, I'd bet--know your girlfriend. You wouldn't really be getting away from it. In fact, everyone would pity you because you were the guy with the sick girlfriend who didn't want him around. So you called us. You had no idea if we'd say yes or no--but we did." Harry grinned like the cat who'd gotten into the cream. Or perhaps Zayn when he managed to sneak naps on tour. "Am I right?"
"Pretty much," Niall admitted.
"I am wasted as a popstar, I should be a psychologist!" Harry crowed, then immediately looked sheepish when Zayn glared at him and Niall looked a bit put out. "Sorry."
"No, you were right. And it mostly worked, didn't it? I haven't been as sad as I was. I've laughed even. And I wasn't lying about wanting you to be happy, cos I get it now. I get why you were so hurt when it ended between you and Louis. I figured...I figured if A..." he swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. "I figured if Annabelle and I couldn't have the happy ending, maybe you and Louis could."
"We're not going to get back together, you know," Harry said quietly. "Just like One Direction's not going to get back together. Different people, remember?"
"I never thought we would." Niall exhaled slowly and glanced at the window, to the mostly empty station, where a tired mother was herding her sleepy children on board the train. Behind her, the harried looking father tried to manage three suitcases. "We're all too old for it anyways. But we could still be friends, couldn't we?"
"I guess we could." Harry shrugged. "Don't know how well it'd work. I mean. We're all busy, all in different places. You ever think we were just friends because there was no one else we could have as friends? Like...no one else would understand, and we didn't have time for anyone else in the first place. That was why Danielle and Liam broke up in the first place."
"They got back together," Niall pointed out, watching the family on the platform until they disappeared into a car behind them. "Even got married. Plan to have kids."
Harry laughed. "Yeah, true. But they had the opposite problem the band did. They were compatible but didn't have time for each other--we weren't compatible but had to spend time together, so we got over the fights we got into, just because we had to. I mean. Did that make sense?"
"Yeah, actually." Niall jumped as the train whistle blew, and then again five seconds later when the train lurched forward. "Life's boring if you're only ever around people you always get along with."
Harry stuck his tongue out childishly. "I bet you and...Annabelle, right?" He waited for Niall to nod confirmation. "I bet you and Annabelle get into some pretty interesting fights."
"If by interesting you mean loud, passionate, entirely pointless and usually ending in sex, then yes. We have very interesting fights."
"What ends in sex?" Zayn asked, finally hanging up the phone. "Do I wantto know?"
There was absolutely nothing funny about it, but Harry and Niall both burst out laughing, loud enough to wake Liam and prompt the other passengers to shush them. They managed to quiet for a few seconds before glancing at each other and dissolving into half-hysterical laughter again. Liam began to giggle, and then Zayn, and none of them managed to calm down until they were well into the countryside once more.
"So, how would you guys feel about meeting up with Taylor Swift to see Louis' show in New York?" Zayn asked. "She's got tickets for all of us, presuming Louis hasn't put us on a DNA list. Does Broadway even have a DNA lists? Who'd even be on a Broadway DNA list?"
"If we're on a Broadway Do Not Admit list, I will ask for a copy and fucking frame that shit," Niall said immediately. "Like your non-existent restraining order, because that would be fucking awesome and you know it, don't you dare try to tell me otherwise. Also...Taylor? Are you sure that's a good idea?"
"It's just to clear the air," Zayn explained. "So. Are you up for it?"
Niall and Harry exchanged glances, then turned to Liam, who threw his hands up in the air. "Hell, why not. Can't be worse than Vegas."
"Famous last words," Harry and Niall chorused, but Zayn and Liam simply laughed it off. It would be difficult to top Vegas.
--
part xxv: what's left now
sing me to sleep i'll see you in my dreams waiting to say "i miss you i'm so sorry" forever's never seemed so long as when you're not around it's like a piece of me is missing i could have learned so much from you but what's left now?
--
You've reached Taylor. I'm busy right now, so leave a message at the beep!
"Hi, Taylor, it's Zayn. We're just pulling into New York right now, so...see you tonight? We'll meet you outside the theatre at seven, okay? Take care."
--
You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2.
"It's Niall, we're in New York. We're coming to see your show tonight, somehow Taylor got tickets and invited us for whatever reason? And Zayn's okay with it, so we're coming. If you're going to block us at the door, let us know and we won't show up."
--
"Hello, Danielle Peazer speaking."
"Dani! You're actually on the phone?"
"Oh, hi, Liam! Yeah, it's only ten at night. I'm on my way home from a girls' night with Zoe."
"...you're going home from a girl's night with Zoe at ten?"
"She and her boyfriend broke up. It quickly turned into a bitchfest about boyfriends who left. I wasn't comfortable talking about it so I left Zoe and Britt discussing the shortcomings of their exes. I'm just walking in the front door right now."
"So you're doing well then?"
"Yeah. A little tipsy--oh, for God's sake Liam, it was a glass of wine. I'm fine to drive. Don't give me the sigh of disapproval."
"Sigh of disapproval?"
"Yeah, Niall and I decided to name it the sigh of disapproval. It's when you sigh right before you start a lecture."
"I'm not even going to comment on that."
"Good, I don't want you to. How's the trip up to New York?"
"We just arrived."
"Oh, good! Do you know where you're staying?"
"Not yet."
"Well, let me know when you figure it out. Text me. I like hearing from you."
"I'd have thought you'd be sick of my phone calls by now."
"Not really. Anything else going on?"
"Well, we got tickets to see Louis' show."
"I thought it was sold out for months?"
"We thought so too, but Taylor Swift managed to get a set of tickets and she invited all of us, which. That was a surprise."
"I'd bet. I liked Taylor, but...how's Zayn taking it?"
"Actually pretty well. He and Taylor were talking on the phone for awhile, sorting stuff out. I think they're going to try again."
"That's either going to end with them getting married again or an actual restraining order this time. How's Harry doing?"
"Better than he was, which is nice.
"And Niall?"
"Still Niall. No other way to describe him."
"You're right there. You'll be back in two days, yeah?"
"I fly out tomorrow and I should be back home by day after tomorrow."
"I'll be waiting. I should probably go, leftover Thai is calling to me from the fridge."
"Go eat. I'll see you in two days."
"Love you."
"Love you too, bye."