i really like it. the following is just some things that may make it so i'd love it.
i would add more dialoge. tone down the god complex - well atleast the obvious references to it, let the read gather as much in a more subtle form. not so reinforced.
grammer... grammer.... spelling.... o.<;; the english teacher in me is crying.
the first paragraph is really good, but i dont see how it ties into the rest of the story at all as of yet.
perhaps a bit more... direction in the following addings? it seems kinda garden path wanderingish.
It's pretty cool. The following of the mindpath is fun to read. I won't bother you about the some of the spelling, but I think most of it was fine,though. Well, I didn't expect a lot of dialogue, there's not a lot of dialogue in the intros of stories, or direction. Just a lot of general descriptions, which I think you did quite well. Now I'm just waiting to see how you tie in that first paragraph, and how the story pans out.
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i would add more dialoge. tone down the god complex - well atleast the obvious references to it, let the read gather as much in a more subtle form. not so reinforced.
grammer... grammer.... spelling.... o.<;; the english teacher in me is crying.
the first paragraph is really good, but i dont see how it ties into the rest of the story at all as of yet.
perhaps a bit more... direction in the following addings? it seems kinda garden path wanderingish.
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