with this impending move, ive been getting a little anxious. im a bit more outwardly bubbly and inwardly shakey? i dont know if thats the word... but i feel jittery. i feel like i have to be in some form of constant action to keep my mind off so many things ( Read more... )

she is singing so sweet ( Read more... )

people think i have an eating disorder...

cool.

"Your following is fleeting
Watch what you're reading
You might start believing what they're saying about you and who you know
I'm talking shameless
In the thick of it, You can't get rid of it
Desperation is calling you"
-head automatica "laughing at you"

although i have become well aware of the fact and the psychology behind it all--i still seem to remain generally existing in one of two states, sometimes a volitile combination of the two but always with one dominating. these 2 states both involve a searching and seeking in a sort of wild goose chase fashion. one search is for all that is ( Read more... )

my stomach is in knots. i get short of breath when memories start going off like violent explosions in my brain--like fireworks but with side stabbing pain. i get tiny little panic attacks constantly. its getting harder to suppress., i dont want to be a burden, i couldnt do that. but i need my own sanity too. i could just hide away for months at a ( Read more... )

it wore off.

hysterics ensue.

im wondering when this natural high will wear off. im still glowing from a dream state induced by a meeting i assumed wouldnt ever occur when i left the ground a week ago. every time i think im going to cry i think of the luck i have had with this and it just makes me smile. its worth it. every second of questioning and wondering and every mile of ( Read more... )

gibberish ( Read more... )

i made a completely misguided, mistake in my decision to watch sex and the city tonight. they show these reruns on TBS a few nights a week and although i've never kept up with the show, something pulled me to it. no, not just something, the glittering headline promising both "sex" and "the city". the title combined with sweeping shots of manhattan ( Read more... )

i foolishly thought that school ending would give me some free time. now i just work everyday. in that same damn place. its beautiful outside, but i wouldnt really know. its always the same airconditioned climate in that same damn place. im exhausted. physically and mentally. im tired. i think i found a place to live. could move july 1st if this ( Read more... )