Grief, day two

[2redpath5]

Today was my day off.  It didn't go so well.  I basically cried all day while pretending to be a functioning member of society.

I went to the hospital to see my IUFD mom

Comments

[t_rex]

I think you gave the right advice. If the daughter wants to see the baby, then maybe that's what the daughter needs in order to heal.

I've met many people who were resentful/confused/whatever because their families kept important information from them. I have yet to meet someone who felt they knew too much about their family.

[playright]

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep offers photo options for families who are in love with the child who they have to deliver but don't live.

It's a tough volunteer job, but allows the family to take something home other than memories.

[monetgypsy]

I've heard of that! It's so touching. They say that photographers are instructed that they can touch up lighting, but they do not correct anything that may have been "wrong" with the child, say a visible defect that caused the death, because seeing and understanding that part of the child can actually help with mourning.

[thecranewife]

♥

[nevermind_that]

That's a tough question. So is the God thing what they actually told their daughter instead of having her see the baby?

Seems appropriate although I think I prefer what your answer would have been. I guess it all depends on personal preference and family beliefs/dynamics.

What was the book that the speaker grounded her information on for the class? You know me and death...forever curious.

The part about the chapel book and the father...just tugged so hard at my heart strings. I think you definitely need to take a trip to that waterfall.

<3

[2redpath5]

Ah my twisted sister!
On Death and Dying by Elizabeth Kubler Ross.
She did medical studies on the psychology of dying- for the patient and the families. She interviewed the terminally ill and wrote their stories. Then taught medical students.
And developed the famous 5 stages of grief.
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

I'll write more later you sweet thing.

[nevermind_that]

The five stages of grief remind me of nursing school. I remember we had to do this group skit in which had to encompass each stage. Did you guys have to do that?

Our scenario was also about Natives so we picked this one girl to be an Elder and she took her role so seriously that she showed up to class in FULL NATIVE GARB. Like no idea where she even got it just that she showed up in it and sat in her chair wearing everything even during all of the other presentations.

Just retelling this story is making me laugh so much. This girl never took anything in school seriously so just the fact that she went all out for some random skit was ridiculous in an amazing way.

[monetgypsy]

I know it's sad but I love your stories so much, they're so full of humanity. Sometimes sadness is beautiful. How wonderful that we have the capacity to feel so deeply. Men too!

I've been struggling a lot lately with the idea that men are cold, heartless versions of human beings. It's a stupid idea that comes from a minority of experiences. I need to remember to empathize with them too.

[2redpath5]

Dearest Monet,
Thank you so much for saying so.
I try to make them worth the time it takes to read them. ; )
I love things in the world that really make us F E E L.
Ya know what I mean?
I hate to hear that you are struggling at all.
And I wish lesbian love affairs were easier to obtain.
Heehee

[anabatos]

Men are wired differently. Some men are cold, heartless versions, but basically I have recently begun to understand that a lot of our "emotionless" bad press comes from vulnerabilities about our feelings and an inability to be honest. So if you understand how stupid us boys are and how vulnerable we are (when there is so much societal pressure to be strong and "man-like"), I think you'll start to get the picture.

On the other hand, some men are cold and heartless. Don't let frequent examples of fuckery tarnish your opinion of the species.

On the other other hand, (yes I have three), I encourage you to be in bed with as many women as possible.

[monetgypsy]

Did you know that testosterone in the womb actually shrinks the areas of a male child's brain that deal with communication and empathy? It's not that you don't feel things. It's that your brains have less neurons devoted to expressing those feelings and reading the feelings of others. You can't help it, it's biological.

But women are biologically crazy and many of us manage to rise above that, so I don't doubt that men can rise above their biology too.

Along the same lines, women have half the neurons in our brains that men have devoted to sex, and men have 10-100 times as much testosterone, and yet a great many of us still manage to be just as sexual as men are.

I have faith that we are more than our brains.