mean, I'm mean to the person im supposed to be in love with, and I find thie piece of writing on this old laptop, this passionate, beautiful little page of free verse, of stream of conciousness and it inspires me and maybe makes me feel better because it's so dead on ( Read more... )

So. I'm out of prison now ( Read more... )

Goddamnit goddammit shit fuck god DAMN. Opendiary died. Disappeared. A few months ago, myspace reformatted and all of my blogs, (or those written after the first 7 years were deleted by some crazy person) were lost forever. And today I discovered opendiary, the first blogging site I've ever known, words of crushes and crazies...oh my god. 13 years ( Read more... )

How fitting that I should dream of being trapped beneath a speeding train. Perusing the train yard beforehand, but I can not seem to recall how exactly I got there, laying flat and face up, on the tracks. And the thoughts of, could I roll out quickly enough to avoid being crushed? Probably not. wondering if the next car will be the one with the low ( Read more... )

We started a bit late on Thursday, heading North after working, getting up early to paint those peoples' house, then I packed while Tony worked on a deck. Stopped at Great Lakes Crossing on the way up, bought white things to tyedye- my AMAZING swim pants, white sports bra, and Tony got a button down since we have a lot of tyedye tees. Ate some ( Read more... )

I'm trying my best not to let anger and self-pity control me this morning. The anger is the real issues, always the issue. The red hot rage directed at specific ideas, specific people, really. It's upsetting because it's like an obsession. My lack of control over my emotions has plagued me as long as I've understood what an emotion was. Depression ( Read more... )

I realize it's March but I never really wrote 2012 down. there are bits and pieces everywhere...but 2012, man. That was a fucking year. Started living with my mom, working at Zoup! I think I was tentatively dating...everyone. Haha not exactly. I was done with Michael I think, Rob and I were dancing around each other, I occasionally slept with Ryan ( Read more... )

How much sense does it make to cry into the shoulder of one, about the other. Then, of course, cry to the other about the one. And receive comfort, no less ( Read more... )

Dreams. Always waking up and making up the last few seconds, few moments, days, years. Trying to piece the fuzz and fog back into something solid. It's so rare they form a concise picture, even setting and characters melt as soon as I open my eyes, maybe reminding me later in the day that they've been flailing around my unconscious mind. Today a ( Read more... )

I'm often hung up on all the wrong things. Bad at being an adult. Having some trouble with the growing up thing, I guess? I'm getting better! Things like ex-boyfriends' facebooks and the dog food in the fridge and Gator's mood ( Read more... )