Hey you! Yes, you! Feeling bored this summer?


( Read more... )

Dear Mom and Dad ( Read more... )

so i think i'm going to restart the church of the norse gods, heathenry. i'm serious. really it is the church of the ultimate badasses. it isn't such an outlandish thought that the world was created from the ripped up body of an ice demon. i mean really, a huge amount of people practice a religion where man came from a lump of clay and woman from a ( Read more... )

I think it's kind of a bummer that someone can't be just a little bit retarded. you know, either they're normal or they're retarded. if you're anywhere in the middle, you're just plain stupid. or, an ig-no-ra-moose if you're at cracker barrel. can you imagine being in a situation where you try to convince say... you're parents that you're not an ( Read more... )

it sure must be awkward for zombies to go to their high school reunions. they sort of scramble up to the door and go in. they have to introduce themselves to the person handing out name tags because they've decompsed and look nothing like the chipper male cheerleader they once were. "i'm chuck daniels." "oh... chuck... wow... you've really let ( Read more... )

i have to find a job tomorrow. i'm not excited. i'm what one might call a lazy ass. jeez world, i'm sorry! if sleeping til 4p.m. is wrong, i don't wanna be right! still, i like having things, but i'm too much of a pussy to steal them. i do want to find a cool job though. like... professional pie eating contest competitor. cat dancer. i could be a ( Read more... )

every time a hurricane comes i like to sit in the dark at night after the power is out and pretend i'm anne frank. seriously. i sit there, my arms around my family beckoning them to remain quiet. as we have our daily ration of food (one saltine cracker apiece). by the end of the storm i pop my head out into the sunshine. but just when i think it's ( Read more... )

god damn, tito! do you have to shit everywhere?!

sex with jesse's girl must be like squeezing a volleyball through a garden hose. everybody wants to get with her. especially that guy in that song. what a sad bastard. almost as sad as that guy that wants to slam his best friend's girlfriend. whew. that gave me just what i needed.

it's a good think they don't make hats out of porcupines. because that shit could hurt somebody. you see? someone weeded out that idea when it came time for a company to pick its products. sometimes some real stinkers sneak through. i think it's really funny that there was a meeting featuring some of the producers and directors and studio heads ( Read more... )