I think I will do it on 15 December. I won't be ablde to wait until Christmas Eve. And no one will know because it will be masked by the holidays.

I can't wait. I know what I did wrong last time. Won't make a mistake again. 

It is good to know where a person stands in a friendship. Yvonne will move to Oregon to be with the boys and she pointed out how happy I will be Kansas. Low-income disabled housing in Topeka. I'd rather die.

But I knew that Yvonne's rejection was deep. All that furniture, airline tickets, gifts, events, and what have I received? Some attention when ( Read more... )

Who am I now?

I am confusion and loss.

i am nothing and everything

perceiving and projecting what

appears real in my broken mind

i dream of my Mary

and awakening is crushing

she has gone before to make way for me

but I don't care

I want my family back

I thought I had a friend, but I don't. When I am out of Elmwood Park, he will not be invited here. He hurt me, deeply, thrice. I've never attacked him. Sixteen hours to St Paul, going there for me, was "The Honeymooners"meet "Whose Afraid of Virginia Wolfe?"

"Fuck Mary and fuck you." This will never be forgotten.

He was so disappointed I'm not ( Read more... )

have mercy on the serpent

cast from the garden

for which? the temptation

or the actual knowledge

between good and evil?

or all of the above

the serpent, whatever it had been

is condemned with that

creepy crawl of snakeness

but Satan is the most

beautiful of the angels

so proud within a delusion of

more strength than good

certainly he is the

smile ( Read more... )

planned

uber ordered

house swept

dishes washed

laundry finished

toilet and sink clean

ford oil-changed, tires checked, petrol

"going out to where the pavement turns to sand/

with a one-way ticket to the land of truth/

and my suitcase in my hand/ how I lost my friends I still don't understand ..."

Triage: Emergency contact?

Me: No one.

Triage: Family?

Me: None.

russians hate their children & the elderly

putin best leep his enemies close

i'm never doing this holiday shit again