I haven't felt this betrayed in a long time. I am devastated. And mean as fuck.

Paradiso

I have two of four assisted housing letters acknowledging I am on the "pre-list" list. There are a lot of people up here.

Modern medicine is a shot in the dark: few cures, but tons of symptom relief, artifificials bits and mechanical devices. Every night I pray for death, I want to be with my family wherever they are. I do not fear death. ( Read more... )

I wrote my primary care provider that I felt doomed. She replied that I did not feel doomed, that I was"just lonely."

But I do feel doomed and she is one of the reasons. The other pointer to doom is the government. The medical industrial complex and the govement sleep in the same bed. And they plant bombs in the minds and bodies of their ( Read more... )

The Old Friend

Her eyes aren't mere blue but periwinkle.

She stands like an Amazon Warrior,

Yet her heart is full and rich with goodness.

Her boys were men in the blink of my eye,

And I don't know either one of them.

Nor do I know The Old Friend, their mother.

Far in Space there is a secret garden;

Far away and the lock always locked.

She will not ( Read more... )

the girls will be named Lucy and Jane

daughters of the church

daughters of Poppa and Marmee

daughters of an Old English Sheepdog

Lucy is smart, athletic, friendly, and four years older than Jane

Jane is the mystery child, curious, trained by years of practice to be benign and welcoming, but within reclusive and aloof

the story will be from the ( Read more... )

BS: high, BP: normal,TMP: normal, WGT: gaining

I don't know how to explain the estrangement with Yvonne, save that it was my fault. I wrote in angry terms that our friendship had to change. She wrote back, gentle, kind, and in agreement we needed to keep the conduit broken, enough time for her to forgive my horrible letter.

My fears are based on ( Read more... )

thank you for the patchouly potpourri for my blanket. I think I'm going to wash them by hand in my big wash tub with some Dr. Bronner's and let them dry on the shower rod then they will live surely define smell without fighting the nap and stinkiness  Period.

I wrote with resentment, self-absorption and anger packed with fear; I'm wait for you to ( Read more... )

What About Amy

I have a good new friend [met at the end of October] and her name is Amy. She wants to be interested in me, but she isn't whole and her attention is on emotional bandaids scattering her thoughts. She just signed a divorce and is already cyber-dating a man who keeps finding excuses for not getting to Chicago. But she feels she is in ( Read more... )

I wonder what it is to be a primary. I figure nobody actually thinks about it. What it is to be a name immediately picked-up whatever the device? To be on the top of the list of pings.

What is it like to be with someone who wants to eat you up like a butterscotch sundae?

What is it like to get one valentine from someone other than my sister's ( Read more... )

Falling is a terror. I was trying to walk without a cane or walker. I am immeasurably discouraged. Fear fuels anger and anger fuels self-harm. I can't express anger externally; I turn it inward. St Paul is clear that anger is a sin. [Galatians in Morning Prayer today.] Dad didn't approve of it either: "There is never a reason to be rude." I'm angry ( Read more... )