The dream is over, but so is the nightmare. no longer am I stuck between that ephemeral state between dream and wake where the hope of returning to the sweet dream was just within grasp but the threat of coming to full consciousness is ever present. I'm conscious now. She's gone, and for good. So while this LJ was for her even before we had met ( Read more... )

I think she's ignoring me. I guess it's better this way for her.

yes, I still worry.

I had a huge fight with my father today. I can see where I get the passive aggressive thing when I'm stressed or when things aren't going well. And I can see how I hurt people, especially the people I care about most that way. I think that's part of the reason why she chose someone else. I hurt her too much ( Read more... )

I just watched the office where michael and pam go to do a presentation and michael wants closure with holly and find out she has a boyfriend. funny in a sad way really. he finds a note on her computer and pam reads it for him. she tells him that from the letter, holly still has feelings for michael and it's not over ( Read more... )

layover in phoenix. Even here there are memories of her. The last time I was here, we spoke on the phone since I had a long layover, kind of like today's. We had a pretty bad fight over the phone and I think we didn't have time to make up completely until I go to where I was going. I remember it pretty well since I'm sitting close to where I ( Read more... )

went for a run today...the last time I ran there, the branches were all bare and it was winter and I was still with her. Seems like it was so far away. Today, I saw my first armadillo. It was dead in the street. I saw the antenna in the distance. I don't know if she ever noticed that we could see it from my place, but it was where we went ( Read more... )

I really need to start keeping myself busy so I don't just sit and stare. When I do, there are a whole lot of mixed feelings, good and bad. Let's see, I still have movies to watch, a paper to work on, books to read, and yet they all kind of suck because I'm doing them alone. I do them at the library a lot, but some days it's even worse because I ( Read more... )

I'm going to be a better person. It's SO hard, but if I don't, I'm just going to be a worse person from this experience.

I think I'm in a place where the girl of my dreams is telling me to wake up.

Isn't that sad?