Illusions (10/?)
Title : Illusions (10/?)
Rating : NC 17
Pairing : Ruki x Kai
Theme : IV - 10 - Sequins
Summary : Do I even believe what I am trying to say?
A/N : It will get better.... really.....^^: C&C are welcomed!This is from Ruki's POV.
Past chapters
Chptr 1, 2 , 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9
Shimmering flickers in the dark catches my attention as I turned away from the stage to again face the crowd. Turning slightly, I noticed that it was merely the lights above us being reflected on the sequins of our costumes. As another song ended, I gave a tired smile to Uruha before I made my way backstage, the din from the crowd thinning as I reached our dressing room, me collapsing on the couch, tiredly accepting the hot drink offered by the assistants nearby. I noted the rest in similar state of disarray around me, Reita offering me a tired smile as he wiped the sweat from his face. I turned around, finding for the person that I always seem to watch. He is not in the room though. Reita shrugged when he saw my questioning look, him already taking Kai’s side in this, him not going to help me with Kai anymore. I do not blame him at all for this. And then again, I do not want to get back in Kai’s good graces since that will mean obligations again. Do I even believe what I am trying to say?
I shook my head, not wanting to think of it. I heard a burst of laughter as Kai entered the room and my eyes narrowed. And yes, he is again with that other singer. Doesn’t he have to perform or write songs or something? Anything but be around my Kai? Uruha waved hi to Miyavi, not appearing the slightest bit surprise to see him since he had been coming to almost every one of our shows and rehearsals for the past week. Aoi who returned from the loo merely smiled to Miyavi before slumping on the couch next to me, throwing me a clean band shirt to wear for the encore.
Soon Kai left to start his encore whereas Reita went and get his bass tuned up. With our two guitarists also leaving to fine tune their strings, it was only the two of us left. Not a good combination, especially with the hostility I feel towards him. I quickly changed and turned to leave, not caring that I seemed rude to Miyavi. I paused, seeing a tattooed hand on my wrist, looking up to see Miyavi looking the most serious that I have yet to see him to date. I shrugged off his hand, folding my arms in front of me, a typical human behavior in trying to protect one self.
“What?”
“We need to talk”
We stared each other for the longest minute before I finally relented, opting to sit down on the chair nearer to the door, him sitting on the couch that I previously departed from.
“I like Kai”
Okay. I didn’t expect that. Well, not in such a straight forward fashion.
“Did you hear me? I like Kai”
“What the hell do you want me to say? I am happy for you? You can wait till hell freezes over before I tell you that”
“I do not have to ask you for permission”
“You do not have to fucking tell me in the first place”
I know I probably had handled this the wrong way but what the hell does he expect from me? So nonchalantly announcing his feelings for someone that I love. What does he even want from me? I stood up, again turning to go.
“You do not deserve him”
“So you say”
“You are running away again. You are being a coward. If you love him, you will fight for him. I guess your feelings for him was just physical”
“I do not want to waste my time speaking to someone like you. I have a show to finish”
“Go ahead. Run away, Ruki-san”
As I too entered the stage, the cries of the crowd barely registering in my mind. I caught the bright smiles on their faces, seeing the same reflected on my band members. Kai gave a brief unguarded smile at me before he turned away, beaming to Reita who muttered something to him. I thought of Miyavi. The mockery in his tone pisses me off to no end. Maybe the truth in his words made it hurt even more. He voiced what I had thought of myself. Was I with Kai only for the physical aspect of it? If it is more, wouldn’t I be able to resist temptation? Perhaps my own emotions are like sequins of our costumes. By itself it is just dull. It does not glitter without any light reflecting on it. Maybe I am just telling myself that I feel for Kai more than just physical lust in order to justify the ends, to make myself less guilty of my actions. Maybe I should just see it as what it is, a dull sequin. Either way, I do not deserve Kai.
Rating : NC 17
Pairing : Ruki x Kai
Theme : IV - 10 - Sequins
Summary : Do I even believe what I am trying to say?
A/N : It will get better.... really.....^^: C&C are welcomed!This is from Ruki's POV.
Past chapters
Chptr 1, 2 , 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9
Shimmering flickers in the dark catches my attention as I turned away from the stage to again face the crowd. Turning slightly, I noticed that it was merely the lights above us being reflected on the sequins of our costumes. As another song ended, I gave a tired smile to Uruha before I made my way backstage, the din from the crowd thinning as I reached our dressing room, me collapsing on the couch, tiredly accepting the hot drink offered by the assistants nearby. I noted the rest in similar state of disarray around me, Reita offering me a tired smile as he wiped the sweat from his face. I turned around, finding for the person that I always seem to watch. He is not in the room though. Reita shrugged when he saw my questioning look, him already taking Kai’s side in this, him not going to help me with Kai anymore. I do not blame him at all for this. And then again, I do not want to get back in Kai’s good graces since that will mean obligations again. Do I even believe what I am trying to say?
I shook my head, not wanting to think of it. I heard a burst of laughter as Kai entered the room and my eyes narrowed. And yes, he is again with that other singer. Doesn’t he have to perform or write songs or something? Anything but be around my Kai? Uruha waved hi to Miyavi, not appearing the slightest bit surprise to see him since he had been coming to almost every one of our shows and rehearsals for the past week. Aoi who returned from the loo merely smiled to Miyavi before slumping on the couch next to me, throwing me a clean band shirt to wear for the encore.
Soon Kai left to start his encore whereas Reita went and get his bass tuned up. With our two guitarists also leaving to fine tune their strings, it was only the two of us left. Not a good combination, especially with the hostility I feel towards him. I quickly changed and turned to leave, not caring that I seemed rude to Miyavi. I paused, seeing a tattooed hand on my wrist, looking up to see Miyavi looking the most serious that I have yet to see him to date. I shrugged off his hand, folding my arms in front of me, a typical human behavior in trying to protect one self.
“What?”
“We need to talk”
We stared each other for the longest minute before I finally relented, opting to sit down on the chair nearer to the door, him sitting on the couch that I previously departed from.
“I like Kai”
Okay. I didn’t expect that. Well, not in such a straight forward fashion.
“Did you hear me? I like Kai”
“What the hell do you want me to say? I am happy for you? You can wait till hell freezes over before I tell you that”
“I do not have to ask you for permission”
“You do not have to fucking tell me in the first place”
I know I probably had handled this the wrong way but what the hell does he expect from me? So nonchalantly announcing his feelings for someone that I love. What does he even want from me? I stood up, again turning to go.
“You do not deserve him”
“So you say”
“You are running away again. You are being a coward. If you love him, you will fight for him. I guess your feelings for him was just physical”
“I do not want to waste my time speaking to someone like you. I have a show to finish”
“Go ahead. Run away, Ruki-san”
As I too entered the stage, the cries of the crowd barely registering in my mind. I caught the bright smiles on their faces, seeing the same reflected on my band members. Kai gave a brief unguarded smile at me before he turned away, beaming to Reita who muttered something to him. I thought of Miyavi. The mockery in his tone pisses me off to no end. Maybe the truth in his words made it hurt even more. He voiced what I had thought of myself. Was I with Kai only for the physical aspect of it? If it is more, wouldn’t I be able to resist temptation? Perhaps my own emotions are like sequins of our costumes. By itself it is just dull. It does not glitter without any light reflecting on it. Maybe I am just telling myself that I feel for Kai more than just physical lust in order to justify the ends, to make myself less guilty of my actions. Maybe I should just see it as what it is, a dull sequin. Either way, I do not deserve Kai.