I wish I could turn my brain off, or swap brains. Because 90% of the time all I can think about is vomiting. I even dream about it. Really vivid dreams of being sick. Just writing this and thinking about those dreams makes me feel ill and anxious. Sometimes I think if I think about it too much I will actually be sick, so I try to stop myself and ( Read more... )

 It hits me out of the blue like a smack in the teeth. It consumes me so completely. 

 I don't know if I could yell any louder. How many times have I kicked you out of her here? Or said something insulting? I can be so mean when I wana be. I'm capable of really anything. I'll cut you into pieces. Please, please don't leave me.

Lyrics from a song by the uber talented Pink there. Words that hit home to me. I saw her live in concert at ( Read more... )

What childhood experience has permanently spoiled you ( Read more... )

I feel good today. I've felt good most days over this past week actually. Might be to do with the sun shining. I think working with my anxiety counsellor is helping too, subconsciously at times. In our last session he taught my a technique of stopping the bad thoughts before they manifest into a panic attack. And that's what I've been doing. I may ( Read more... )

Today I have a very upset tummy, so upset infact I think it could be seriously depressed. Why do I think this? Well, I had pains in my tum tum so off I went to loo thinking I was just gonna force out a nice normal turd but no... liquid poo literally FELL out of me. It was disgusting. Worst diarrhoea I've had for years. But I don't know the cause of ( Read more... )

I thought I would write down all the things I have phobias of. The main one, the one that controls my life is emetophobia - it is an intense, irrational fear or anxiety pertaining to vomiting. This specific phobia can also include subcategories of what causes the anxiety, including a fear of vomiting in public, a fear of seeing vomit, a fear of ( Read more... )

To love is nothing,
To be loved is something,
To love and be loved is everything.

Keep calm and carry on.

Today something terrible happened...my beautiful little netbook caught a virus!! I think it was from an episode of LOST I was trying to download... This thing popped up on my screen saying it was infected and then I couldn't click on any of the icons and it went all funny. Luckily I was with Dean and he's a bit more computer literate than me and ( Read more... )

The boyfriend. The other half. My better half. The lover. The chap. My man. Whatever way you say it, he is my darling boy.


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