(Untitled)

Mar 16, 2007 16:57

TITLE: Seven Deadly Sins
PAIRING: Jack/Elizabeth
RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY: The 4th part in my "Seven Deadly Sins" series. 3 more to go. The first three parts are here.

Envy )

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Comments 11

spitfiresparrow March 16 2007, 21:26:07 UTC
That was very good. I like the way you portrayed how she was jealous of Jack for being able to do as he wants where she feels restricted.

I also liked the symbolism for the corset being what is restriting her to that life. Dunno if you meant it to be like that but that's how I saw it :D

Well done, I look forward to the next parts.

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amethyststeam March 16 2007, 21:32:59 UTC
*used to be a closet Sparrabeth fan but...* This is really good; I love your descriptions of the characters as well as the spot-on feelings that Elizabeth is having.

Really, really good. =DD

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sawasdeekha March 16 2007, 23:31:00 UTC
I love the way you put the reader inside the characters head - and that you do it so well regardless of which character you choose is the icing on the cake!

I also love the way:

she meets his eyes, something hot, and dangerous, and she admits it's not hatred, but jealously.

Hints that, maybe, Jack is envious of Will?

Eagerly anticipating the next installment!!

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5thofnovember March 16 2007, 23:53:45 UTC
I actually intended that to mean that Elizabeth was admiting to herself that the hatred in the paragraph before that, hating him for his freedom, was really envy. Thus tying up the overall theme for this part.

Thanks for the words, though, I'm glad you liked it.

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you know... maramore March 16 2007, 23:43:28 UTC
you're a good writer.
i enjoy you.

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PS maramore March 16 2007, 23:47:07 UTC
and you're stuff is really sexy. i bet you could easily get into the dime novel industry. and make a fortune.

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Re: PS 5thofnovember March 16 2007, 23:52:28 UTC
Pft, fanfiction is just something I do for fun (and perhaps to deal with a small case of cold feet). I'd, in the way of a career, much rather use whatever talent I have in journalistic endeavors. I can never seem to invent my own characters, so things either come out creative nonfiction, writing about my own life, and what not, or, like this, I play with someone else's toy's for the hell of it.

Maybe I could be a tv writer? Playing with preexisting character, and having to have a knack for getting in their heads?

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soccerrocker128 March 17 2007, 01:32:59 UTC
"Such a shame you had to go and lose the last one," He whispers against the nape of her neck"
^^That was incredible. I can almost hear Jack's voice. Yum. :D

I love how you portrayed Elizabeth as envious of Jack, I have to say I wasn't expecting it. I assumed the "Envy" chapter would involve Will being jealous of the apparent relationship between J&E, or something like that. But this was a pleasant surprise: Elizabeth jealous of Jack's freedom. Great touch!

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