Right vs. wrong isn't even really the matter which bothers me anymore. If I was wrong I actually could tackle and justify being bullied and harassed for all those years at school/home, but it's the injustice and not having done anything to deserve it which really kills me. I have nightmares very seldom, but on days woken up to one, like today, one really starts wondering where the balance goes: being strong/wise/experienced etc. vs not being so haunted by one's past.
Yeah, but a simple pill, will not discriminate between the bad memories. It's an all or nothing deal and you will always know you took a pill to do it. And that is kind of like making a deal with the devil.
So the only healthy option is reconciliation, but getting even can be a quick fix. but hell, to reconcile might not even be an option, we're damned if we do and damned if we don't.
Though, I'd like to think that in a loose-loose situation, you are completley free to choose how you want to win. ;)
Gosh, Camilla, you have come an amazing distance in understanding your situation -- even if that astute self-analysis is prompted by some sort of miracle pill. (Not that such drugs must amount to "deals with the devil;" a drug CAN be a positive element in overcoming a nasty problem -- as my meds truly help with depression.)
I want to know more how you got to this recognition of conciliation or reconciling with your past. I shall read back in your LJ to fill in some recent details..but suffice to say you sound brave and focussed. Yay!
Hugz, Justine
PS thanks for your helpful thoughts over on my blog on Saturday!
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And that's the fucking statement that will haunt us all!
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So the only healthy option is reconciliation, but getting even can be a quick fix. but hell, to reconcile might not even be an option, we're damned if we do and damned if we don't.
Though, I'd like to think that in a loose-loose situation, you are completley free to choose how you want to win. ;)
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I want to know more how you got to this recognition of conciliation or reconciling with your past. I shall read back in your LJ to fill in some recent details..but suffice to say you sound brave and focussed. Yay!
Hugz, Justine
PS thanks for your helpful thoughts over on my blog on Saturday!
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