i feel like shit. i feel used. i feel disappointed. i feel ashamed. why? i don't know. i feel like he isn't even making the effort to come home. he always has an excuse for everything. why? yet again, i don't know. he lies to me. he breaks promises. he makes me feel like he thinks i'm stupid. i don't know. i'm hurting. i need help. please.

vacation was stupid and pointless. i went to new mexico to see brett. i left at 5 30 and got to the mall there around 11 30 only to find out it would be 3 before he would be there because his grandma "forgot" he had the day off and scheduled him in for work. gah. and then saturday. his sister. gah. i can't stand her. grr. my curfew to the hotel was ( Read more... )

i'm leaving for new mexico tomorrow morning. i won't be updating for a while. i'm so happy...i get to see brett. but i think there's going to be some fighting because he's broken some promises and lied to me a few times. he'll pay for it. and apparently i'm having dinner with his family on sunday night....uh? we've only been going out for a month ( Read more... )

so i don't know about anything in life... i mean i know i want to get married and have kids and go to college...but i don't know what i want to do in life. I don't know whether to become a pianist or a psychologist. i mean i love music. everytime i get angry and start yelling i run up to my piano and just start playing with tears running down my ( Read more... )

( ) smoked a cigarette ( Read more... )

so i am definitely drained. i worked out for like 3 hours...but it works. anyways. 9 days til i go to New Mexico! yay! i miss him so much. but lately we have been fighting a lot. and i don't know why. it's always over stupid stuff that i do that he doesn't agree with. like going to this party in monument....yeah, that party was...um..interesting. ( Read more... )

so basically i haven't used this thing in a long time. and i've figured out today that working out for about 2.5 or 3 hours really helps take the pain away from missing someone so much it hurts. it really does. maybe i'll do it every day. i don't know. some of you know, i am not single. i am going out with brett l. but he went to New Mexico for the ( Read more... )

If anybody would like to join me to any home game of the sky sox baseball season, i would be glad to get you tickets for free since my dad is the "sound/music guy". hehe. just hit me up on my cell! 322-3200. <3.

REPOST AND PUT AN X IN WHAT YOU'VE DONE ( Read more... )

Why do people change so...i don't even know how to explain it. It's like i met the complete opposite of who they really are. i can't belive it.