It seems all I feel lately is anger, and if not that then a void. I put myself here, I deal with it everyday, but sometimes an escape into someone's arms would be heavenly.

It feels like I die alittle more each day. I already cough up blood, have a strange lump on my neck, and sleep more than I do anything else.

I'll push you when you push me, It's not like people stick around either way. But either way you'll get your way and I'll be alone.

It's funny, there are moments when I ache and long for someone to be here or to be in a place surrounded by familiar faces. But when I get the opportunity to do so, when someone offers me a chance to come out of the hole this massive wave of fear comes washing over me and I just pass. I don't mean to come off as cold and I appreciate the chances ( Read more... )

Even kind hearts falter.

I realise now that you can only push people away for so long, eventually no one comes to be pushed.

This schedule leaves me with nothing to do and no one to talk to, which I guess is ultimately what I aimed for. Life hasn't been fun in a long time but I didn't realise it could feel that much more empty.

It scares me to think about going out with people, and I feel intimidated when I see pictures of others doing it. I can deal with people in a work setting but other than that I'm completely useless. I'm ashamed of what I've become, and I know I'm finally in a place where I can start to fix things but it's going to take time. The hard part is ( Read more... )

Sometimes I feel like I'm an instrument. That I'm reusable, so very close to being disposable but not quite. I'm only used when necessary, when someone needs something from me they'll want to hangout. Or I could say optional I guess, only when bored and left with no other options someone will talk to me. I don't mean to be damaged and a burden. I' ( Read more... )

After years of being alone and coming close to having someone come into the picture a few times, I sometimes wonder if its fair to anyone who might want something to do with me because it's almost like a void surrounds me.

"Nothing ever changes because everything was meant to fail."

Finally done with part time jobs and into a real full time position. Only took a year and a half and like 50 applicatoins and a dozen interviews. I almost want to celebrate but I'll wait till I get some money saved up and some debt paid down and then it'll feel real.

Must not get fired.