So it's real to me now. What this disorder has achieved and what I have let it do to my life. But even that's not enough to knock some sense into me
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I'm really sad about the acting school :( But like the others have said, it's probably best for you to really take the time off and look after yourself.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you my dear, and thinking good thoughts.
what's next? everything is next. the rest of your life is next. getting better is next. finding contentment, if not happiness, is next. fighting this is next. waking up tomorrow is next. writing about this whole ordeal in the past and not the present or the future is next.
find what caused all of this, not medicating the symptom(s) is next.
YOU ARE NEXT.
dont do this to yourself. you're better than this and you know you are. that you even make these entries and that you have tried to over come your ed is proof to me and everyone here that you are not weak and small and useless and stupid.
you should email me. i'm always around. especially for moments like these.
Hi. I'm a bit of a lurker; I lurked for a long time on ED communities searching for people who were articulate and self-aware, and have consequently been lurking on your journal from time to time. I'm sorry if that comes off as being horribly creepy! Anyway, guilt over being a sneak has finally persuaded me to come out of the woodwork. So, um, hi.
Anyway, I just wanted to say ... I know how it feels to have opportunities and dreams snatched away by something inside of you, that you can't control or appease. It's the most frustrating thing in the world, and fuels that horrible self-directed internal rage like nothing else. At risk of sounding cheesy/nosy/whatever... my absolute sympathies and best wishes go out to you. I really, really, really hope you find the peace of mind that you need, and the strength and will to be good to yourself. It's not easy.
Hmm I think so, probably. Las Chicas, with my boyfriend. Were you one of the girls sitting next to us? That's kind of bad because you would've seen all my fucked up food demands with the waiter :-/
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I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you my dear, and thinking good thoughts.
xx
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*hugs* *hugs*
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everything is next. the rest of your life is next. getting better is next. finding contentment, if not happiness, is next. fighting this is next. waking up tomorrow is next. writing about this whole ordeal in the past and not the present or the future is next.
find what caused all of this, not medicating the symptom(s) is next.
YOU ARE NEXT.
dont do this to yourself. you're better than this and you know you are. that you even make these entries and that you have tried to over come your ed is proof to me and everyone here that you are not weak and small and useless and stupid.
you should email me. i'm always around. especially for moments like these.
sending my love....
Reply
Anyway, I just wanted to say ... I know how it feels to have opportunities and dreams snatched away by something inside of you, that you can't control or appease. It's the most frustrating thing in the world, and fuels that horrible self-directed internal rage like nothing else. At risk of sounding cheesy/nosy/whatever... my absolute sympathies and best wishes go out to you. I really, really, really hope you find the peace of mind that you need, and the strength and will to be good to yourself. It's not easy.
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Were you one of the girls sitting next to us? That's kind of bad because you would've seen all my fucked up food demands with the waiter :-/
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