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never is a promise

Tomorrow I will wake up and I will be in a different house, with different people doing what I love best. I feel I should be happy, I am, but I'm not at the same time. I guess I'm indifferent. Anyway Oliver is helping me decorate and then we'll have a day of uhm..stuff. <3. All the best to anyone I know that happens to live in the place that I am ( Read more... )

I have perceived that to be with those I like is enough.

I feel alone pretty much each day of my life, and this leads to guilt because there is someone that is so special to me but I cannot show or indeed recipricate these feelings into display of emotion, as I lack any form of self-worth. I get frustrated at the most menial of things, in ( Read more... )

I woke up at 9am and realised I should have been in work 2 hours ago so I went to Cardiff and bought a mask instead.


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My temper is bad; my personal habits not above reproach. I am ungracious, mentally untidy. I let things pass that I don't understand (unpardonable) and I excuse myself - invent pretexts for not working.


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"I look down at the floor, trying not to cry, trying not to see who I am without this parachute I've stitched."

-- The Unthinkable Thoughts of Jacob Green by Joshua Braff

You fall into my lap in one hundred pieces. I keep them in a jar by the bed. The jar I made for you. Sometimes when I go out I take parts of you with me. The butcher asks me how you are doing. I say fine thank you. He doesn’t know I have your smile in my pocket. The tailor asks me what you have been up to. I tell her you’ve been busy. You are all ( Read more... )

It was all true. It wasn't any story. But she could still pretend. She would pretend that she was the sort of person who would not only think of killing herself so that the pain in her heart should be gone for ever, but be the kind of person who would know how to do it, and be brave enough.

--Mervyn Peake

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