hi everyone. i know i haven't updated since that last time, alot has been going on in my life. in good and bad ways, but everything is just alot worse and even though i still have alot going on.. i'm going to start updating again because i need some kind of an outlet since i don't really talk to anyone about anything involving this. so, if anyone ( Read more... )

oh wow. i haven't updated this thing in god knows how long. i'm sorry about that guys, i've been really busy lately & alot of shit has been going on in my life. i don't have enough time to write an entire entry right now but i probably will tomorrow or something. i'm deleting this journal & making a new username because this name is just annoying ( Read more... )

i feel like such complete shit. i haven't had a voice for the past month or so (i'm almost positive it's because of the purging), but now my voice is completely gone & everytime i swallow/breathe, my throat KILLS. my friends tell me "yeah well, maybe it's because of all the smoking.." but i just don't know. i feel so sick, i just want to die. PLUS ( Read more... )

wow. i am so so lonely. i don't know what's wrong with me. i haven't been sober in the past 4 nights. and i've been smoking way too many cigarettes. friends say i'm an "alcoholic", and i'm really not. but whatever. my ex boyfriend thinks i'm insane. i've spoken to him everynight when i was drunk, crying hysterically, and he's "worried about me, and ( Read more... )

okay, so i was just randomly looking through some girls' journals/xangas, & i came across a few of them that had entries like.. "oh my god, i am so fat, i think i'm going to become anorexic" or "i'm not happy with my weight at all, so i've decided to go anorexic/bulimic". and i mean, i don't know, maybe it's just me.. but that's not how it happened ( Read more... )

my mom really fucking annoys me sometimes. i went to the stupid doctor today, & i had to listen to the whole eating disorder speech. "if you lose any more weight than you already have, you'll be in danger.. blah blah blah" god, just SHUT UP. it's funny because i'm like, OVERWEIGHT for my fucking height. or at least i look it. people are so dumb. i ( Read more... )

OH MY GOD I JUST WEIGHED MYSELF AND I WEIGH 96.5 FUCKING POUNDS!!! OMG OMG OMG I'M GOING INSANE. I HAVE NEVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE WEIGHED THAT LITTLE EVER. EVER EVER. wow.. just WOW. all of this hard work is FINALLY paying off. i know that no one really cares but i can't tell anyone else because they would think i was insane, i just HAD to write it ( Read more... )

i haven't written in here forever, i've been so busy. i don't know what's wrong with me, i fast and then i eat a little of something, like maybe a cracker or two or something small, and i get so sick so i try to throw it up and i CAN'T. it's like my body won't allow me to. when i first starting throwing up, it'd be so easy, everything would just ( Read more... )

i'm starting a new fast, a fruit & veggie fast. my last one was doing really great, but for the past two days i've been a bad girl. =/ so yeah, i need to get skinny again because i have gained alot. anyone wanna join? lemme know. =] if not, whatevs, that's cool too haha.

okayy so i just went to sthis really sick aparty or whatev it was really alot fo fucking fun hahahaha, & i know tbhat drinking is bad annd all.. but likee one good thing that drinking makes youi realize. it makes you realize taht you need to start living for yourself, and to start having some fucking fun becasue summe ris here. abnd i just spoke ( Read more... )