this current situation makes me antsy. i've quit smoking. great, right? wrong. any and all food, beware. i don't even care to taste my food anymore, i just engulf. i am pathetic. sitting alone here on this computer with no will or craving for creativity. this apartment is freezing. i wish i had some company, but then again i'm terribly awkward and ( Read more... )

where has the time gone? i am a new person in a new world, with new people and i can't seem to find out how the old became the old. time is pressing forward, and i'm grabbing on the the handle bar.

absolute quiet. never in a city of lights, action, and sirens. i'm alone on a loft that reaches higher than i do for my dreams. the air wick click click clicks off a spray into the air. refreshed my room. refreshed my mind, yet i can't get my mind off the feeling of being so alone. only mr. teddy to grab a hold of a night when people scream in a ( Read more... )

i dumb myself down.

dead.

i feel like an awful human being. as hard as i try to focus my energy positively i find it never being enough, i am some how always being selfish in someone's eyes and i have to apologize a thousand times over. but its never enough, never. i make mistakes, i am human. the point to keep clear is that i care, and i dont know too many humans who can ( Read more... )

it is enviable. death that is. it was a bit of irony today while watching the view. yesterday morning, eyes half way opened and brain half way on i hazily saw kirk cameron on good morning america. i laughed, and thought about how he ended his career because of his devoutness to g-d. i didn't give it a second thought until today. his name was ( Read more... )

have you noticed how peaceful resting your head in your own bed is? something aggravating disappears into the night's subconscious as you dream about things that make no sense and yet perfect sense at the same time. i am so in love with life lately. every aspect of life. the lounge around days of life. the crazy chaotic days of life. the huge zit ( Read more... )

i sit here reading over messages that implied everything but said nothing.

breathing heavy
sweating palms
holding back

i am independent, yes, i tell myself this.
and show you i'm completely opposite.

you are a distraction in my head
it follows me in my work and in my sleep.

stop.

my mind has been pretty blank and emotionless these past few weeks. i can't really react, feel, think anything of importance. i just of blankly star into space, and find myself an hour lately with things completed but no thought process. for a person who used to have a racing mind, its hard to accept. but i actually am accepting this... in a ( Read more... )