i hate this life. wish it would all go away and cease to exist ( Read more... )

damn it all, oti has left and i dont know how often i will see her anymore, gonna miss her like hell! and tonight i have to make the apointments for a)psych b)RACT c)optometrist. be as good as broke! well before i get depressive thinking of all the bad stuff i must go and get cancer instead i think, it is after all not actually going to kill me ( Read more... )

i feel small, scared and a bit vulnerable. i just do not understand it. i think i am losing my mind, seriously losing it. maybe i would be safer in a huggie jacket? i just wish i could see a light! and i feel cold too. from the inside out. maybe the stuff in my head is only there because of suggestion? i hope so, then i can blame someone else and ( Read more... )

i wonder if it is truly possible to suddenly remember stuff that has been blocked to you until a certain point in time. its scary because what i think i am remembering and know i am doubting are "solid truths" that i based my life on, but now they are melting like sand on a beach.... and whats even worse is that if this stuff proves to be true then ( Read more... )

i live in my own hapy little nightmare where nothing can hurt me, or not. i do live in a nightmare and its fucking horrible, if i could crawl back into my box and rot there it sure would be a good option for me. but no, that is never ging to happen because like pandora's box once this life is opened then the show must go on and i am forced to keep ( Read more... )

**sigh** done it again, gone and hurt one of the few ppl i really didnt want to. damn me to the deepest pit of hell! i wish i could take back everything i have written or said in the last week or two. or maybe if i could just take everything back from every day of my life ( Read more... )

why am i such an icky being? today i did it agaihn, this time i actually wrote something amongst all the cat-scratches. "Kill Me". a nice charming thing to have on one's own body. however i just dont understand it, i cant stop doing it, i was all ready to celebrate one week of not doing it and then i did it, i couldnt stop, it was a lot like a fog ( Read more... )

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee my bad.

god i hate me! i have the worst headach that i have had in ages and i feel like shit. so....dark.....no.....light, what is wrong with me!!!!!!!!!!! ranting probably wont help but i must get this evil crap off my mind!!!!!!!! damn me to hell, oops im already there! and for the love of god why do i feel like shit when i have no earthly reason to?! i ( Read more... )

one must beg forgiveness for having a constantly negative outlook. afterall some things are good, one simply needs to look for them.