I wish I knew how exactly I felt at the moment.
I wish I didn't want to be close with someone again.

Saturday night got me thinking a hell of a lot.
I'm glad I bumped into Fraggle, I needed the chat and to get some stuff off my chest.

Guh.

This is just a quick rant.
Why do ex boyfriends act like absolute wankers?
Am I not allowed to be over him and having fun?
ARGH

Also. 
What is my attraction to blokes in relationships?
GOSH

I wish I could just go to sleep with someone at night
Just for hugs.
And I wish he would keep out of my fucking business!

I'm fed up of people pretending.
Why can't everyone just be straight up with eachother?
Seriously.

Last night was a waste of time.
I drank too much and flirted too much.
This needs to stop soon.

I just wish there was someone here to sit with me,
and play with my hair,
and tell me everything is going to be ok.

But he doesn't care anymore.

Someone take me to morden for 6am on Sunday?
I wanna go flying!

So I've had 6 showers today, and cleaned the bathroom 3 times.
I wish I could sit down and just feel ill.
But no, I like running around and making myself more ill.

I have decided to go to the underworld on valentines day.
Anti Valentines ball?
I think so.

Someone cheer me up?
I need some more vodka.

I'm feeling ever so lonely again.
I really wish I could just sit here with someone and cuddle them and feel safe.
I miss feeling safe.

I hate the way I'm being messed around.
I hate the way I need someone in my life to help me through this.
I crave the attention, stability and love of having someone there.

Gosh.
Theres a lot of growing up that needs to be ( Read more... )

This is probably a pointless entry, because no one's going to read this before I leave on my 4 month adventure, but last night made me realise who my "friends" really are ( Read more... )

So, I was planning in my head everything to tell Rob today, and just to my luck I get sent into hospital.
Maybe I need to just spend time away from him, because if I tell him how I feel it may ruin the friendship we have...

God i hate this confusion :(

I am so majorly confused about Rob now. Its like he's turned into a totally different person. Maybe its because i have become a bit too available to him, and that he prefers the whole "chase" thing?
Whatever happens, there is most definately *something* special between us. We have a bond that I've not got with anyone else. Its almost as if we've ( Read more... )

Right people...I wouldn't resort to this unless I was desperate..But I am!

This year I'll be walking the Playtex Moonwalk in aid of Breast Cancer on the 18th June 2005..

I'm telling you this because I need to raise £1500 minimum, and I really need your help! Desperatly!

So what I'm asking of you is: PLEASE SPONSOR ME!

Seriously I need as much help ( Read more... )