this is the journal i used when my mother died. so i'm going to continue with this being that my plan might work, it seems like i could finally close this journal the right way, WITH GOOD NEWS. yes, so thursday or friday it comes in. YAYYY! good news to all.

i can't believe it's been relatively five years since my mother died. we were so close... it feels like a punch right in the face, really. it felt that way when we first heard that she had cancer.

can't wait til tomorrow.

i was such a mommy's girl, it's fun to look at memories...
makes me so sad that i don't have that attachment i had when i was 17.
i can't believe i lasted 5 years without her.

so either tomorrow or saturday...

i'm counting down the hours and days! it arrives on saturday! yipee!

i guess i can deal with this bullshit for one more day. tomorrow i'll be with you mother dear.

sometimes i think i'm making it to heaven, while other times i feel like hell is pulling me down. don't know if it's normal to feel this way between two extremes.

someday you WILL see that t.v. in the back of your mind.

Overdosing on unisom was the worst experience of my life.