Comments | _flawed_mind: My 2nd!! *hopes it's ok*

_flawed_mind

My 2nd!! hopes it's ok

Jan 24, 2005 07:17

Title: I Told You (standalone)
Author: Me, Elizabeth twisted_inkPairing: Jepha(The Used)/Madden Twins ( Read more... )

Comments 16

riotgir1 January 24 2005, 13:38:17 UTC

Mmm nice little quickie first thing in the morning! Awesome, doll! ^_^

_flawed_mind January 24 2005, 13:44:50 UTC

Thanks ^-^

sinful_poppet January 24 2005, 13:40:26 UTC

*giggles* Well. I think it was hot. I'm not sure if it was twincesty really *giggles* sorry to be a bitch... haha it was good though! I just am really faithful to Benji/Joel exclusively ahhahahaha I'm weird like that. Good job tho sweetie!

<33333333
Lilly

_flawed_mind January 24 2005, 13:44:29 UTC

I know, I just counld't bring myslef to write Benji & Joel....yet....maybe one day.

<33 thanks!

sinful_poppet January 24 2005, 13:45:18 UTC

*giggles* welcome.

like_a_movie January 24 2005, 14:52:50 UTC

to be quite honest, i could not read this fic. first because the format is all messed up. and second because you need a beta. stuff like ...he
pulls out of him and Joel mones. and “Haha...just from big Benji’s hand thank.” make it hard to read. the baby talk was annoying (though maybe that's just me), and all the exclamation points make it hard to take anything seriously. there are other ways to convey emotion. ie: through words. next time you should try to use more descriptions, take more time with the action, and definately get a beta.

best of luck.

_flawed_mind January 25 2005, 07:59:19 UTC

Thanks for the advice. Do you mind to tell me how the format is messed up? O-o and the thank you wasn't spossed to be there, *fixes it* I thought I had taken it out. I was reading over it again and I do have a lot exclamation points, but I use them a lot so I didn't think anything about it. I think I may just sitck to reading. XD

like_a_movie January 25 2005, 13:17:35 UTC

for some reason,the writing didn't stretch across the whole page. sometimes the program you write the story on messes it up.

by no means did i want to suggest you stop writing; the only way to get better is to keep doing it. like i said, a beta will help tremendously, and so will really taking time with the fic. some people can just sit down and write a great fic all at once. but most people need to go back and revise and re-word and rewrite something 8 times before it is something they are happy with. and that is perfectly fine. :)

kabie January 24 2005, 17:00:13 UTC

I don't know what the hell I was dreaming about last night but I woke up this morning with this really big urge to read a Benji/Joel/Tony threesome. Like really big urge. And then I saw this and I was like ooooo twin threesome! And okay so it technically never got that far but still... hehehehe. It was a plesent coincidence that this was the first story I came across... maybe a sequel?

lafuckinlala January 25 2005, 06:47:16 UTC

Yes, a sequel would be nice.

_flawed_mind January 25 2005, 08:00:33 UTC

A sequel? O-o I doubt it. I know there wasn't really any twincest, but I just couldn't go that far yet.

drawingboard666 January 24 2005, 22:05:53 UTC

yeahh it was good
but
hmm
get a friend or someone to read through it and fix mistakes you might not have seen.
Like typos, or punctuation..things like that
But yes great job

_flawed_mind January 25 2005, 08:02:34 UTC

Thanks, No one was on at the time I posted it, and I'm not sure they wouldn't want to read slash. :) IF i ever write again, I'll get a beta.