(Untitled)

[_fool]

my god have my emotions been a roller coaster lately. as i'm certain is clear to the 3 remaining readers of this blog and my twitter stream, i've been having a hard time with my ex. feelings of betrayal, bitterness, sadness, needing space and hating when i have it. completely fucking irrational and pretty unhappy some of the time

Comments

[offloe]

This is mostly a note just to say that I do still read this.

And you've probably heard some version of this already but: This too, will pass.

[_fool]

i say it a lot to other people, but i need to be reminded of it myself. never was much good at practicing what i preached..

[goulo]

Not only do I read this, but I will be in Portland with Anna for a couple days in early June (on an unfortunately all too rushed trip to many places). If we can make it work out, it would be cool to hook up with you for lunch or whatever.

[_fool]

yay! i've been really whiney lately and lost some followers, it seems, so i was just being half pessimistic and half self-deprecatory..

re: your visit, let's make it work! let me know when you're gonna be here a couple days in advance and i'll make sure to try to stay fluid those days so i can take a call or email and react quickly to get to somewhere near you?

also there is a distinct possibility you could crash with me (depending on when you're here--have some houseguests coming in late may/first 2 days of june) if you wanted to. i'm not in a great tourist district, however i'm only a few miles from downtown and only 2/3 mile from the train that goes there every 20 minutes..

[goulo]

I can tell you now the probable plan is to arrive Thursday evening June 9 and leave Saturday afternoon/evening June 11 and have already arranged crash space (but thanks for the offer! You shall be the Backup Plan.) ... Send me an email (I'm not sure what your email address is - my gmail address is cxiomortas ...) and we can try sorting out a plan!

[gosaru]

Expressing the way you're feeling instead of holding it in is always a good idea. How will someone else know how you're feeling if you don't say anything about it? (I still have problems with this myself.)
It sounds like you have a good plan of action for the transition ahead. Also remember to spend at least a little time each day loving yourself for everything that is you, give love to all the parts of you that have brought you to that moment.

[_fool]

thanks for the encouragement!

definitely giving some time to the, er, mental part of self-love is a great idea. had this conversation with a different housemate this AM:

me: "i guess i'm pretty lucky, all things considered"
he: "anyone looking at your life from the outside, whose shoulder you haven't cried on in the past month, would think that this dude has it together--he owns a house in a town he loves completely, he works only when he wants to, he's healthy and overall happy (even if he sadtweets a lot), he enjoys giving a lot of his time through volunteer work, and almost all of his friends have nothing but positive things to say about him"
me: "yeah. i have the life i want, actually. this speedbump, too, shall pass" (as offloe chorused

[vintagehandbag]

a) The success of Raj's parents' relationship goes back to something I think I've told you before, which is that in studies, the single biggest determinant of whether or not relationships survive is commitment to that relationship; this is related to my personal conviction that "you have to have the same goal." If two people's goal is to be together and be happy and in love, and they are unwavering in their commitment to this, it makes perfect sense to me that they would be ecstatically happy and in love.

b) Research seems to indicate that fake it 'til you make it actually works on our feelings. I really like the blog for "The Happiness Project," and in particular, her "12 Personal Commandments." Her rule, "Act the way I want to feel" is based on research showing that acting as if you feel a certain often starts swaying you into feeling that way. http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2008/02/my-new-strategy.html... )

[_fool]

yeah, commitment is huge, totally agreed.

and i also have heard that the fake-it-til-you-make it philosophy works in love and life. i think i actually learned that in a social psych class at UT. and it resonated. thanks for reminding me that it's an option here, as always =)

i wish i could afford therapy--writing here and talking with friends (a couple of whom are counselors/social workers) is my therapy.

[vintagehandbag]

Since you live in a relatively hip city, I bet there are sliding scale options around, if you're ever interested. Groups on sliding scale tend to slide way cheap -- like $5-15 a pop.

[_fool]

i should look into that. or maybe get a job with the good insurance =)

fortunately nearly all of june is therapy-by-bike-fun. we'll see how i feel thereafter!

[aprilstarchild]

It sounds like you know what you need, which is a big step in the right direction.

When I'm feeling really low I try to go easy on myself and celebrate my taking care of myself. If that makes any sense.

Breakups suck. No way around it. Cry on shoulders and vent on LJ as much as you need to, 'cause suppressing your hurt doesn't help.