So, I've wrestled with the conclusion that I am in a very deep hole I've dug myself into. The more I claw at the surface the deeper it gets. My shoveling is useless. I tell myself Im stronger than I am, and Im washed over by waves of self-cynicism.
...Alright, alright. Im here, and Im stuck. Now how do I get the fuck out of it?

On nights like this I cant help but feel powerless. Stripped of any sense of masculinity, thrown into a pit and left to fend off lions. Everything I squeeze out of me in terms of money, time or effort, I never have enough, and I feel so bloody inadequate.
I am a sinking ship

The Devil and God are raging inside of me

Never felt so dead in my whole goddamn life.

I'm juggling five bloody internet courses, and trying to show my parents im competant and keep jobs while still atempting to maintain some sort of a social life.

I was definately never meant to be an online student. Im really regretting fucking off in highschool so much now.

It's almost becoming consistent. Sometimes I get into this tangent where I write letters to an unknown recipient in which I try and plead my case. That im not just being angsty or childish, and almost like clockwork it ends up crumpled up or burned halfway through. There's so much growing to do, yet im happy in my present shoe size. Because if the ( Read more... )

Strangely enough, running from you seems like the best idea I've had in years.

God, Kierkegaard makes things easier ( Read more... )

Oh, the quiet things that no one ever knows..

I lie for only you
and I lie well
Hallelujah

although the damage has been done and there are a million alternating factors about this, I feel as if I am the hand that dealt it all. It's like when you read a book in school and have to analyze the ever-loving shit out of a character you may have once liked and now don't, and realize their slight-of-hand actions or offhand comments had so much ( Read more... )