July Week 3

[_lippie_]

Here is my week 3 entry!  Topic: "Happiness is..."

Summary: She was a silly little thing, really, with china doll limbs and a chubby, pouty face that turned tomato red when she didn't get her way.  Fiction.  Third person limited.

Naïveté

She was a silly little thing, really, with china doll limbs and a chubby, pouty face that turned tomato red when

Comments

[musicrocks987]

I really did like the characters of the mom and little girl.
The imagery was fantastic! Absolutely wonderful!
Maybe instead of telling the few known facts at the end, you could possibly find a way to incorporate them into the piece of writing. Just a suggestion. You can take it or leave it. =)

At any rate -- Best of Luck!

OoO~Stuck in the Stars~OoO

[_lippie_]

Could you kind of infer these things anyway, without additional hints in the narrative? The only thing is...I wasn't sure if the concept was clear enough, and I was preempting questions by stating bold facts at the end...

It's kind of hard to tell, because I'm the one who wrote it and I understand all the little hidden meanings. :]

[musicrocks987]

Yeah in some ways.
You could tell that there was some kind of mourning going on but really couldn't completely tell that it was the father/husband.
And now that I look over it again, I get the ignorance part in the piece of writing.
Anyways like I said you can take this or leave it. I was just syaing my two sense. =)

OoO~Stuck in the Stars~OoO

[_lippie_]

Thank you, I really appreciate any feedback. :]

[augustday1]

I like the conflict in the piece. The two strong emotions of the child's
happiness and a mother's sorrow perfectly played together.

I wonder if it matters who died? And the whole thing of childhood is having the bliss of ignorance, I guess.

Nice writing, that little girl is a standout.

[_lippie_]

Thank you :)

[the_panic_light]

Writing from the child's perspective was veryinteresting - you seem to have captured the immature logic of a child's mind quite well, so kudos!

I like that the mother smiles at the end, it brings the whole thing up. Love it. :)

[_lippie_]

Thank you, I'm glad you liked it! :]

[smz12231994]

It's a very bittersweet sort of happiness. Very good, I almost felt like crying when I read this.

[lacruciverbiste]

you are so talented and i am so jealous. the end.

hope i get to edit yours in-depth this week! good luck in the polls (as if you need it)!