Career students vs. family planning

[mikaboo]

My husband and I have been married almost two years, and we are both in undergraduate programs. Since we are not the typical age for undergrads (I'm 28 and he's 34), we will have the difficult task of deciding when is the "least inconvenient" time to start a family. My husband will finish his BSc in Computer Science at the end of next year, however

Comments

[willsjoy]

Weird, we are in the same feilds. My husband will graduate with his Master's in Comp Sci in May. I'm getting my Master's in Counseling right now and should (fingers crossed) graduate in December of 2011. We have a 16 month old and we are currently pregnant again and due at the end of August (which was not the plan at all, but here we are).

I couldn't imagine doing a PhD while having children; most of the programs I know are quite extensive. My program is pretty big and it's hard enough (48 credits, including a 600 hour externship over two semesters). I did one semester, got pregnant in the spring semester, took off the following fall because I was due in October and started again in the spring when she was 4 months old. This is seriously one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but I made the decision to not start grad school right after undergrad and I have to work full time and do school too, so it takes me about 4 years part time.

You do what you have to do. If you want it bad enough, you make it work.

[stacieann15]

I am currently pregnant and in my second year of my PhD program. I am due August 3 and should finish my coursework next May. I also have two female classmates who delivered during the school year last year, and they reported that their teachers were extremely understanding. Each took two weeks off of school. So far, I have worked with my schedule enough that I might be able to get away with only having one "real" class next semester (while taking more hours either as dissertation hours or as independent study).

I am 27, and I would like to have more than one child. I also didn't want to start having children well into my 30s (this, of course, is a personal choice). I would be more than happy to tell you more about my situation if you have questions!

[cheez_ball]

I've always been told to have kids in grad school, specifically during the dissertation writing phase. However I've seen grad students have kids (well, not literally) while in the research phase. And I've seen post docs have kids.

I think it all boils down to remembering there really is no perfect time to start a family and to making sure you have the necessary support system in order to work and be a parent. You know, just like any other working parent.

Also bear in mind that one of you having a "real" salary (as opposed to a grad student stipend) and real medical benefits will help tremendously during that first year of parenthood.

I have a friend whose PhD project involves studying violent offenders at a prison nearby the university. She has a sick, sick sense of humor and a lot of hobbies (including baking with alcoholic beverages and CrossFit). So I'll say she probably copes by exercising hard and partying when she gets the time. She'd probably say she copes by being awesome and not taking any work-stuff personally.

[high_tower]

I'm in my 3rd year of my PhD, and no kids yet, but I think we'll start trying in about a year. I've passed my quals, and am TAing this semester, will take my last necessary course next fall, so if I get pregnant around then I will be finished with all classes by next spring.

Well that's what I think will happen, but we don't really have a real plan.

It's weird trying to get advice about this. My boss is a guy, so I probably wouldn't go to him for advice anyway, but on top of that he doesn't have children.

My old boss is a woman (medical doctor), and I did ask her once about having kids, but she had a more difficult situation by having a difficult to treat condition that gave her a much more limited time frame for having kids.

[mikaboo]

Yeah, most people that I ask IRL for advice have vastly different situations than we will, so it's hard to get a read on things.

Thanks and good luck!

[xhollydayx]

I'm in a graduate program and if we decide to have kids, it will not be until I am writing a dissertation. I have some chronic health issues so it's not like I will ever be like "oh. whoops. I'm pregnant!" (my adviser knows all of this - and I've told her that when I'm planning she will be fully aware). Related to teh health issues, I'm not sure if I would want to deal with a pregnancy or the stress of an adoption while in school. I know that I'm looking at spending probably the last trimester on bed rest so there's no way I could deal with being pregnant right now (teaching, plus classes I take). But we'll see. I'm lucky b/c my husband works full time (with great health care benefits). I do have friends that have had children or adopted while in their programs and most (not all) have had to take some time off or slow down their studies.

[mikaboo]

I have a friend who plans on doing the same thing after she finishes her next big exam. Unfortunately they put it off, so now she has to wait a bit to start. She said she wanted to be ABD before she started having kids. The original plan was to have them after getting her MA, but they fast tracked her into the Ph.D. program, so that dream went up in smokes.

I'm hoping to have our first after my MA, so my husband will be working and I can negotiate a bit of time off.

Thank you and good luck!

[xhollydayx]

Yeah, we've pretty much decided if we stop now (not likely - and I say "we" b/c although he's not taking/teaching classes he's totally part of this), we'll start plotting pregnancy during my last semester. I've briefly and vaguely discussed me having children with my adviser and she is supportive - but very firm in that I only get so much time off of school. She's aware of my health issues and fought for me last semester. I had swine flu and another professor basically told me "come to class or fail." (despite me faxing notes of my illness - it was h1n1 that turned to bronchitis and pneumonia). Negiotating time off will be the worst for me, aside from my inability to take it easy (so bed rest will be a joke).

As for your ages (you didn't complete ask, but you mentioned - so tell me to bugger off if I'm being nosy), I wouldn't worry. My husband is 31 and kids are still a few years off. A friend of mine is 34 or 35, her husband is 38 and they are trying to figure out a good time to start (she is a full fledged prof).