I've alluded to this issue in previous posts, and you've all been very helpful. Here's the current situation and I'd appreciate everyone's comments and suggestions
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If I were in your shoes I would absolutely not hang out with her again. Period. My husband is pretty good at taking my feelings into consideration on things, and if someone/something makes me feel uncomfortable then he has no problem going along with my wishes. It doesn't matter if this girl wants to screw your husband, what matters is that YOU feel uncomfortable and obviously your feelings should be more important to him than hers.
I agree, and that's what my fiance said: we'll no longer have a problem because we wont hang out with her again. Except it feels more like "damn, why do you have such security issues? She doesn't mean anything by it but fine, we wont hang out with them anymore to avoid arguing." Since he is more accepting and doesn't mind, he admitted that if it wasn't because of my discomfort he would still hang out with them.
Sometimes my husband agrees to things like this and I get the same feeling you're getting from your husband. I've learned that I can't always expect him to like or agree with my feelings, so long as he respects them. I put the kibosh on one of his friendships because I felt the girl was disrespectful to our relationship based on her words and actions, and while he wasn't thrilled about it, he agreed that if someone acted that way toward me, he would feel uncomfortable too.
Oh, and I think some of it is that my husband doesn't realize when someone's hitting on him. He always thinks they're being nice or something. He's a bit naive.
I would just grab her by the hair and smack her head into the nearest hard surface. But that's just me. I hate women that cannot respect boundaries and think that using their body or sexual teasing is appropriate in settings such as that.
It sounds like your husband likes the attention she is giving him since he claims not to have an issue and is unwilling to say anything to her himself.
I would just stop hanging out with them entirely, but if you run into them and it comes up just be blunt and straightforward and tell her why you no longer wish to be around them.
Oh oh oh... it took all the will power I had not to summon a few moves from my combat class and turn her into a lump on the floor. Seriously.
It sounds like your husband likes the attention she is giving him since he claims not to have an issue and is unwilling to say anything to her himself. I have issues with that as well. I am trying to accept that he is just an easy going guy, but at the same time seems extremely naive. In fact I told him I'd stop hanging out with a male friend if they said they liked me, but he said that if a female friend liked him he'd say he wasn't interested, but continue hanging out. That seemed extremely foolish to me, but he just said he wouldn't abandon a friendship on account of such feelings.
I hate women that cannot respect boundaries and think that using their body or sexual teasing is appropriate in settings such as that. 100% agree, but when I say that to my fiance I look crazy. He really believes she doesn't mean anything by her actions. Sigh.
I honestly had a hard time making it past your first few sentences which are very insulting to this woman, mentioning the fact that she's had a boob job and "doesn't have much in the ways of intellect" doesn't put you in a very favorable light.
If you don't like her behaviour, perhaps you should just talk with her about it like a calm and rational adult. Then, perhaps you should try to figure out where your jealousy issues are stemming from. If she's not violating your boyfriend's personal space in his mind, why does it bother you that she gets that close to him? If she's violating your personal space, that's something you should address with her and is perfectly fair for you to do, but it's not really up to you to determine where that comfort level is for your husband.
It definitely seems like communication is in order. You with her, you with your husband, and perhaps you and her husband together with her as well.
I mentioned the boob job to allude to the fact that she is conscious of her body and puts some effort into enhancing it, in fact wearing clothing to reveal her assets. I am not judging that; in certain circumstances I also wear flattering clothing
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You say this is about respect, yet your husband doesn't seem to feel that she's being disrespectful, and neither does she. Obviously you all have different opinions on what "respect" is, which is why I suggested communication in a rational manner between the two of you or even the three of you. I mentioned "calm and rational" because you seem to be throwing out lots of insults about this woman and her character, and it would be easy with that mindset to make her feel attacked if you approach her about this subject.
...you seem to be throwing out lots of insults about this woman and her character... I certainly wouldn't tell her any of this information and would try to be as civil and kind as possible when expressing my discomfort to her. I was not throwing out insults about her character, that is simply the way she is. She expressly told me that in a way, now that she's single again, she wishes she hadn't had her 2 children. When we were at a bar on our second meeting, a second younger man she was dating came in, and when her nice-guy boyfriend realized it there was drama. I am not throwing out insults, this is actually what happened and people can deduce her character as they like.
If you were to go with some of the suggestions here- this woman may wonder why you're so uptight. She may not have wanted a threesome, she may just be very touchy feely. She obviously sees nothing wrong with her behavior. What's wrong with touching a friend
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Are you maybe jealous of her personality... I don't think that's the case. She's friendly, but it's pretty basic. At dinner everyone was joking about current topics and making subtle sarcastic remarks everyone found funny, but she didn't seem to get it.
How can it be any more on your side than that? I do agree, but at the same time I'd rather learn to deal with this person so that he doesn't have to sacrifice hanging out with them on my account. I will take other comments here and work towards communicating to people what I do and don't like, and even making subtle jokes or remarks that allude to my feelings. Thanks.
But you've also written that you can't be coy and do some of the things she seems to have no trouble doing, which is why I brought up jealousy. It's pretty clear you don't like her, don't respect her, and think you're better/smarter than she is. If so, and there's no jealousy issues- why does her behavior bother you so much
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What culture are you from? You keep mentioning cultural differences, and I'm curious as to what the ones you're looking at are.
I am from a latin background. My family is very loving, we do hugs and cheek kisses, and we always say we love each other. However, outside of the "hi, nice to see you!" or departing kiss/hugs, people are not all over each other. Touching with a reason (greeting, departure, etc) is justified. Culturally we also dance a lot - couple dancing - and couples who are not married or dating maintain a level of decency when dancing; hands slipping to inappropriate levels or regions are easy to spot and can start commentary. People respect other people's marriages and generally unless a person is trying to do something uncouth, people do not touch each other extensively, for no reason other than to touch each other.
This situation really sets off warning bells in my head. I wouldn't be comfortable with another woman touching my husband so intimately during conversation.
Yeah. I am trying to understand where she's coming from, but it seems silly to direct conversation to both of us, then suddenly grab him and whisper the rest in his ear. I don't understand it; by looking at the three of us you'd think they were an item because a couple would do that. Actually, a rude person in a couple would do that as I don't think it's nice to exclude a third party, and my fiance and I have never done that to a friend.
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It sounds like your husband likes the attention she is giving him since he claims not to have an issue and is unwilling to say anything to her himself.
I would just stop hanging out with them entirely, but if you run into them and it comes up just be blunt and straightforward and tell her why you no longer wish to be around them.
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It sounds like your husband likes the attention she is giving him since he claims not to have an issue and is unwilling to say anything to her himself.
I have issues with that as well. I am trying to accept that he is just an easy going guy, but at the same time seems extremely naive. In fact I told him I'd stop hanging out with a male friend if they said they liked me, but he said that if a female friend liked him he'd say he wasn't interested, but continue hanging out. That seemed extremely foolish to me, but he just said he wouldn't abandon a friendship on account of such feelings.
I hate women that cannot respect boundaries and think that using their body or sexual teasing is appropriate in settings such as that.
100% agree, but when I say that to my fiance I look crazy. He really believes she doesn't mean anything by her actions. Sigh.
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If you don't like her behaviour, perhaps you should just talk with her about it like a calm and rational adult. Then, perhaps you should try to figure out where your jealousy issues are stemming from. If she's not violating your boyfriend's personal space in his mind, why does it bother you that she gets that close to him? If she's violating your personal space, that's something you should address with her and is perfectly fair for you to do, but it's not really up to you to determine where that comfort level is for your husband.
It definitely seems like communication is in order. You with her, you with your husband, and perhaps you and her husband together with her as well.
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I certainly wouldn't tell her any of this information and would try to be as civil and kind as possible when expressing my discomfort to her. I was not throwing out insults about her character, that is simply the way she is. She expressly told me that in a way, now that she's single again, she wishes she hadn't had her 2 children. When we were at a bar on our second meeting, a second younger man she was dating came in, and when her nice-guy boyfriend realized it there was drama. I am not throwing out insults, this is actually what happened and people can deduce her character as they like.
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I don't think that's the case. She's friendly, but it's pretty basic. At dinner everyone was joking about current topics and making subtle sarcastic remarks everyone found funny, but she didn't seem to get it.
How can it be any more on your side than that?
I do agree, but at the same time I'd rather learn to deal with this person so that he doesn't have to sacrifice hanging out with them on my account. I will take other comments here and work towards communicating to people what I do and don't like, and even making subtle jokes or remarks that allude to my feelings. Thanks.
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I am from a latin background. My family is very loving, we do hugs and cheek kisses, and we always say we love each other. However, outside of the "hi, nice to see you!" or departing kiss/hugs, people are not all over each other. Touching with a reason (greeting, departure, etc) is justified. Culturally we also dance a lot - couple dancing - and couples who are not married or dating maintain a level of decency when dancing; hands slipping to inappropriate levels or regions are easy to spot and can start commentary. People respect other people's marriages and generally unless a person is trying to do something uncouth, people do not touch each other extensively, for no reason other than to touch each other.
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To the OP, I'm concerned that if you no longer see her as a couple, that she will try to see your husband on his own. She sounds that brazen.
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