I blame the Lunar Eclipse

[geekissexy23]

First I want to thank everyone and their awesome advice from my first post located here.

Things were OK for a little while, He spent most of his nights at school and I spent most of my days at work. We saw eachother at night, and I thought things were going OK for the most part, still some bickering, but we talked about a lot of things and I

Comments

[empressmiaka]

I honestly don't even know what to say. If this is a vent, I understand. Otherwise, if you guys have plans for counseling, this is the type of thing that you will go over with him/her.

I see his side in this matter, that's all I'm going to say. =\

[arwinday]

You're venting here, I know, but I'm not sure it's the best approach to getting your marriage back on-track, IF that's your goal.

What do you want from yourself, from your spouse and from this relationship? These will be the first questions a marriage counselor is going to ask of you and your husband - if you can't answer them, you could spend a lot of money with few results. If your marriage is your highest priority, and you're willing to do what the marriage counselor suggests, call the marriage counselor with your husband and set the appointment together.

[geekissexy23]

unfortunately He has the total opposite schedule than me- so the "together" things never happen.

Everyone has kept telling me that i need a hobby- I need to get out of the house, I need to make friends- I try and it's wrong. I guess I just feel like any attempt I do for myself to fix the marriage it dosent matter in a way- Ugh I don't know how to explain it. I want to be my own person in this relationship jsut like he's HIS own person- but that has to be put on the backburner for now.

[arwinday]

What do you mean, "it's wrong?" Building a fulfilling life for yourself, whether or not you're married or in a committed relationship, is never, ever wrong. Putting your own personal development on the "back burner" to work on your marriage seems to me to make about as much sense as making a lobster dinner without the lobster - your marriage needs you in it, fully and completely engaged in the process of making the relationship successful. My guess is, fundamentally, losing your own personality in this relationship is one of the biggest reasons you're so unhappy - and that you've stopped giving to your husband, emotionally and sexually. You resent him for having a more engaged life, and you're angry with yourself or feel guilty for feeling resentful

[geekissexy23]

Its opposite because he goes to night school and i work 9-5 so he's home while i'm at work and then i'm home while he's at school.

I totally agree with what your saying EVERYONE has been telling me I need to get out of the house I need to find myself, i need to gain hobbies I need to make new friends etc etc, and then I finally do and he really dosent approve.
and its jsut Frustrating, because i know me going out and building a life that it will help our marriage down the road. but i could be wrong

[halloweenbride]

The first time I moved in with my husband we moved to another state for him to go to school. It was a disaster-and that is the understatement of the world. We had been dating 2 years at that point. So after a month it must be so stressful! He kicked me out-which he apologizes all the time-but I think it was the best decision he could have made.

I think your husband should move out. Or you should move home. If you stay together or break up should be a decision that is made after you tried everything.

BTW-It was 1994 when we moved to Florida. As soon as he came home in 1995 we got back together and have been together ever since. The time apart made all the difference. I am positive if we had stayed in the same state we never would have broken up. He feels the same.

[geekissexy23]

Interesting! hmmm well that is VERY comforting I assure you. That was something I was worried about with him moving out. (I cant move back home as home is in NJ and I'm in GA- but his moms is very close by) thanks so much!

[renewedme]

Let me preface this with the fact that I've only been married for a few months.

With that said, if my husband acted toward me like you have, then I would be deeply hurt. I moved 1700 miles to be with him and I only have a few friends here. It's hard, but it takes time to make friends.

I would cross the world on foot if it meant keeping my marriage together. Booking a counseling session around your Saturday is wrong. Your marriage should be first ... your husband is your life partner, he's not disposable.

I hope you don't feel like I'm bashing you because I'm not intending to. I think you need to step back and reevaluate yourself and your marriage. It sounds like your marriage is worth fighting for, but YOU have to fight for it.

[geekissexy23]

Makes sense- I appreciate it =) thanks for that.

[sparklefluff]

I think it sounds like you and your hubby could definitely benefit from counseling and I hope that you both are willing to go. I wish you the best.

[geekissexy23]

I'm definately willing to Try it, I've been pushing for it for a while, he just never really gave me a yes or no answer on it. THanks! =)