I sort of hope that no one sees this, but I also guess I still like the idea that someone could. I never really liked the idea of posting publicly in places like facebook where your aunt and your mom's friend and whoever will see you, and it's less personal because of the ads and the algorithms. I miss livejournal. Facebook feels like a public ( Read more... )

I don't really journal anymore, but it's supposed to be really good for your mind and your emotions and I need something that is good for those because I feel like just screaming sometimes and that's not something I ought to be doing.

I mean, sometimes people have a good reason for screaming, but rarely does it ever help anything. I recall hearing ( Read more... )

I feel like such a convoluted mess.
There will always be some things we will never really understand about each other.
I feel so tangled up and naked and awkward and blunt and sharp and complicated and dull.

And I feel really awkwardly (and perhaps too) sorry for myself. Not that I feel I have things worse than other people do. I'd never try to climb ( Read more... )

It can feel difficult to try to keep balanced - between humility and audacity, between self-sacrifice and egocentricity, between shame and hubris, between aggression and submission.

The true self is there, slipping through light and shadows, moving through and casting both. Potentially -but never completely- anything, and yet in a moment, in a ( Read more... )

Stranded on islands of wishful thinking, moving from one to the next, trapped in the past, present, and future, trapped in another life.

I just got blown up at in the most toxic way - mocked and mocked again - by a family member who has been distant and rejecting towards my child.

They blew up at me for telling them to not swear at my son... going on about what a drain I was and how much fun I was having at other people's expense...

This, related to a difficult situation where after ( Read more... )

I've decided to start journaling online again. I like being able to type a journal. I'm not sure how in depth I want to get here though, there's a lot going on, and only some of it is really something I would normally share. Nonetheless, it might be worthwhile to get it out somehow.

Claro que se, pero no entiendo.

Espero nada.

Hay problemas que no soluciones.

¿Por qué triste por lo que nunca será?

Que paso en otro mundo, cuando te querido, no, no te entiendo, pero te se.

Espero nada.

Como tu quieras.

( Read more... )

Not much to talk about.
Been realizing that I'm afraid, but that the only way to deal with the particular kind of fear I've been infected with is to seek out information versus retreat into predictability. Too much retreating turns back into depression. Confronting and analyzing possibilities rather than running from them is more or less a