This morning is my first shrink appointment.
I don't know how I feel about it.
I'm scared.

my life is just a big fucking shit hole right now.
i'm drunk and sad and lonely and really really sad.

i just want a boy who actually cares about me
but i'm too fucking fat and ugly.

i cannot wait until i finish this pint of ice cream so i can just puke.
what is it about the fall that makes me relapse?

i miss purging more than anything.

i counted out 30 of my step dad's pills today and was so tempted to just end everything.

you're the only thing keeping me around.

i just paced around chain smoking for about an hour because i am full and i can't puke
everyone thinks i'm crazy.
great.

holy fucking shit i am a cow and a half. fuck college. fuck life. fuck me being fat and ugly ......

college is weird.

i have my period, i'm quitting smoking, i'm starting college in 3 days.
fuck my life, fuck my life, and fuck my fucking life.
my roomate is really cute and little and i'm jealous. her name is megan.
tonight i ate a whole pint of phish food ice cream.

also, i haven't had sex in about a month.

I can't handle growing up or moving on.