Comments | _timeline_: Excuse me, I don't think I quite understand here.

chaotic_slayer in _timeline_

Excuse me, I don't think I quite understand here.

Jun 16, 2005 23:20

I'm such a busy little me. Finding a place to live all by my lonesome, despite Sam's incessant bitching, and I'm going to make it work. I'm going to love it.

I'm going to not be increasingly depressed by the fact that it's a rather cheap little appartment and it's going to be hell getting a job and rennovating this piece of crap. I'm supposed to ( Read more... )

Comments 26

enduringcharm June 17 2005, 15:39:54 UTC

I can't believe Sam walked out like that. I was only trying to help him get his life in order, isn't that what he wants? He came back here so that we could be together. We've shared the apartment for months, and that's not including the time he spent here as a 'guest'. This is supposed to be Sam's home, but it feels like he's always trying to make a run for the door.

Sometimes I wonder why he came back at all. Why he always comes back. It's like everytime Sam gets too far away, he realizes that he belongs here. So maybe I was wrong to worry so much about him not being settled. Maybe he's settled in a different way. He gets restless just like everyone else. But he comes back ( ... )

chaotic_slayer June 17 2005, 17:09:17 UTC

Damn you, say something. Don't make me do all this on my own. Whatever happened to make you all silent, get unsilent. I can't say all this on my own, I'm not even sure I actually believe it happened just yet.

I sighed when she didn't say anything, and pulled my knees to my chest as I sat on the counter, shouldering the phone. "I um... I just got a call from the hospital." Damn you, speak.

"They told me that Sam was in an accident, and..." I can't say it. I can't say it. She'll get it anyway, isn't that how this always goes? In those sad movies, that's usually all anyone has to say anyway, right?

"Could you maybe come down there with me? I can't um... I can't go down there by myself, and I-I don't really have a car anyway." If I go down there, I'm going to lose it. I can't go by myself. I can't do this at all. That stupid bastard wasn't supposed to die on me.

enduringcharm June 17 2005, 20:27:28 UTC

"I um... I just got a call from the hospital.They told me that Sam was in an accident, and..."

Shit. I knew he was pissed off at me when he left, but I didn't realize, I mean, he gets angry...it's not dangerous. He has a handle on his pyrokenesis, so whatever happened couldn't have been his fault.

What could have happened?

"Could you maybe come down there with me? I can't um... I can't go down there by myself, and I-I don't really have a car anyway.""Yeah, I'll be at your apartment in a few minutes. Don't worry so much, okay? Once I get close enough to heal him Sam'll be fine ( ... )

chaotic_slayer June 19 2005, 01:49:41 UTC

"Yeah, I'll be at your apartment in a few minutes. Don't worry so much, okay? Once I get close enough to heal him Sam'll be fine."

She's not getting it. Either that, or she's screwing with me to make me say it. I think I almost hate her for that. I don't mean to, but I do. I don't want to tell her, I didn't even want to make this call. "No, Carly--"

"How bad is it? Do you know?"

"You're not getting it." I don't know if I sound upset or angry, all I know is I can see my hand that isn't holding the phone shaking, and it's not stopping. "He's dead Carly, the accident killed him. They couldn't get him out in time."

Don't cry Arianna, breathe. Keep breathing. Give her a minute to process, finish up the conversation, and then cry. Then later, you're going to find something and you're going to beat the living hell out of it.

I still don't think I'm going to feel better after that, but I'm going to definitely try. I just can't cry yet.

Thread 15

chaotic_slayer June 25 2005, 23:09:49 UTC

"It's okay. He's your brother. I understand."

"I'm still going to want help." I want her to get that I'm not taking her out of this. Sam would probably pitch a fit, even if I wanted to try. And I don't. I don't want to be by myself in this, I wouldn't be able to handle it.

I looked up as we got in the hospital, and my hands started shaking again. I buried them in the front pocket of my sweatshirt, and didn't move. I don't want to go in there. I don't. I don't want to go, and nothing's going to make me.

No, stop being stupid. You're not five. You're nineteen fucking years old, and you're going to act like it. You want to be an adult, you're going to do this.

I got out of the car, trying to make sure my hands didn't shake as I shut the door, and headed inside with Carly. I decided right then and there I despise hospitals. I don't like doctors, now they're going to be a package. I hate this so much. "Where're we supposed to go?" I looked around.

enduringcharm June 27 2005, 02:33:58 UTC

"I'm still going to want help."

If it's him. If it's not, we can just go home and pretend that this never happened. There's no point in worrying about it until we know for sure. I don't want to think about it unless I absolutely have to, and if that time comes, I'll do my best when I get there.

"Okay."

I got out of the car, just barely trailing Arianna by three or four steps, and tried to prepare myself to go into the hospital. I'm terrified of these places, but I can usually cover it up if I'm not lying in a metal bed and wearing a white dotted gown. The fear thing is just a lot harder to keep down right now because I'm nervous. The vertigo will go away...in a few minutes, when I adjust to being here and stop feeling so damn warm. And where did the sudden heat come from anyway? I was just freezing a minute ago, now I want to take the sweatshirt off or just wait outside. I know I can't do that, because if something did happen I have to know, but I don't want to be here right now. I want to be home, making up with Sam.

"Where're ( ... )

chaotic_slayer June 27 2005, 03:27:09 UTC

"I'll find out."

"Right." I leaned against the wall, still freezing, and wrapped my arms around myself, watching Carly talk to this annoying looking nurse. I now hate doctors, hospitals, and nurses. I'm going to have a whole bloody list by the time this is through.

"A-alright, we're going downstairs."Carly doesn't like hospitals, does she? Not in the hate them way, but she's actually afraid of them. I remember my brother telling me about that once. Oh God, why didn't I think of that before? "I-I forgot you don't like hospitals." I sighed. "I'm sorry ( ... )

enduringcharm June 27 2005, 07:38:57 UTC

"I-I forgot you don't like hospitals. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I needed to be here for this."

Hopefully those few words would be enough reassurance for Arianna, it was all I could offer. As much as I can't stand hospitals, I can keep it together for long enough to not make a fool out of myself. I have to do that now, for Sam. He's my reason for not flipping out.

I listened while Arianna answered their questions, and tried to help out where I could. There wasn't much for me to say, so mostly I kept quiet and tried not to pay attention to the lights. The more I was aware of them beaming down on me, the worse I felt. I wanted to excuse myself so that I could be be sick in private, but that would have meant leaving Arianna alone, and being alone, so I just stood there looking as helpess as I felt ( ... )

Thread 11