god i'm bored with my life. i need change. everyone is going out of town for the last week of summer.. to see a boyfriend/girlfriend.. or going with a boyfriend/girlfriend. i want out. i had a relaxing summer.. for sure, but sure as hell not and exciting one. when's my chance to leave? when's my chance for love? fuck... if it even exists.

i can't tell if i'm looking forward to this because i  haven't gotten laid in soo long or if it's because him and i haven't had a date night or sleepover in god knows how long. the fact that i'm looking forward to it so much means i'm going to get attached doesn't it?.. shit.. ha. i feel like i have my feet on the ground.. and i have a pretty good ( Read more... )

just some mental notes to put out there before telling this story ( Read more... )

things are looking up. i'm comfortable with the people in my life right now. i come home feeling happy and not emotionally exhausted compared to how some people leave me feeling.  i never realized how stressed i was due to my summer classes.. it's a relief to finally be done with school and enjoy my summer. i'm still feeling lost about myself and ( Read more... )

everything was going to be okay if i never had to see him again. aside from going to hang out with erika, there's no other reason i would have had to run into him. things at work have been going really well. i have been getting plenty of shifts not only bussing but hostessing, but what put a pause to my happiness on this fine evening was seeing his ( Read more... )

i want to change everything. diet, where i live, job, school, perhaps a few new friends. i need a new life. tbis just isn't doing the trick anymore. i say it now.. but the question is will i actually make it happen. i know i can't dive right into it... changes take time.. but i need some kind of change now.

i feel as though i'm over it. but hearing that he's "most likely back with her because he's been staying at her place and her at his" still tears me up. i know i can do better.. but it still hurts ( Read more... )

i wish things were as easy as they are in the movies or as in a good book. as easy as saying how you feel, as easy as having it hit them like a ton of bricks and making them realize what they're missing. as easy as not having to feel this way.

i feel like i'm at a blah state of my life. i'm slowly moving towards my goals. but i'm insanely lonely. i'm not basing my lonliness off of romanticism either.. i feel lately everyone has been really distant. sometimes i don't know if it's me or them. i put forth the attempts.. and i feel like i'm moving no where. i hate that my life has become ( Read more... )

just when i thought things were finally becoming a little easier for me, i had to work yesterday for our restaurants anniversary party. got really dressed up nice.. i get there and clock in and one of the first people i see in the crowd is taylor, his ex gf. not but 10 minutes later do i see him there at the party sitting with  her, friendly as can ( Read more... )