Comments | _xonikkiox_: i'm breaking.....

_xonikkiox_

i'm breaking.....

Apr 18, 2006 03:29

the more i sit here alone and think the worse off i get. i keep listening to this song over and over wondering where i went wrong. wondering why the man i love with everything in me doesn't seem to love me back anymore. i just keep wondering what i did wrong. and i know your all going to say i didn't do anything wrong. well apperantly i did. ( Read more... )

Comments 10

tj_h April 18 2006, 08:19:24 UTC

nikki, u r stronger than this. I know u feel bad and it's hurting like nothing else....u'll come outta this better than ever. Wateva doesn't kill you makes u stronger, and i'm damned if i'm gonna lose u too.

Drop on my doorstep whenever you want, i'm here for you and my boys. That's why i'm ur friend. I care about you nikki, i'll be waiting for when u need me. I'll do up the spare room and get some cribs for the boys. Just in case u do come crying to me.

Look after urself, we all love you.
Tay

_xonikkiox_ April 18 2006, 08:33:12 UTC

right now i don't feel stronger than this. yes but i've been hurting like this forever. i dont think i will come out of this better than ever. i think its reall going to effect me this time more than the others. your not going to lose me. you may lose a little part of me... but thats it. i'm still going to be here.

well it's good to know i can drop in anytime. that helps. i'm glad i have you in my life. really. i don't know what'd i do without you. i'am going to come crying to you. your my rock. i know you care about me. i want to thank you for everything you've done and everything your going to do. it means alot to me. more than you probably even realize.

tj_h April 18 2006, 09:19:16 UTC

no i'm not losing anything of you, not even a little part of you. I refuse to lose anything.

Trust me nikki, it's nothing. Anyone in this family would do it for you, zac, nat, kate...we'd all do it cuz we all love you, now stop putting urself down and feel loved.

_xonikkiox_ April 18 2006, 21:30:17 UTC

well you might not have a choice as to whether your going to lose partof me or not. because part ofme is already gone.

trust me tay it is something. you didnt have to do it. i mean with everything your going through right now you still want to help me with things and its really nice. well....i know anyone would. and i'd do anything for them. love...does that even exist? im not putting myself down... not really.

Thread 6

doinitwitrythem April 19 2006, 05:30:42 UTC

Nikki ( ... )

_xonikkiox_ April 19 2006, 08:58:18 UTC

You dont have to be sorry. It's my own fault that im in pain. Ike isn't the only one who did this to me i did this to myself. i came back to him time and time again. i could have left before now... i could have tried harder. i dont know. but ike isn't the only one to blame for my pain. I'm not awesome. Ike can do it because i'm nothing special to him. i think there is something wrong with me. i'm damaged. How can he be insecure with me. He was my world. when he stepped into the room it's like he was the only person i saw. how could he be so insecure when it was clear i was in love with him and saw no body but him. he use to deserve me. and i think what really drove us apart this time was the twins. no matter what kind of front he put up before they was born or after he still resented them... i think thats what is really driving him away from me. He isn't going to tell me. if he was he would have already. i miss him terribly. we dont know that he's out fucking other women... but he probably is. because god knows he aint trying to get ( ... )

doinitwitrythem April 20 2006, 06:41:29 UTC

Nikki dont you DARE let yourself even take a little PORTION of the blame here okay?Ike has always had a way of making people feel sorry for him, he's always munipulated people to help take part of the blame when they really shouldn't.He's always got off easy because people would always feel bad because he was so hard on himself that they'd share part of the blame and then after...he didnt regret it as much as he should, because he knew the person wouldnt be so hard on him and blame him so much because they feel guilty themself.You know?So dont you do it Nikki.Seriously,in this relationship...i've stood back and watched it...time and time again Nikki and you were the kind of girlfriend every man wanted for himself and Ike had it but he didnt cherish and value it.Nikki, those little boys are just an excuse for ike to hide behind okay?Because if you remember..way back..you'll remember that his ass was drinking and not coming home and shit like that..before them too.Nikki..he's just never been right,alright?He dont know how to handle ( ... )

_xonikkiox_ April 20 2006, 07:30:50 UTC

Zac theres no way your going to change my mind on this. i blame myself. i should have not gotten back with him last time. if i would have stood my ground i wouldn't be in this mess right now. he hasn't munipulated me into taking part of the blame. i blame myself. he's not getting off easy here because i know its going to hurt him when he finds i'm gone. i'm already doing it. its done and over with. I know i've looked back over my relationship too i know i was there for him and did everything a good girlfriend is suppose to do. but not anymore. i'm sick of this. it's time i left and not look back because it's never going to work with us. They might be just an excuse. he knows it'll work on me. because when he does that i feel so fucking bad. he might never have been alright but i still fell head over heels for him. i know he's going to miss it. god. but i dont want tay to have to deal with him. because i know hes going to cause shit. and i dont wanna have tay dealing with it. he's going to make me feel sorry because he knows all the ( ... )